researcherwisemon
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Post by researcherwisemon on Apr 14, 2016 3:32:06 GMT
A man sits at his computer, it just so happens that today 4/13/16, now that it's finished, he is going to re-read Homestuck with the ending in mind. Since people seem to like Liveblogs, he'll be posting my thoughts here as he re-reads, and any tantalizing bits of info I find interesting he'll post here as well. But first, what will this reader's name be? >CALUM TRAVELER Your name is Calum Traveler, and today you will begin reading Homestuck. >HOMESTUCK. We all know who this kid is. John Egbert. Today is his BIRTHDAY. Cakes be scattered everywhere, yo, and we see he has an interest in some debateably shitty movies. We see that he has aspirations of being a MAGICIAN, while also having a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE. He also likes to play GAMES, sometimes. This is all basic stuff, really that will likely have no baring on the future story at all.... Except... It all sort of ties together, does it not? We're told that John fancies himself a Magician of some kind, and yet he's more quickly established as a PRANKSTER. Already, the story has the advantage in this Gambit. And yet... John is a sort of wizard, is he not? And you'd have to be a wizard to make things UN-Happen, would you not? Hrm, very interesting that we're told that he's an aspiring magician, and yet we barely hear anything of it beyond act 1. >Retrieve Arms from Drawer The arms are in the MAGIC CHEST. Well if that ain't a potent metaphor I dunno what is. Barely 5 pages in and already this adventure is LOUSY with the things. Interesting however is that the Arms are INSIDE the chest. Surely this will have no relevance on the future. Nooope. Here is an odd moment. It's a carry over from the HOMESTUCK BETA, a thing that was launched 3 days before the official launch of Homestuck itself. The first few pages were the same, story wise, but had a very different feel. One wonders how homestuck would have changed had Hussie kept to the FLASH EVERY PAGE! technique he seemed geared up for. Likely, some things would have stayed the same, and yet other things might have ended up different. It's amusing that One of the Things that Homestuck is noteworthy for is the sheer possibility of a timeline diverging early on and causing havok to the universe... and yet here we are already on the Second iteration of a rather lengthy comic. And here the prankster's gambit finally smacks us in the face. These are FAKE ARMS. Nothing at all like the real arms we perceived John as not having. Our first nonsense words! CAPTCHALOGUE and SYLLADEX. Note the spelling with the UE at the end of Captchalogue. I've pretty certain I remember it getting dropped later on. Oh, John, don't sell yourself short so easily! Here we begin the swap out from "Magician" to "Prankster." It's at this point we lose the "Magic" distinction for John's character. It's a very interesting sleight of hand on Hussie's part. We're to focus on the PRANKS and forget about the MAGIC, which is reportedly FAKE AS SHIT. Inside the chest is a bunch of junk that we quickly stuff into our inventory- like any and all good gamers would. We are KLEPTOMANIACS at HEART. Uh huh, sure. This line is referring to the Sylladex, but let's be real for a moment here. If JOHN has had this Sylladex Modus for long enough that the card gets stuck under the chest (Whops, spoiler alert!) then he atleast KNOWS the terms, but still has no idea WHAT the terms mean. This is both a wonderful meta example of the readers starting to learn the lingo, as well as John getting used to the weirdness of his world. (seriously, he's sticking solid mass items into CARDS. that comes off as MAGIC to me.) John's first modus is STACK, first in last out. John is NOT that great of a programmer, however, as we'll find out later. He finds the concept of a data structure PUZZLING! Curious. Skipping past the Problem Sleuth Advertisement... John reads a note from his father. John wonders what the associated poster even has on it! Well, gee John, why don't you just unfold it with your hands and look at it? But no, we have to go through this whole sequence of using a set of CONVENIENT HAMMER AND NAILS that have been there since the start of Act 1. John hits himself with the fake arms doing this. We immediately get a STUPID STUPID STUPID reader command. One can only imagine WHY Hussie went ahead and used this command. Surely he wasn't at too much of a premium of commands that he couldn't afford not to. This is the kind of stupid stuff people are turned off by, and yet the story... it beckons. John puts the poster on his wall. It's for the movie LITTLE MONSTERS. One must wonder if Hussie had the Trolls in mind with this reference? He's said that some of the scenes for Act 7 were ones he'd visualized since before Homestuck even began. Were the Trolls for sure a part of that? What of the Cherubs, and ultimately, Homestuck's Narrative quote unquote "villain"? >John: Examine Con Air poster. >John: Examine Deep Impact poster. Surely this will have no impact on future story what so ever. */sarcasm* >John: Examine calendar. Calling back to the BETA, let's take a moment to appreciate that the "CLICK HERE!" Icons are the SBURB SQUARES. The room, too, is laid out differently. The magic chest is a different design as well, more of a magic BOX instead. Let it not be said that we should ignore the past, lest we repeat the mistakes in the future. No, thank you, Hussie. Thank you. Back to Homestuck 1.0, however.... Three Days. What a difference 3 days can make, hm? Enough to make a kid sick of eating cake, no doubt. We're next introduced to the WONDERFUL PESTERCHUM SYSTEM and get a glance at John's computer desktop. John loves his Green Ghosts, especially SLIMER. He made this background himself! (Did he really, i wonder?) We get to see the ^Cake files as well as a ~ATH file. John doesn't seem happy by the results going by the file names, we get a simple glimpse into his personality just by the names of these files "pff" "FUCK"cubed and "AAAAUUUGGH." By the way, WHO LETS KIDS mess around with a programing language that works via DEATH??? You'd think something like ~ATH would be heavily regulated on Earth. We also see the TYPHEUS web browser. Surely this too will be of no importance later on. I am, of course, being 100% sarcastic. ah, the friend who wants to know what you got for your birthday. I'm sure you know someone in your life who's just like this. John then wonderfully trolls his friend "TG" with the bottle of apple juice he just found... I'm sure if John truly knew Dave's(Yeah I ain't even going to pretend I don't know) home situation, he wouldn't have done this. Poor dude just loves his A.J. and does not deserve this kind of friendly ribbing. The interesting thing is the set up, however. John gets a poster of LITTLE MONSTERS, and with that on his mind, messes with his friend. How Rude! You might be thinking. Dave! Wow! He's got TWO copies of the Beta! This is both true in the sense that he has TWO DISKS, foreshadowing Sburb's dual nature install, but 's well as telling us that he literally has TWO COPIES OF THE BETA. Knights speaking in Double Speak isn't going to stop being a thing, ladies and gentlemen. Almost right away we're being told in a duplicitous way that DUALITY is very much a THING. I didn't have a tree swing growing up. I had a swing set in my back yard, though, and a slide. Both gone now. This is an INTERNET JOKE harkening back to ye old AOL. Who remembers that? XD In reality, the flag being out means mail is being sent out to be delivered... online, the flag being up actually DID mean YOU'VE GOT MAIL. I honestly can't believe I didn't GET THIS until just now. Freaking hell it's been how many years since I started reading Homestuck?? John's dad returns from the store and- wait. What time is it? 16:13 Ah, 4:13 P.M. on what I'm told is a Monday. John must have gotten home from school just before getting to his room. You mean... ROOMTRAPPED?  Or maybe STUCKHOME SYNDROME? We're associating CLOCKWORK with DAVE, here. Swing-Lever-dealies also could refer to a pendulum swinging in a clock. Subtle... very subtle... usage of Horse punnery. ...John also has quite a showy selection of video games. One of which is "Call my Bluff!" Ah, this kind of cover brings back memories of the kinds of games I used to play growing up. You know, those vaguely kiddy ones that are REALLY SIMPLE and yet for some reason REALLY ENGAGING? Yes, John. it really could kill a cat. Funny you should say that.... Don't tell Rose, okay? ...Dave, you sound rather quick to say that for some reason. ...John, don't toy with your friend's heart like that. Dave then proceeds to serve as tutorial guy for the STRIFE SPECIBUS. John sets it to HAMMER KIND. This was a COMPLETELY STUNNING TWIST that nobody- oh who am I kidding of course we all knew he was going to equip the hammer. What else was he suppose to put in there, the fake arms? Liiiiiiiiaaaaaaaar! Well...sort of. Dang isn't it just FUNNY how you can have a PATCH later on that just... lets you use any weapon you want?? It's like we're in a Video Game or something-- oh. wait. The Final Game Bro of 2009. It might come in handy if you need something that burns easily. I dunno why I point this out. People seem to have a love/hate relationship with Game Bro Magazine. Some people like to burn it, others think it a work of art. John makes a "clever" disguise, but he knows it's shitty, then goes downstairs and discovers... Well, he blatantly ignores the package in the center of the room and instead throws the game bro in the fireplace, meanwhile admiring his NANA's URN. You are almost certain Mark Twain did not actually say that. Let's be real here for a moment. The Moon is an Arrant Thief, and HER pale fire is snatched from the sun. Lovely symbolism for earth's moon/sun relationship, and yet... I feel as if there is something more. Something I've recently seen where a certain Cherub approaches a certain Green Celestial Body... Hrm, nope, nothing's coming to me now. I'm sure I'll figure it out later! ...Foreshadowing? Yae or Nae? John opens the LARGE PRESENT and... My sentiments exactly, John. My Sentiments Exactly. John returns to his room and is instructed to view the 3rd and 4th walls. We see posters for FACE/OFF and ARMAGEDDON, primarily. There are a few others that will become joke fodder later on. We're next introduced to ROSE! During my previous re-read, I couldn't help but putting myself in John's shoes, and placing the conversation under the emotional context of knowingly talking with one of my cousins, just to see if the dialogue between them felt any different than having them as just friends. It was surprisingly different. The ease at which John and Rose banter feels a lot more closer to each other with them as cousins than it does as friends. I figure this isn't HOW the comic is meant to be read at this point, but even so... It's an interesting little quirk of the Egbert/Harley/Lalonde family tree. If Rose and John were ever aware of their distant family relationship, it certainly puts a unique light on their conversations. Under that previous context of them as cousins... this comes off a bit cuter, I think. *Shrugs* just my impressions of it, at least. John then returns downstairs and pastes some arms to the harlequin doll. That's 8 "he"s, BTW. John then enters the study after cleaning up a bit. He captchalogues a captchalogue card, and then... > John: Play haunting piano refrain. ... And this seems like a good place to leave tonight's re-read for now. More to come tomorrow! |
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cookiefonster
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Post by cookiefonster on Apr 14, 2016 12:42:39 GMT
Nice to see another person reading and commenting going along; that sort of thing is always fun. I'm doing a similar thing on my Blogspot if you're interested; I'm currently on mid-Act 5 Act 2, amidst Murderstuck. |
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researcherwisemon
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Post by researcherwisemon on Apr 14, 2016 17:15:34 GMT
Nice to see another person reading and commenting going along; that sort of thing is always fun. I'm doing a similar thing on my Blogspot if you're interested; I'm currently on mid-Act 5 Act 2, amidst Murderstuck. Sweet! I'm cross posting the re-read posts from here to my own Personal Site, but that's mainly just as a backup for whenever the MSPA forums are back and this place closes- whenever that will be. Speaking of Whenevers, let's get back to it!
>John: Play 52 Pick-Up.I... oh. John. Really? Look at this mess! Were you that bored between the piano and now? John, of course, decides now is a great time to head outside and check the mailbox! Whee!  There's a VERY out of date commercial on TV. Hi-C? And Ecto Cooler at that?? What Time Shenanigans are going on here?  >John: Exit.
... You exit the house.
.............. I'm not even going to dignify this flagrant dis-regard for the narrative rules with a comment. Actually, no. I am. John, you've just completely defied the NAME OF THE COMIC. HOMESTUCK. You have LEFT YOUR HOUSE THROUGH A... House... Shaped... Object... ...Something I just noticed- the front door has a four square window underneath an arched sloping piece of rooftoppery. Why does your front door stick out of the house like this, John?? Why does it have its own cutsey little house shaped protrusion? And, something someone asked me when I pointed this out, WHY does it have such a tiny front step?? This isn't even a proper patio! Why? Why is it like this??? Why is it-- > {S} ==>
The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.
...I...
It is your thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life. The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.
...Uh...
"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman
Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.
You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.
...
I have the feeling that the foreshadowing is heavy in these pages. Let's realtalk for a moment. Ignoring the John-has-Wind-Powers foreshadowing, I'm doing this re-read with the perspective of ACT 7 Being a thing and Hussie revealing that certain imagery from it was a thing before Homestuck began. This whole sequence- >Exit >Mailbox > Absence Riddle > Stop- is repeated in Act 7. John Breaks the Rules of the Narrative by Exiting the House, and the Note Desolation Plays happens. The sequence then ends with silence. I don't think I need to touch upon the Lord English foreshadowing either. Which leads me straight into the fact that Of Course someone decides to be a prick and ruins the moment by suggesting a surprise be left in the mail box. Only someone as crass as a certain red cheeked Cherub would suggest a thought like this! ...Or maybe someone was just being a troll. Who knows. Moving right along, John checks the Car for mail... WHY did his Dad decide to take stuff from the mailbox and put it in the CAR? It's a stupid concept but that's exactly what John's dad did! ...Dads, am I right? Completely inscrutable in their shenanigans.
You don't see any mail, but you do see a GREEN PACKAGE. There is also something underneath it that looks like a slip of paper.
Could these items have come in the mail? You don't see anything else that's usually in the mail, like bills and coupons. Maybe your DAD forgot to take this stuff inside. I... suppose that's possible? There was another package, as we'll soon see on the next page, so it's entirely possible that his dad left behind one of them to come back and get it later. But then again, these are small packages!
You try to get a gander through the KITCHEN WINDOW, but you can't see a whole lot! It seems your DAD has been doing so much baking, the glass has steamed up.
God he is so weird. A... h.... un////... um.... Look, I know this is a thing but even *I* Still don't get it. What's with the obsession with baking in this family? I mean, BESIDES the obvious Betty Crocker inheritance line. Baking so much that the windows STEAM UP??? How many cakes is John's dad even MAKING here??? Maybe it's John's Dad's way of staying connected with his mom/John's Nanna?
But you can see what's on the table just beside the window. It looks like the mail is there! Included among it is a RED PACKAGE, some BILLS, your DAD'S PDA, and an envelope that appears to be suspiciously labeled with the SBURB LOGO. Could it be???
Unfortunately, the window is locked. Unfortunately, John did not pay attention to the foreshadowing well enough. This is only ONE of the two Disks he requires! The Window is LOCKED, and John has no way of reaching through... Gee, if only he had some kind of ghosty windy power, hm? That really would have come in handy. But then again, sticking ones arm through a window might not be such a good idea. This brief respite is now over, for John must now {S} Enter.
Your DAD sees right through your costume! You don't know what you were even thinking with this foolish ruse!!!
You unequip the CLEVER DISGUISE. Your DAD wields a dreaded ARTIFACT OF CONFECTION. He stands between you and the mail.
There is only one way to settle this.
...Through a {STRIFE} match! John quickly tries to abscond, but finds that he cannot. There is no retreating from this confrontation! Not yet anyways. John takes the full BRUNT of a pie tin to the face with his disguise, and then captchalogues it. Everything in your SYLLADEX is pushed back a card. The SMOKE PELLETS are ejected from the deck.Yes! This could just be the distraction he...!
