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Post by SpottedBlades on Jun 30, 2016 9:33:36 GMT
Seems interesting. Could you explain how to do that, please?
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Post by Zerio on Jun 30, 2016 10:08:29 GMT
There's a box beside where you can set the Page Number titled "Next:", which lets you choose which page comes next.
So for example, page 20 would have page 21 as its "next," by default. You could put 5 in the Next box to make it link to page 5 instead. Or you could also have two possible commands from the same page to split the story, if you put multiple numbers separated by a comma and a space ("21, 22").
Now let's say the adventure currently has 105 pages and you want to add a page between pages 17 and 18, without changing any existing page numbers. On the new page, put 18 in the Next box and add it - this would be page 106. Then go back and edit page 17, adding 106 to its Next box. Now when reading the adventure, instead of going 16 -> 17 -> 18, the order would be 16 -> 17 -> 106 -> 18.
Of course, I could imagine this being tedious. I never really tried it myself (the closest was adding map/credit pages, but that's not really the same thing). And since the log goes in order of url page number, the newly added pages would be out of order.
But anyway I hope my probably somewhat awkwardly worded description helps.
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ilikeswordz
Moppet of Destiny
Halloo hullo! Just that dude who's making >BaRA a thing.
Posts: 117
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by ilikeswordz on Jun 30, 2016 14:48:28 GMT
As someone who has added retcon panels, when you add new panels it automatically pushes the numbers after it. Say you add a new page to between 15 and 16. If you make that new page "16", then your old 16 becomes the new 17 and everything after that converts the next number automatically. The only thing you'd really have to concern yourself fixing the links here and there. Not sure if leaving the link blank so that it automatically goes to the next number will help, haven't tried it yet.
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ominousscientist
Nipper Cadet
waiting for the day ill finish my stories
Posts: 74
Pronouns: [any]
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Post by ominousscientist on Jul 1, 2016 1:57:19 GMT
ABOUT TIME I THROW THIS BACK IN THE THREAD gurgling noises THE ART AT THE BEGINNING IS REALLY BAD so is the plot but that's before i had an idea of what gybR was going to be The text on mspfa for Aero and dualDullness's is kind of hard to read since it slightly blends in with the gray bg. Maybe tweaking it a bit to make it darker or light? And may I suggest leaving out some of the descriptors when introducing your characters(".. you're KIND, LOYAL, and FRIENDLY, you're STUBBORN, TRICKY, and SLY.")? It tends to read as awkward and while it is a part of their personality you can still show it through the character's actions or responses instead of tacking it on at the beginning. (I read some more and it might just be that one intro that is the case). The differing image sizes is a bit jarring but tolerable. The art medium also tends to change from anti-alias to alias and it shows. " The poor FUTURUMS are being heavily oppressed.." You could be a bit more detailed about why they are. Overall it's pretty interesting with the use of colors and robotics, but still shows that it's at the "beginning phase." 3/5 sandwich
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ominousscientist
Nipper Cadet
waiting for the day ill finish my stories
Posts: 74
Pronouns: [any]
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Post by ominousscientist on Jul 1, 2016 2:01:51 GMT
As someone who has added retcon panels, when you add new panels it automatically pushes the numbers after it. Say you add a new page to between 15 and 16. If you make that new page "16", then your old 16 becomes the new 17 and everything after that converts the next number automatically. The only thing you'd really have to concern yourself fixing the links here and there. Not sure if leaving the link blank so that it automatically goes to the next number will help, haven't tried it yet. For a while I left the next number links blank and it ended up skewing the order when reading e.g. not going to the next page or skipping ahead. So changing the links around when you already have a lot of panels established would be pretty tedious.
