randomwriter
Your shit is wrecked
Posts: 624
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by randomwriter on Aug 22, 2016 17:34:00 GMT
>Try decapitation!
>Or make a break for it and promise Jay you owe her one.
>Though it only seems to be after you
>What's its deal?
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Post by smuchmuch on Aug 22, 2016 17:39:16 GMT
>Okay this just graduated from 'creepy' to 'Oh hell' dangerous. Might even quickly make it to "burn it with fire, now !" levels
>(Ps: Try burning it with fire whnever you can btw)
>Well, anywayy, in these condition, maybe you and Jay miiight consider a sudden termination of your sentence and a strategic retreat, respectively ? (In short: get out and run)
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Post by Curris on Aug 22, 2016 18:29:07 GMT
Nope! Run. Out the cell, and for the nearest staircase. Pull Jay along too.
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tronn
Rungjumpin' Ragamuffin
Posts: 287
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Post by tronn on Aug 22, 2016 21:32:58 GMT
>Gil & Jay: Lock the door and run down the corridor!
>Prison Inspector: Walk up the corridor.
>Gil & Jay: Turn around, run up the corridor!
...What kind of debts Gil got himself into?
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Post by badatnames on Aug 23, 2016 21:45:27 GMT
>Let's see how well that trick works when both arms come off.
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Post by grubleafeater on Aug 25, 2016 5:03:26 GMT
>Try MORE FIRE. Things usually don't fix fire well. Something about losing material.
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Superficial
Nipper Cadet
Stairs
Posts: 75
Pronouns: [any]
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Post by Superficial on Aug 26, 2016 12:47:03 GMT
> Gil, what's up with this guy and why does he hate you?
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Post by tailortf on Aug 26, 2016 17:32:10 GMT
>Nope!
Jay: Okay, what's the plan, man?
Gil: Well, my plan is "door's open, I'm getting outta here".
Gil: Don't know if you have one.
Jay: Wh- ASSHOLE!
Gil: Sure am, Sam.
Gil: Good luck with the fight.
Gil: Crimson Rogue out!
==>
Man, isn't running away from problems the best? It's like one moment you have all these problems, and then the next moment they're all combined into one problem of moving your feet fast enough.
No wonder I do it so often.
>Take Jay along too.
Oh, come on. We were having a great escape until you guys just HAD to remind me what an ass I am.
Fine, I'll go save my friend. At least now I kinda know what to do since I realized what that thing is.
==>
Gil: GANGWAY!
Gil: RELUCTANT HERO COMING THROUGH!
==>
Gil: CRIMSON POUNCE!
>Try decapitation!
Gil: Aw, what's the matter, buddy?
Gil: Why are you hiding your pretty face from us?
Gil: There's no need for masks here!
Gil: We...love...YOU...JUST...THE WAY...YOU...
==>
Gil: ARE!
==>
Gil: There.
Gil: Now don't say I never did anything for you.
Jay: Wow.
Jay: What WAS that thing?
Gil: A golem.
Gil: Well, okay, that's the most generic description possible.
Gil: Only the mask part is a golem.
==>
Gil: The rest is just a bag of miscellaneous flesh it's controlling.
Gil: We had these back where I used to live.
Gil: Having the actual golem be very small makes it more of a quality versus quantity thing.
Gil: Outclasses anything you guys have.
Gil: I just didn't realize it wasn't a dude in a mask until it did that self-repair thing.
Gil: Also, I didn't really think someone would send something that expensive after me.
==>
Jay: Huh.
Jay: Hey, there's some kind of tube taped to the back of the mask here.
Gil: Oh yeah, there is.
Gil: Good eye.
Jay: So if these things are as expensive as you say, why was it after you?
Jay: I've always known you as a petty thief.
Jay: Who did you piss off?
Gil: Well, while I'd love to stand here and tell you my life story, I think you're still pretty tired from fighting.
Gil: So I'm just gonna go ahead and put you in a sleeper hold, alright?
Jay: Wait, what-
==>
Jay: urk...dick...face...
Gil: Okay, there you go.
Gil: That's alright.
Gil: Let out your anger.
Gil: Let in sleep.
Jay: hate...you...so...much...
Gil: Shh, shh.
Gil: You did great.
Gil: We're all so proud of you.
Gil: Now have a nap.
==>
Sorry, Jay. I'm on the clock right now, no time to chat.
I'll make it up to you later, get you a free drink at MacLarren's or something.
