Post by transformagic on Oct 22, 2016 18:39:57 GMT
This fic is intended to "fix" all the things that do not get properly explained across the species barrier, such as Mayo and Funerals. Odd quirks of troll biology are also addressed, but it's SFW.
TW: Terrible typing quirks, underlined words pretending to be links,underlined words pretending to be marios
01: First Contact
™: Yeah, no, not buying it.
™: I refuse to believe that an alien could contact me without the scientific community raising a ruckus about it.
™: But, I haven't role played in a good while, so…
™: From now on, when we speak together, I will do so as if you truly are an alien from another universe.
™: But I am very science-y, so I will be constantly asking questions, trying to poke holes in your story.
™: By the time we're done, it will be the most fleshed-out alien story ever.
TT: Since I ☆m ☆n ☆c‡u☆↳ ☆↳ien, ‡yping wi‡h my ☆c‡u☆↳ f↳esh, ‡his'↳↳ jus‡ be ☆n in‡eres‡ing cu↳‡ur☆↳ exch☆nge.
™: First thing: did you learn my language, or are you using a translator?
TT: We↳↳, I didn'‡ ↳e☆rn ☆ new ↳☆ngu☆ge ‡o ‡☆↳k ‡o you.
TT: How do we know if ‡here's ☆ ‡r☆ns↳☆‡or?
™: Well, how can something translate without you knowing?
TT: S***b does ☆ ↳o‡ of ‡hings, ‡r☆ns↳☆‡ion cou↳d be one of ‡hem.
™: New rule: If we repeat a word, then add a “?”, we want that word defined or explained. Is that okay?
TT: ☆ surprise nood↳e me☆ns exp↳☆n☆‡ion, go‡ i‡.
™: Surprise Noodle?
TT: You jus‡ used i‡.
TT:?
™: Oh. Ok. Surprise Noodle. Question Mark. ?
™: We have different words for the same thing.
TT: Does ‡h☆‡ he↳p you find ou‡ if ‡here's ☆ ‡r☆ns↳☆‡or?
™: Not really.
™: Here on my planet, people can have different words for the same thing, depending on what region they're from.
™: This, in addition to all the different languages.
TT: ‡h☆‡ migh‡ be i‡.
TT: If ‡here's ☆ ‡r☆ns↳☆‡or, when you send me some‡hing in ☆ differen‡ ↳☆ngu☆ge, i‡'↳↳ show up ☆s ☆↳‡erni☆n on my screen here.
™: And if not, it'll be incomprehensible.
™: But there's hundreds of languages to choose from.
TT: Hundreds?!
TT: You're joking.
™: No.
™: Joking would ruin your cultural study.
TT: Ok☆y, ‡hen.
TT: ↳e‡'s ‡ry i‡ ‡he o‡her w☆y.
TT: I'↳↳ send you some‡hing incomprehensib↳e, ☆nd you ‡e↳↳ me if i‡ shows up ☆s ☆ differen‡ ↳☆ngu☆ge.
TT: Here's ‡he s☆mp↳e.
TT: I‡'s in ☆ ↳owb↳ood ☆ccen‡. TT: ↳egend ho↳ds i‡ w☆s wri‡‡en by ‡he H☆ndm☆id herse↳f.
™: … dude.
™: This is Japanese.
™: Definitely another language on this end.
TT: So ‡here is no‡ ☆ ‡r☆ns↳☆‡or.
™: Our translation software isn't the best, but I'll try to translate it.
™: So, um.
™: The translation is something that, for humans at least, is...
™: Um.
™: Sexually Provocative
TT: Oh.
™: I legally cannot share this with you unless you are older than eighteen.
TT: EIGH‡EEN! On↳y ‡he highb↳oods ↳ive ‡h☆‡ ↳ong!
™: Well, how old are you?
TT: Nine.
™: Hold up.
™: Important question.
™: Nine what?
TT: Nine so↳☆r sweeps.
™: Okay, scientific unit of measurement time.
™: Bear with me.
™: The human second is 9,192,631,770 periods of radiation from the decay of the atom with 55 protons (Positive Particles) and weight 133, in its ground state, at absolute zero temperature.