Nothing happens.
What a huge letdown. ...Those Smoke Pellets didn't do a thing because they weren't ruptured by being ejected. You have to really wanna set them off- product safety is key for a prankster, after all. You don't want your smoke pellets going off just because they hit the floor! "When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield." -Oscar Wilde
Wise words by a man who likely could resist everything but temptation.
The CAKE forces COLONEL SASSACRE'S TEXT out of your SYLLADEX. Foreshadowing for Derse V Prospit AHOY! Sassacre you beautiful bastard.
PFWOOOM! Smoke, as it is rendered on the next page, is suspiciously breezy looking. John's also playing with FAKE!Fire here... later, he will play with real fire. John then takes the PDA, the SBURB CLIENT, and the RED PACKAGE.... and then he takes a cake with an arm stuck in it for Kelptomania reasons. Surely THIS item will come in handy someday soon! But no, it just causes trouble because John merges all the cards together and makes a mess.
You pause at the juncture and head down the hall. You are going to need something to clean up the mess you are about to make by dissecting this CAKE.
To the left is the BATHROOM. To the right is your DAD'S ROOM. It is locked, and you are forbidden from ever entering. He has secrets. Ah, John's dad's ROOM. As Voidy of a thing to John as long as it is untouchable. John enters the bathroom to get a towel. He pauses to look out another window.
You enter the BATHROOM. You can see your BACK YARD from the window. The jewel in its crown is the SWING SET which has provided you with years of joy. There is also a SPRING-MOUNTED POGO-RIDE, which has been responsible for more than one painful injury, and has provided you with years of lament. No Slide? What Back Yard is complete without a Slide? Not a very good one, I'd say! Also interesting is the fact that John's yard isn't fenced in on any side at all, the back yard might as well be part of the side yard is part of the front yard without a fence to delineate partitions! I'd say this was foreshadowing, but I'm really just riffing on John's earlier tire swing comment to lament my own lack of one. See, not every page has to be a serious thing that is taken seriously! Anyways, John cleans off his foolish attempt to make a double decker cake, and his sylladex shoves the mutilated pastries into the toilet. I'd say this was an accident, but really, John, I deep down suspect you shoved everything into your sylladex like that intentionally. > John: Admire 'Failure to Launch' Poster
You're not usually into chick-flicks, but Matthew McConaughey's cool charisma could salvage any heap of smoldering wreckage.
This is your "McConaughey Wall", a casual shrine to an amazing actor. The film above that one is a lot better, you think.
CAN YOU SEE HER? I WANT YOU TO PICTURE THAT LITTLE GIRL. [chokes up] NOW IMAGINE SHE'S WHITE.
You got us Matthew! Your smooth talking exposed our latent racism! Damn you are good! I have not seen this movie so I cannot vouch for the authenticity of this line. Mostly, this is just quick set up for the incoming Sylladex shenanigans. We also see a poster for "A Time To Kill" and I make no comment on this other than the fact that it caught my attention. >{S} John: Check PesterchumYou Proceed to Click the Pester Icons with Gleeful Abandon! BWEE! BWOO! BWEE BWOOBWEEBWOOBWEEBWOOOBWOOBWEE... -- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:34 --
GG: hi happy birthday john!!!!! 
GG: helloooooo??
GG: ok i will talk to you later!!! Hi Jade! This is the CHEERFUL FRIEND! You know that friend, the one who's always grinning and laughing and just generally makes you feel great just by talking with them? -- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:40 --
TG: hey GG is looking for you why are you even so popular all of a sudden
TG: is today some sort of special occasion or something
TG: did you do something to curry favor with ladies
TG: did you break your leg on a puppy or some shit
TG: dude what are you doing
-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --
EB: i discovered a comet that is going to destroy the earth, and it was named after me.
EB: now i am famous, and everyone wants to talk to me a lot.
TG: no stop
TG: just no
TG: dont talk about your awful stupid movies or make references to them
TG: your gross man-bro crush on matt macconahay is an unsavory thing to behold
EB: mcconaughey.
TG: sounds like a noise a horse would make
TG: ie dumbMore Horse References. Dave, do you have a thing for Horses? ...Oh, wait. Dang it I just remembered the BEAUTIFUL PONY BIB. Also METEOR FORESHADOWING. John, you're veering dangerously close to the fourth wall here. TG: equally dumb are all those pictures of that clown youve got hanging up
EB: those are my dad's.
TG: i was talking about nick cage
EB: oh, what?! no man, cage is sweet. so sweet.
TG: ha ha so lame
TG: you dont even like him ironically or anything this is like for real isnt it
TG: hahaha
EB: i do things ironically sometimes.
EB: what about what i sent you for your birthday?
TG: no those are awesome
EB: what? no, they're stupid, which was the joke. the IRONIC joke. get it?
EB: wait...
EB: you're actually wearing them, aren't you?
TG: im wearing them ironically
TG: because theyre awesome
TG: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome
TG: and vice versa
TG: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen
EB: you do realize they touched stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point.
TG: ew yeahTG: oh well
We're told that Dave's thing is IRONY. And also that he's wearing a birthday gift of BEN STILLER SHADES. Also,Nick Cage. That's all there is to say on the matter. Dave tells John to open the RED PACKAGE, and then further tells john to bone up on data structures. Come on Dave, can't you tell by now that John just doesn't DO the whole 'working in the structure of things' thing? Instead of looking up DATA STRUCTURES, John's first impulse is to go to MSPAINTADVENTURES.COM. The new adventure is ok, but you're not sure if you like it as much as the last one.
This is a feeling a lot of people had about Homestuck after Problem Sleuth... and then continued to have about every single Act of Homestuck that followed the last one. "Act 4 sucks compared to Act 3!" "Act 5 has TOO MANY TROLLS!" Ect. Ect.
You decide it's time for less meta, and more beta.
You insert the CD and install the SBURB BETA. Alright, Fine, John. FIIIIIIIINE. I'll leave the Meta Alone. (FOR NOW) >John: Bone up on data structures.
Ooh. The First Oil Retcon I've noticed in this Re-Read so far! We also find out there's a programing language called DIS*. Or.. Disasterisk. Carrat Cake, and TILDE-ATH. These are not things that should need to be pointed out for what they are. PUNS. You turn to the back inside cover, where a free FETCH MODUS is included in a plastic sleeve.
This one is dictated by the logic of a QUEUE DATA STRUCTURE, operating on a "First In, First Out" method, rather than a "First In, Last Out" method of a STACK. Queue Modus!
Items captchalogued in your SYLLADEX are no longer immediately accessible. You can only use the item on the bottom card, and must wait for items on upper cards to be pushed back to it.
For instance, the RED PACKAGE is now inaccessible. You can only use the RAZOR at the moment.
This modus doesn't strike you as a significant upgrade to your previous one. In fact, it almost seems more inconvenient. You figure you might as well give it a chance though. JOHN. */Facepalm*
>John: Switch back to Stack Modus. You suddenly wonder if this is even possible. You don't even remember if you ever had a physical card for the STACK MODUS.
*/X2COMBO!* You find this all to be a little abstract and you'd prefer not to think about it too much. >John: Put down razor. Put it...
Down?
...
You're not quite sure you understand. */X3COMBO!!!* I knew this was coming and yet... The Meta.... It Beckons.
The second CAKE causes the RAZOR to launch out the front of your SYLLADEX.
Oh good lord.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE.
You wish the RAZOR would have failed to launch. WELP. John then proceeds to stuff his sylladex full of junk without thinking it through first. Seriously, John. Just TAKE THE ITEMS OUT FIRST rather than FORCIBLY EJECTING THEM FROM THE SYLLADEX! >_<; Holy shit it's a FIRST IN FIRST OUT MODUS why did he stuff his inventory full of stuff?? SRSLY JOHN!! You examine the package. It is from one of your internet chums.
It's bound in packing tape though. You'll need something sharp to open it.
Ah, of course! The RAZOR! It's all so simple, you wonder why you didn't...
...But then again, logic was never really John's strong suit was it? But still, John, just take out an item, recaptchalogue it at the end of the modus. You didn't have to put yourself through this torment. ...DOOF.
Let's take this from the top.
> John: Captchalogue glass shards.
...John, no, this strikes me as a bad idea.
You take three GLASS SHARDS in quick succession and duck for cover.
Your SYLLADEX rains devastation on your room from above.
And now that your cards are packed with glass, you probably don't want to do that again any time soon. ...John. JOHN. WHY did you do this. SURELY there was something else in your room that you could have used for this!? But no... glass shards. Through Broken Glass, etc. etc. John gets A BUNNY! It is a STUFFED BUNNY. Much like the one held hostage briefly by Malkovich's Cyrus "The Virus" while taunting hard-luck protagonist Cameron Poe. And strikingly similar to the one scooped up from the soot of a burning Vegas strip by Cage's Poe and offered to his daughter, a gesture symbolic of a tattered exterior surrounding a heart of gold. Poe wasn't much to look at. But he was a good man.
But no, it is not merely LIKE that bunny. According to this NOTE OF AUTHENTICITY, it is the VERY SAME BUNNY.
This is so awesome.
Good for you, John. GOOD FOR YOU.
-- tentacleTherapist began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:08 --
TT: It looks like you managed to retrieve the beta. Excellent.
TT: I'm going to try to connect.
EB: whoa ok but i just got the most awesome present.
TT: The rabbit?
EB: SO SWEET.
TT: I've heard tales of this wretched creature often. Its Homeric legend is practically ensconced in the fold of my personal mythology by now.
EB: ha ha, what?
TT: Why don't we focus on the matter at hand?
EB: oh the game, ok.
EB: i don't really know how this works. what am i even looking at here?
TT: You are running the client application. I am running the server, so I am the host user. I have established a connection with you. This is sufficient for us to play the game.
EB: oh, ok then.
TT: Why don't we get started?It is now 5:08 P.M., and we're finally getting down to business. To Defeat. DERSE'S AGENTS!!!! ...Okay, that didn't work out so well as I thought It Would. > John: Press [ENTER]SBURBAN JUNGLE. Still the best Install Theme Song there is. Welcome to SBURB. >END OF POST 2. |
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researcherwisemon
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Post by researcherwisemon on Apr 16, 2016 22:39:01 GMT
>Calum: Resume RereadYou resume rereading after struggling through a massive headache of a day and finding a good half of the next day consumed by stuff that was recorded the night before... >FYI, this is what the page.This is our first official glimpse of SBURB. I think generally the phrase "WTF is this?" applies. I find it amusing that in the top left hand corner there are: A. A "SAVE" BUTTON. B. AN "OPEN" BUTTON. And C. AN "EXIT" BUTTON. Unfortunately, these are just like Sword Art Online's opening Tutorial: The LOG OUT RUSE was a DISTACTION. SBAHJ and crude Anime references aside, the long and short of it is that the Illusion that this is just an ordinary Game is just that... an ILLUSION. Rose's first act as John's server is to get rid of that magic chest, revealing the missing fetch modus card... Really, John? How did you get that under there? Are there hidden feet on the chest that I can't see that gives it a hidden gap between the bottom of the chest and the floor? Or was the chest just sort of squashing the modus card into the rug the entire time?? While still somehow holding the magic chest, Rose proceeds to ZOOM OUT. There is no sign of the chest in existence AT ALL at this moment. The Chest has Literally become an INTANGIBLE THING that temporarily does not exist despite it being a thing that SHOULD. She literally picks up the chest, zooms out (it disappears during this stage), and then drops it on the roof. EB: whoa, what are you doing??
TT: Sorry. I'm just getting a feel for the controls.
EB: is my magic chest on the roof now??
TT: Yes.
EB: 
TT: I will try to be more careful next time.
SO YEAH. That was a thing. Probably the chest is just 'held' by the game while Rose mouses over the camera interface, but still... It doesn't appear at all during that time. I'm assuming there's some weird interface hitbox magic going on, where rose has the box, mouses over the zoom interface, and the 'deploy' cursor changes to a regular mouse hand... But still, it's a funky little incident. You find your missing STACK FETCH MODUS, and quickly reapply it to your SYLLADEX. You can now opt for either the STACK or QUEUE modus any time.
You toggle between your FETCH MODI with gleeful abandon.
FYI, this was what the refrance to my earlier pesterchum toggling joke. John's Dad leaves for the store, and John remembers all the stuff that his sylladex chucked into the street. He asks Rose to help, but... TT: No luck.
TT: It appears to be out of range. I'm guessing it is too far away from you, the "player".Interesting, that while the player is in the house, the game interface is LIMITED to a degree by where the player stands in it. What does Rose try?
>TT: Select John.
You cannot select a PLAYER!
JOHN abjures the meddlesome cursor.
The Cursor, despite being a thing that only Rose should be able to see, somehow is something that John can interact with?? Also, something something house shaped jujus this is what the metaphor. At the whims of the Readers, Rose then puts the Bunny back in the Box, then Adds an Extra Square to John's Room so she can put down some hunk of junk. Presumably, this, too, was at the reader's discretion, given the slow pan over the names. The chosen item is the TOTEM LATHE, and while John doesn't 'know what the heck this thing does,' it sure 'looks neat!' We then find out how the SBURB system works about Build Grist and the two disk setup being a thing, but I just came to the realization of WHY Sburb has two disks! Server and Client- Server lets a player revise the house of another player, but only after it's connected to the Client. WHY? Well, because Balance, for one, but primarily it's because the MOVE, REVISE, DEPLOY cursors have PHYSICAL interactions with the world, and are Visible to the Client Player! (At least, if I'm correctly remembering the scene where Jade sees John deploying things.) The Client Program has to interact with the Client Player's House enough to let the Server mess with things... but at the same time that House Cursor has to appear from SOMEWHERE! What's generating it? What's letting the energy from the Server player's actions actually affect the Client Player's house??? It's gotta be the Client PROGRAM! There's no other way around it, you'll have to decapitate me It's gotta be something special with the Client Disk changing the house's environment somehow. That's got to be why there's a physical range limit centered around the PLAYER! >==>
TT: Now that your room is bigger, why don't you move to the far corner?
TT: It will extend the range of the cursor, and I can reach the items.
This is a brilliant idea on Rose's part. TT: Which... you threw out the window for some reason?
EB: good idea!
TT: What have you been doing in here all afternoon, anyway?
EB: ugh, i was fussing with my retarded sylladex.
EB: but i think i have it under control now.
EB: what modus do you use?
TT: I like to use trees.
EB: oh no, that sounds so awkward.
TT: It's not exceptionally practical.