==>
Alright, let's see what this is all about.
Though I'm pretty sure I already know.
==>
Yep, I figured.
Goddammit, how do they keep figuring out where I moved?
It must be the newsletters.
That's it, from now on I'm not subscribing to anymore stupid newsletters.
>What's up with this guy? Why does he hate you?
>What kind of debt are you in, Gil?
Wait, none of you guys know anything about the debt? Huh.
...you know what? Good. Clean slate is always good.
I'm gonna go ahead and keep that a secret for a little while longer, actually.
Some of the more moral ones of you might refuse to help me if I tell you.
==>
Anyway, enough about any debts I may or may not have.
We're young, wild, and newly free, and we've got two main objectives now.
1 - find the "clients", make sure they're not in any trouble, fix the trouble they'll inevitably be in.
2 - find Gil a public restroom. I REALLY need to wash my hands after that last encounter.
Let's get to work.
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Post by smuchmuch on Aug 26, 2016 22:45:00 GMT
>... You know, you seemed prety savvy of your role in the narrative ("plot convenience" indeed) but here you just answered us refering directly as 'you guys' and how we can help here....
>So uh ... just how aware of A Certain Wall (*cough*) are you ? Any reason for that ? And doesn't that kind of freak you out juuust a tiny bit ?
>hey is the golem mask valuable ?
>Could you use it to recreate a golem if you had meat and someone who knew a lot of magic ? because that bring some interesing posibilities..
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Superficial
Nipper Cadet
Stairs
Posts: 75
Pronouns: [any]
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Post by Superficial on Aug 27, 2016 2:33:04 GMT
> How long have we've been in your head again? I can't seem to remember the date.
> Use that crumpled piece of paper as a distraction!
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Post by tailortf on Aug 29, 2016 16:59:33 GMT
>Is the golem mask valuable? Could you use it to recreate a golem?
Hell if I know, I don't deal with any of this magic stuff, I just steal it.
I'm still keeping the mask, though. If it's actually possible, I wouldn't be too against the idea of a zombie meat slave.
Not for any specific purpose, but it's better to have things than not have them, y'know?
>So...just how aware of a certain wall are you?
Hmm? Oh, you probably mean the fourth wall.
Yeah, I've known all about that for ages now. A lot of you guys are pretty talkative.
Obviously I was skeptical at first, but if you actually take the time to look, you can definitely see the narrative structure struggling to make ends meet sometimes.
>How long have we been in your head again?
Man, I don't know. All my life, I guess. I'm pretty sure I just always had you voices coming in and out of my head.
Hell, for all I know everyone is just as crazy as me, they just don't show it. That would be a trip.
==>
Alright, third floor. Should be fewer guards here.
I don't know what maniac architect put a prison floor between two living quarters, but I'm not going to complain.
==>
Now then, onto the most important thing right now.
Time to wash my hands of all that unpleasantness downstairs.
Get it? "Wash my hands"? Because I'm both literally and metaphorically washing my hands?
==>
Ah, some of you probably get it. I know you guys have a sense of humor.
>Doesn't this whole thing freak you out just a tiny bit?
What, the "the entire universe is just a story" thing? Yeah, sure. It's absolutely terrifying.
But what am I supposed to do? Go tell people about it and be labeled a crazy person? Stay inside and be paranoid someone's watching me for the rest of my life? Slit my throat?
This kind of thing isn't exactly something I can run away from or throw money at, it's just too big. So mostly I just keep at it, y'know? Try and live without really thinking about it.
And hey, sometimes this "insider knowledge" of mine can help out, so, yeah, it's not all bad.
==>
Jones: So, is there a reason we're taking the stairs while that captain guy gets to use the elevator?
Rick: Well, obviously the captain wouldn't want us in the same elevator as him.
Rick: I'm sure he'd get tired of our fanboyish gushing.
Jones: Your fanboyish gushing.
Rick: That, and it's great cardio.
Rick: You always complain that you don't get enough exercise.
Jones: That's not me complaining.
Jones: I take pride in my laziness.
Jones: Anyway, I guess it's for the best.
Jones: I gotta use the restroom anyway.
Jones: Me and Hal'll catch up to you, man.
==>
Jones: Alright, sweet, no one's around.
Jones: Hal, stand in front of the door.
Jones: I likes me privacy.
==>
Jones: Rrgh- okay, that is IT!
Jones: I can't deal with this garbage anymore, I'm taking it off.