TT: Ye☆h, we w☆‡ched your c↳ocks, our seconds, minu‡es, ☆nd hours ☆re ‡he s☆me.
™: THANK YOU
TT: I know, righ‡? I w☆s no‡ going ‡o c☆↳cu↳☆‡e ‡he ↳eng‡h of ☆ so↳☆r sweep in r☆di☆‡ion periods.
TT: I‡'s ☆bou‡ 4043.0[769230](repe☆ting) hours ↳ong.
™: Earth years are 8760 hours long.
TT: ☆ 13:6 r☆‡io.
™: So you are old enough to read this.
TT: I
TT: wish I w☆sn'‡.
TT: I didn'‡ know ‡h☆‡ w☆s even possib↳e.
TT: No‡ ‡o men‡ion how ‡his is comp↳e‡e↳y ch☆nging ☆↳↳ ‡he o↳d ↳egends.
™: First contact does tend to break a few religions.
™: I'm going to burn up a few of the Surprise Noodles I've made notes about.
TT: Hi‡ me.
™: S***B?
TT: I c☆n'‡ ‡e↳↳ you ‡h☆‡. I‡'↳↳ c☆use ☆ ‡ime p☆r☆dox.
™: What kind of paradox?
TT: If you go b☆ck in ‡ime ☆nd give ☆n inven‡ion ‡o somebody, who uses ‡h☆‡ ‡o cre☆‡e ‡he firs‡ version, who ☆c‡u☆↳↳y inven‡ed i‡?
™: The Bootstrap Paradox.
TT: I h☆‡e ‡h☆‡ kind, so I'm no‡ going ‡o s‡☆r‡ one if I c☆n he↳p i‡.
TT: You'↳↳ find i‡ in ☆bou‡ h☆↳f ☆ sweep.
™: About a year.
TT: Yes. I ☆m g↳☆d we sor‡ed ou‡ ‡hose uni‡s.
™: Is Alternian the primary language over there?
TT: Yes.
™: Lowblood?
TT: ‡hose on ‡he ↳ow end of ‡he Hemospec‡rum.
™: Hemospectrum?
TT: Everyone is r☆nked ☆ccording ‡o ‡heir b↳ood co↳or.
TT: Rus‡ ‡hrough ☆bou‡ J☆de ☆re ↳owb↳oods, ☆↳‡hough usu☆↳↳y ‡he ‡erm jus‡ me☆ns Rus‡b↳oods.
TT: ‡e☆↳ on up ☆re highb↳oods, ☆↳‡hough usu☆↳↳y on↳y ‡he Purp↳e-b↳ooded ge‡ ‡h☆‡ ‡erm.
™: Wait, is your blood literally in different colors?
TT: Yes.
™: Okay, then.
™: Handmaid?
TT: ‡he personific☆‡ion of de☆‡h is ☆ being wi‡h ☆ sku↳↳ ☆s ☆ he☆d.
TT: ‡he H☆ndm☆id w☆s ☆ ↳owb↳ood whose presence wou↳d ☆nnounce his imminen‡ ☆rriv☆↳.
™: A Harbinger.
TT: I never ‡hough‡ she wou↳d be so…
TT: needy.
™: We have the skull monster, but no Handmaid, horny or otherwise.
TT: How did you know we h☆d horns?
™: I'm sorry, my language was unclear.
™: Horny has the additional meaning of: “desiring sexual activity”.
™: You guys have horns?
TT: Yes. ‡hey ☆re or☆nge-co↳ored, ☆nd f☆de from d☆rk ‡o ↳igh‡ going from our he☆ds ‡o ‡he poin‡s ☆‡ ‡he end.
TT: ‡he sh☆pe v☆ries. ‡he re☆↳↳y coo↳ ones of‡en ☆re m☆de in‡o ☆nces‡r☆↳ symbo↳s.
™: Okay, your turn.
TT: You were surprised by us h☆ving differen‡ b↳ood co↳ors.
™: Humans all have the same blood color.
™: It's red, because.
™: Hold on. Do you have a chart of all the atoms, arranged by the number of positive particles?
TT: ‡here's o‡her w☆ys ‡o ☆rr☆nge ‡hem?
™: None that appear useful.
TT: Here.