TT: But I think they are elegant. Rose, sometimes you don't need to be "elegant" to be a functional member of society. Anyways, she brings up the stuff that jumped out of John's Sylladex and then deploys > TWO MORE > HUGE GiZMOS. ...Wait, Rose.... Seriously did you JUST stuff the WHOLE Cruxtruder into the DOOR FRAME??? Do you even know how big that Cruxtruder even IS??? HOW BIG IS THAT DOOR EVEN How big is the DOOR FRAME itself? It's EXACTLY wide enough for the Cruxtruder to fit in! *WHY* is this door frame extension even a thing??? Okay, I've got to math this out... Perspective wise, the two seat sofa is the same width as the Cruxtruder in the page where it's dropped. Comparing my IRL front door size to a two seat sofa we have, the size is actually the same as well! I asked around and that size comparison seems to be a thing. So the Cruxtruder being exactly as wide around as the front door frame seems to be a thing that is size applicable! ...But going BACK to the page where John exits the front door itself is NARROWER than the door frame?? It's like a door inside a door? I don't get it, why is John's house built like this? Was the house John's house was based off of designed like this IRL? If so, why?? Anyways, skipping ahead a few pages because I've wasted a lot of time on this nonsense... John takes the PDA and puts Pesterchum on it and heads outside to deal with the giant gizmos Rose has dropped.
EB: hey, i'm out on the balcony now.
EB: i am messaging from my dad's pda.
TT: The one you threw into the yard?
EB: no, i am telling you.
EB: it jumped out of my sylladex like a frightened weasel.Can I just say? I love this line. I've practically adapted the phrase 'jumped like a frightened weasel' into my every day vernacular, whenever I need a metaphor for something jumping violently. TT: What were you doing with it in the first place?
TT: I am not sensing a lot of regard for the personal property of others.
TT: Is this how your pent-up frustration with your father manifests itself?
EB: what? no.
EB: those were all accidents.
EB: please take your psycho-babblery elsewhere, miss!
TT: Your bathroom is a mess.
TT: Did you do that too?
EB: oh man, see this isn't cool.
EB: all this snooping nonsense!
TT: There's a cake in the toilet.
EB: yes. there is....No Comment, Rose, No comment. TT: I'm tempted to clean it up for you.
EB: ok, if that will satisfy your weird ocd complex then go ahead.
TT: My Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder complex?
TT: Can a disorder also be a complex?
EB: in your case, probably!
TT: Sounds complicated.It does indeed sound complicated. But really this is an interesting question. Can a disorder also be a complex?? I'm not sure I'd take John as the definitive authority on the subject. But anyways, Rose wanting to clean up for John perfectly matches with Kanaya cleaning up for Vriska- both of whom (John/Vriska) are messy mess making people who talk in blue. That's an adorable metaphor of sorts. Kanaya and Rose are similar in so many ways yet so different as well, as are the people they interact with. Homestuck really is a story about contrasting the different people who are playing the same game. >John: Examine Alchemiter in a cautious manner.John? Cautious???
You have no idea what to do with this thing. You can't find any controls for it.
Having exhausted all other possibilities, you just decide to stand on it.
This isn't very cautious of you, actually....John just stands on the big platform thingy. Later, he will shove his arm through a glowy window thingy. Wait... It DOESN'T HAVE ANY CONTROLS??? the whole thing is automated?? Or is it just the server player's control? I'm assuming, that once Dave/Jade do their upgrade session, there are SOME form of external controls... but then again those are probably directly for the upgrades?? How the bloody hell does the Alchimeter WORK? ...Moving along... John looks at the sun through a telescope (This doesn't strike me as very safe either.) and Rose wrecks John's bathroom. Why is this so gosh darned messy? Also, WHY is this a thing that KEEPS HAPPENING? Why do Girls ALWAYS pull out the fixtures from their Client's bathrooms? It's not just to guy Client Players either, see Kanaya threatening to upend Vriska's 'load grapper' over her head. ...is it just Skaia's tricksy ways of forcing the (Any Gender) Clients to use the Girl Servers bathrooms?? Is Skaia shipping players by means of wrecking bathrooms???
==>...Rose, that radius does not nearly extend far enough away to count as hiding the evidence. >John: Get sledgehammer and card. I continue to skip some pages that nothing really sticks out to me about. I am too busy worrying about if Skaia is going to ship me with my Sburb Server if they just so happen to wreck my bathroom. -- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:25 --
GG: john did you get my package??
EB: oh hey!
EB: no, not yet.
GG: darn! are you sure? it was in a green box.....
EB: oh!
EB: yes, but it is in my dad's car and he is still out at the store.
EB: he should be back soon.
GG: great!!! so what are you up to today?
EB: i am up to my neck in this sburb stuff.
EB: TT is making a royal mess of my house.
GG: lol!
GG: whats sburb??
EB: oh, it is this game....Understatement of the CENTURY, John.
EB: it's ok i guess. i'm still figuring it out.
GG: whoa what was that??
EB: what was what?
GG: there was a loud noise outside my house!!
GG: it sounded like an explosion!!!!
EB: wow, really?
GG: i will go outside and look....
EB: oh man, alright but be careful, ok?
GG: i will! 
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:28 -- M-M-MEETEOR SHOWER F-F-F-FORESHADOWINNNGGGG!!
>John: Might as well check out the Cruxtruder.How is this even a command? EB: oh hell no, you put this thing in front of the door?
TT: There's a door there?
EB: um, YEAH???
TT: I didn't see it.
TT: I just thought it fit nicely into that groove.
EB: you mean you thought it was elegant?Seriously, what is WITH these weirdly sized objects fitting into convenient grooves? EB: ok well what do i do with this thing.
EB: hello?
EB: what are you doing up there now?
Rose. No. I know what you're doing and leave that Poor bath- ==>--Tub... alone... Damn it, Rose. What was even the POINT of this, ROSE? How were you going to fix the toilet by destroying the TUB??? Were you trying to click and grab the floor to 'flush' it out??? ....oh ffs the puns. Well, Rose???
>CONNECTION LOST.... >John: Scold TT.
...
EB: you can see me, right.
EB: tell me what is wrong with this picture.
TT: Sorry. I keep losing the wireless signal.
TT: Must be the weather.
TT: I would look for a stronger signal in another part of the house, but I'd rather not risk an encounter with my mother.
TT: I battled through her cloud of gin and derision once already this evening.
EB: haha, yeah I hear you.
TT: Yes. Cake, jesters, unfaltering love and support.
TT: Quite a road to hoe there.
TT: Though I suppose I'm complicit for not informing Social Services about your situation.
EB: i know!You should be informing Social Services about DAVE'S situation, Rose! No love for the Ecto-sibling?? EB: what about going outside?
EB: maybe you could catch a neighbor's signal.
TT: That presents the same problem.
TT: Also, it's raining, remember?
TT: And dark.
EB: It's dark already?
TT: Yes, the sun has already had its way with us here on the east coast.
TT: Its lurid glare has moved on to younger timezones.
EB: haha, um, ok. Yes, timezones. The lurid enemy we all must face. Also, I'm tempted to say there's a bit of an Lord English metaphor in here somewhere... Too lazy/hungry r/n to dig it up. >Rose and John: Team Work!,,,introducing the NEW FREIND... SEIZURCORNALL 8^y
EB: what is this thing?
EB: and what is that clock counting down to?
TT: I've been looking at the GameFAQ walkthroughs to figure some of this stuff out.
TT: Hold while I read further.
EB: ok.
TT: All of these walkthroughs are extremely short.
TT: None progress much further than this point.
EB: weird.
EB: well, i mean it is a new game.
TT: True.
TT: Now that the lid is off, you will need to extrude some "Cruxite"....I think the foreshadowing at this point is laying itself on quite thick... Sweet Dodge, Btw. TT: I feel like we should be hurrying. That countdown is making me nervous.
TT: John?
TT: Oh. Your PDA is trapped under the cruxite now, isn't it.
TT: Anyway, it looks like you are going to need this card too. Cue Incoming Glass Shower in 3... 2...
You take TWO (2) FANCIFUL HARLEQUINS.
The additional useless freight pushes your PDA to the last card. You then switch to the QUEUE MODUS so you can access the PDA.
More glass shrapnel flies from the deck. Upon mulling over cinematic tropes, this was a virtually 100% certain outcome. EB: this thing keeps following me around.
EB: i think it's trying to talk to me or something.
TT: That is probably the "Kernelsprite".
TT: It apparently needs to be "prototyped".
TT: Twice, actually.
TT: Whatever the hell that means.
TT: These walkthroughs are horrendously written.
EB: hmm, ok.
EB: well, you are the one with the cursor so just do whatever you think is the right thing to do!
EB: also, fix my bathroom. >TT: Drop maimed harlequin into Kernelsprite.
I'll spare you the [noparse][S]IESUREKERNEL, and instead go to eat dinner. [/noparse] More after I return.
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researcherwisemon
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Posts: 502
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Post by researcherwisemon on Apr 17, 2016 0:33:54 GMT
>Calum: Give up on fixing Noparse in the previous post.You successfully give up fixing the noparse for the sake of an opening post joke.
>Resume Reading.You resume reading at the page of clownsprite's birth.
EB: i still can't understand this thing's gobbledygook.
TT: That was only "Tier One Prototyping".
TT: There is still another tier to the prototyping process.
TT: Which for all we know merely advances this entity through increasingly esoteric states of linguistics.
EB: the clock is ticking.
EB: we don't have time for this asinine tomfoolery.
TT: This unmitigated poppycock?
EB: extravagant hogwash!
EB: ok stop
EB: stop typing whatever silly thing you're typing.
EB: i'm going upstairs to the big platformy thing.
TT: The alchemiter?
EB: ??
TT: Try to learn the lingo.
4DORK4BL3 N3RDS. :33 >TT: Explore Atheneum.
>John: Captchalogue telescope.
Predictable. What's not predictable is that the Alchemiter seems to actually be AUTOMA-Wow. Really?? Debunked in a single page. You set the ALCHEMITER to cast THREE (3) PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS for some reason, expending a total of 6 units of BUILD GRIST.
These things look completely useless. What a waste!
Out of the corner of your eye, you notice there's something in the sky....REALLY??? HOW DOES THIS WORK??? The hand setting the numbers is a MOUSE CURSOR- like what we saw from Rose's viewport, but this is in JOHN'S POV??? Did Hussie completely forget about it not having controls?? Is the Mouse Cursor here just an abstraction like the left-over hand cursor from the Homestuck Beta Cake Moving for John's perceived lack of arms??? SERIOUSLY. WHAT. I DON'T... There are no controls and yet you do THIS? HOW JOHN. HOW. WHY. WHY MUST YOU CONSTANTLY BREAK THE FOURTH WALL AND THE NARRATIVE STRUCTURE LIKE THIS? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN CONSTANTLY DO THESE THINGS, LIKE, IT IS SO INFURIATING ON SO MANY LEVELS THAT I JUST LITERALLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW YOU'VE GONE FROM NOT HAVING CONTROLS TO BEING ABLE TO SET A *NUMBER* OF PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE THING YOU'RE SEEING IN THE SKY RIGHT NOW. WE ARE TOTALLY IGNORING THE METEOR FOR THE MOMENT JUST TO FOCUS COMPLETELY ON THIS TOTAL DISREGARD FOR THE RULES OF THE NARRATIVE STRUCTURE, JOHN. MAYBE THIS IS WHY EVERYONE INCLUDING MYSELF THOUGHT THIS WAS ROSE SETTING THE ALCHEMITER TO DO IT BEFORE BUT--- IT'S NOT? JUST. WHAT. EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THIS IS A THING, JOHN. EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN! EX-PLAAAIIIINNNN!!!
>Calum: Disengage Dalek!Karkat mode. You disengage the dalek cap locks and continue to read the comic. >==>Ah...
You're no astronomer, but its trajectory looks suspiciously head-on with your current perspective.
This is a troubling development. ...
>John: High-five Kernelsprite.You figure you've left him hanging long enough.
!!!! HOW IS A HANDSHAKE ENOUGH TO PROTOTYPE AND YET THIS IS NOT? HOW IS A FREAKING HANDSHAKE MORE PHYSICAL CONTACT THAN A HIGH FIVE??? HOW IS-- >John: Attempt to ingest a unit of build grist.
It is tempting because they strongly resemble Rockin' Blue Raspberry Gushers. However, units of BUILD GRIST are a gaming abstraction and do not seem to exist on the physical plane!
...! There is apparently no crisis so imminent that will deter you from contemplating idiotic and frivolous actions. >TT: Revise bathroom.
There is apparently no crisis so imminent that will deter you from contemplating idiotic and frivolous actions!!Rose this is not the time!>==>I guess the door opens inwards? Also, I can only imagine what John's Dad is thinking. "John? Did the cake not agree with you? ...You're finally becoming strong enough to wreck the house hold. I am SO PROUD." Okay maybe not that exactly. TT: I'm working on the bathroom.
TT: But we are running low on Build Grist.
EB: oh man who cares about the bathroom, now there's a meteor heading for my house!!!
YES! Set her priorities straight!
TT: I see.
TT: Do you suppose it has anything to do with the game?
EB: i don't know, maybe! what do i do!
TT: I think it's very likely.
TT: The walkthroughs vaguely suggest an impending threat before they end.
TT: The already poorly constructed sentences become even more curt and ambiguous.
TT: As if written hastily and with a sense of alarm.
TT: Actually, their dedication to updating the walkthrough under such circumstances is admirable.
EB: wow, FASCINATING.
EB: I agree with John, FASCINATING. TT: If the meteor is a game construct, I think the only thing to do is to proceed, and try to solve the dilemma on the game's terms.
TT: Try using the lathe.
TT: It says you can use the card on it, but isn't more specific than that.
EB: ok i'll do that.
TT: Really, it is a labor to read this drivel.
TT: If I read any more my brain will need to be spoon-fed from a jar.
TT: While it blows spit bubbles in a highchair.
TT: I think I will write my own walkthrough.
TT: That is, after we make sure you don't die.Priorities, Rose! Those are still a thing! TG: theyre always throwing around these geographical comparisons to give us a sense of scale like it really means anything to us
TG: but its like it doesnt matter its always just like: WOW THATS PRETTY FUCKING BIG
TG: like mr president theres a meteor coming sir. oh yeah, how big is it? its the size of texas sir
TG: OH SHIT
TG: or, how big is it? its the size of new york city sir
TG: OH SHIT
TG: sir im afraid the comet is the size of your moms dick
TG: OH SNAP
TG: sir are you familiar with jupiter
TG: you mean like the planet?
TG: yeah
TG: well its that big sir
TG: hmm that sounds pretty big
TG: i have a question
TG: is it jupiter?
TG: yes sir, earth is literally under seige by planet fucking jupiter
TG: OH SHIT
TG: anyway later
I once auditioned for a homestuck anime voice acting project with this particular rant. One of these days I need to go through Homestuck and voice-act a bunch of the more fun monologues. This one in particular was quite fun, but I've gotten better at voice acting since that first attempt. I'd like to see how much better I've gotten. One day. ONE DAY.... Anyways, personal shit aside, TL;DR: BEST ACT 1 DAVE RANT IN A NUTSHELL. John DOES A THING, then DOES ANOTHER THIN....I can only imagine his Dad is thinking "The Bath Tub Too, John?" The perfect crime. Nobody will notice... Except for maybe the people with eyes. Which means in this comic... Doc Scratch and maybe Terezi?? Breaking News, Thirteen Year Old Girl Fools First Guardian Cueball Headed Prick With Bathroom Redecoration Prank! You retrieved the CRUXITE DOWEL.
DAD just shrugs and heads back downstairs, presumably to do some more baking.