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FuzzyWish
Nipper Cadet
mobius trip and hadron kaleido garbage
Posts: 79
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
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Post by FuzzyWish on Jul 1, 2016 3:16:14 GMT
ABOUT TIME I THROW THIS BACK IN THE THREAD gurgling noises THE ART AT THE BEGINNING IS REALLY BAD so is the plot but that's before i had an idea of what gybR was going to be The text on mspfa for Aero and dualDullness's is kind of hard to read since it slightly blends in with the gray bg. Maybe tweaking it a bit to make it darker or light? And may I suggest leaving out some of the descriptors when introducing your characters(".. you're KIND, LOYAL, and FRIENDLY, you're STUBBORN, TRICKY, and SLY.")? It tends to read as awkward and while it is a part of their personality you can still show it through the character's actions or responses instead of tacking it on at the beginning. (I read some more and it might just be that one intro that is the case). The differing image sizes is a bit jarring but tolerable. The art medium also tends to change from anti-alias to alias and it shows. " The poor FUTURUMS are being heavily oppressed.." You could be a bit more detailed about why they are. Overall it's pretty interesting with the use of colors and robotics, but still shows that it's at the "beginning phase." 3/5 sandwich Ah! Thanks. I've been planning on fixing up Aero's text but since she's a background character I don't worry much about it. Thanks for pointing out Loki's though, I never saw it. I try to keep my image sizes down because it makes it easier for me to work with the thicker MS Paint lines that most of gybR consists of. By default I use the thickest binary brush MS Paint has. I try to avoid using FireAlpaca and keep the adventure anti-alias but alas I love writing my adventure so much that I don't switch over to Paintberri as a substitute often (I just find it harder to work with than FA). Detail will come in as plot develops, which honestly it's going to have to answer a lot of questions in the future. Plot back when gybR was very new was a quick I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-with-this-adventure thing hence the sloppy writing and botched things early on. I understand it's at a beginning phase still, but it's helping me a lot to have set things and be able to vague about what is to occur as the adventure continues. thank 4 sandvich
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Post by eerr on Jul 2, 2016 4:36:24 GMT
So Shackstuck is over a hundred pages of cameos. Maybe some other time! ABOUT TIME I THROW THIS BACK IN THE THREAD gurgling noises THE ART AT THE BEGINNING IS REALLY BAD so is the plot but that's before i had an idea of what gybR was going to be So nothing dramatic is happening for those who are following the adventure. The highlight was eaten by a large hiatus! I think you need drama, in-jokes, or references to flesh it out. Either from you, from your posters, or from those colorblind kids you are inspired by. Plot is obviously not drawing in suggestions and you could easily paint yourself into a corner. I also don't know if robots and colorblind kids are a good mix. I mean, one side is a daily life challenge, the other is dramatic technology that does what? Makes grey-colored people? Their daily life challenges now include stopping evil villains? Using their magic colorblindness powers??? Who writes this stuff anyway. I realize now it's kind of difficult to critique when Nothing is Happening. Still, your adventure is refreshingly different. Colorful, original, and in a new style. I guess your audience is waiting for you to kick it in gear?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2016 5:06:50 GMT
So, um!!! Hi!!!! If anyone is willing, uh, could you maybe give me some tips on how to make Oceanfalls better? I've been feeling really.... unsatisfied, i guess, with the way the adventure currently is, and I'm at a huge loss of what to do... I feel like it's not very good in terms of writing and art, I've started feeling discouraged about it and I even considered deleting it once butiprobablywontdoitHow can I improve it? What do you think about its current state? I really want to improve, both as a writer and an artist, but it's hard when I don't even know what to try improving on... I felt like making an update when I'm feeling so low and discouraged would be kind of insincere, so I've put the adventure on a temporary hiatus for a while. I really want to get back to updating it once I get out of this slump!! god im so sorry if this sounds like a vent aaaaaaa ;_;
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Post by eerr on Jul 2, 2016 6:11:46 GMT
To be honest I'm skipping Shackstuck at least for now, because it's over 100 pages of cameos. And nothing but! Welp. Notequest's first chapter has ended. Now that the first chapter is over, I'd like for someone to critique it again. I'd like to know if there's anything I can improve on so that the next chapter will be better than the last. A different style is always appreciated. Of course, making an RPG or even just puzzles are huge time sinks! I hope you can keep it up. Now in adventures there's this desire to always have something for the player to do. And writing this in can be incredibly difficult. Usually this involves adding a new room. If I were you I would just copy the monsters off the nearest RPG and be done with it. You don't have to think of something incredibly new and exciting. Webcomics are more about update speed than quality anyway. I only just now got that the sword is 'The Master Sword'. You could make your references slightly more obvious, especially since not everyone will get them. Right so here's the thing: This may be a game, but it's still a forum adventure, not a console or PC RPG. You could add things like sticks and cardboard boxes so people get creative, item-wise. You can allow open-ended solutions and creative in-battle uses if you choose unique monsters and generic items. That way people can surprise YOU, and that is such glorious fun! Now on the flipside you might then get terrible joke suggestions. All you have to do to make it stop, is make terrible consequences happen based on one of those suggestions. According to All Night Laundry's author, Zach.