™: Yeah, so our blood is red because of the interaction between remrofdica and kradgnorts.
™: This is true for pretty much all animals, too.
TT: ☆nim☆↳s?
™: Creatures that aren't… smart in the same way we are.
TT: ↳usii
™: There are a couple sea creatures that have blue blood. Is the pigment the same for your Highbloods?
TT: Yes, ☆c‡u☆↳↳y.
TT: In‡eres‡ing coincidence, ‡heir bo‡h being se☆dwe↳↳ers, ↳ike ‡he highes‡ on ‡he spec‡rum.
TT: Our ↳usii h☆ve more v☆rie‡y.
TT: ‡hey, ‡oo, h☆ve p↳☆ces on ‡he Hemospec‡rum.
™: I have a couple interesting observations.
™: First, your use of Surprise Noodle instead of Question Mark could mean your species are shocked by things more often than they are curious about them.
TT: ‡h☆‡ sounds ☆bou‡ righ‡.
™: Second, our translator test proves that somehow two different species in two different universes developed the same primary language.
TT: Somehow, ‡h☆‡ doesn'‡ surprise me.
™: Why not?
TT: S***B.
™: Ah.
TT: Oh, before I forge‡.
TT: Our species’ n☆me.
TT: ‡ro↳↳s.
™: You can't be serious.
TT: Joking wou↳d ruin my cu↳‡ur☆↳ s‡udy.
™: Trolls in human mythology were trickster figures.
™: The name on the internet refers to somebody who is pranking or teasing another.
™: Like by setting up an elaborate discussion on fictional aliens.
TT: Even if ‡his were E☆r‡h In‡erne‡ ‡ro↳↳ing, ins‡e☆d of ‡he v☆s‡↳y superior ☆↳‡erni☆n ‡ro↳↳ing, you're h☆ving ‡oo much fun ‡☆↳king ‡o me ‡o ☆sk me ‡o s‡op.
™: That is true.
™: Well, I gotta go to bed.
TT: Bed?
™: A human sleeping-place, usually made with soft fabrics supported by metal springs.
TT: Ok☆y. You're going ‡o s↳eep.
TT: In ‡h☆‡ c☆se, Good d☆y, J☆mes.
™: Good d-
™: Wait.
™: What?
TW: Terrible typing quirks, underlined words pretending to be links,
01: First Contact
™: Yeah, no, not buying it.
™: I refuse to believe that an alien could contact me without the scientific community raising a ruckus about it.
™: But, I haven't role played in a good while, so…
™: From now on, when we speak together, I will do so as if you truly are an alien from another universe.
™: But I am very science-y, so I will be constantly asking questions, trying to poke holes in your story.
™: By the time we're done, it will be the most fleshed-out alien story ever.
TT: Since I ☆m ☆n ☆c‡u☆↳ ☆↳ien, ‡yping wi‡h my ☆c‡u☆↳ f↳esh, ‡his'↳↳ jus‡ be ☆n in‡eres‡ing cu↳‡ur☆↳ exch☆nge.
™: First thing: did you learn my language, or are you using a translator?
TT: We↳↳, I didn'‡ ↳e☆rn ☆ new ↳☆ngu☆ge ‡o ‡☆↳k ‡o you.
TT: How do we know if ‡here's ☆ ‡r☆ns↳☆‡or?
™: Well, how can something translate without you knowing?
TT: S***b does ☆ ↳o‡ of ‡hings, ‡r☆ns↳☆‡ion cou↳d be one of ‡hem.
™: New rule: If we repeat a word, then add a “?”, we want that word defined or explained. Is that okay?
TT: ☆ surprise nood↳e me☆ns exp↳☆n☆‡ion, go‡ i‡.
™: Surprise Noodle?
TT: You jus‡ used i‡.
TT:?
™: Oh. Ok. Surprise Noodle. Question Mark. ?
™: We have different words for the same thing.
TT: Does ‡h☆‡ he↳p you find ou‡ if ‡here's ☆ ‡r☆ns↳☆‡or?
™: Not really.
™: Here on my planet, people can have different words for the same thing, depending on what region they're from.
™: This, in addition to all the different languages.
TT: ‡h☆‡ migh‡ be i‡.