If only he knew you were hard at work saving his ass. ...Sniff. Sniff. Nope, I'm not going to cry. I'm NOT. GOING. To CRY.
EB: alright, i used the lathe to make this blue shapey thing.
EB: now i guess i take it back to the alchemixer again?
EB: hello?
-- tentacleTherapist is no longer connected! --
EB: uh... Sixty Nine Red Shelled Crabs in a Sea Fisherman's Hat! Who could possibly have seen this coming?? We are now...A young lady stands in her bedroom. Due to a violent storm, her house has just lost power, along with her wireless internet connection. This has severed her link to a popular video game she was playing with a young man at a critical moment. That young man is relying on this young lady to reestablish a connection somehow. This young lady named...
Named...
It's on the tip of your tongue. What was the name of this young lady again? Rose Lalonde. Your name is ROSE. As was previously mentioned you are without ELECTRICITY, although your LAPTOP COMPUTER still functions on BATTERY POWER. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for RATHER OBSCURE LITERATURE. You enjoy creative writing and are SOMEWHAT SECRETIVE ABOUT IT. You have a fondness for the BESTIALLY STRANGE AND FICTITIOUS, and sometimes dabble in PSYCHOANALYSIS. You also like to KNIT, and your room is a BIT OF A MESS. And on occasion, if just the right one strikes your fancy, you like to play VIDEO GAMES with your friends.
What will you do? Besides waste precious time?? >Rose: Retrieve arms from the purple box.
What. >Rose: Writhe like a flagellum and puke on your bed.
Did. >Rose: Stroke writing journal and mutter, 'My precious...'
I. >{S}Rose: Play a haunting refrain on the violin. Say?
You waste approximately 40 seconds playing the violin while your friend is in peril.
Nice time management skills there, sweetheart!
>John: Tell Liv Tyler you love her before impact. Obviously a good use of the time you have left, John. I mean, you're stuck, in your room, in a sense that edges vaguely on the titular... ah, yes... TUBSTUCK. Rose, meanwhile, continues to waste time with FORESHADOWING. I don't need to cover all the sylladex shenanigans. For they are crunchy and taste good with kethcuph... kutchup... ketchum. Fish Chum. Chum Chum FISH Ba Chum Chum FISH. >Rose: Go explore the house.
Explore? but she LIVES HERE.
You leave your BEDROOM.
Hanging just next to your door in the hallway is a painting of an EXQUISITE WIZARD....Knowing what we know about Roxy, this is a VERY EXQUISITE WIZARD. Your mother collects these awful things IRONICALLY. She must know how much you detest them, and there is no doubt in your mind she stores these dreadful things in the house to bother you. ROSE. ROSEY. NUUUU. NO. No. NOPE. It is 100% TOTES HONEST.
Down the hall to the right is the way to the OBSERVATORY. Perhaps you will be able to connect from up there?
Your mother's room is also in that direction. You will have to watch your step. Why do they even HAVE an Observatory anyways? I mean, I guess GrandpaJake wanted Mom~Roxy to be aware of the meteors when they started coming?
Moar JPG WIZARS. Rose makes her way to the observatory, past VOIDMOM and then--
>Rose: Go through door. ...Oh No NOT AGAIN
The door opens to an exterior walkway, leading to the observatory entrance.
You've seen less inclement weather before. Oh the things you'll do to help out a friend. ...Rose makes it into the observatory without falling into any further Act7 foreshadowing, so I guess this is a subversion... Although, this is by my count the SECOND Ret-arm to appear, with the first being on the "Wind Skims the Void" flash. Rose then takes a moment to look through the observatory.
You're in a hurry, sure, but that doesn't mean you can't take moment to peek through the HUGE TELESCOPE.
You find a gap in the clouds. It seems a flurry of smaller METEOROIDS is streaking steadily overhead. You're not sure what this means, but it is somewhat disconcerting. ... Disconcerting indeed. Rose returns with 40 seconds to spare.
...What. HOw did she even... With all the time she wasted in her room??? TT: I'm back.
EB: hurry up and open my door!!!!!!
EB: not that it even matters, i think i'm probably dead no matter what!!!!!!
TT: Patience. You still haven't used the new totem.
EB:
TT: I believe it will create the item on the punch card.
EB: so what is it, like an apple or something?
EB: what good will that even do?
TT: We'll see.
TT: I've found no evidence that anyone has successfully created the item.
TT: And the content of the card appears to be variable from session to session.
TT: In one instance it was described as an "eggy loking thign" [sic].
EB: do we have enough of those building jewels to make it?
TT: According to the Atheneum, it is a free item.
TT: This speaks to its importance, in my view.
TT: Now off you go. ...And even more time is wasted CHATTING. Paradox Space sure is forgiving here for some reason. Longest 40 seconds in existence. >Rose: Put bathtub back.
You probably should have just done this in the first place....Yes, Rose. Priorities, Please. Why didn't you just put the toilet back when there was a NICE CONVENIENT HOLE in the floor for it??? Now then clear the alchemiter an---
You store the PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS in your PHERNALIA REGISTRY, potentially to be deployed at a later time.
HOW IS THIS A THING??? Did the game just... Captchalogue the cubes?? ...whatever, John makes the tree and...
>{S}John: Take bite of apple....30 seconds?? ALL OF THE ABOVE HAPPENED IN 10 FREAKING SECONDS??? (Also, hi future John!) >END OF ACT 1
>Years in the future, but not many... I spy with my little eye a glowy blue dot in the distant horizon. A WAYWARD VAGABOND records a stuttering step in the sun-bleached dust. Hello, WV! >Calum: Give Overall Thoughts.
Right then, That's Act 1 done and finished... Only 6 more to go! Act 1 is... interesting to say the least. Scattered in between the insane reader commands that predictably wasted much time, the seeds of a story began to take root. Two kids have thusfar taken their first steps into a greater world... and knowing what's coming, some of the finer, more subtle details of Andrew Hussie's story have begun to emerge than appear at first glance. Or Second... or Third... or even Fourth. Bah! Whatever! Onto Act 2! ...Later. In the next post... whenever that will be.
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researcherwisemon
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Post by researcherwisemon on Apr 20, 2016 1:44:59 GMT
>ACT 2 ==>We open Act 2 with Rose's GameFAQ guide and a Windy page of John's house transitioning to the Medium.
The KERNEL divides. The two halves go their separate ways, leaving behind the SPRITE portion. The 7 Gates appear, and- BOY. - the Sprite transforms.
What is left of the SPRITE undergoes a mysterious transformation.
For a moment you thought you heard someone say "BOY", as if whispered in the periphery of your awareness.
It was probably just your imagination though.
Next is a {S}ound page that's the walkaround but I'm not going to cover anything from that. WV is directing John to do things, one of which is to talk with Rose. TT: John?
TT: Are you there?
-- tentacleTherapist is now an idle chum! --
EB: hey, yeah i'm here!
EB: and not dead i think.
TT: I know.
TT: I've been watching you scramble through the house like a lunatic.
TT: You should have answered me sooner.
EB: oh man, sorry, i was looking around for my dad and i can't find him anywhere!
EB: have you seen him?
TT: No. I'm sure he'll turn up.
TT: We have more important things to address right now.
EB: yeah, like where am i??
TT: I don't know that either. But I've determined your neighborhood was destroyed by the meteor. Wherever you were transported, it saved you from the impact.
TT: I've been reading reports in the news. Over the last few days, there have been many smaller meteor collisions with people's homes around the world.
TT: And they seem to be getting bigger. Yours was the biggest they've identified so far.
EB: wow, ok.
EB: so then i guess if this is all the game's doing, then the point is for us to save the world?NOPE. Think a bit bigger than that, John.
TT: We should retrieve your PDA. Yet again.
TT: It will help to keep tabs on each other while you investigate.
TT: I think I can get you closer to it, if I can replenish our grist supply somewhat.
TT: There may be a way to recycle some that we already used.
EB: ok.
TT: I'll meet you out on the balcony.Uh huuh. Interesting...
EB: wait, rose! one thing...
TT: What?
EB: you never even wished me a happy birthday!
EB: um... hello?
TT: I was working on something to send you, but I was running late with it.
TT: I didn't want you to think I believed meager well wishes alone would suffice for the occasion.
TT: That said, happy birthday, John.
EB: haha, oh jeez, that is silly!
EB: anyway, thanks!Yes, Rose, that is silly... but I find myself guilty of thinking that at as well, sometimes. I'm not even going to bother quoting WV's CAPS SPEAK nor really cover his random commands- such as picking up the towel. John cannot do anything with the GRIST as of this moment! That is up to the Sburb player. A... What?? But John IS A SBURB PLAYER! Don't you mean SERVER Player?? Try to learn the Lingo please.
>I SEE. ==>? Okay, actually that's kind of adorab-
Rose deletes the PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS. 6 units of BUILD GRIST are restored to your GRIST CACHE. GREAT OBJECT GRINDING GRISTWIDGITS BURNING PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS! It's actually like the Grist Widgit, except for items crafted VIA alchemy instead of items you've captchalogued!
Rose expends the GRIST to drag a new plank from the balcony in the direction of the PDA.
>JOHN RUN ACROSS PRECARIOUS PLATFORM SWIFTLY.
>BOY I SAID MAKE HASTE ON THE NARROW CATWALK!
>FINE. PROCEED AS YOUR LEVEL OF COMFORT DICTATES. ...Wow, WV is kind of abrasive after being Exiled, isn't he? I blame the lack of anything to eat. We're all a little cranky when we're hungry.
You grab the PDA, launching one of the HARLEQUIN FIGURINES into the night.
You can kiss that one goodbye.
HAH! >==>==>Just one ==> command will suffice. Thanks.
Is it strange that I said I wasn't going to focus on WV's antics and yet here I am focusing on his antics?? TT: John, are you ok?
TT: You seem a bit tentative.
EB: i'm fine i guess.
EB: since i got here i feel compelled to do these weird things i don't really want to do.
EB: by some kind of voice that i can't really even hear. i don't know, it is hard to explain.
TT: Perhaps the early symptoms of an anxiety disorder, like post-traumatic stress?
EB: yeah, maybe. who knows!
TT: Well, if you can pull yourself together, there are a few more things we should try.
TT: Like prototyping the Kernelsprite again, if possible.
TT: We should hurry. My laptop battery won't last forever.
EB: Ok. I will go back inside. The whole EXILE system seems odd, when you think about it. Why send Prospitians and Dersites to talk to the players? They have the Sprite guides usually... once something sentient is prototyped anyways. And the Exile system is more of a... random talking thing? WV is really kind of screwing John up a bit by talking to him right now. And when we see Dave being talked to by AR later on.... It just doesn't make total sense to me.
>NO DON'T DO THAT. HOP OFF THIS LEDGE ON TO THAT CAR.
What? No! That sounds incredibly dangerous! WHY WV, WHY!? What would possess you to direct John to DO THAT??? Does WV think it's the same car from later maybe? > ==>==>==>==>==>
Stop That!
Now you're just being a pest.
YES HE IS.
Ignoring WV's future problems for a moment... We move on from this back to Rose's walkthrough where in she explains everything about the opening SBURB stuff. And from there, we transition back to ROSE! Her forest backyard is on Meteor Fire.
Your LAPTOP BATTERY is alright for now, but it won't be for long.
If the power in the house doesn't come back on, you can think of one last resort: the small BACKUP GENERATOR stored behind the MAUSOLEUM. Interesting this, I don't think it's much in the way of intentional foreshadowing, but the idea of a BACKUP is introduced, in a distant place far away from where Rose is currently. Retroactively, this could be DREAMSELF foreshadowing. Rose and John try prototyping the clownsprite, but it's done by accident. Compared to other prototypings, this seems like an almost excessive amount of work compared to later prototypings. Rose then tries to remove the cruxtruder, but it costs 100 build grist to move! What a dick move, SBURB!
TG: wait wait
TG: armageddon's gettin waged on us
TG: but im-a gettin armed and dangerous
TG: sending men in space for savin us
TG: see which playa's more couragerous
TG: ben or bruce? dudes reach a truce
TG: put their blowchutes to use and up-suck it
TG: afflecks saclifice, i mean -crifice, would have to sufflice. aw fluck it
TG: bro be a stained-glass saint, up on a cross gettin hella christ-plagiarous
TG: bruce's like offa that cruciflix, nuff a this fuckin savior-fuss
TG: restrained his ass per mclane-redux while buscemi remained derangerous
TG: when a plan gone astray pays off a wasted craterous
TG: ash tray caterin to layers of matt maconnaheys vague remainder-dust
TG: wait
TG: uhLost, Dave? I find it interesting that Dave's usual 'quirk' of a lack of punctuation gets broken here in certain places, yet is kept in place in other parts of this rap.
TG: macconahey wasnt even in any of those meteor movies was he
TG: ill have to make a rap about
TG: i dont know
TG: morgan freeman or something
TG: being the president
TG: itll be called
TG: "obama made it so that no one gives a shit about black presidents in movies anymore"
TG: see youve got to fill me in on whats going on
TG: so i have something to rap about besides all your dumbshit moviesI think Dave's quirk is "Punctuation is a tool to make my jokes obvious and can be ignored otherwise." TT: I'm lifting the car up to the balcony.
EB: whoa, ok.
TT: Once it is up, retrieve the game. Then I'll put it back down on the driveway.
EB: but the door is locked!
TT: Then break a window.
EB: but it's my dad's car
TT: It's just a window, and this is sort of an emergency.
TT: Otherwise I promise I'll handle the car with velvet gloves.
EB: alright. You're going to have to break a lot of windows, John. A LOT OF WINDOWS. >Rose: Pick up car.
...Upon mulling over cinematic tropes, this was a virtual certainty. >RIDICULOUS FOLLY. INEXCUSABLE.
You're inclined to agree, but hey, accidents happen. For a Light Player whose medium is Knowledge/Luck, Rose seems heavily tilted towards the former rather than the latter right now, much to her detriment. GG: im back!
EB: oh hi!
GG: i went to investigate the explosion i heard
EB: was it by any chance a meteor?
GG: yes!!!!!
GG: how did you know??
EB: oh man, it's kind of a long story!
EB: anyway, are you ok? did it blow up your yard or start a fire or anything?
GG: no i am fine!
GG: it landed a pretty good ways from my house and i went to look at it
GG: and its pretty big!
GG: but bec doesnt want me to go near it
GG: so i came home
GG: he seems to think its dangerous!
EB: well gosh, he's probably right!...The sheer amount of misdirection in this small section alone. GG: oh!!!! did you get my package yet? 
EB: er...
EB: yeah, i was trying to get it, but rose dropped my car into a weird spooky bottomless pit and the package was in the car and im really sorry about that.
GG: oh no!
EB: wow, ok, i guess i should start at the beginning.
EB: see, a meteor blew up my neighborhood.
GG: thats terrible john! im so sorry!Are you really sorry, Jade- Are You? SBURB players seem to have an overarching theme of not having strong ties to their home world by way of knowing people. Between just THESE FOUR kids alone, their only online contacts are THESE FOUR KIDS. You'd think at least JOHN, DAVE, and ROSE, by way of being part of modern day society, would have some friends from school that they'd maybe add to pesterchum?? Dave, I can see keeping a distance from people by way of where he lives... but Rose and John??? ...Okay, on second thought, I can see it for Rose's personality keeping people away. But for John...? Maybe it has something to do with the wall scrawls. I'd imagine any friends John brought over would be put off by the clown scrawls. EB: but i'm ok! and my house is too, sort of.