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Post by eerr on Jul 2, 2016 7:07:09 GMT
So, um!!! Hi!!!! If anyone is willing, uh, could you maybe give me some tips on how to make Oceanfalls better? I've been feeling really.... unsatisfied, i guess, with the way the adventure currently is, and I'm at a huge loss of what to do... I feel like it's not very good in terms of writing and art, I've started feeling discouraged about it and I even considered deleting it once butiprobablywontdoitHow can I improve it? What do you think about its current state? I really want to improve, both as a writer and an artist, but it's hard when I don't even know what to try improving on... I felt like making an update when I'm feeling so low and discouraged would be kind of insincere, so I've put the adventure on a temporary hiatus for a while. I really want to get back to updating it once I get out of this slump!! god im so sorry if this sounds like a vent aaaaaaa ;_;I don't really see anything wrong with Oceanfall's writing. Puzzles/situations without a specific solution could allow you to advance the game and feel satisfied with people's actions? But that isn't necessary. So everything in some forum adventures is about allowing the audience to react accordingly, and you've done that! You are making it happens. Comparing you to John Egbert's timeline shows you aren't really missing anything for a formative work. It's a phase! Blah blah blah shipping is for sissies. Blah blah blah fucking unicorn people. Blah blah blah unrealistic. All you really have to do is keep up the harem simulator. By adding more girls. You feel confident writing girls, right? Perfect. Making a video-game is interesting and all, but really that's a lot of work. I prefer it when people don't bog themselves down making a flash animation, game, scratch construct, or visual novel. Due to how much time it eats up, that could be spent doing anything else. So making a good forum adventure involves: Not digging holes by adding plot, choosing an art style, committing time, allowing the player to use verbs, Making situations, and occasionally adding to the plot. You can but don't have to: add references to other works, give the players joke material, make interesting characters, or make a well fought plot. I guess you could add a reference to another work and give characters unique personality? If you want to add jokes, that should probably be the monsters. And if you want plot it should probably be one town at a time at most. Now in case your adventure gets long, you might want to make sure earlier moments are memorable, especially to yourself. Homestuck is notable that 8000 pages means forgetting half of everything. Bear in mind I don't actually know what I'm doing. I just make vague passes at what I think your adventure lacks. If you want a critique from someone who DOES know what they're doing, try Eagle Time. It's the only place I see actual writers of forum adventures give critiques.
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KittenCollector
Nipper Cadet
Sinful and Loathing It
Posts: 75
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by KittenCollector on Jul 2, 2016 7:21:24 GMT
So, um!!! Hi!!!! If anyone is willing, uh, could you maybe give me some tips on how to make Oceanfalls better? I've been feeling really.... unsatisfied, i guess, with the way the adventure currently is, and I'm at a huge loss of what to do... I feel like it's not very good in terms of writing and art, I've started feeling discouraged about it and I even considered deleting it once butiprobablywontdoitHow can I improve it? What do you think about its current state? I really want to improve, both as a writer and an artist, but it's hard when I don't even know what to try improving on... I felt like making an update when I'm feeling so low and discouraged would be kind of insincere, so I've put the adventure on a temporary hiatus for a while. I really want to get back to updating it once I get out of this slump!! god im so sorry if this sounds like a vent aaaaaaa ;_;Alright. I'll give this critiquing business a try. So: When I first read Oceanfalls, I found the contrast between the sprite view and the 'close up' art styles a little off-putting, but only because they seemed so different from one another. They are both very consistent and aesthetically pleasing in their own right, however, and their connection quickly grew on me; certainly nothing that mandates any kind of overhaul. The close up style in particular really just feels good in the expressive, cartoony smoothness of it all. No panel is unclear in what it is portraying, nor are any uninteresting in what they portray or how. In short: solid work with the art direction! Most of my complaints regarding the story are more complaints for proof-reading -- and even those are very minor. Essentially: the text has some typos here and there, which isn't that bad because humans aren't robots and as such shouldn't be expected to be perfect. I don't believe they are great in enough in number to legitimately detract from the story, but if you would like someone to proofread for you just for that extra bit of polish, I would be happy to help. There is a really nice blend between silly, cute, and serious in your story, perhaps among better descriptors. Nino meeting Five, scared and bloody from self-inflicted wounds, felt very appropriately serious -- but smoothly transitioned into being a far sweeter moment upon her being