You crawl out of your bed, rubbing at your eye to dislodge whatever behemoth worth of sleep was making you TEAR UP like that just now. You don't cry, unless your body is actively trying to sabotage you, which it does pretty often.
As you land yourself upright, you let out a 'Lights,' and brightness abruptly surrounds you. Thankfully, your eyes are already shielded from the sudden change in lighting quality, and you don't even flinch. Cool guys like you never flinch.
Speaking of, Mr.Cool Guy, just who might you be?
Your name is LYLE ILBERT.
You're probably one of the chillest, most radical dudes to ever grace this soon to be flaming ball of nothingness that you call a planet. Your interests are many, just like your levels of total chillaxin' cool dudeness points, but you will keep it brief since you are in a bit of a rush to get down to your GRANDFATHER's laboratory.
Mostly, you like ANIME. Specifically COOL ANIME about COOL MUSCLE-Y DUDES, or totes friggin' cool-headed BADASSES. Some of your favourite characters can more than help others to discern a lot about you, and what you deem as the COOLEST OF THE COOL, like ULQUIORRA from BLEACH, or SAI from NARUTO.
Izzy was the one who got you into Naruto, since she's SUCH an aficionado of the rad ninja anime. Though, she's more of a fighting game type, living for the competitive nature of the various Naruto games that exist, while you prefer to call yourself a connoisseur of the LORE of the actual anime and manga. The fact that you've got OCs out the ass by now more than enough proof of that. Izzy usually tries to get you to RP them with her, but shit, only TOTAL EMO LOSERS RP, right? Izzy is just a weird outlier. She's always a weird outlier, if you're entirely honest.
You also have an interest in ANIMAL KEEPING. Probably thanks to your aforementioned grandfather, and how he raised you here, on a ranch filled to the brim with an insane amount of animals, all of who you take special care of every day inbetween your 3 daily naps.
Your least, and yet most, favourite of them is your PET BIRD, NUGGET. Your feelings about your coveted pet bird are complicated, but really, who DOESN'T have a weird complicated relationship with their pets?
... Nevermind. That was weird, and you want to forget you ever thought it. You and your bird are totes coolio, and don't have a complex friendship that involvs a bunch of dumb loser bullshit.
((NOTE: The other commands will be posted eventually, too! I'm in the midst of drawing them, but feel free to submit more commands that are relevant to the current situation ))
>LYLE: Search Drawers
Yeah, you GUESS you could do that.
You hop over to your drawers, observing them as coolheadedly as humanly possible. You are, afterall, as cool as a cucumber.
You decide to use your totally cool and awesome and totes amazing special drawer opening move. You reminisce over how, if you were in a shounen anime, this would be your, like, finisher move that you'd use to kill the bad guy that the protagonist was too gentle hearted to off himself.
FUCKIN' SHIT HELL THAT HURT LIKE A SON OF A GUN.
>LYLE: Stop crying, crybaby!
You're NOT crying! You've just got some dust in your eye, damnit!
Through your watery eyes, you grab hold of the drawers handle, popping open the drawer like a boring, normal person.
Inside you see what you always see when you look through it; Your prized figurine of Sai, some volumes of the Naruto Manga, and some rough drafts of a fanfiction you were working on writing in your free time. Of which you have very little of between taking care of everything on the farm, and keeping up your social life.
>LYLE: Captchalogue Figure
You never could resist carrying Sai around with you everywhere. He's so cool.
Taking him out of the drawer, you toss him into your BACKPACK MODUS.
>LYLE: Check out your posters
Sure, sure. It may very well be the last time you see them, so may as well say your goodbyes.
Completely bypassing every other poster, you hop back onto your bed, and sit adjacent to your poster of Sai.
You'll be sad to never see him again... He's always been there for you, at the end of your bed, watching down on you like some total awesome bro.
AHEM. Ha. Haha. Yeah. You say a quick goodbye to your poster, and jump back off your bed to continue with your dumbass shenanigans before you inevitably have to face up to the problem at hand.
( NOTE: THIS IS AN UPDATE I FORGOT TO PUBLISH HERE, AND IS FROM 2019. )
>LYLE: Elaborate on your locker and it's shitty state
It's been through hell and back, seen the depths of oblivion, and somehow come back with only this battle damage on it. Or, that's what your grandpa used to say. The dude was old as fuck, probably senile too, when he said it to you at the tender age of 4. You have no damn idea why it's so beat up, but what the hell ever. Mysteries aren't really your forte.
> LYLE: It's cold, put on at least 3 more layers of clothes!
You do that, but then you remember it's april in the middle of hicksville, buttfucknowhere, USA, and HOT AS SATANS ASSHOLE.
You quickly shed the added clothes you put on.
> LYLE: Perch on yon tree and give unskippable, easily repeated tutorials to passerbys!
As you approach the little tree, you begin to tremble - Er, rather, you shake with anticipation, at the mere thought of doing anything uncouth to that tree. Hell, even touching might get your beloved bird up on his shits again, and squawking all day and night as payback for touching his stuff.
It's also kind of small to perch on, and you're a growing boy.
You decide to not do anything to the tree.
You think you've been dawdling enough. You approach your door, heaving in a breath or two, and mentally preparing yourself for what is to come.
A sense of dread hits you like a ton of bricks as you stare down the staircase.
The world is ending, your best friend is dead, and you're afraid of walking down your own stairs.
How pathetic can you be?
You take a deep breath, and steady yourself.
You can't let your own feelings get the better of you, not like last time. That was an absolute nightmare to deal with afterwards, and you're none too keen on having to clean up whatever emotional mess may transpire if you let yourself get gooey and stupid again.
You seamlessly conquer the stairs, and stand yourself in the middle of your living room. None of your pets seem to be around, thankfully. You're not sure if you could handle having to wrangle any of your tiny bastard babies right now, what with having so much other bullshit on your plate, and all.
What will you do? Needless shenanigans, or actually get to business?