TT: If ‡here's ☆ ‡r☆ns↳☆‡or, when you send me some‡hing in ☆ differen‡ ↳☆ngu☆ge, i‡'↳↳ show up ☆s ☆↳‡erni☆n on my screen here.
™: And if not, it'll be incomprehensible.
™: But there's hundreds of languages to choose from.
TT: Hundreds?!
TT: You're joking.
™: No.
™: Joking would ruin your cultural study.
TT: Ok☆y, ‡hen.
TT: ↳e‡'s ‡ry i‡ ‡he o‡her w☆y.
TT: I'↳↳ send you some‡hing incomprehensib↳e, ☆nd you ‡e↳↳ me if i‡ shows up ☆s ☆ differen‡ ↳☆ngu☆ge.
TT: Here's ‡he s☆mp↳e.
TT: I‡'s in ☆ ↳owb↳ood ☆ccen‡. TT: ↳egend ho↳ds i‡ w☆s wri‡‡en by ‡he H☆ndm☆id herse↳f.
™: … dude.
™: This is Japanese.
™: Definitely another language on this end.
TT: So ‡here is no‡ ☆ ‡r☆ns↳☆‡or.
™: Our translation software isn't the best, but I'll try to translate it.
™: So, um.
™: The translation is something that, for humans at least, is...
™: Um.
™: Sexually Provocative
TT: Oh.
™: I legally cannot share this with you unless you are older than eighteen.
TT: EIGH‡EEN! On↳y ‡he highb↳oods ↳ive ‡h☆‡ ↳ong!
™: Well, how old are you?
TT: Nine.
™: Hold up.
™: Important question.
™: Nine what?
TT: Nine so↳☆r sweeps.
™: Okay, scientific unit of measurement time.
™: Bear with me.
™: The human second is 9,192,631,770 periods of radiation from the decay of the atom with 55 protons (Positive Particles) and weight 133, in its ground state, at absolute zero temperature.
TT: Ye☆h, we w☆‡ched your c↳ocks, our seconds, minu‡es, ☆nd hours ☆re ‡he s☆me.
™: THANK YOU
TT: I know, righ‡? I w☆s no‡ going ‡o c☆↳cu↳☆‡e ‡he ↳eng‡h of ☆ so↳☆r sweep in r☆di☆‡ion periods.
TT: I‡'s ☆bou‡ 4043.0[769230](repe☆ting) hours ↳ong.
™: Earth years are 8760 hours long.
TT: ☆ 13:6 r☆‡io.
™: So you are old enough to read this.
TT: I
TT: wish I w☆sn'‡.
TT: I didn'‡ know ‡h☆‡ w☆s even possib↳e.
TT: No‡ ‡o men‡ion how ‡his is comp↳e‡e↳y ch☆nging ☆↳↳ ‡he o↳d ↳egends.
™: First contact does tend to break a few religions.
™: I'm going to burn up a few of the Surprise Noodles I've made notes about.
TT: Hi‡ me.
™: S***B?
TT: I c☆n'‡ ‡e↳↳ you ‡h☆‡. I‡'↳↳ c☆use ☆ ‡ime p☆r☆dox.
™: What kind of paradox?
TT: If you go b☆ck in ‡ime ☆nd give ☆n inven‡ion ‡o somebody, who uses ‡h☆‡ ‡o cre☆‡e ‡he firs‡ version, who ☆c‡u☆↳↳y inven‡ed i‡?
™: The Bootstrap Paradox.
TT: I h☆‡e ‡h☆‡ kind, so I'm no‡ going ‡o s‡☆r‡ one if I c☆n he↳p i‡.
TT: You'↳↳ find i‡ in ☆bou‡ h☆↳f ☆ sweep.
™: About a year.
TT: Yes. I ☆m g↳☆d we sor‡ed ou‡ ‡hose uni‡s.
™: Is Alternian the primary language over there?
TT: Yes.
™: Lowblood?
TT: ‡hose on ‡he ↳ow end of ‡he Hemospec‡rum.
™: Hemospectrum?
TT: Everyone is r☆nked ☆ccording ‡o ‡heir b↳ood co↳or.