healed, and joining Nino in his adventure. For the most part, your story reads very smoothly and cohesively, and you should be proud of that! That said, two points in the story felt noticeably "off" to me. The first was when Aria and Nino met: it seemed a little too forced the way Nino instantly fled. I can tell Nino isn't the brightest bulb in the box, and that realistic reactions aren't always high-priority in fiction, but after going two for two in befriending seemingly-vicious creatures, his decision to flat-out run away from Aria (who neither scratched nor growled, but waved and stuttered) didn't feel genuine. As for the second, the dialogue when Aria pointed out the first spear heading toward Nino had poor pacing. Unless it was a terribly slow spear, it seems improbable that she would have had time for the nine pauses the ellipses in her dialogue indicate -- maybe two or three, near the end of everything she's saying as she spots the spear and brings focus to it, but not nine. Meanwhile, the humor in your writing is pretty on-point, especially when it makes good use of multiple commands given for a single update (always an important skill in an improvised story). To me, the humorous exchange following their first meeting more than made up for Nino's kneejerk reaction to Aria, besides flowing more naturally. The silly, sometimes exaggerative nature of the characters feels largely appropriate and whimsical, as opposed to stiff breaks in character for cheap laughs. There have also been very few moments where it felt absolutely certain where the story was headed (those points typically being absolutely fine, as it's never bad to drop a hint on what commands to give to progress the story), which I believe is a good thing! It has a clear general direction, and does not seem like aimless wandering -- the characters have goals, even if one of them doesn't actually remember what it is -- but the precise interactions between characters (and the environment) is never perfectly predictable or flat, nor does it feel as though it was hastily fabricated on the spot. It kept my attention and interest very neatly all-throughout. If you care for feedback on the flash, I had a small gripe in how bulky and empty it was. Bulky in that, while I could handle the somewhat-awkward controls, the persistently on-screen text box was a bother, especially as it made it difficult to reliably travel downward. As for emptiness, it was short enough (with enough unique text describing every dead end) to not feel like a total waste of time, but it felt like it could have had more to it than just a couple signs, some dying flowers, and a few different ways to say 'aha! another dead end!' I still appreciated the effort in, say, not just copying and pasting "It's a dead end" for all of them, but it still feels like a significant amount of wasted potential for the first (and thus-far only) flash of the story. And that's about it. In all, I think you have a strong story with plenty to keep old and new readers alike invested in where it goes next -- talk of princes, future party members, an unknown-but-existent goal for the main character, and a whole lot of other small-but-interesting details all make for a firm foundation to what could easily prove a worthwhile tale. You just have to keep fleshing it out.
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ilikeswordz
Moppet of Destiny
Halloo hullo! Just that dude who's making >BaRA a thing.
Posts: 117
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by ilikeswordz on Jul 2, 2016 7:27:47 GMT
So, um!!! Hi!!!! If anyone is willing, uh, could you maybe give me some tips on how to make Oceanfalls better? I've been feeling really.... unsatisfied, i guess, with the way the adventure currently is, and I'm at a huge loss of what to do... I feel like it's not very good in terms of writing and art, I've started feeling discouraged about it and I even considered deleting it once butiprobablywontdoitHow can I improve it? What do you think about its current state? I really want to improve, both as a writer and an artist, but it's hard when I don't even know what to try improving on... I felt like making an update when I'm feeling so low and discouraged would be kind of insincere, so I've put the adventure on a temporary hiatus for a while. I really want to get back to updating it once I get out of this slump!! god im so sorry if this sounds like a vent aaaaaaa ;_;I'm very sorry hear that you don't feel that OF is very good and put on hiatus, because it's a hella good adventure. The art is aesthetically pleasing- in terms of style, this adventure's definitely one of the best I've seen. I can't really say how you can improve since i don't know what kind of direction you would want to go from here, but take your time and keep up the awesome work! I can't complain about the writing either. The plot seems well paced, with enough bouts of silliness mixed in with serious. It feels early to try to judge the dialogue/characterization since they're still fresh from the oven- given time, their distinct personalities will show, or you can slowly begin to add them in. I don't know how many main characters you will have, but the current pace of introduction seems good as well. Unless you plan on introducing like 10 more in which case you'd probably want a small break after 3 characters to give readers a chance to know them. Apologies for not really having much to say, it is really well done. I wish you the best!