EB: that game i was telling you about, sburb which i was playing with rose, sort of transported me somewhere at the last minute.
EB: but now i'm trapped here and it's weird and dark and i can't find my dad and i just lost the car and my copy of the game in the pit and i think i have to save the world from the apocalypse!!!
GG: 
GG: well.....
GG: it sounds really crazy and kind of scary but.....
GG: it also sounds kind of exciting!
GG: i dont know john maybe this is your destiny
GG: if anyone can save the world i think it is probably you!
EB: wow, you think so?
GG: yes!
EB: well ok, BUT.
EB: it's not even that simple!YES JOHN. IT IS NOT THAT SIMPLE.
EB: i was about to connect to rose to help transport her and save her from meteors and fire and stuff.
EB: but she lost battery power and i lost the game disc!
EB: so i think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her!
EB: but that jackass won't shut up and stop rapping and stuff.
GG: hahaha
GG: he is so silly!
EB: yeah. anyway i should talk to him about it, so brb....Dave? Silly?? PFT. Yeah. Right! TG: when the film crew zooms where the presidents at
TG: im like if that dudes black ill eat my hat
TG: turns out he is, so we're all "damn, director's got gumption"
TG: like we'll all flip our shit he aint shining shoes or somethin
TG: its called freemancipation. if its not pres-election its god-ascension
TG: in bruce almighty. whoops, different bruce from the one i just mentionedBut maybe, have I considered... YEAH. THAT. TG: cant explain to me why this aint condescension to think ill shit a brick
TG: not even he can convey the intention with his quickspun wit
TG: rather defray all this tension, sit on his lap while he whittles a splint
TG: and some guy eyes what he does and patronizes: i guess negrocity's the mother of invention
EB: stop rapping for a second you horse's ass!Again with the Horses?? I'm only just starting to realize how... THOROUGH-BRED-LY... Hussie's love affair with horses actually had affected Homestuck.
EB: i have something important to talk about.
TG: whats up
EB: rose is in trouble and she needs help. i was going to connect to her with sburb but i lost my copy!
TG: ok
EB: also she lost battery power. if she can get back up and running, she'll need someone with the game to get her out of there before her house burns down.
EB: so i think you should use your copy of the game to help her!I just love how, earlier, Dave was dissing SBURB much like GameBro did.... OH GOD I JUST HAD A HORRIFYING THOUGHT. WHAT IF DAVE'S BRO WORKS FOR GAME BRO MAGAZINE? That... That would explain the freaking X2 BETA COMBO. >_<;
TG: my copy?
TG: thats going to be tough
EB: why?
TG: i lost it
TG: its a stupid story and id rather not talk about it
TG: shit be embarrassing yo
EB: i thought you said you had two?
TG: well yeah
TG: one is my brothers copy
EB: ok, well get his then!
TG: alright
TG: but hes not gonna be happy about that
EB: whatever.
EB: also you might want to read rose's walkthrough to get up to speed on this.
TG: oh man
EB: what?
TG: nothing really
TG: look all im saying is the girl tends to lay it on kinda thick you know?
EB: /ROLLS EYESA stupid story you say?? Well, it can't be any stupider than something jumping out of a sylladex like a frightened weasel. ...Rose's LAPTOP is out of BATTERY POWER. There's only one thing left to do. Time to make your way to that BACKUP GENERATOR.
>Rose: Equip grimoire to strife specibus.
That would be incredibly ill-advised! BOOK-KIND? How does one fight with a book? What were the readers thinking?? You put the book down.
...Thank you. Rose then proceeds to equip needles as her strife specibus, then begins to read the freaking book. ...Yeah, most of these things are from Problem Sleuth. Rose EXITS the observatory.
You wonder if this rain will ever let up. It's driven since the month began, perhaps long enough to forget its purpose. It no longer even knows to assuage fire. Somewhere a zealous god threads these strings between the clouds and the earth, preparing for a symphony it fears impossible to play. And so it threads on, and on, delaying the raise of the conductor's baton. Rain that knows not how to put out fire. Rain that serves no purpose other than to stall the Symphony feared impossible to play... This is definitely foreshadowing for Act 7, specifically the part with the "Conductor's Baton."
How you hate this season.
"April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain." -American sports legend, Charles Barkley ....Uh. I'm quite sure Charles Barkley did not say that. I'm assuming that much like other early Act stuff, Hussie was planning on showing the kids completing their quests. It seems odd that Rose would be the only one who would not do her quest, and yet... Rose was never a girl who played by the rules. Who's to say her quest wasn't NOT DOING THE QUEST? Maybe everything else was just flare to make it seem that Rose was 'subverting' the norm? Speaking of SUBVERSIONS- we are now DAVE STRIDER.
Your name is DAVE. It is an UNSEASONABLY WARM April day. Your BEDROOM WINDOW is open to let some air in, and your FAN is cranked. Arguably even more cranked would be your FLY BEATS, which brings us to your variety of INTERESTS. A cool dude like you is sure to have plenty. You have a penchant for spinning out UNBELIEVABLY ILL JAMS with your TURNTABLES AND MIXING GEAR. You like to rave about BANDS NO ONE'S EVER HEARD OF BUT YOU. You collect WEIRD DEAD THINGS PRESERVED IN VARIOUS WAYS. You are an AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHER and operate your own MAKESHIFT DARKROOM. You maintain a number of IRONICALLY HUMOROUS BLOGS, WEBSITES, AND SOCIAL NETWORKING PROFILES. And if the inspiration strikes, you won't hesitate to drop some PHAT RHYMES on a mofo and REPRESENT.
What will you do? Besides quaff around in the past and only be vaguely sort of aware of the events happening in the future? Dave lives in a Texas apartment during a heatwave that means he might as well be walking on the sun. His FAN is clearly running at max, but it probably isn't doing much. Let me just say, not having Air Conditioning during Summer is... uh... Well, insufferable. BTW, I know Davepeta was likely last minute as far as everything else goes, but the fact that Dave has to live without his *AC* in this situation is just... He would be so much Happier with some A.C. in his Life :33 His Interests include WEIRD DEAD THINGS PRESERVED IN VARIOUS WAYS.... Aw Furrick. >Dave: Get the damn beta and save your friend's life!
This notion strikes you as nonsensical. You can't imagine how a video game could save someone's life, and in any case, you're quite sure no one you know is in any danger.
Anyway, these are your copies of the beta you received in the mail recently. You've labeled them with your name in BOLD RED PRINT to distinguish them from your BRO's copies, who labeled his in kind. Neither of you really gives a shit about this game or has any intention of playing it, but you'll be damned if you'll let that get in the way of your campaign of one-upmanship. ...Bolded for previous GameBro!BRO theory relevance.. You will however contemplate bleating like a goat for IRONICALLY HUMOROUS purposes at a later date.
...Dave Contemplated bleating like a goat, and eventually decides against it, I guess. But seriously, I know we expected him to do it but the chances were pretty low since the phrasing includes "Contemplate" regarding the action. Dave/Hussie likely decided against it... and so Dirk snatched up that choice piece of foreshadowing like a BOOOSssssss..... ...Moving right along. >Dave: Examine closet.
This is your closet. This is where you keep a lot of your crap.
Like that BOX. And that bottle of... what is that?
Is that...? Could it be...? Dave puts off looking for a few moments to reflect on the box his swanky Stiller shades came in. He captchalogues it for some reason. Also, we're still on "captchalogue" spelling. I wonder when/if it'll change, or if I'm missremembering the spelling in general??
Oh hell yes. It is an unopened container of APPLE JUICE. You thought you were all out. It is like fucking christmas up in here.
This is so great. You've got to tell John about this immediately. He'll be so excited. Oh Dave. You either love Apple Juice UNIRONICALLY, or you're really pressed for things you can drink.
In addition to letting your buddy know about this outstanding juice windfall, you figure you'll wish him a happy birthday while you're at it. In your own cool, sort of roundabout way of course. Good thing you looked at that box he sent you, or you might have forgotten.
You also might as well ask him about that beta. The kid's been harping about it for weeks. It would be cool if it came on his birthday. He'd be one happy camper. Dave has such a kind heart, deep down beneath that icy cool kid exterior. I wonder how different Homestuck would be if Nepeta and Dave swapped places for the entire comic? Or what about an A.U. where they're eachother's dream selves? That'd be interesting. Dave sleeps during the night, Nepeta wakes Up; Nepeta sleeps during the day, Dave wakes Up. But this is a reread, not a rewrite.
TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in todayWe've read this already. You open the HEPHAESTUS web browser and direct it to your ironically maintained blog where you post monthly satirical reviews of GAMEBRO MAGAZINE. Your latest post is a review of the MARCH ISSUE. ...This isn;t even a legit link to a blog. It's just a link to the cover art. Did this used to go to the Blogspot or was it ALWAYS the cover art? You've been meaning to write a review for the latest issue too, but you've been sort of dogging it. Something about the game they're reviewing just doesn't strike you as ripe for satirical purposes. ...No Comment.
In a new tab you open another one of your sites, a webcomic ironically maintained through a satirical cipher vaguely similar to that of your blog. It's called SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF.
You have legions of devoted fans, most of whom are totally convinced of your creative persona's sincerity. Which is just how you like it. ...Oh God, do I dare delve into the depths of SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF??? ...Okay, yeah, let's do this THING. WERE DOING THIS THING. WE'REMAKING IT HAPPEN!! ...in the next post.
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researcherwisemon
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Posts: 502
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Post by researcherwisemon on Apr 21, 2016 16:38:05 GMT
>Post 5.2: THE SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF SHOW Let's Talk SBAHJ! This is likely going to be a shorter post than the others, as I tried doing a serious critique of each and every post on SBAHJ's part of the site and... I gave up half way through. What is Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff in context of MSPA and Homestuck- and the conclusion there of in Act 7? It does little to surprise anyone that SBAHJ started as a troll comic. There was a guy, on a forum, making shitty comics, parodying another guy, who made a comic, parodying another guy's comic. The first guy was Andrew Hussie. His comic was SBAHJ. The first several SBAHJ comics are directly lifted from that thread, and as such, have a distinctly different feel to them than later comics, which Hussie used to obliquely foreshadow events in Homestuck. At the point in Homestuck that this was started- Act 2- we're introduced to Dave Strider, ostensibly an in-character self insert of Andrew Hussie... or at least, that's before we actually GET Andrew Hussie as a self insert. Several of Dave's early conversations in homestuck apparently are inspired from real chatlogs Hussie has had with other people. It goes with out saying that these IRC logs likely inspired the pesterlog format as a whole. The Very first page of SBAHJ that we on the site is that of the infamous STAIRS incident and the payoff of foreshadowing unseen. Chronologically, it is actually either the second or third- you can tell because the "I WARNED YOU" panel of Hella Jeff is straight up lifted from one of the following comics. You can see a partially cut off "PANTS" in the top left corner of the panel. This heavy usage of copy paste is arguably part of the "Charm" of the comic. Interestingly, on the repeating of the earlier panel of Sweet Bro falling down the stairs, the text is NOT THERE. This tells me that Hussie did all the artwork first and THEN added in the dialogue. Why is this important? Hell if I know, I just find it an interesting facet of Hussie's mental process when he made these first shitty comics. You'd think that he'd make a panel of art, then add the text, and THEN go back and re-use it, just for the sheer shittyness of the act of doing it that way. But nope, even with an intentionally shitty comic, he's still done it in a fairly professional way. The very next page is the one where the "Pants" panel is copied from. I'd go into 'foreshadowing' JohnXRoxy... but this is one of those panels that predates SBAHJ being a part of homestuck. It's really just Hussie trolling people. As is the next page, "How HIGH do you even have to be" ect... which ALSO has copy-pasta from the "second" page... which I really think is likely the first one ever drawn. I know there's an archived version of the thread somewhere, but I'm too lazy right now to dig it up. Maybe at the end of this post. The 'bro BUNP" is likely not foreshadowing either, not... intentionally, anyways. It was likely retroactively made such by Hussie during the future parts of Dave's arc... as well as for one HELLA callback in late Act6Act6Intermission5. I have no idea what the squirrel or the car ruse distaction foreshadows either... Or what all the freaking skater dudes floating around are even for... I'd like to imagine that Hussie had some legitimate plan in these early pages, but everything up to the end of NANCHO PARTY ARC seems to just be... him making an intentionally shitty comic. Like, you can't NOT make something like this without intentionally doing it. Like this page. Let's just dissect this for a moment. The first image of Sweet Bro seems to have been redrawn twice, once with an error, and subsequently shoved off to the side of the screen, and the second to be 'better.' Then the whole ROW is just...copy pasted two more times. I can't even BEGIN to imagine what kind of horrorwork Hussie had to do to make the third row so pixelated like that. The whole "DAMN" seems to go off screen, but this actually seems more to be just a bad crop?? How does someone do something like this unintentionally?? You can't. This is all intentionally shitty and that is AMAZING...and terrifying. SPORTS- was this actually foreshadowing for the Yellow Yard? Or did Hussie just ape the page afterwards for foreshadowing retroactively??? Prices and Values? Foreshadowing for the intermission? It's hard to tell because there aren't any obvious dates on the SBAHJ pages. Now, see, in part TWO of the nancho paryt ark, hussie totally copied the whole panel of the "but then i'd have to kill you" panel, text and the resize outline included...And then it's copied AGAIN from the same comic, but from a completely different PART of it- the second row to be exact.You can still see part of the "D" from the "GOD" in the page. This was from the BLACKED OUT part of the page and then *RECOLORED* to skin tone AGAIN. This same panel is continued in its use in PAGE 3 and.... The next page where Hella Jeff is in the bathroom seems to be the first usage of Homestuck Troll Lingo, meaning that at this point, Hussie is likely intentionally using SBAHJ to foreshadow homestuck. Alright, sweet, now we can get into the ANANLYZIS AND DEDUCKTONS. SHIT LET'S BE SANTA... With a copy pasta'd GREAT that I'm fAIRLY certain is from a later comic, and this is Hussie foreshadowing stuff through SBAHJ again... despite the fact that it's literally probably calling back from an older, as of yet unreleased comic??? ... Newd Dog... PEACHES. Is this foreshadowing PM putting on the ring??? I can't even begin to figure out Hussie's logic for messing with these pages in the way that he's done. How does one even BREAK artwork like this?? i applaud hussie's use of postit notes, but come on... What is the point of this page except to actually maybe legitimately foreshadow JohnXRoxy? I don't know. It's hard to tell with the AND IT DONT STOP page if this was actually legit foreshadowing, or retroactive foreshadowing for Karkat's chair sitting. The next few pages are shirt advertisements. Hussie/Dave wasn't being shy about this. Instead of writing up news posts like he did for Homestuck... this was all clip art and intentionally posted as comic pages. The HAL LOWEEN PAGE, is almost CERTAINLY foreshadowing the MAGNUM REVOLVER, Lord English