Adventure Critique Thread Jun 21, 2016 7:58:44 GMT
Post by eerr on Jun 21, 2016 7:58:44 GMT
Now there's this struggle see, about putting things in stories that can't be shown. It's a heroic effort, but in the end everything is either realistic or symbolic.
Alright so you've made a visual novel- I've spotted several points to discuss.
The novel is glitchy, maybe because I first tried the website with noscript up? or maybe just in general.
I hope "what will you do now" was the end, because I couldn't get past that part.
I don't really care about the characters. Why should I? It's not detailed at all. Doing just the bare minimum in a single dialogue repeatedly is a bore. Instead I would have stuck with just one dialogue and made it interesting. Or so the theory goes
A program is complete not when there is nothing left to add, but nothing left to remove. You can't do everything, superman.
I am seriously itching for some cause-effect here. A story with no cause-effect isn't a story. What are you making? A visual novel that isn't a story? Maybe I'm just missing the point and it's all incredibly obtuse and meta.
Maybe throwing steinbeck at the blue diamond was a bad idea.
My cheatsheet to check for good writing, is reading them aloud in a funny voice. Although looking at your dialogue with that in mind, I guess you just wanted it to be passable? My cheatsheet for checking adventure picture quality is reading them as a nice sentence.
In conclusion I was unsatisfied. But why? I'm not a girl! Also I got distracted by the glitches.
The rest of your adventure was funny because it was weird and parody. But nothing about the visual novel was interesting weird or detailed parody to me.