|
|
Post by eerr on Oct 19, 2017 18:44:08 GMT
Hearts, where are you?
|
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Oct 20, 2017 16:07:24 GMT
Are the clubs an American flag? No the Flag of Clubs is an entirely unique design, based on none of the Earthly nations, famously neutral and chocolatey or otherwise.  And since you're obviously going to ask this is the Flag of Spades. Question why there are three diamonds. You ask why this drawing of the world has three diamonds and only one of each other suit. Seems unfair, you claim. The wizard agrees that it's unfair, but says not to worry because that picture is drawn from an angle that makes the Diamond Empire look very large while minimising the apparent size of the Nation of Hearts. She has a more accurate map...  The Diamond Empire is still pretty large, you note. She says that's because they're very aggressive and keep invading everyone else. Except Clubs, which they leave alone for some reason. And they largely leave Spades alone, mostly because they only have one city left. You don't point out that Hearts is also a pretty big nation and also don't share your assumption that the Heart is also very bloody, and not just the blood Diamonds. Hearts, where are you? The wizard points out where you are. Diamonds: Become part of the plot again Diamonds didn't do anything all that unusual and interesting for almost a decade and a half so we can skip that bit. Fighting and stuff, the usual. At some point he met up with Clubs, for whom a few short millenia had passed by that point. We find them now freshly in possession of this here countdown box that looks to be expiring in 14 seconds. |
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Oct 27, 2017 11:48:28 GMT
Diamonds, switch hats with clubs You (Diamonds) are too busy giving a speech about victory to Clubs and you decide to prioritise continuing speaking over more head-related antics. You think to yourself that you've all grown past this in the past few years or millennia.  And you (Clubs) are too busy expressing your boredom at aforementioned speech.  ARE YOU YAWNING IN MY SPEECH I SPENT WEEKS WRITING THIS WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO WIN AND YOU'RE SITTING THERE YAWNING AT ME COUNT DOWN THE BOX AND OPEN IT You're all too lazy to count the box down. Fortunately it counts itself down and its contents fly out without any outside intervention. Bored of this SFWH thing now. Time to play another game. We'll catch up with the wacky antics of these two in another few months. Let's play Desperate Times instead, that's much more fun. Lass: Continue onward with your quest According to your weak knowledge of the geography of the region, it should take a week to walk through this forest. You need to keep your wits about you, it's sure to be dark and full of terr- Penguins  WIZARD. I HAVE A QUEST FOR THEE. I REQUIRE FOURTEEN BOAR HIDES. WILL YOU SLAY THE BOARS AND BRING UNTO ME THEIR CORPSE PARTS?! |
|
|
|
Post by eerr on Oct 28, 2017 0:06:17 GMT
>Attempt to combine map and rules card.
|
|
|
|
Post by GreatKaiserNui on Oct 28, 2017 4:27:31 GMT
Who would volunteer for such a disgusting and dangerous task without any reason or reward?
|
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Oct 31, 2017 19:57:37 GMT
Lass: no Who would volunteer for such a disgusting and dangerous task without any reason or reward? The penguin respects your choice and wanders off to retrieve the hides itself. Penguin: go on your very own adventure PENGUIN QUEST The legendary journey of one penguin searching for some boar hides on behalf of a quest giver! Will it retrieve the hides? Or will it fail!? Find out in the next image! PEnguin provide backstory The PEnguin retrieved a quest from a quest giver to gather fourteen- oops it died Attempt to combine map and rules card. You take the map in one hand, the Card of Rules in the other, and jam them together.  The energy released is huge... you can barely contain it... you make...  A map of the world and the Card of Rules!!! You cannot combine these two items because the map of the world is a Physical Object while the Card of Rules is a Game Construct. |
|
|
|
Post by eerr on Nov 2, 2017 2:10:28 GMT
>Go to the homeland of the dragons.
|
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Nov 13, 2017 17:00:59 GMT
Go to the homeland of the dragons.    You are told that you are headed for the city Bloodspyre to talk with various authoritypeople about the plans to destroy opposing nations. The journey across half the continent takes several days so you have to amuse yourself by sleeping or throwing heartbombs at the settlements below or jumping down and trying to catch up with the dragon again. You get bored easily and don't have much patience. I'm sure it would have been interesting to see but you can't dally watching all these antics! You've got a war to fight! You think. You're not fully sure what's going on and why, you just know that you get to whoop some butts. You are told that the city is rife with dragon nests and that wizards learned to put up with them when they realised that they were hard to get rid of, and that they could be ridden when they grew up. You're completely fascinated by this enthralling tale. You consider for a moment the profound morals presented by such a fable. MORE CARD SUITS! WE NEED MORE! We already have all four. What else could there be? Bells? Melons? Truncheons? As a wise man once said "I don't think that would SUIT this game". |
|
|
|
Post by eerr on Nov 13, 2017 17:28:31 GMT
>Buy a book on how to tame a dragon.