murdering Hussie, as well as Kanaya's DEATH and eventual RESURECTION as a vampire/ranibow drinker. The page following it is almost certainly also foreshadowing for the scene where Gamzee murders Nep and Eq. The next page includes a LIFDOFF which actually PRECEEDED the Murder of nep and eq... Yeah, there's no doubt that this is all actually homestuck foreshadowing now. The "CLOSE SHAVE" page is likely just there for the mirror foreshadowing. The CHURCH PAGE, as has been pointed out by other people, is the same exact length as the page at the END OF ACT 5 ACT 1 where Aradia reviews Jack's entry into their session. Was this posted before or after that page, though? I can't remember. I'll err on the side of caution and say... before? MOAR SHIRTS FUR SALE. The SPORTS pile... hard to tell if it's another case of retroactive foreshadowing or intentional foreshadowing of John being burried in the Shitty Dave Pile. Now we're getting into something interesting. It's Just A Wall. this is definitely foreshadowing for the moment in Cascade where Jade breaks through the fourth wall. I'm also pretty sure (but too lazy to check) that this brick wall is the same size AS the fourth wall file image. The Subway DATE is likely foreshadowing for Rose's sucky date with Kanaya in the Act6 Intermissions... then DaveKat Foreshadowing> I can't tell anymore. Between the shitty clip art and the intentional JPG artifacts, this is impossible to make heads or tails of. ...WTF, I just noticed that there's a 40 cent advertisement for someone looking for a vriska roleplayer... will pay 10$ for a long term roleplay... I'd link you to the picture but it's got a legit email address on it so I'm not going to do that. Is this a legit thing or is someone just trolling the SBAHJ ads for the LULS sakes? I;m assuming it's a troll because guaranteed is misspelled as "garunteed" ... The ad is now 60 cents. Sollux's missing teeth spit out foreshadowing: plus the infanmouse tHIS IS WHAT THE RENFEANCE. I don't think this page needs any explanation as to what it's foreshadowing. Nor this page, but I'll go over this one anyways. P.M. is a pawn who became queen, survived the end of her game, and escaped into another Skaian pond... where a Genesis Frog is born. Was THIS PAGE before {S}Cascade? I vaguely remember it after Cascade, but I could be wrong. If it was before... ROCK SOLO GuITAR MUSIC. Needs no explanation. If it was after... uh... well who knows. Now it's time for SWEET HOLMES AND HELLA WASTONE. Is it a Murder Mystery?? Noope, it's just a set up for a SHITTY TWIST. Followed by THNAKSGIVING COMIX. WHOO, Hussie just couldn't resist making this one animated, could he? After an OBVIOUS HOLLIDAY JOKE, we're treated to some FROG STUFF, at this point in Homestuck, this page was pretty much telling fans, "SOMETHING HAPPENS WITH A FROG" which.. yeah, act 7. I remember a lot of discussion about if THIS PAGE is referencing Caliborn somehow and-- Wait. That's it? This is the last page??? Ladies and Gentlement, we have completed SBAHJ. I made a lot of typos in this and I think I'll leave them behind. BECAUSE SBAHJ. I really have nothing else to say about any of this except, yes, Hussie was using the later half of the comic's run for Homestuck Foreshadowing. Quite clever, I suppose. There's still a lot of stuff that was likely just flat out trolling, though, making it hard to really separate foreshadowing fact from retroactive bullshitting.... Damn, I just got that Bullshit comic after the ROCK SOLO. |
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Post by alleywaycreeper on Apr 21, 2016 18:37:44 GMT
I figure this isn't HOW the comic is meant to be read at this point, but even so... It's an interesting little quirk of the Egbert/Harley/Lalonde family tree. If Rose and John were ever aware of their distant family relationship, it certainly puts a unique light on their conversations. I'm really enjoying this and I don't want you to stop, but I had to ask here: are you saying Rose and John are related? Because the Strilonde's and the Harleyberts are two separate, unrelated families. |
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cookiefonster
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Post by cookiefonster on Apr 21, 2016 20:17:48 GMT
I figure this isn't HOW the comic is meant to be read at this point, but even so... It's an interesting little quirk of the Egbert/Harley/Lalonde family tree. If Rose and John were ever aware of their distant family relationship, it certainly puts a unique light on their conversations. I'm really enjoying this and I don't want you to stop, but I had to ask here: are you saying Rose and John are related? Because the Strilonde's and the Harleyberts are two separate, unrelated families. Maybe it has to do with Hiveswap stuff? |
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researcherwisemon
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Post by researcherwisemon on Apr 21, 2016 21:57:41 GMT
I figure this isn't HOW the comic is meant to be read at this point, but even so... It's an interesting little quirk of the Egbert/Harley/Lalonde family tree. If Rose and John were ever aware of their distant family relationship, it certainly puts a unique light on their conversations. I'm really enjoying this and I don't want you to stop, but I had to ask here: are you saying Rose and John are related? Because the Strilonde's and the Harleyberts are two separate, unrelated families. I'm really enjoying this and I don't want you to stop, but I had to ask here: are you saying Rose and John are related? Because the Strilonde's and the Harleyberts are two separate, unrelated families. Maybe it has to do with Hiveswap stuff? Partly to do with Hiveswap, yes, and also one of Hussie's comments in one of the physical Homestuck books that inspired [ THIS IMAGE] that I saw on Reddit a long while ago. *If* in Hiveswap it turns out that Grandpa!Jake DID indeed adopt Mom!Roxy, this makes Rose and John cousins. If it turns out he was just mentoring her? Well, then it doesn't really change anything as Homestuck stands and just makes for a cute theory/lens to look at things with. |
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researcherwisemon
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Post by researcherwisemon on Apr 22, 2016 2:13:08 GMT
>Dave: Check the latest page of the Midnight Crew.
You figure as long as you're chilling at your computer you might as well see how that new MSPA story is going. You haven't looked at it in a while.
"You are members of a sinister gang called the Midnight Crew. Your nefarious plots are serpentine in complexity. Your schemes, convoluted. You are planning a heist in your underground hideout.
What will you do?"
And 'ere we are, introduced to Spades Slick of the Midnight Crew.
"You push against the MANHOLE COVER, but it seems some unbelievable jackass has parked your GETAWAY VAN on top of it.
A familiar feeling stirs. That feeling is overwhelming, soul-blackening rage.
It's the sort of rage that'll make a man feel totally justified in sporting an unnecessarily elaborate assortment of fancy blades." Spades is a simple man. He likes knives, and isn't afraid to use them. >Dave: Skip ahead a hundred pages or so.NO! WHYYY??? You don't remember where you last left off, so you jump way ahead. You always forget to save your place in the story.
><;; Saving your game is IMPORTANT, Dave!! You never know when you'll need to backtrack and do something over!
Even though the adventure began recently, it's already over 3000 pages long. You just don't have time for this bullshit. You'll catch up later. ...Dave, please, don't say things like that. TT: In some cultures the persistent refusal of a lady's invitation to play a game with her would be a sign wanton disrespect.
TT: Either that, or flagrant homosexuality.
TG: what oh no
TG: no look
TG: im busy ok
TG: ive got a lot of shit on my plate
TG: i am sort of a big deal ok?
TT: I know.Rose, you've nailed it in one, I think. They then proceed to talk about being famous for a bit, then talk about SBURB.
TT: I cannot hasten his mail's delivery, however.
TG: yeah yeah
TG: ill hassle him some more about it
TG: and look how about this
TG: if you ever find yourself in the position where your life depends on me playing that piece of shit game, then ill play
TG: will that make you happy
TT: More than you know.
TT: It perfectly mollifies my grief over the demise of chivalry.Ah... Dave. You know you're going to actually have to follow through on this now, right?? Meanwhile, with John, oil. Oil everywhere. But back with DAVE: You've had enough of the computer for a while. You feel like you've been messing around on it all week. It's time to get your jam on.
You pull up to your trusty AKAI MPC-1000 SAMPLER and prepare to get sicknasty. Try pressing the four corners, if you're not aware of it. It gives you some extra sound options. ...that seem to be broken? I know one of them was Ghostbusters' theme. >Dave: Take sip of the apple juice, despite what John said. Predictably, Dave stalls out because John got to him and captcha's the orange juice sans lid. This will not come back to bite him in any way what so ever. He immediately captcha's his sword and...
The NINJA SWORD (2+1+2+2+1 + 2+2+1+2+2 = 17 % 10 = 7) occupies the same card as the JUICE (2+1+1+2+1 = 7 % 10 = 7), expelling the JUICE from your SYLLADEX.
It splashes all over your TURNTABLES and your copies of the BETA.
Argh! Argh indeed! Dave goes to get a towel... and we see just how puppet obsessed B1 Dirk is... Seriously, a puppet in the shower?? :/ You take the DAMP TOWEL (2+1+2+2 + 2+1+2+1+2 = 15 % 10 = 5), expelling the BOX (2+1+2 = 5 % 10 = 5).
...Dave is no more used to his sylladex than John is. He dries off the juice and then hangs the Betas to dry... WHY? Why are the SBURB Betas in PAPER ENVELOPES??? And furthermore, Dave, shouldn't you take the disks out of the packaging so the packaging can dry or...
In the breeze of the FAN, the betas jostle near the OPEN WINDOW.
This arrangement is a little disconcerting. If they fell out, it sure would be a stupid way to lose them. >Dave: Turn off the fan.
The crisis is easily averted. You can't imagine it will ever resurface later in any way, shape, or form. That beta is as good as yours, forever.
Don't tempt fate, please, Dave...
You should probably go pester Egbert again. You wonder if he found the beta yet. You also might chat about your respective SYLLADICES and FETCH MODI, if the topic happens to come up. You wonder if he is anywhere near as smooth with his sylladex as you are. Probably not. It's probably not even humanly possi... *POKEMON BATTLE THEME*
Suddenly a RAMBUNCTIOUS CROW flies in the open window and snatches the beta, possibly to make a nest with, or maybe just for the sake of being a brainless feathery asshole.
You yell at the bird. "STOP!"You accidentally launch your NINJA SWORD. Everything goes flying out the window, dead bird and all.
Well, Mr. PETA Agent, the sword just jumped out of my Sylladex like a frightened weasel!! I-I dunno what happened. No one can ever know about this.
Too late, Dave. Too Little Too L8. >Dave: Look out window
Yeah, you can kiss all that stuff goodbye. You feel sorry for the bird, but at least you never planned on ever using that beta, ever.
We cut back to Rose in her house confronting a giant wizard statue.
You prepare to descend the stairs to your living room. You are standing eye-to-eye with a familiar foe, a 20-foot tall granite statue of the mighty wizard, ZAZZERPAN THE LEARNED. Your mother had him installed through a hole in the roof with a heavy-duty crane.
Just look at that mystical gaze. To peer into those aloof, glassen eyes is to arrest the curiosity of any mortal. To behold the wisdom concealed in the furrows of that venerable face is to know the ceaseless joys of bewonderment itself. Any man so fortunate as to catch askance his merry twinkle or twitch of whisker shall surely have all his dreams fulfilled. Oh Roxy. X33 >Rose: Psychoanalyze mother's love of wizards.
There is nothing to psychoanalyze. Your mother clearly has no real affinity for these damnable things. She only collects them to spite you.
If anything, she finds them even more repellent than you do. She's just a committed woman. ROSEEEE NOOO. NO NO NOOO. She LOVES the things!
You descend to the living room area of your home's expansive open layout. There is the sound of rushing water beneath the floor. It tends to strike guests as a strange presence in a living space, but it's become hardly audible to you through familiarity. I'd imagine it would be a peculiar sound.... but I guess Rose has had visitors... either that or they're her mother's friends/co-workers. >Rose: View Mother's solid copper vacuum statue.
Ok, but it's bronze, not copper!...I can't help but associate "Bronzing" something with the TV show Warehouse 13.
But it wasn't always. A while ago you gave this as an ironic gift to your MOM for mother's day. You even customized it with a drink holder to support one of her ubiquitous ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES.Dawww--
She "liked" the gift so much, she had it bronzed and put on this pedestal. She even left it plugged in so it can still be turned on now and then. But never to do any cleaning. It never leaves this display......Roxy, uh... what. Why? I still don't why B1 Roxy would do this... I hope Hiveswap will allude somewhat to why B1 Roxy is interested in Bronzing things.
Sometimes at night when you are in your room, you can hear it wailing from downstairs. She MUST know you can hear it. She's completely deranged. 0n0 ...*why*...
>Rose: Grab the Eldritch Princess.What is it with kids and giant puppets?
>Rose: Investigate richly colored object in middle of screen. ...Whichever reader suggested this- this suggestion is awesome!
This was a drawing you did of your cat JASPERS when you were younger, along with a poem about him. Your mother bought this ostentatious $15,000 frame for it, and had it welded to the door. ...Roxyyy... Yknow, I'm beginning to think that being raised by Jake Harley is... not that great of a thing?? Using the colorful MAGNET LETTERS, you recently left a succinct message, which may or may not have been directed toward anyone in particular. But you couldn't find the letter W, so you just stuck two V's together. Your mother then purchased a fresh pack of W's and left them there for your convenience.
Appreciative of the thoughtful gesture, you left her a sincere THANK YOU NOTE, which you had legally notarized, and then marked with a drop of blood.
But part of it was touching the floor, so your mother was kind enough to lift the lower portion of the document with a VELVET PILLOW.....I...Just... uh....m....kay? Rose takes a W by reader volition.
But that unsightly void in the W pack won't do, nor will the gash in the plastic.
You deposit 12 CENTS in its place, which is your approximation of the letter's value. You also make a vow to return later and neatly sew the plastic shut.
You now wonder how to address the pillow situation. It seems the woman has you at a clear disadvantage.
Perhaps slipping a fresh doily under the pillow will do the trick? Or maybe spilling a bit of WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE on it, and then having it dry-cleaned and returned along with a laboriously ingratiating apology note? No, there's no time for anything like that. Or maybe (just thinking out loud here) you could use the entire pack of W's as M's? Oh yes, that would burn.
But you've already done something with that W pack, and there's no need to go back and gild that lily. This is delicate business. And that pillow is screaming for rebuttal.
You decide to take the VELVET PILLOW and lovingly embroider a poem in praise of MOTHERHOOD on it. Hopefully you can pull this off before she notices it's gone. ...No Comment.
>Rose: Head out the back door.A Wild MOTHER appears! Voidy shenanigans from Mom!Roxy AHOY!
You don't know how she does that. You're never safe in this house.
And of all things to be doing during a power outage. She's up to her IRONIC HOUSEWIFE routine again. That mop bucket doesn't even have any water in it! What an absolute madwoman. ...From what little we've seen of Hiveswap, we know Roxy was a teen while Joey and Jude were babies, and likely babysat them a lot... I have no idea what the implications of this are.. Rose performs a youth roll over the counter into a table. Rose, first of all- WTF. Normal adult waist high counters are freaking huge for a 13y.o. kid! That you did this and managed to crash into a TABLE on the other side??? Rose... that's got to HURT. I can only imagine... Not to mention the Wizards. Urgh, I'm going to end here for now. This post has gone on for long enough, and I already had to deal with SBAHJ's insanity today soo... yeah, that's enough for tonight.