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Post by SpottedBlades on Jul 2, 2016 7:39:12 GMT
So... You're saying that no matter how I do it, I can't add a new page without having to change a hundred of hyperlinks on social media, platforms and messages to people, just because they're off by one page? Add to that the number of needed pages, times my lazy schedule, divided by the retcons I still yet have to do... ... Sorry. But no matter how I put it, the introduction will be rushed.
At least the story won't. Take the intro as a "Those guys are the main characters. Here's their names and a couple traits, so you can have a charvas.", and their future mini-arcs as "And that's who they are, each in individuality.". Sounds reasonable.
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Post by eerr on Jul 2, 2016 7:51:44 GMT
So... You're saying that no matter how I do it, I can't add a new page without having to change a hundred of hyperlinks on social media, platforms and messages to people, just because they're off by one page? Add to that the number of needed pages, times my lazy schedule, divided by the retcons I still yet have to do... ... Sorry. But no matter how I put it, the introduction will be rushed. At least the story won't. Take the intro as a "Those guys are the main characters. Here's their names and a couple traits, so you can have a charvas.", and their future mini-arcs as "And that's who they are, each in individuality.". Sounds reasonable. So I think he meant making page 3 link to page 100, then 105 links back to page 4. So a slice-wise insert. It would also be enough for people to catch what happened based on unread pages at the end of the logs.
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Post by SpottedBlades on Jul 2, 2016 8:12:43 GMT
Didn't they say that would also push back other links? This is complicated. I misread the first time, and turns out it doesn't, so I will try. But honestly, I don't know what to put as filler. The way I see it, the introduction is fine, although very rushed, because a 14-year old had so much to say in a time where updates were unfrequent and the fanventure could possibly stop at any time due to problems. Putting filler for the sake of filler isn't something I want to do. Even when it includes worldbuilding, I don't know how to do that and probably won't. So for now, you'll have to deal with it. That sucks, I know. But look back at your 14-year old self and tell me if your stories made better sense.
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Post by Sharkalien on Jul 2, 2016 22:39:26 GMT
So, um!!! Hi!!!! If anyone is willing, uh, could you maybe give me some tips on how to make Oceanfalls better? I've been feeling really.... unsatisfied, i guess, with the way the adventure currently is, and I'm at a huge loss of what to do... I feel like it's not very good in terms of writing and art, I've started feeling discouraged about it and I even considered deleting it once butiprobablywontdoit
How can I improve it? What do you think about its current state? I really want to improve, both as a writer and an artist, but it's hard when I don't even know what to try improving on...
I felt like making an update when I'm feeling so low and discouraged would be kind of insincere, so I've put the adventure on a temporary hiatus for a while. I really want to get back to updating it once I get out of this slump!!
