KrispyKBacon
Scampermaster
Don't vape on the pizza
Posts: 219
Pronouns: she/her/hers
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Post by KrispyKBacon on Jan 4, 2017 4:35:50 GMT
Yup. Throwing this baby back in. I'm not sure if this could be thoroughly critiqued yet since it seems the adventure's still in it's early state, but I guess you're the judge of that. Or the critic.But I basically want to make sure any problems that might happen with this adventure is caught early so I don't fall into the mess that was with the pre-reboot. Cheers.
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Post by yokcos on Jan 6, 2017 21:07:40 GMT
>Notequest
"Though you wouldn't a fire to begin with when you can just lie down on the grass and stare at the dawning skies!" "you wouldn't a fire" I think you accidentally a word there.
"]Shopkeeper: Sir I've seen a ton of spoons that look exactly like that." "]Shopkeeper"
Not sure if these errors are in the forum thread but they're present in the MSPFA archive (which, by the way, is not up to date.)
I really like the art in this adv. It's funny and expressive if a bit lacking in detail. The jokes, while not knocking the doors off, are still a good laugh. You resisted the unfathomable urge to leave your backgrounds blank and that deserves a round of applause and a standing ovation. Overall, I think NQ is a good 6/10, above average. Obviously it's too early to tell, but thus far I haven't seen anything particularly unique or spectacular; nothing that tells me I should be reading this adventure as opposed to any other (although this is a reboot of something that I've not read so maybe said reason is presented within the original)
out of curiosity, what were the problems with the original?
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Post by eerr on Jan 7, 2017 3:05:19 GMT
Yup. Throwing this baby back in. I'm not sure if this could be thoroughly critiqued yet since it seems the adventure's still in it's early state, but I guess you're the judge of that. Or the critic.But I basically want to make sure any problems that might happen with this adventure is caught early so I don't fall into the mess that was with the pre-reboot. Cheers. It feels like you aren't writing in the correct tense."You observe the MAGICIST forcefully move the key out of that glass capsule." You are telling, not showing in your words. You can't show everything, but you can show quite a bit. Aka it sounds more like: 'The key glows with energy and bursts through the glass of the machine.'
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KrispyKBacon
Scampermaster
Don't vape on the pizza
Posts: 219
Pronouns: she/her/hers
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Post by KrispyKBacon on Jan 14, 2017 18:20:57 GMT
>Notequest "Though you wouldn't a fire to begin with when you can just lie down on the grass and stare at the dawning skies!" "you wouldn't a fire" I think you accidentally a word there. "]Shopkeeper: Sir I've seen a ton of spoons that look exactly like that." "]Shopkeeper" Not sure if these errors are in the forum thread but they're present in the MSPFA archive (which, by the way, is not up to date.) I really like the art in this adv. It's funny and expressive if a bit lacking in detail. The jokes, while not knocking the doors off, are still a good laugh. You resisted the unfathomable urge to leave your backgrounds blank and that deserves a round of applause and a standing ovation. Overall, I think NQ is a good 6/10, above average. Obviously it's too early to tell, but thus far I haven't seen anything particularly unique or spectacular; nothing that tells me I should be reading this adventure as opposed to any other (although this is a reboot of something that I've not read so maybe said reason is presented within the original) out of curiosity, what were the problems with the original? The overall problem with the original was mostly in of not having enough planning being put into it, so elements might have came off as forced or contrived, so it eventually kind of came off as a mess. Another problem was with dialogue not being natural enough (The first 3 characters speaking to eachother as if they knew eachother even though they just met) I'm sure there were more problems but I'm listing the ones I know off the top of my head
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Post by carcioGeneticist on Jan 28, 2017 19:04:31 GMT
SO. IM MAKING A COMIC AND I WANT SOME FEEDBACK FOR IT. SO MSPFANVENTURES.COM/?s=17372 THERE. I DONT KNOW WHY BUT I JUST GOT THIS IDEA OF A STORY WHERE THE THEME OF IT IS JUST NOTHING. HENCE THE FACT THE FIRST LIKE 40 PAGES DONT HAVE IMAGES. (ALSO IM NOT "ROLEPLAYING" IM JUST SHOUTING BECAUSE MY USERNAME IS BASED ON KARKAT'S AND I LIKE SHOUTING AND SWEARING A LOT. PLUS IT MAKES THINGS THAT ID FIND CRINGY WRITTEN IN LOWERCASE NOT CRINGY IN UPPERCASE FOR SOME REASON??)