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researcherwisemon
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Post by researcherwisemon on Apr 26, 2016 17:38:21 GMT
We resume reading Homestuck! >Meanwhile, in the past again.
You're almost done patching up the hole in your window with the GAFFER TAPE.
But it's sort of hard to get any work done when people keep pestering you all day. You guess you better get that. Patching up a hole in a window, Dave? And immediately after doing this you talk with Jade? Why Noo... I'm sure this isn't foreshadowing at all. GG: so have you talked to john today???
TG: yeah we were just talking a while ago about how he sucks at his sylladex
TG: can you believe he uses stack that kid is ridiculous
GG: lol
GG: well that doesnt sound like much fun!
TG: what was it you use again...
TG: wait nm
TG: i forgot whenever we talk about your goofy modusses i get a migrane. what do you want with john
GG:
GG: i want to tell him happy birthday and ask him about his birthday package!
TG: oh yeah
TG: i was being sort of cagey and told him to check the mail cause i was wondering if mine came yet
GG: i think it did!
TG: yeah?
GG: and i think mine came too
TG: so uh
TG: i guess you want to know if he likes it or something?
GG: no!!!!!!!
GG: he will not open it
GG: he will lose it!!!
TG: oh
TG: uh
TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess?
GG: no its good actually!
GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it
GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place!
TG: see like
TG: i never get how you know these things
GG: i dont know
GG: i just know that i know!
TG: hmm alright
Here Jade is working in her aspect of Space, even if it is through Time... she's setting the stage without knowing it.
GG: anyway i have to go!
GG: i have to feed bec which is always a bit of an undertaking
TG: man
TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off
GG: heheheh!
GG: i dont think i could if i tried!!!
TG: yeah
TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok
GG: ._.
GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain
GG: it is usually........
GG: intense!!!
TG: well yeah isnt it always with family
TG: but he sounds like a total badass
GG: yeah he totally is!!!
GG: anyway gotta go!
TG: see ya
GG: ...Oh Jade. Why must you lie... Also, our first hints of Jake Harley, and we're told he sounds like a total badass. ...And Dave continues to be a dork by captchalogueing his phone, and getting a towel to the face. SO. COOL. We return to Future...present?.. John to briefly check in on Future Dave. TG: alright
TG: im out of my room now looking for my bros game
EB: oh, good!
EB: yeah, there is no sign of rose yet, i hope she is ok
TG: well if she comes back ill be ready
TG: you better know what youre talking about cause this could get ugly
TG: brought my phone and i also took my awesome katana with me in case things get too hot to handle
TG: and they always do
EB: you mean that cheap piece of shit you have on your wall?
TG: FU
TG: its sharp and its awesome and its a sword
TG: end of storyI was recently informed that Katanas are shit weapons prone to breaking in half.
TG: skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes
TG: like hey mom dad theres a dinosaur or a ghost or whatever in my room. "yeah right junior go back to bed"
TG: fuck you mom and dad how many times are we going to watch this trope unfold it wasnt goddamn funny the first time i saw it
TG: just once id like to see dad crap his pants when a kid says theres a vampire in his closet
TG: "OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN"
TG: be fuckin dad of the year right thereOf course, we'll never see this because most people end up being stupid and pretend that they're in the wrong movie genre. TG: yeah bullshit
TG: cal is dope
TG: puppets are awesome
TG: john egbert blows
TG: the end
EB: yeah, more like the opposite of all those things is the thing that is true!
John has it more correct than he realizes. >{S}Rose: Youth roll right out the front door. And so we get our first look at Mom!Roxy! I still have to wonder WHERE she gets the BEAUTIFUL PONY from. ... or well, I actually don't. We see Roxy do this exact same thing in Collide, except with generic objects. Nevermind then.
It looks like MOM has satisfied her STRIFE! quota for the day. She simply returns to her housework.
No point in going out the front door anymore. Might as well head out the back, like you originally planned. >Rose: First, be the pony. Second, trample Mom.
You can't be this stupid pony, and frankly you can't imagine why anyone would want to!
But you give the pony a begrudging pat on the snout anyway.
Her name is MAPLEHOOF. Daww. John fights an imp. There is nothing to see here.
>Rose: Exit.Okay, now. NOW we're going to get some Act 7 Foreshadowing, aren't we? Or did we do that lilac page already? *can't remember*
You leave through the back door.
Nearby is the TRANSFORMER which distributes electricity from the UNDERGROUND GENERATOR powered by the river flowing beneath your house.
The transformer was struck by lightning though, and no longer works. You wonder if your mother has any plans to have it fixed. You guess she'd rather just play her mind games in a dark house like a weirdo.
You can see the MAUSOLEUM and the PORTABLE GENERATOR across your back yard. You're almost there. Hmm... Yeah, no, I'm drawin a blank here for Act 7. I want to say maybe... Retroactive Foreshadowing from Post Game Over? The Session/Generator is BROKEN, and are there plans to fix it? maybe through some odd Mind Games....? Nah, that's stretching it a bit thin. John fights the Imp some more...then PUTS THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX. Now why couldn't he put the bunny back in the box?
Because it was an Imp, John? John's Modus card was broken during the fight, but he manages to fix the hammer by putting the heads back onto the poles... Yeah, nope. no way this is Retcon foreshadowing. >Rose: Defile tomb.
Sorry, Jaspers. Have to make space for the LAPTOP.
Besides, your final resting place is already a mockery. You should have decomposed years ago under a bed of petunias like a normal cat. Not given to a taxidermist and fitted with a tiny, custom-tailored suit, and then stuffed in a coffin built for infants. Roxy and her funerals. T_T ...John then gets a bucket on the head by way of his dead grandmother II'm nnot ggoing tto ssubjject yyou tto tthe wwarbly rrecord.
TG: oh there you are
TG: john said your house was burning down are you on fire yet or what
TT: No. For now I have retired to the safety of a smaller building which is much closer to the forest fire threatening my residence.
TG: oh well thats a relief
TG: john told me to get the game to help get you out of there so im working on that now
TT: Working on it?
TG: yeah my bros copy long story
TG: hey
TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets
TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a littleWELP. TT: You're referring to your brother's collection?
TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all
TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever
TG: or semi-semi ironic
TG: man i dont even know
TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up
TT: I've seen his websites.
TT: I like them.
TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD
TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that
TG: with those dead eyes jesus
TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out
TT: Interesting...
TG: oh god why did i just tell you my dream
TG: youre going to have a field day with thatHAHA. Dave, you've made your first steps towards independence!
TT: I am currently scrawling notes furiously into one of the many psychoanalysis journals I maintain for you. Published papers forthcoming.
TT: Because, you know, it's not like either of us have anything better to do at the moment than to evaluate each other's radically debilitating pathologies.
TG: yeah im gonna get moving
TG: oh have you heard from john
TG: hes not answering me
TT: He won't answer me either.
TT: But I am watching him.
TT: I suspect he is preoccupied with the fact that he just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.
TG: hahahahaha
TG: alright im out
TG: laterHe doesn't even question it. NANNASPRITE: Your father was kidnapped!
JOHN: oh no!
NANNASPRITE: When you crossed over to The Medium, he was apprehended by the very forces of darkness which your presence here has awakened.
JOHN: what? ok, so what is the medium you are talking about?
NANNASPRITE: It is where we are now! A realm that is a ring of pure void, dividing light and darkness. It turns in the thick of The Incipisphere, a place untouched by the flow of time in your universe.>{S} GO ON. ==>
this music gives me chills. It's cut scenes like this that tell me that this really is what Homestuck was meant to be about first and foremost. The Creation Myth.
NANNASPRITE: Above The Medium, beyond The Seven Gates, residing at the core of The Incipisphere is a place known as Skaia.
NANNASPRITE: Legend holds that Skaia exists as a dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential. What does this mean, you ask? I'm afraid my lips are sealed about that, dear! Hoo hoo!
NANNASPRITE: But needless to say, where a realm of such profound importance is concerned, forces of light will forever be charged with its defense, while forces of darkness will just as persistently covet its destruction!Of course, naturally.
NANNASPRITE: And as it so happens, at the center of this realm whose fate is in question, these very forces duel on a stage, stuck in eternal stalemate.
NANNASPRITE: Yes, they have dueled in this manner forever... that is, until you showed up! As it always goes. ...Okay screw it i aint doing all this underlining shit.
NANNASPRITE: Before your mishap with my ashes, you may recall the Sprite's previous incarnation, which resulted from its Kernel's "hatching".
NANNASPRITE: You see, this hatching occurs automatically in response to your arrival! The result is a pair of Kernels, one dark, one light, each carrying the information they were prototyped with before the hatch!
NANNASPRITE: One goes down, to a kingdom entrenched in darkness. The other, up, to a kingdom basking in light! Each comes to rest in an Orb atop a Spire, of which there are three others in kind. The Four Spires are situated above a throne, and these two thrones preside over the two respective Sovereign Powers!
NANNASPRITE: And once the Kernels are situated, that is when the game is afoot. The true war begins, light versus dark, good versus evil.
NANNASPRITE: This is a war that the forces of light are always destined to lose, without exception!WV, of course, knows this well. None of this IS news to WV, though, is it? JOHN: wow, really? then what's the point?
NANNASPRITE: That remains for you to find out, dear! For you see, the journey you are about to take is The Ultimate Riddle!
JOHN: whoa!!!
NANNASPRITE: For now, your objective is to proceed towards Skaia, and pass through The First Gate situated directly above your house, not even terribly far! The Gates will become progressively more difficult to reach, so you had better be prepared to sharpen your adventuring skills!
JOHN: how am i supposed to get up there?
NANNASPRITE: You build! What's the point indeed.
JOHN: ok, i think i get it now!
JOHN: so i guess the battle against good and evil is sort of irrelevant? well, i don't know, that all sounds kind of weird, but in any case, we build the house to get to these gates, and then i can save my dad!
NANNASPRITE: Yes, John!
JOHN: and then after that, we solve this ultimate riddle thing and save earth from destruction!!!
NANNASPRITE: Oh no, I'm afraid not!
NANNASPRITE: Your planet is done for, dear! There is nothing you can do about that!
JOHN: oh...
NANNASPRITE: Your purpose is so much more important than saving that silly old planet, though!
JOHN: and that is?
NANNASPRITE: HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO! John just deflates. It's so sad. Nannasprite is a bit of a troll though and she leaves to go get cookies. WV's hunger wants John to get cookies. He flips out. Ect. Ect... What I find interesting is THIS PAGE.
Oh is that so, Jaspers? And just who do you think you're looking at with that smug grin???
The last thing you need is sass from a dead cat. It's pretty much all his fault you're in this mess in the first place, so he can just button it. I'm almost tempted to say that this is foreshadowing for Jasprosesprite... but it's definitely foreshadowing for the immediate future. >FOR THE LAST TIME I COMMAnd you to get the cookies boy CapLock slip, So ADORBS. Rose updates her GameFAQ, and we flash back into the past to have a dialogue with Jade.
>{S}Dave: Retrieve dead bird. And now we get dave's page. Dude, that bird is long gone. It probably won't last long in this heat anyway.
You don't even know what's up with this sick heat. The sun threatens to set but won't step off. It's staring you down, like the big red eye of a hot needle skipping on a groove its tracing 'round the earth. While lingering in midair its heat seems to suspend time itself, stretching it like warped vinyl. It's meant to rain this season but there ain't been a drop in sight. Even a little drizzle would help. Might help to fizzle this sizzle a little bizzle, set the record straight on this global turn-tizzle.
"So don't change the dizzle, turn it up a little
I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles
Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
G's to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo
When the pimp's in the crib ma
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot..."
-English Romantic poet, John Keats
Ironically, I think this is more foreshadowing for Davesprite than Dave himself. We never actually get Dave fighting Lord English proper- instead it's just a Bodyjacked Jack. Davesprite, tho... becomes Davepeta, who then actually DOES fight Lord English for a time. Dave's whole arc is about being a hero, however. Somewhere along the line after he enters the Medium, he begins to think of himself as not being a Hero. Even Davesprite has a version of this, but it's more tied to his doomed timeline origin. You know, It's-
You stand in the living room. Your BRO spends most of his days in here. At night he crashes on the FUTON over there. You don't see him anywhere though. Wait. Can that be..?
There's the PUPPET CHEST he stores LIL' CAL in when he takes him out on gigs. But when he's home he usually leaves CAL on display somewhere....It is. It's a freaking JUJU CHEST. Given that this is where Lil'Cal is introduced, and Hussie likely has an idea of what Lord English DOES look like... plus we've already had it described as having "Dead Eyes"... I'm not surprised in the LEAST that this LilCal Chest is the same shape and size of Calliope and Caliborn's JujU chests.
It's your brother's MR. T PUPPET, which of course is kept in the apartment with a sense of profound humorous irony. But as usual with your BRO's exploits, this is no ordinary irony, or anything close to a pedestrian TIER 1 IRONIC GESTURE which is a meager single step removed from sincerity. This is like ten levels of irony removed from the original joke. It might have been funny like eight years ago to joke about Mr. T and how he was sort of lame, but that was the very thing that made him awesome and badass, and that his awesomeness was also sort of the joke. But in this case, the joke is the joke, and that degree of irony itself is ALSO the joke, and so on. ...The first time I went through these pages, I pretty much was as freaked out as Dave becomes. It looks like your BRO was playing. It's not like him to leave in the middle of some totally intense gaming.
...Cue Lil'Cal. WELL DAMN. That sure was a Pool Pun I didnt think was a pun. Oh there you are dude. Didn't see you there.
Dave resumes his Bro's game.
You start thrashing up stunts something uncannybrutal on your quest for "MAD SNACKS YO" and get this way rude hunger under control. Shit is basically flying off the hook. It's like shit wants nothing to do with that hook. The hook is dead to that shit.
But you get stuck in some poorly modeled 3D fixture or something. Like a railing or a piece of the wall? You'll have to reset. ...I feel like this is foreshadowing for the Retcon... or maybe the Scratch. I dunno.
>Dave: Look at your brother's computer. I like how it's both a HAT and the SHADES on this screen. I have to wonder how much of B2 Dirk is existing in how Hussie writes B1 Bro at this point? Nice desktop background, though. It just Dont Stop. ...Complete Bullshit. I know there's a Skaianet.com page on there somewhere, but I can't read what it says beyond "Beta Release." Oh, here's a dating of SBAHJ's release. Apparently this was the latest one?? 0_o Well, that's handy to know, I suppose.
You guess you've messed around on his computer long enough. Better get a move on before it's too late for Rose, or worse yet, your BRO catches you.
Nice time management skills, bro.
But my God... the rumps. They are transfixing.
You know this is ironic and all, and your BRO reaches echelons of irony you could only dream of daring to fathom. But on rare occasions, when your guard is down, it all seems just a tad unsettling to you. EYYUUUP. ._. Those EYES. *SHUDDERS* Hussie is really playing up the creepy puppet angle here. There's no way this wasn't actually intentional foreshadowing placed for Lord English. Just. DAMN.