god im so sorry if this sounds like a vent aaaaaaa ;_; Pls don't delete it, I like it too muchOkay, so I'll start off by saying everyone is their own worst critic. Especially me. I'm your worst critic. I don't know what I'm doing When you say you feel Oceanfalls isn't good, that's just your brain going stupid because it's wrong and you should never ever listen to it anymore Your art is really good, especially the pixel art. It puts me to shame, which isn't saying much. What I really want to know is what are those triangular dark spots on top of Nino's hair? At first I thought they were his eyebrows, but nope! I think you should've continued with the game format since the beginning, and use the hand-drawn panels as embellishment, or reserved for really intense scenes like when we first see Five (which I'm glad I was the first one to engage diplomacy!), or when she starts talking about her friend (nice glitch effect!) As for the writing, the narrative is fine. The dialogue feels a bit stilted, though. That may be because of the formatting, how every sentence starts on a new line. It doesn't read well. The speech almost seems faltering. Writing like that gives me palpitations for some reason. Now, THE STORY. That's what really intrigues me. What's the story with Nino? The monsters? Archeraichu girl? The Nightlights? The Barrier? I seriously cannot wait until they're developed more This could be the next forumventure that garners as many readers as ANL 👍 👍
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Post by ratboygenius on Jul 6, 2016 6:00:22 GMT
After re-reading I can admit Act 1 of Shackstuck goes really slow and doesn't get going until around page 150. I was new to making fan adventures and also wanted it to be a tutorial for the majority of readers who were unfamiliar with homestuck. eerr Avatar Jul 2, 2016 6:11:46 GMT eerr said: because it's over 100 pages of cameos. And nothing but! I don't quite understand what you mean by that? Every character I use is user submitted and though some are more disposable than others, most of them serve a purpose in the plot to some extent.
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Post by ampeyro on Jul 11, 2016 8:18:42 GMT
Sup guys? I've been updating this adventure Stale crumbs for some time now. Since the whole reason i'm doing it is to improve my skills, it's kinda dumb to not have anyone criticising it... So, what do you guys (and gals, gender neutrals, hermaphrodites, parthenogeneticals...) think?
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Post by eerr on Jul 11, 2016 13:50:30 GMT
After re-reading I can admit Act 1 of Shackstuck goes really slow and doesn't get going until around page 150. I was new to making fan adventures and also wanted it to be a tutorial for the majority of readers who were unfamiliar with homestuck. eerr Avatar Jul 2, 2016 6:11:46 GMT eerr said: because it's over 100 pages of cameos. And nothing but! I don't quite understand what you mean by that? Every character I use is user submitted and though some are more disposable than others, most of them serve a purpose in the plot to some extent. I have plenty of time but don't really want to read it. I only read up to page 127 so I never saw any of that plot stuff. *shrug Man I guess it's like A Link to the Past in that the art style is REALLY tough on the eyes. Hopping in a bit later on the page train, It looks like you're going Final Fantasy knights of the round on some bosses. Looks decent I guess. To be honest I've seen this adventure before and it's not that impressive. >To be honest I was hoping to see something other than cameos, like plot or world building or jokes. But all I saw was cameos.
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Post by Arashi500 on Jul 13, 2016 21:43:21 GMT
Sup guys? I've been updating this adventure Stale crumbs for some time now. Since the whole reason i'm doing it is to improve my skills, it's kinda dumb to not have anyone criticising it... So, what do you guys (and gals, gender neutrals, hermaphrodites, parthenogeneticals...) think? Just finished it and here are my thoughts: Artwise: The anti-aliased and vector lineart is somewhat odd to see combined with the Homestuck style, but not in a necessarily bad way. I'd say your art is overall among the better Sburbventures, it's good but it isn't quite great. I don't quite get a wasteland vibe from Oliver's locale as of yet, but all the other backgrounds have been more than serviceable. I'd also say your sprites have been your strongest suit so far. The animations for your .gifs tend to be pretty smooth as well. Storywise: For a Sburbventure, Stale Crumbs has pretty nice hook, using original and established characters in a pretty good balance so far. You seem to have a comprehensive idea of where each character is at any place and time in the narrative, which is crucial for driving an adventure with so many characters off the bat as Stale Crumbs has. I didn't have any pacing complaints while I was reading either, so you're good there. I really enjoy post-apocalyptic settings myself, so I'm excited to see if you'll explore it much more or if you'll have them transition quickly into the Medium. Dialoguewise: Dialog in Stale Crumbs is mostly good, though it seems put undue focus on certain aspects of a few of the trolls so far. Blood caste is mentioned on most pages containing trolls so far, and while Alternian culture certainly put great importance on the hemospectrum, it comes up unnecessarily often in Stale Crumbs. Not so much so that I'd worry about it if I were you, but it might be worth considering much of the hemospectrum basics to be something your readers are already fairly familiar with going forward. Your characters manage to talk with their own individual cadences which is a definite plus. So besides a few spelling, grammar, and syntax errors, I'd say keep it up. So overall I'd say Stale Crumbs is pretty good. Man I guess it's like A Link to the Past in that the art style is REALLY tough on the eyes. Wait, you'd consider A Link to the Past to be hard on the eyes??? Can't say I've heard that sentiment before.