Jones: Damn itchy blindfold...
Jones: I KNEW I shouldn't have used that new fabric softener!
Jones: Ugh.
==>
Jones: Man, we gotta get back to Rick quickly.
Jones: I do not want to leave him alone with that MacLarren dude.
Jones: He just doesn't seem all that great to me, y'know?
Jones: First he shows up out of nowhere and sucker punches Rick, now he's got us running around dealing with his problems.
Jones: Not a fan.
==>
Oh great, it's that guy from the bar. I hope his friend Mr. "Handcuff Random Strangers" isn't around.
I mean, handcuffs are easy to escape, but it doesn't mean I want to get cuffed, you get what I'm saying?
Guess I'll just wait here until he leaves.
==>
Hmm.
Is he gone?
He stopped talking.
Lemme check.
==>
Jones: Yo, you know I can hear you breathing, right?
Jones: Enhanced hearing.
Jones: Kind of part of the whole "blindness" thing.
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tronn
Rungjumpin' Ragamuffin
Posts: 287
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Post by tronn on Aug 29, 2016 19:02:38 GMT
>Poke him in the eye and run away!
ohgod the horror
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randomwriter
Your shit is wrecked
Posts: 624
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by randomwriter on Aug 29, 2016 19:47:07 GMT
>PERVERT!
>PERV ALERT
>Call for help
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Post by grubleafeater on Aug 29, 2016 21:10:18 GMT
Bluff. Just say that you were attacked by a fleshy golem and that you were understandably freaked out. Maybe imitate Jay. Say you were trying to take a minute to calm down and didn't want anyone to know about it to begin with.
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randomwriter
Your shit is wrecked
Posts: 624
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by randomwriter on Aug 29, 2016 22:24:14 GMT
>Better yet, put the mask on him and run while the flesh golem tries to reconstruct itself, using the unfortunate guy.
>Too dark?
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Post by sirblizz98 on Aug 30, 2016 7:18:10 GMT
>Man, and I thought you were ugly. I kid, you're dashing as hell.
>Doesn't He know this is a Public Restroom. Well mostly public.
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Post by smuchmuch on Aug 31, 2016 16:34:39 GMT
>Careful with that guy, he's got an eye on you and you may not see eyes to eyes. Don't trust him blindly but you could aalway orbit around him.
(No I don't care how predictable and cliche those puns were, I have no regrets)
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Post by tailortf on Sept 1, 2016 14:44:59 GMT
>Doesn't he know this is a public restroom?
Gil: Hello again.
Gil: So, is this how you usually spend your time?
Gil: Peeking into men's room stalls?
Jones: Yeah, yeah, you're hilarious.
Jones: What are you even doing in here?
Gil: It's a public restroom.
Gil: What do you THINK I was doing in there?
Gil: Use your imagination, dude.
Jones: If that was the case, you were awfully quiet about it.
Jones: And you didn't flush. Impolite.
Gil: Touché.
Jones: Also, I'm pretty sure this restroom is only "public" to Church members.
Jones: Which you are DEFINITELY not.
Jones: So again, why the hell are you here?
==>
>Oh god, the horror.
Gil: Yeah, my sentiments exactly.
Jones: What?
Gil: Oh, sorry, just, uh-
Gil: I just got a little...distracted.
Gil: Could you put on your *ahem* thing?
Jones: Oh goddammi- FINE.
Jones: You big baby.
>Poke him in the eye and run away!
Yeah, that'd be great, but he's got his big ol' buddy in front of the door.
Damn that dude must work out. All that armor must weigh at least a couple hundred kilos. I don't really feel like trying to mess with him today.
>Put the mask on him and run while the flesh golem tries to reconstruct itself.
That's, uh...wow. That's a little grim, I gotta be honest.
I think I'll keep that idea on the back burner for now. Don't wanna add an assault or possibly even murder charge to this simple B&E.
>Careful with that guy, he's got an eye on you.
Ha, nice. Seriously though, that was really freaky. Is he a burn victim or something, but only in the eye area? I guess it'd be impolite to ask.
Oh crap, he's saying something. Quick, zone back in, zone back in!
==>
Jones: Hello?
Jones: You still awake?
Gil: What?
Gil: Oh, right, yeah, I'm good.
Gil: Just spaced out for a moment there.
Jones: You ready to answer my question now?
Gil: Oh, you're still on that?
Jones: Wh- did you think I'd just get bored of that line of inquiry?!