TG: hey what is up
TG: what happened with the monster that is totally definitely in your room did you kill it
TG: where are you man
TG: anyway
TG: things are cool here
TG: totally cool
TG: puppets are still awesome
TG: no problems with them or anything
TG: like
TG: just
TG: really really awesome ...Dave, you're starting to slip up here. Your mask is slipping.... ... Nice Desktop backround, Dave. Rose drops the PUNCH DESIGNIX... and I believe this a good place to stop for now. |
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researcherwisemon
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Post by researcherwisemon on May 4, 2016 19:59:04 GMT
We Resume Reading Homestuck with John staring dramatically out the window at IMPS.... John pauses staring out the window and REPAIRS his Hammerkind Specibus, then resumes staring as IMPS PLAY ON THE RIDE. GOSH DANG THIS GAME SURE IS FUN.
>Calum: Proceed to waste several minutes on these shenanigans.I proceed to waste several minutes on this game until Rose drops a Piano on the imps. BOoo! I demanda refunnnndddd
EB: rose my piano!!!
EB: :C
TT: Sorry.
TT: No nuance to these controls at all.
TT: I was hoping to bludgeon the imp without letting go of it. Guess I can't really do that.
TT: A broken piano isn't the end of the world though.
EB: i guess you're right.
TT: You'll need to pick up the spoils in person. I can't interact with the grist.What a weird abstraction for the game to make. It lets PONIES pick up grist for a player and yet the SERVER PLAYER can't interact with Grist?? What the heck?
The piano in its valiant effort has unfortunately been slain.
But if it hadn't, it would have raked in so many BOONDOLLARS, you have no idea.
SO MANY. TT_TT TT: Nanna said to build, so that's what I'm doing. EB: oh yeah. ok. TT: But this sure is going to take a lot of grist. TT: Looks like you're going to be busy, John. EB: blargh! EB: well, what are you building? TT: Stairs. TT: They are fairly expensive actually. EB: oh man... EB: i could have warned you about stairs, rose! STAIRS ARE EXPENSIVE. OH GHEE WHIRLYKER WIZZY CHEESE SPRAY CANS. I could have told you that, Rose. Rose Drops an IMP into the CLOUDS. Gee, Rose, what a waste of grist! Sure, you recooped some, but maybe you should have gotten the imp to john first?? What, is John just going to find a random bit of grist lying on the ground at the bottom of his hero tower spire thing?
TT: I'll try recouping some of the grist from the catwalk I built earlier.
EB: IT KEEPS HAPENING
TT: Ah, good. Looks like I can get a refund for earlier allocations.
EB: i told you rose
EB: i TOLD you about stairs!
TT: Ok.
TT: Consider me fully briefed on the matter of stairs.
TT: Now if you don't mind, it's hard enough to concentrate on this without immersing ourselves in Strider's non sequitur.
EB: did you know he thinks puppets are cool?
TT: Does he?
EB: he's so dumb!! And here we have our first SBAHJ MEME. Also, PUPPETS.
>John: Check cabinets for imps or useful items. No Imps, just shaving cream. WHY. Why did John's dad buy SO MUCH SHAVIng CREAM??!? This is one of the most disconcerting mysteries of homestuck that will never end up being explained. WHY John's dad bought so much shaving cream.
Your TELESCOPE goes flying out the window.Welp,there goes that piece of astronomical utility. ...
The TOWEL floats back down to the rack.
The circle of stupidity is complete. Yaay. BTW, how does the POGO RIDE fit in john's sylladex but the HARELQUIN DOLL wouldn't? They seem rather similar in size, to me. Meanwhile, Nannasprite destroys an IMP Via Eye Laser. It looks like the imps have taken a shining to the CRUXTRUDER.
Cruxite and black goo. Everywhere.
What rascals!
>John: Ride Slimer pogo and one-up that imp.This seems incredibly dangerous! This is incredibly dangerous!
No. Comment. So what happens here? I've never really paid too much attention to this page before, but... For the first time I just realized that the imp on the dowel John lands and then trips over isn't actually CRUSHED... he instead just STEPS OFF. The Imp Steps off and John ROLLS OVER ONTO THE FLOOR. DON'T MOVE OR THE POGO GETS IT
HAHAHA WHY DOES THIS EVEN WORK??? XD Imps are such goofs. If they weren't such a constant pest, they'd be the lovable sidekicks and I'd feel bad for killing them. ...Holy shit I just realized that this page is a Flash and not a Gif. I always just skipped right on to the next page after the NICE ABSCOND appeared. How did I never notice this was a flash before?? ( squish) >Rose: Drop something heavy on one of those imps.Now this page is interesting. Rose goes to pull something inside to the outside. This time, we don't SEE the zoom out, however, instead we see Rose dragging the safe upwards, then, presumably through a wall (It's intangible while being held by the cursor!) and then PULLS IT UP TO THE ROOF in an arc/curve. How does Rose know her aim is lining up right here? I'm assuming her view of things is subtly different from what we, the readers, are seeing. She still would have to ZOOM OUT. And then the mouse drags the safe from down below without interruption? But if Rose had to move the mouse to zoom out then why doesnt the mouse come from the top of the screen instead of the bottom??? Ugh. Metaphysics of Sburb Game Mechanics make my stomach hurt. Somewhere in here, we get a bunch of shity JPG screenshots Rose took of the SBURB screen. When did she get the time to make these? When did she get the time to even make the FAQ to begin with?? Meanwhile, WV makes John act like a fool. I once again question the presence of the EXILES. What is the point of all of this?? (This image is pretty funny though.) While John regains control of his mental faculties, let's check in on Dave!
TG: ok wait hold on why am i getting this stupid game for you
TG: youre the one who should be wrist deep in puppet ass
TT: What is the specific problem?
TG: the problem is i am up to my goddamn neck in fucking puppet dong
TT: You know you like the mannequin dick. Accept it.
TG: i am enrobed in chafing, wriggling god fucking damned puppet pelvis
TG: an obscenely long, coarse kermit cock is being dragged across my anguished face
TT: Let's put this into perspective. You put up with the puppet prostate because you love it.
TT: Also, coarse is a good word.THIS. LOG. I once read the original log that this one was supposedly/apparently lifted/inspired from/by. Hussie was Dave, I think. Or was he Rose? Doesn't matter. Either way this log is hilarious.
TG: you dont seem to harbor any sympathy for the fact that ive burrowed fuck deep into lively, fluffy muppet buttock
TG: im whirling in the terrible cyclone at the epicenter of my own personal holocaust of twitching foam noses
TG: its like a fucking apocalypse of perky proboscis here
TG: like
TG: the proboscalypse i guess
TT: Are you going to start rapping about this?
TG: what no
TG: no listen
TT: Prong of flesh bereft of home
TT: Found solace 'twixt a cleft of foam.
TG: no oh jesus
TT: Of apocalypse your thoughts eclipse
TT: A painted pair of parted lips
TT: That dare through kiss to stir the air
TT: That teases tufts of orange hair.
TT: And though faces flush in lovers' fits,
TT: Hands snug in plush as gloves befit.
TG: ok dickinson if you can shut your perfumey trap for a half second
TG: this is seriousHehehe.
TG: i am just saying
TG: if i see one more soft bulbous bottom being like
TG: kind of jutting out and impudent or whatever
TG: im gonna fly off the handle
TG: im gonna do some sort of acrobatic fucking PIROUETTE off the handle and win like a medal or some shit
TT: Then let's hope there will be a squishy derriere somewhere below the handle to break your fall.Those are some CHOICE WORDS, Dave. Choice Words, indeed. John then figures out the whole CAPTCHALOGUE CODE system, and burns his sylladex down to three cards. Incidentally, this frees up the PDA--- TG: PUPPETS
TG: AWESOME
TG: THATS REALLY ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER
-- turntechGodhead [TG] changed his mood to RANCOROUS --
TT: John, I'm about to throw a bath tub through your wall.
TT: Watch out.
---Yknow, Dave and Karkat really do seem similar if you swap their quirks. This is news to NOBODY. John examines the contents of the safe which have the STANDARD METEORIC FORESHADOWING we've come to expect from this adventure.
TT: Wait, John, before you punch that.
TT: Oh.
TT: I was about to say.
TT: If you first took note of the code, then removed the card from the card, you could have punched the blank one.
TT: You would have only burned one card instead of two.
EB: oh yeah, you're right.
EB: dammit! And then it became TWO. Atleast John's given himself the means to make more cards. The two card sylladex: inventory of dumbasses.
I feel as if Hussie let this happen just to make this comment. I do believe I'll end today's reread section on this command: >Safe: Level up for slaying the imp. |
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researcherwisemon
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Post by researcherwisemon on May 17, 2016 16:10:10 GMT
...Welp, I sure put this off for a while. Let's Try This Again...
>John: Make your way up those stairs, posthaste.John is as reluctant to climb these stairs as I've been to continue this... kidding. I just had no idea so many days had passed since the last time I'd written an entry for this. XP Some giant hands start climbing after John. Oh Boy, whatever could this be? (Orge. It's an orge.) We cut to Dave's search for the BETA. ...I am steadfastly ignoring the pictures on the wall..... Damn it Dave's Bro, why do people like you have to make things like puppets weirder and more inappropriate than they already are?? Knowing of the end result that Lil Cal is, this page is almost certainly foreshadowing on Hussie's part. Li'l Cal is an oddity in the world from the first moment we see it, and this page of the "I WANT TO PLAY A GAME" insistence... It's just more layers of foreshadowing, especially since Dave has a poster of THE FELT in his bedroom.
You think he knows that deep down you feel like you're still not ironic enough to get stuff like this, and this is probably some weird gauntlet he's throwing down to see if you will "GET IT".
But honestly you think this material is just a little TOO ironic. You just don't need to see this shit right now. HUSSIE. At this point? He's practically taunting us that we'll 'get it' someday. >==>
a aa a WEBCAMMMMM? ? ...Like, a computer built into the skull of our evil villain??? I know we have the whole "Reader Breakdown" flash to put everything together, but somehow this scene was left out?? Why??? - SLICE- Oh. That's why... ....Seriously, it's like a CONGA of foreshadowing all up in here. This is {S}Collide foreshadowing, right?? Dave fills his Sylladex with dangerous stuff in preparation for a strife. Why Dave? ...He then sets his modus to DETECT COLLISIONS. Fuhhhhhhh Okay, yeah this probably isnt foreshadowing, but still. Dave's Bro flashstep's Cal into place, and then SHRIEEEEEKKKK. It's like Cal is already THERE. 0__0 ...Which is a thing we've already known I mean come on he's been here for the last couple of pages come on. ... Also, the fact that Dave has to keep food in his closet is sad. I wonder what else he's forced to keep in theeee.....r.....e.....Damn it, Hussie. Lil' Cal continues to be creepy. There's no way Hussie ISN'T laying the groundwork for the Lord English Reveal here. Like the SBURB Genesis Frog Ending, I'd imagine that Lil' Cal and Lord English are things he was setting up details of in his mind. Whether or not he knew this was going to REALLY screw Dave up or not... *Shrugs* > Dave: Stuff down mr. purple guy into the garbage disposal.
C'mon, readers. You just know Hussie was waiting for someone to submit this command. I don't know how much of a concept the Trolls were for Hussie at this point, but you know he probably chose the color of this particular Smuppet for a reason. Especially when he makes THIS page follow it with but an arrow. you suffer an unfortunate GARBAGE DISPOSAL HEAD JAM.
... While we've not yet seen the end result of the HOUSE JUJU ATTACK, I'd imagine this is supposed to be foreshadowing the end result. The Villain is stuck in a Black Hole.... either that, or it's more {S} Collide foreshadowing. ..Yeah, that's probably foreshadowing for both. Hussie isn't one to not reuse imagery. ...So why did he never reuse this wonderful image? I mean, don't get me wrong, we later get JOHN buried in a pile of DAVES.... but that wasn't this. >Dave: Read the note on the hatch.This is not Dirk's typing style. I know that's for REASONS of NOT HAVING MADE IT YET, but.... this is not Dirk's typing style. This unsettles me for some reason. I am just going to skip over Rose tossing John's fort into the void. Instead, let's focus on the fact that Rose made him a bunch of fresh Captcha Cards! YAAAAY! .... Then we get this page. Did.... did both of these Moduses have these buttons the entire time? Are they LITERALLY the SAME MODUS CARD just with the buttons swapped?? John literally has a spare copy of his modus???
>John: Read book. Be the wise guy. John then gets inspiration for messing with the Alchemy System, and he makes... MY GOD HE MAKES...
THE SUPAH SPRINGY POGO HAMMAAAAHHH
A work of art, truly. A WORK. OF. ART. We go through a few more pages of progression in which not much really happens, and John gets caught by a bed Rose threw in his path. >{S} John: Sleep
WHOO. A FLASH! ....OH. it was just John falling asleep. I thought it was gonna be the the fancy dream sequence with Jade... *Facepalm* Similarly to my mood upon realizing this, Rose loses power. *FACEPALMX2COMBO*
> {S} John: Wake up.
OH? is this actually...? I saw a pumpkinnnnnn X33 There really wasn't a whole lot to this flash to review, but the way the Clouds work is different after this point. Admittedly, it's likely because John has his eyes partly closed, but also, it's very likely that Hussie just hadn't worked out the Dream Cloud mechanics yet. Jade then pesters John, says some vaguely foreshadowing stuff, and leaves John to fight the Ogres. At one point, we're drawn attention to the fact that the trick handcuffs are missing. Oh John. TURN AROUND!!
You are confronted with a pair of enormous foes.
This is it. You have no choice but to wage a fierce rooftop battle. This is totally going to happen now, and could in no way conceivably be interrupted by a sudden shift in our attention. It's go time. It's time to do this thing. Thanks for the SBAHJ reference, Hussie. Nice transition back to Dave. Another FLASH! >{S} Dave: Ascend to the highest point of the building. HERE WE GOOOOOO X2 PSYCHEOUT COMBO We'll continue with WV in a little bit, but for now, let's focus on Dave ascending. There is a very large focus on eyes in this Flash, both Dave's beneath the shades, Lil'Cal's creepy peepers, and the burning sun reflected IN Dave's shades. The giant red sun effect is something that is tied with destruction- of the City, of Mindfang's eye and arm, of Terezi's Eyes.... and of the Sun the Earth orbits in the Newly Made Universe when IT dies, signaling Caliborn's entry into his session. Very subtle foreshadowing on Hussie's part to tie the Sun with Lil' Cal's eyes like this. But now, to WV! You are now the Wayward Vagabond.
We'll skip over the worn and tired gags that WV subverts. There's some Foreshadowing, which, for WV, doesn't do anything... BUT considering our future experience in the Intermission with Spades Slick and the BARCODE SCANNER.... It's easy to extrapolate that WV had to use this barcode to even ENTER the Exile Capsule in the first place!! (Also, is it foreshadowing of Caliborn destroying Calliope's art book by having WV eat pages from the guide book??) ((IT's a FLAG, WV)) ...I so want to push through to the End OF Act, but something's just come up that I need to take care of. BLUH BLUH!!! |
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There's a VERY out of date commercial on TV. Hi-C? And Ecto Cooler at that?? What Time Shenanigans are going on here?