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Post by eerr on Jul 14, 2016 5:10:27 GMT
Man I guess it's like A Link to the Past in that the art style is REALLY tough on the eyes. Wait, you'd consider A Link to the Past to be hard on the eyes??? Can't say I've heard that sentiment before. The walls man. I was balls to the walls confused when I first played A Link to the Past. I mean you get used to it and it's a really good game! But entering the dark world and encountering the bully can literally be nauseating the first time you do it. The lost woods are heavily confusing but it's because of the way it looks. And Saving princess Zelda in the beginning- just look at the cells man. The walls make no sense under any sort of lens so you can't just get used to the perspective. youtu.be/ymJ0xJeVYJY?t=11m21sIn many rooms you can just pretend the walls are splayed to the four corners- but here you have impossible to observe corners just jutting in. I went to save princess Zelda like five to ten times in a row before I got even slightly used to it. I rocked it a thousand times though- its worth the time sink. You only see it if you haven't mastered it.
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Post by ampeyro on Jul 14, 2016 21:03:00 GMT
Just finished it and here are my thoughts: Artwise: The anti-aliased and vector lineart is somewhat odd to see combined with the Homestuck style, but not in a necessarily bad way. I'd say your art is overall among the better Sburbventures, it's good but it isn't quite great. I don't quite get a wasteland vibe from Oliver's locale as of yet, but all the other backgrounds have been more than serviceable. I'd also say your sprites have been your strongest suit so far. The animations for your .gifs tend to be pretty smooth as well. Storywise: For a Sburbventure, Stale Crumbs has pretty nice hook, using original and established characters in a pretty good balance so far. You seem to have a comprehensive idea of where each character is at any place and time in the narrative, which is crucial for driving an adventure with so many characters off the bat as Stale Crumbs has. I didn't have any pacing complaints while I was reading either, so you're good there. I really enjoy post-apocalyptic settings myself, so I'm excited to see if you'll explore it much more or if you'll have them transition quickly into the Medium. Dialoguewise: Dialog in Stale Crumbs is mostly good, though it seems put undue focus on certain aspects of a few of the trolls so far. Blood caste is mentioned on most pages containing trolls so far, and while Alternian culture certainly put great importance on the hemospectrum, it comes up unnecessarily often in Stale Crumbs. Not so much so that I'd worry about it if I were you, but it might be worth considering much of the hemospectrum basics to be something your readers are already fairly familiar with going forward. Your characters manage to talk with their own individual cadences which is a definite plus. So besides a few spelling, grammar, and syntax errors, I'd say keep it up. So overall I'd say Stale Crumbs is pretty good. Well, thanks a lot. It's funny that the anti-aliasing was never supposed to be there, it's just a feature of Inkscape that can't be disabled. And I wasn't going to learn to use a new program because such an "insignificant detail" that no one would ever notice. *winks ironically* Oh, and since the scene where GC kicks CG's head I started using Synfig for the animations, which hopefully let me do longer and smoother loops (rastering all the frames and then animating them with Gimp is a serious pain in the ass when there is more than a bunch of them !!!) The trolls have always been the hardest for me, there was always that tiny voice in my head telling me that those didn't sound like them... Glad to see that my paranoia wasn't completely misguided. I Think i will retcon the A1P2 during the I2, like I already did with A1P1. (even though after that I had sworn by Asimov's ghost that I wouldn't retcon ever again) And about exploring more the characters and universe. Oliver should be entering the medium in precisely the same time that has elapsed since the start (no kidding, i even have it on an excel spreadsheet and it turns out that the update immediately after this post is spot on the middle), so I still have time enough to wallow in my worldbuilder's disease. After that, there are still 5 and a half sophonts 3 more kids who need an introduction but everything will go faster when the game starts, and a bunch of intermissions that may or may not be flashbacks from the early days of the apocalypse... My original plan was to do it in 2 years and then begin the "real" webcomic, after a month it was obvious that it was going to be at least 3... Now, a year later I don't think I can end it in less than 3, if absolutely nothing goes wrong. (Fuck I'm so screwed!)
