216 Days: Returned and Increasingly Misnamed Apr 24, 2016 4:29:23 GMT
Post by levenfish on Apr 24, 2016 4:29:23 GMT
All gone. Welp. Let's try this again.
Bernard Bartlett spoke to the author at 10:36PM, 4/23/2016
BB: NO. NO! DON'T BRING ME BACK.
Nah. Let's do this.
BB: AGH. Fine. We're doin' this, huh?
It's your story. Or... well, yeah, it's your story. The rewrite is still happening. You were meant to come in at the end of that story between acts 14 and 15. Which is now Act 1 and Act 2. I'll shorten it significantly.
BB: I'm gonna suffer, aren't I? I don't see a UI. I don't see my plot armor anywhere. Where do you want to start?
BB: I get to pick?
Actually, I did have one thing I wanted to add in.
BB: Oh HELL no.
Listen, it was gonna happen anyway. End of Act 14, you were gonna be put into school for... reasons I can't explain now. It's Sarese. You know why.
BB: I'll admit it'll be good to be back in school. Reminds me of LoPaP. WHICH DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE.
Bah, details, details. I have enough of those to begin with. Now then. ON WITH THE ADVENTURE.
BB: Wait! New people won't know what this is. They don't know shit about us.
Fuck. Alright. Let's take it from the top. Introduce yourself.
>Protagonist: Introduce yourself
Bernard Bartlett introduced himself to the empty audience at 10:54PM, 4/23/2016
BB: Hi, my name is Bernard Bartlett, You know how everyone has those first fics that they look back on and immediately delete out of shame? I... am those fics' main character.
BB: Uh, right. Fourth wall only gets me so far. So the story goes that there were seven sessions. First was the 48 Squiddle session Hussie joked about, 2nd and 3rd were the Homestuck canon sessions, 4th was the canon cast raising kids to play sessions and do it right. It obviously didn't go as planned. 5th session doesn't mean jack, and it's been lost to us now anyway.
I genuinely don't have the list anymore. I'm sorry.
BB: 6th session is interesting. So you know how Sollux had two dreamselves? Imagine those dreamselves were mistakenly spawned one session ahead. So the 6th session, one of its player's dreamselves spawned in the 7th session, launched in the universe that the 6th session created.
BB: I'm one of those dreamselves. Other... wait.
Evelyn didn't spawn in the Medium. She was born in the 7th universe.
BB: Right, right. So the 7th session was trippy. A player was in both the 6th and 7th sessions, 15 of the players were born IN the session itself. Not just ectobiologically. The game glitched and most of the NPCs never spawned. So a human-troll society formed, and 15 of the players would be born in that society. And so was I.
Then a whole bunch of crap happened.
BB: Emphasis on crap. And then it all turned out to be a simulation by this character we all kept forgetting about.
BB: Raz! Good to see ya!
RZ: Who are you talking to?
BB: Nothin'. I'm awake earlier than I should be, aren't I?
RZ: Yes, I was meaning to discuss with you your particular vocation. There are many who wish to procure your services.
BB: You mean buy like a slave.
RZ: To be rational, all of you are slaves to us. Some have their favored servants, but all serve regardless.
BB: Uh huh. So where am I goin'?
RZ: Watchers Satevi and Tasche agree that you will be sent to Imperatrix Sarese Qentas of the Aristan Exarchate to test your abilities in the field. Also something about loneliness.
BB: They're there?!
RZ: No, but two others like you have also gone there. Do you remember a Zhaest Origoth'bokrug and a Xescali Pilgrim?
BB: Hero of Mind of the 1st session and Knight of Doom of the 4th session, right?
RZ: Indeed. Zhaest was the sword and Xescali was the shield. I look forward to seeing how your addition changes the dynamic.
BB: Then let's get goin'. I wanna get back to it.