|
|
|
|
Post by GreatKaiserNui on Nov 13, 2017 21:05:43 GMT
>It's not a real deck without Jokers.
|
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Nov 20, 2017 21:07:02 GMT
 Buy a book on how to tame a dragon. You ask the wizard if there's anywhere around here you can buy a dragon training book. The wizard asks if you want a mentor to teach you how to train dragons. You frustratedly tell her that you want a book. You want to read about it not sit in some room with an old dude for five hours a day. A book, you know. BOOK. BOOK. She asks what this "book" is of which you speak.  You tell her that you can't deal with this ignorance any more and set off to go looking for a bookshop or a library or something to rob. Or you would do that if she didn't grab you.
be cuphead Your people would transform your heads into cups to express thorough outrage. You think the situation warrants such drastic measures, but you suspect the wizard wouldn't understand the layers and layers of metaphor surrounding the act. Instead of inspiring terror and fear of retribution in the wizard like you should, you think you would only inspire a little confusion. Bring back the flame suit but make it real You do not have enough control over the suits to create a new one, but you do have enough control over your head to set it ablaze. |
|
|
|
Post by eerr on Nov 21, 2017 0:49:52 GMT
Manuals are for loosers anyway. Go butt heads with a real dragon.
|
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Dec 1, 2017 19:42:54 GMT
Wizard stare in sarcastic amazement This temper tantrum does not amuse you. Manuals are for loosers anyway. Go butt heads with a real dragon. While wizard A is busy sharing a related anecdote about your trip here, you take the opportunity to sneak away and headbutt some dragons.  Or you would if the two wizards (you acknowledge that you should probably learn their names but also note that you don't much care) did not possess at least the tiny sliver of attention it requires to notice your attempted departure. "Hey! Where are you going?!"  "Are you going to try to stop me?" "Try? If you take one more step I'll have to-" Kill something. anything. You remove the villain's circulatory system.  |
|
|
|
Post by eerr on Dec 2, 2017 2:39:46 GMT
>Drink the succulent nectars of life.
|
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Dec 6, 2017 2:00:08 GMT
Drink the succulent nectars of life. You enjoy the taste of your former adversary as you begin your glorious quest for some dragons to tame and train to do your bidding.   This is... maybe a baby dragon? But it has legs, dragons don't have legs. Perhaps some kind of related species. You could call it a wyvern or something. |
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Dec 11, 2017 13:17:20 GMT
Call it Gerald Gerald graciously accepts the name you have given it and rewards you by pledging to remain your faithful companion for all of time. This is what you would like to have happen but what actually happens is the exact opposite: Gerald flies away, probably because it saw something shiny or something. |
|
|
|
Post by eerr on Dec 13, 2017 1:08:29 GMT
>Walk a long road. Not for sun up, but for sun down.
|
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Jan 3, 2018 21:24:47 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Jan 12, 2018 15:41:34 GMT
 You just realised something: You forgot to bring any food, or much of anything really. No problem, you submit a mental note to hunt down some soon-to-be-edible beasties and...  oh hey you've heard about these. Geysers litter the forest outside your city, occasionally sending skyward scorching steam. On rare occasion it'll hit something flying above and a free meal will fall into your lap. Or into the river of lava behind you.  Thar she blows.  They are all Gerald You seize the individual names of all the retreating dragons and call them Gerald. They're too far away to get the message however so they'll be calling eachother by their original names until you catch up with them and let them know about your administrative changes.  While you're at it you open up the uPrime dictionary and rename the dragon species to Gerald. Might as well get anyone who escaped your AoE rename just now. |
|
|
|
Post by yokcos on Jan 22, 2018 14:18:22 GMT
What is the philosophical implications of the club. You contemplate the deeper meaning behind the club. Considerations of the cosmic purpose for things like novelty, comedy, distraction, the unexpecte-  Well this is hardly unexpected. "I", she is already boring you, "am the Queen of Bloodspyre! You killed a wizard under my protection, and you will pay the price!" Well at least this enemy was smart enough to bring a shield of... magic? No, compressed air. You note that this shield will do exactly nothing against you.  When threatened you instinctively throw flashing words like FIGHT, COMBAT and BATTLE up on the screen. It's kind of a bad habit. Your rhyming assessment of the situation is that you can Deploy some assistance, Descend from the battlefield, Destroy the enemy or Defend from the first attack. |
|
|
|
Post by eerr on Jan 28, 2018 21:00:57 GMT
>Okay, first, go get a door.
|
|
