Adventure Critique Thread

If Threadstuck is anything to go by all you have to do is break the fourth wall.

I am naturally resistant to a lack of fourth wall breakage. I evaluate me/you roughly together and therefore don't loose anything to perspective.

Or maybe you have to break character or something.

Whatever it is, its something I can't put my finger on easily, and you are deliberately not doing it.

There are any number of things I would prefer to be different but most of them won't add a large number of suggestions.

Have you tried prompting the player for input?

Sorry to ask, but are you still going to critique SR? Or have you already done so and I simply missed it?

Alright, looks like I'm being hyper-effecient again, here's my critique of Synodic Reboot.

It feels kinda like your stereotypical SBURBfic to be honest, there hasn't really been a big hook to it yet (although you HAVE added in the bits and pieces around the edges needed to make it interesting) so I'm really just sorta meandering my way through it so far.
Even though it doesn't feel particularly gripping yet, it's not really bad either, it's actually quite good. The characters are well written, and the little quirks you've been slipping in have been quite nice.
Also, the art is incredible.
So, the only real thing I would say is... start doing some foreshadowing. There's not any real big hook, we don't have any idea what makes this session special yet, and if you really want to catch people's attention, that's something you need to try and do fairly early in the story.

Thank you for taking time to write, this feedback helps a lot!



Heh, I was planning Vivian to be hit by the Plot in the very next update. I was really torn between starting the adventure in media res in the middle of action and starting by introducing the characters first instead, and I'm not entirely convinced that I made the right choice. We'll see if getting to know the characters first pays off in the future or not.



I'm having this be a separate story from BSA, but you can expect to see some familiar faces playing different roles in it. Most of BSA has been lost and I'm trying something bit more conventional this time. The setting of BSA got weird towards the end of its run, and while that made it fun to write I think it was ultimately also making it harder for the reader to relate to it and drew attention away from the characters and the story.

Also, I want to practice working with color instead of monochrome



That worried me, and it's good you bring that up. I considered using colored text but decided against it because it's not a literary convention. Writing dialogue with just two participants is easy, but I need to start using tags or otherwise clarify who is talking when there are more people.

Thank you again!

Alright here's my critique of Notequest thus far.

Art and Style: The notebook & pencil art is a decently bold style to use, and simple enough details to keep the messiness of the style from muddying too many panels. There were a few pages where I had to get a second look to tell just what was going on, but I wasn't at any point unable to tell what was going on if I tried. It feels reminiscent of the sort of doodles bored kids would amke in their notebooks at school, and that's pretty charming.

Characters and Dialogue: The characters seem sort of rushed into their character dynamics despite having only met moments ago towards the beginning, giving them a somewhat stiff feeling. Snirps, Matt, and The Fonz get right into talking to each other like they'e been acquainted for a while. Later on, the dialogue with Rift and the lady felt a lot smoother, so you seem to be improving there already.

Story and Setting: You managed to drop some hints towards the hidden history of the Dungeon(s) and a larger plot much earlier than most adventures. I imagine that should pay off, since so many adventures, either intentionally or otherwise, have some very slow starts. As a consequence though, there are a few bits in the beginning that feel forced.

Now to get started on Synodic Reboot. I'll hopefully have that done and a critique written up by tomorrow night.

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And my Synodic Reboot critique.


Art and Style: Very nice art, both in and out of sprite mode. You've done an excellent job mimicking the primary Homestuck art style. Pretty dang smooth animation, too. Nobriel comes in an appealing color palette, and you've done swell in the way you've portraying night time without actually darkening anything. All in all, there's not much if anything so far that I would change in this department.



Characters and Dialogue: Somewhat heavy handed character interactions at the start, but certainly not so much as to be unbearable. The conversations seem a little drawn out, but it flows nicely enough to make it a minor issue. By the end of Act 1, the characters all seem to interact quite naturally, so good work there. Only real rubs in the area are some of the more forced-feeling references, which you yourself lampshape a few of in the adventure, and even those are nearly negligible.



Story and Setting: Things get started at a nice pace. Facets of Adlet society are introduced quite slowly, and that serves to familiarize the reader with their world, though at the cost of being somewhat less interesting as aliens so far. You've also done admirably in regards to getting the Sburb/Sverb elements in place in a timely AND comprehensive way. Many Sburb-like adventures either rush through the introductory phase too quickly, end up doing so incomprehensibly, or both, so it's good to see Synodic Reboot avoid falling into that trap. Going forward, while you may have decided to start introducing more unique session elements to the plot (which you've set yourself up to do well), it may also be worth considering playing the session completely straight since you have proven the ability to make it compelling thus far. So many adventures also go for introducing unique elements to their sessions, enough that just NOT having a unique element to your session may make it more unique than any variation considering just how many there are. Whichever you end up doing, I'd trust you to do either quite well based on what I've seen so far.

It has very jailbreak vibes (better art of course) but I'm not really sure I mean that in a good way.
There's no real plot or consistency to speak of, aside from the fact that presumably the items and enemies match The Binding of Isaac.
There's also not really any consistent characterization.

My problem may very well be that I greatly prefer there to be somewhat of a continuity going on, plot gets a 1 but I guess that's not really what you're going for.
The jokes haven't been outstanding, but I have gotten a fair few chuckles out of it so far (The animations are just so goofy)
The art is also very good, the lines are crisp and everything fits the proportions used in the original game as far as I can tell (barring, of course, the few updates done differently from the rest.)

So for what it is, it's pretty good.

So, what did you guys think of Dungeon Escape?

Hi there! I was looking at this thread and I was thinking: Please Sand Blast my Comic! {Nullstuck}, There is sound at first so be weary for that. 

But please be as critical as you can so I can iron out any details in future updates. Thank you! : )

(Forum Thread Here)

Thank you! Ive been trying to get out of the whole Gradient thing since it looks bad on retrospect. Ive been trying to up the Heromode game (I havent really done much Heromode before anyhow). I'll add your criticism to the list of things to work on : )

Now that the first act is over, what do you guys think of Perfectly Generic Sburbventure?

It's the same issue I had with ARTSTUCK before. I just wasn't sure what to suggest next. There isn't really enough visual information to go off of with just characters and solid backgrounds.

I keep mistaking it for a mediocre sburbventure.
It seems slightly above average, but hey, anyone can manage a homestuck-like motif.
These days I'm having trouble reading through thicker text, and your adventure is no exception.
It's incredibly distracting to put the text directly next to the panel, and directly next to your signature! omegaupdate.freeforums.net/post/45072/thread

I'm kind of hoping your writing will kick in soon, like a nice land to explore?