TT: Rus‡ ‡hrough ☆bou‡ J☆de ☆re ↳owb↳oods, ☆↳‡hough usu☆↳↳y ‡he ‡erm jus‡ me☆ns Rus‡b↳oods.
TT: ‡e☆↳ on up ☆re highb↳oods, ☆↳‡hough usu☆↳↳y on↳y ‡he Purp↳e-b↳ooded ge‡ ‡h☆‡ ‡erm.
™: Wait, is your blood literally in different colors?
TT: Yes.
™: Okay, then.
™: Handmaid?
TT: ‡he personific☆‡ion of de☆‡h is ☆ being wi‡h ☆ sku↳↳ ☆s ☆ he☆d.
TT: ‡he H☆ndm☆id w☆s ☆ ↳owb↳ood whose presence wou↳d ☆nnounce his imminen‡ ☆rriv☆↳.
™: A Harbinger.
TT: I never ‡hough‡ she wou↳d be so…
TT: needy.
™: We have the skull monster, but no Handmaid, horny or otherwise.
TT: How did you know we h☆d horns?
™: I'm sorry, my language was unclear.
™: Horny has the additional meaning of: “desiring sexual activity”.
™: You guys have horns?
TT: Yes. ‡hey ☆re or☆nge-co↳ored, ☆nd f☆de from d☆rk ‡o ↳igh‡ going from our he☆ds ‡o ‡he poin‡s ☆‡ ‡he end.
TT: ‡he sh☆pe v☆ries. ‡he re☆↳↳y coo↳ ones of‡en ☆re m☆de in‡o ☆nces‡r☆↳ symbo↳s.
™: Okay, your turn.
TT: You were surprised by us h☆ving differen‡ b↳ood co↳ors.
™: Humans all have the same blood color.
™: It's red, because.
™: Hold on. Do you have a chart of all the atoms, arranged by the number of positive particles?
TT: ‡here's o‡her w☆ys ‡o ☆rr☆nge ‡hem?
™: None that appear useful.
TT: Here.
™: Yeah, so our blood is red because of the interaction between remrofdica and kradgnorts.
™: This is true for pretty much all animals, too.
TT: ☆nim☆↳s?
™: Creatures that aren't… smart in the same way we are.
TT: ↳usii
™: There are a couple sea creatures that have blue blood. Is the pigment the same for your Highbloods?
TT: Yes, ☆c‡u☆↳↳y.
TT: In‡eres‡ing coincidence, ‡heir bo‡h being se☆dwe↳↳ers, ↳ike ‡he highes‡ on ‡he spec‡rum.
TT: Our ↳usii h☆ve more v☆rie‡y.
TT: ‡hey, ‡oo, h☆ve p↳☆ces on ‡he Hemospec‡rum.
™: I have a couple interesting observations.
™: First, your use of Surprise Noodle instead of Question Mark could mean your species are shocked by things more often than they are curious about them.
TT: ‡h☆‡ sounds ☆bou‡ righ‡.
™: Second, our translator test proves that somehow two different species in two different universes developed the same primary language.
TT: Somehow, ‡h☆‡ doesn'‡ surprise me.
™: Why not?
TT: S***B.
™: Ah.
TT: Oh, before I forge‡.
TT: Our species’ n☆me.
TT: ‡ro↳↳s.
™: You can't be serious.
TT: Joking wou↳d ruin my cu↳‡ur☆↳ s‡udy.
™: Trolls in human mythology were trickster figures.
™: The name on the internet refers to somebody who is pranking or teasing another.
™: Like by setting up an elaborate discussion on fictional aliens.
TT: Even if ‡his were E☆r‡h In‡erne‡ ‡ro↳↳ing, ins‡e☆d of ‡he v☆s‡↳y superior ☆↳‡erni☆n ‡ro↳↳ing, you're h☆ving ‡oo much fun ‡☆↳king ‡o me ‡o ☆sk me ‡o s‡op.
™: That is true.
™: Well, I gotta go to bed.
TT: Bed?
™: A human sleeping-place, usually made with soft fabrics supported by metal springs.
TT: Ok☆y. You're going ‡o s↳eep.
TT: In ‡h☆‡ c☆se, Good d☆y, J☆mes.
™: Good d-
™: Wait.
™: What?