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Post by Sharkalien on Jan 28, 2017 19:49:14 GMT
SO. IM MAKING A COMIC AND I WANT SOME FEEDBACK FOR IT. SO MSPFANVENTURES.COM/?s=17372 THERE. I DONT KNOW WHY BUT I JUST GOT THIS IDEA OF A STORY WHERE THE THEME OF IT IS JUST NOTHING. HENCE THE FACT THE FIRST LIKE 40 PAGES DONT HAVE IMAGES. (ALSO IM NOT "ROLEPLAYING" IM JUST SHOUTING BECAUSE MY USERNAME IS BASED ON KARKAT'S AND I LIKE SHOUTING AND SWEARING A LOT. PLUS IT MAKES THINGS THAT ID FIND CRINGY WRITTEN IN LOWERCASE NOT CRINGY IN UPPERCASE FOR SOME REASON??) I've merged your thread with the Adventure Critique thread. Also, even if you aren't roleplaying, the ALL CAPS text is downright distracting. Please refrain from writing all your posts like that.
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Post by carcioGeneticist on Jan 28, 2017 19:59:03 GMT
SO. IM MAKING A COMIC AND I WANT SOME FEEDBACK FOR IT. SO MSPFANVENTURES.COM/?s=17372 THERE. I DONT KNOW WHY BUT I JUST GOT THIS IDEA OF A STORY WHERE THE THEME OF IT IS JUST NOTHING. HENCE THE FACT THE FIRST LIKE 40 PAGES DONT HAVE IMAGES. (ALSO IM NOT "ROLEPLAYING" IM JUST SHOUTING BECAUSE MY USERNAME IS BASED ON KARKAT'S AND I LIKE SHOUTING AND SWEARING A LOT. PLUS IT MAKES THINGS THAT ID FIND CRINGY WRITTEN IN LOWERCASE NOT CRINGY IN UPPERCASE FOR SOME REASON??) I've merged your thread with the Adventure Critique thread. Also, even if you aren't roleplaying, the ALL CAPS text is downright distracting. Please refrain from writing all your posts like that. i actually find it exactly opposite but aight
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Post by eerr on Jan 28, 2017 21:15:45 GMT
I've merged your thread with the Adventure Critique thread. Also, even if you aren't roleplaying, the ALL CAPS text is downright distracting. Please refrain from writing all your posts like that. i actually find it exactly opposite but aight Good, though, please refrain from all caps because regular posts using quirks are against the rules. under these two categories: Don't roleplay (in general keep to your stories or your forum games) Text format (Keep posts highly readable) I'm sure there are other exceptions. As a forum poster you are expected to control for readability and clutter.
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Post by carcioGeneticist on Jan 28, 2017 21:26:40 GMT
i actually find it exactly opposite but aight Good, though, please refrain from all caps because regular posts using quirks are against the rules. under these two categories: Don't roleplay (in general keep to your stories or your forum games) Text format (Keep posts highly readable) I'm sure there are other exceptions. As a forum poster you are expected to control for readability and clutter. whoops alright
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Post by raisingchaos on Feb 5, 2017 16:45:06 GMT
Uhm... I was wondering if it was okay for this to be critiqued. It's my first one and I was wondering if it was any good... I'd like to be able to improve it in any way I can so my readers will enjoy it more. Thank you for the help. The Life We Raised Together
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Post by Arashi500 on Feb 5, 2017 21:02:22 GMT
Uhm... I was wondering if it was okay for this to be critiqued. It's my first one and I was wondering if it was any good... I'd like to be able to improve it in any way I can so my readers will enjoy it more. Thank you for the help. The Life We Raised TogetherVery strong start, the early parts with baby Alice are saccharine sweet and adorable, and the transition from kid to teen was quite funny as well. The adventure moves along at a rapid enough pace that any sense of meandering is non-existent, but I almost wonder if it seems a little rushed. I feel like there was at least a little more to work with both as baby and a kid, but it still works as a swift intro and hook into the meat of the adventure that it seems we're getting now. Succinct text both in narrative and in dialogue has served you well and I'm left wanting more of it, not less, so well done there. Your sprite panels look above average in both color and black and white, and the only complaint I can think of is that the occasional odd panel doesn't read too clearly and feels out of place with the rest of the adventure, but that's been a rare occurrence so far and not a major problem when it did happen. All in all, lookin' pretty good, especially for your first adventure. Keep it up and I am excited to see how it turns out.