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Post by heyitskane on Jul 15, 2016 1:42:14 GMT
I'm curious to see what I can improve with my adventures, so what do you guys think about noobbound and labtrapped?
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Post by Arashi500 on Jul 15, 2016 1:46:15 GMT
Just finished it and here are my thoughts: Artwise: The anti-aliased and vector lineart is somewhat odd to see combined with the Homestuck style, but not in a necessarily bad way. I'd say your art is overall among the better Sburbventures, it's good but it isn't quite great. I don't quite get a wasteland vibe from Oliver's locale as of yet, but all the other backgrounds have been more than serviceable. I'd also say your sprites have been your strongest suit so far. The animations for your .gifs tend to be pretty smooth as well. Storywise: For a Sburbventure, Stale Crumbs has pretty nice hook, using original and established characters in a pretty good balance so far. You seem to have a comprehensive idea of where each character is at any place and time in the narrative, which is crucial for driving an adventure with so many characters off the bat as Stale Crumbs has. I didn't have any pacing complaints while I was reading either, so you're good there. I really enjoy post-apocalyptic settings myself, so I'm excited to see if you'll explore it much more or if you'll have them transition quickly into the Medium. Dialoguewise: Dialog in Stale Crumbs is mostly good, though it seems put undue focus on certain aspects of a few of the trolls so far. Blood caste is mentioned on most pages containing trolls so far, and while Alternian culture certainly put great importance on the hemospectrum, it comes up unnecessarily often in Stale Crumbs. Not so much so that I'd worry about it if I were you, but it might be worth considering much of the hemospectrum basics to be something your readers are already fairly familiar with going forward. Your characters manage to talk with their own individual cadences which is a definite plus. So besides a few spelling, grammar, and syntax errors, I'd say keep it up. So overall I'd say Stale Crumbs is pretty good. Well, thanks a lot. It's funny that the anti-aliasing was never supposed to be there, it's just a feature of Inkscape that can't be disabled. And I wasn't going to learn to use a new program because such an "insignificant detail" that no one would ever notice. *winks ironically* Oh, and since the scene where GC kicks CG's head I started using Synfig for the animations, which hopefully let me do longer and smoother loops (rastering all the frames and then animating them with Gimp is a serious pain in the ass when there is more than a bunch of them !!!) The trolls have always been the hardest for me, there was always that tiny voice in my head telling me that those didn't sound like them... Glad to see that my paranoia wasn't completely misguided. I Think i will retcon the A1P2 during the I2, like I already did with A1P1. (even though after that I had sworn by Asimov's ghost that I wouldn't retcon ever again) And about exploring more the characters and universe. Oliver should be entering the medium in precisely the same time that has elapsed since the start (no kidding, i even have it on an excel spreadsheet and it turns out that the update immediately after this post is spot on the middle), so I still have time enough to wallow in my worldbuilder's disease. After that, there are still 5 and a half sophonts 3 more kids who need an introduction but everything will go faster when the game starts, and a bunch of intermissions that may or may not be flashbacks from the early days of the apocalypse... My original plan was to do it in 2 years and then begin the "real" webcomic, after a month it was obvious that it was going to be at least 3... Now, a year later I don't think I can end it in less than 3, if absolutely nothing goes wrong. (Fuck I'm so screwed!) As a rule, I try to give myself thrice the time I honestly expect something to take, just in case. And better to make strides towards your ambitions even if you underestimated them than to have never made any strides at all, right?
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Post by eerr on Jul 23, 2016 11:33:18 GMT
Sup guys? I've been updating this adventure Stale crumbs for some time now. Since the whole reason i'm doing it is to improve my skills, it's kinda dumb to not have anyone criticising it... So, what do you guys (and gals, gender neutrals, hermaphrodites, parthenogeneticals...) think? The animations are really cool, and the artstyle is smooth as silk. So art always has flaws (there is no way around it, even the best of art) and you distract from those flaws very well. Perfect in its current execution. The story is very goofy, but there is nothing wrong with that. So it felt to me like the story is slightly dialogue heavy.
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