General confessions thread

I kind of want to hang out with Derkeethus from The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. And possibly make out.
His basic expression is "afraid" so that makes me want to reassure him.

I get way too jealous when my best friend talks to or hangs out with other people. That much envy over a small thing feels dumb but that friend is my everything!

I take a lot of time to like someone, but if they do even the slightest wrong I'll hold a permanent grudge and just snarl at them whenever i see them. It can last for years.
There are also people that I know I have to hate. I never talked to them and barely ever see them, but I have to hate them.

I'm in the same boat with Sharkalien
"I think I'm a furry?"

I'm otherkin

i wrote a shitty legend of spyro fan fiction when i was 12 :')

Haha, I first used the username 'Sharkalien' for Club Penguin. Wow, 10 years I've been going by as Sharkalien now. I even considered making it my legal name

My first use of the username "The One Guy" was for the online mode of Age of Empires III, my first and only foray into online gaming. For some reason it was only letting me play against one other user, who quickly beat me in all three games I played. I went to the chat area to ask why I wasn't able to to connect with anyone else, but no one there answered, so I ended up getting obnoxious trying to get them to notice me. Exasperated, one person said things were likely blocked by my firewall and I naïvely believed him, said thank you, and logged off. Fortunately I had the sense to tell my dad about it, who set me straight that it wasn't likely the firewall, and I never tried playing the game online again.

Yeah, not exactly my proudest moment in life...

I've been using "memento vivere" as a username for... around 9 or 10 years, I guess? Late high school, anyway. To be perfectly honest, part of why I started using it is because I had one best friend who I had a falling out with, but we kept hanging out anyway despite growing feelings of negativity towards each other... so it became a kind of kismesis-ish relationship where we always got on each other's nerves and did all these passive aggressive things back and forth. We've patched things up in the years since, but at the time he was relentlessly negative and grouchy about pretty much everything, and he had recently started using the username memento mori (remember you will die). Meanwhile, I'd always try to get him to embrace optimism or looking on the bright side of things, which he always rejected, so my passive aggressive response was to start using memento vivere (remember to live) as my username to spite him. In retrospect that was petty as hell on my part, but I ended up keeping it for all these years because I genuinely do like the message of it... don't just let life pass you by, remember to live fully and in the moment.

I've thought about changing it because I've held onto it for so long and because it's not unique enough to always be available as a username, but I haven't come up with anything else that I especially like, so it may just end up staying

Carmine Sanden is my butterfly name. Not much to say about it.

However, my other pseud, "Sandentwins", has a deeper origin.
I actually don't have a twin. But in the 2010s, where school and family were giving me a really hard time (we're talking suicidal thoughts here), I had a permanent desire to give up on everything and start anew. But while I was anchored in this dangerous, cruel reality, what could be done?
I started lying to myself. Inventing myself an extended family I knew I could depend on. I invented relatives that could understand what I was going through, and among them was my "cousin". I made up a whole story about how we were so close when little, that people would mistake us for siblings. He has always been my best friend, someone with a clear and round personality, someone I knew could help me. And even when my situation became really unbearable, he was still there. I'd keep drawing us together, sending myself birthday cards signed from his hand, tried to convince myself he was real and alive.
In some weird psychological twist, he became somewhat of a splinter of myself, in a debut of clinical schizophrenia. If he wasn't real, then I would make him real. I didn't want to live as myself anyway. I wanted to die so he could live in my stead. Of course, I was young and stupid, and it took me a long time to heal.
Years later, I understood what I really needed back then, and it became somewhat better. But deep down, I never forgot the existence of this canadian cousin, who'd tell me jokes and try to cheer me up. And "Sandentwins" is kind of a reminder of what I've lived through.

And before you say this is made up, let me assure you that it's not.

I notice the conversation has changed from when we first used our username to why we came up with the usernames we did...