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Post by raisingchaos on Feb 5, 2017 21:32:52 GMT
Thank you for the critique! I'll keep in mind to give an option to actually proceed with the next part next time, perhaps with a vote, to make sure a majority of people want to move on with the story of if they want to develop her more during her current state at this time. I'll try to make sure the panels don't look too out of place and to layout the descriptions better if possible. I'm glad that it's mostly going well for you and I'll continue to do my best to make it interesting for everyone!
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Post by ten11 on Feb 12, 2017 4:22:07 GMT
I know this isn't how it normally goes, but could someone give me a critique of Fortuna? Its like the longest fanventure that exists, but i've never seen any discussion at all on it. I read the first ~50 pages or so, and it seemed fine, but it didn't draw me in like my favourite fanventures did. So yeah, just wanna know how good it is overall, and why is it so long?
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Post by eerr on Feb 12, 2017 10:54:58 GMT
I know this isn't how it normally goes, but could someone give me a critique of Fortuna? Its like the longest fanventure that exists, but i've never seen any discussion at all on it. I read the first ~50 pages or so, and it seemed fine, but it didn't draw me in like my favourite fanventures did. So yeah, just wanna know how good it is overall, and why is it so long? Fortuna started out as a basic forum adventure. The beginning is always rocky, with few suggestions. This is before the author can really ramp up the adventure- and their skills. Setup takes a long time and that was just the tutorial run! To me, Fortuna is basically the new Homestuck. The Discord and subforum are a bustling community! Silly things happen, crew die off if you take a risky move. The story/plot is a bit weak, and supposedly the game was based off an old RP forum game that failed. So basically Fortuna is a roleplaying game but takes suggestions instead. Could you be more specific about your favorite adventures, or what is/isn't drawing you in?
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Post by Kaoxitium on Feb 18, 2017 5:05:24 GMT
I know it's pretty much just another boring generic sburbventure, but I still wouldn't mind some critique (or advice on how to make it more interesting) on CONDEMNED since it's over 100 panels thus far (even though the first 60 are only on mspfa).
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Post by odencriteria on Feb 18, 2017 5:20:46 GMT
I would be grateful if someone could offer some criticism/advice on my adventure, Heresystuck. It hasn't really progressed very far yet due to my all around inexperience with digital art and lack of good plot ideas. Also, when I started making it I was so excited that I forgot to make all the panels the same size, so it may look kind of weird in the beginning. Link to teh adventure: mspfanventures.com/?s=17164
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Post by mistertorchwick on Feb 18, 2017 16:39:43 GMT
Heresystuck:
I found it enjoyable. A bit of a toung-in-cheek Klingon war party thing. It had some good humor, and the pacing was nice. I'm interested in seeing where this story goes. I can see this really taking off once you've solidified a following and plot. I also like how you're setting things up, and how information has been relayed to the readers. I feel like I know what I need to, but there's still other stuff going on. Namely, stuff I can change if I send in suggestions. That's a good thing.
The only thing I didn't really like were your non-chibi, tall versions of the characters. They just rubbed me the wrong way. The father characters were nicely done, but the more dramatic ones, such as the three generals' in their info-dump panels didn't look good, and not even in an ironic way. But that'll come as you refine your art style.
Keep it up.