Gil: You'd be surprised.
Gil: This one time I was talking to this guy whose house I broke into, right, and-
Jones: NO.
Jones: ANSWER.
Jones: NOW.
>Bluff.
Gil: Okay, fine, look.
Gil: You seem on the level, so I'll tell you the truth.
Gil: No bullshit.
Gil: I AM here for a certain reason.
Gil: See, I overheard that you're not the biggest fan of the ol' captain, right?
Jones: I suppose you could say that.
Gil: Well, a lot of people share your opinion.
Gil: The Truthbearer, for one.
Jones: Really now?
Gil: Yeah man, she hates his guts.
Gil: Always thought he was suspicious.
Gil: But she can't just kick him out for no reason because he's a war hero or somethin', right?
Gil: So instead what she's doing is paying honest folks like me a pretty penny to keep an eye on him.
Gil: See if he's doin' anything bad, you dig?
Jones: Yeah, I think I see what you're saying.
Jones: Well, I'll admit, you DO sound genuine about it.
Jones: And I WOULD like to see that MacLarren get what he deserves for punching my buddy.
Gil: Right, we're on the same page here.
Gil: 'Course, we can't let it slip that the Truthbearer's hiring lowlife thugs like me, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't say nothin' to anyone, okay?
Jones: Yeah, sure.
Jones: One more thing, though.
==>
Jones: You wanna leave so bad? Alright.
Jones: Pay me.
Gil: Pardon?
Jones: Yeah, you heard me.
Jones: You said the Truthbearer gave you a ton of money.
Jones: And I figure you could spare some of it.
Jones: Just as a little proof to me that what you're saying is true.
Jones: Y'know, because if it wasn't, that'd mean that an honest man like you would be telling a lie, right?
Jones: And that the Truthbearer DIDN'T hire you to do a thing, right?
Jones: But that wouldn't happen.
Jones: I know you're an honest man.
Jones: You said so yourself.
Jones: So pony up.
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randomwriter
Your shit is wrecked
Posts: 624
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by randomwriter on Sept 1, 2016 17:59:15 GMT
>Okay, PUT THE MASK ON HIM
>Or just pay him pocket change.
>Or give him the mask.
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Post by badatnames on Sept 1, 2016 19:24:30 GMT
>Let's continue avoiding murder charges.
>The church's kinda on low on money, so it's resorted to paying its mooks with some of its less liquid assets. Perfectly fine for such individuals with black market connections of course.
>Give him your payment, the mask.
>also for the love of god tell him that it's not meant to be put on
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NeoTTolemo
Gadabout Pipsqueak
Posts: 126
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by NeoTTolemo on Sept 1, 2016 19:29:58 GMT
>Let's continue avoiding murder charges. >The church's kinda on low on money, so it's resorted to paying its mooks with some of its less liquid assets. Perfectly fine for such individuals with black market connections of course. >Give him your payment, the mask. >also for the love of god tell him that it's not meant to be put on > Alternatively, if you've grown attached to the mask, you could try paying him with those cigars you stole earlier. |
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Post by smuchmuch on Sept 2, 2016 1:32:24 GMT
> "You know just because your truthbearer told me to focuss on MacLarren doesn't mean she won't be interested in general corruption, so tell me son, you really want that bribe ?"
>"Besides you think she's stupid enought to pay me /before/ the job is done. All I got is a small advance"
>Give him a decent amount of cash if you have some (don't try to jsut give him petty casj, he'll probably be able to tell from the size and touch, he's blind not stupid). I know it hurts but hey if this gig works you'll probably make up on your investement. (hell just the mask should sell a nice bit)
>(Also he's blind, if you don't manage to steal your cash back later somehow, you ain't much of a thief)
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Post by grubleafeater on Sept 2, 2016 3:48:16 GMT
Dammit, Gil, the best lies include a element of the truth.
That lie contained no truthful elements. #youfuckedup
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Post by Curris on Sept 2, 2016 10:13:04 GMT
There is a time for cleverness, and wit, and there is a time to pay the taxman.
Give him a goodly bribe amount, but understand, that he's making this personal. He's hitting you in your favorite spot! Your wallet.
Inwardly swear to rob this place blind. Well, not blind, per se, but you know what you mean!
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wolftamer9
Plucky Tot
I will eat your friends
Posts: 21
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by wolftamer9 on Sept 2, 2016 11:37:32 GMT
> If he's so damn nice, he'll let you pay your bills, damnit!
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