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Post by odencriteria on Feb 18, 2017 19:44:30 GMT
Heresystuck: I found it enjoyable. A bit of a toung-in-cheek Klingon war party thing. It had some good humor, and the pacing was nice. I'm interested in seeing where this story goes. I can see this really taking off once you've solidified a following and plot. I also like how you're setting things up, and how information has been relayed to the readers. I feel like I know what I need to, but there's still other stuff going on. Namely, stuff I can change if I send in suggestions. That's a good thing. The only thing I didn't really like were your non-chibi, tall versions of the characters. They just rubbed me the wrong way. The father characters were nicely done, but the more dramatic ones, such as the three generals' in their info-dump panels didn't look good, and not even in an ironic way. But that'll come as you refine your art style. Keep it up. Thanks for the critique! I am definitely trying improve my art skills, but it is an arduous process. I live at a military school most of the time and I didn't bring my drawing tablet (massive oversight on my part), meaning I'm stuck with my mouse most of the time.
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Post by mistertorchwick on Feb 18, 2017 19:48:22 GMT
Oh. If you're doing on a mouse, you get extra points just for drawing coherently.
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Post by odencriteria on Feb 18, 2017 19:52:10 GMT
Oh. If you're doing on a mouse, you get extra points just for drawing coherently. Thanks
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Post by continuityofficer on Feb 20, 2017 9:28:43 GMT
Im pretty close to the end of Item Unoriginal now, so along with a critique, this might be a good place to ask if there's anything that you'd be disappointing to not see in the ending
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Post by ten11 on Feb 21, 2017 1:03:17 GMT
For me personally, the idea of Sarah having a happy ending feels fake. I just can't see how that could happen in a satisfying non-forced way. It probably is possible to do it well, but i cant think of how. Also it would be cool if the fact that all their chances of surviving were 50% was foreshadowing something.
idk im not experienced in critiquing.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2017 2:39:41 GMT
First off, sorry if im doing this wrong, I'm still somewhat new to the forums. Anyways I was wondering if you guys could critique Catholic Mario. It's a shitpost fanventure based off of a meme from the Siivagunner discord. It is sorta mostly shock humor and one might find it offensive (there's nothing nsfw but it is a little offensive) so if it's not allowed on the forums i will take it down. Link: mspfanventures.com/?s=18422&p=1
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inspiredsimji
Gritty Midget
Posts: 263
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
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Post by inspiredsimji on Feb 27, 2017 16:04:08 GMT
First off, sorry if im doing this wrong, I'm still somewhat new to the forums. Anyways I was wondering if you guys could critique Catholic Mario. It's a shitpost fanventure based off of a meme from the Siivagunner discord. It is sorta mostly shock humor and one might find it offensive (there's nothing nsfw but it is a little offensive) so if it's not allowed on the forums i will take it down. Link: mspfanventures.com/?s=18422&p=1Honestly? It sucks. There's clearly no effort put into it, judging by the incredibly liberal use of stock images and clipart. Putting aside the casual antisemitism, "shock humor" is code for "I'm not funny so I might as well pander to racists and bigots, who actually find this kind of thing funny". So yeah. 0/10, complete garbage.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2017 4:08:20 GMT
First off, sorry if im doing this wrong, I'm still somewhat new to the forums. Anyways I was wondering if you guys could critique Catholic Mario. It's a shitpost fanventure based off of a meme from the Siivagunner discord. It is sorta mostly shock humor and one might find it offensive (there's nothing nsfw but it is a little offensive) so if it's not allowed on the forums i will take it down. Link: mspfanventures.com/?s=18422&p=1Honestly? It sucks. There's clearly no effort put into it, judging by the incredibly liberal use of stock images and clipart. Putting aside the casual antisemitism, "shock humor" is code for "I'm not funny so I might as well pander to racists and bigots, who actually find this kind of thing funny". So yeah. 0/10, complete garbage. well, I suppose you can't please everyone. This was a sort of minimum effort post with intentional stylistic suck, but your criticisms are still perfectly valid. Also don't worry, I'm not an actual anti-semite. Like I said it's all in good fun.
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