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Post by bahinchut on Mar 7, 2019 14:41:41 GMT
Crud Spade
This is essentially a mirror of the same adventure from MSPFA, which can be found [a href="https://mspfa.com/?s=29375&p=1"]here.[/a] I'll be posting the first 43 pages in this thread, after which I encourage you to give suggestions. Please.
 You are Spades Slick, the city's infamous gang leader and vicious killer. Your nefarious plots are serpentine in complexity. Your schemes, convoluted. It's an arid dusklit night and you are feeling particularly spiteful. What will you do? SS: Open Hearts Door. You give the HEART DOOR a good few hardy jiggles. Just as you thought, no getting through without the RULES CARD FOR HEARTS. >Ɛ> Shit. 
SS: Open Spades Door.
 Sure can do. >Ɛ>
You wield your trusty RULES CARD FOR BLACKJACK, unlocking the Spade Door. >Ɛ> There appears to be something in the way. SS: Sing like a canary and smash your head against the door.
 That may single-handedly be the most ridiculous thought you've ever had the displeasure of thinking. No way you're making that much of a fool of yourself. ... You have a guy for that. SS: Examine Con-Air poster. You cannot do that because the door to your room is blocked. SS: Pick up the crack on the wall.
 You attempt to peel that little crack up there right off the wall, but your stature stops you short, so to speak. It's moments like these where you wish a couple of tall fellas would do you the favour of reaching up to your crack. Meanwhile, in a room adjacent.
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 7, 2019 14:46:48 GMT
 A young chelloveck has smoked his snoutie to the filter. < > Your name is Diamonds Droog, let's get that little tidbit outta the way. You're more or less the beauty of this operation. Slick can go on scheming 'till the milkbeasts go home, but everyone knows that any band of lowlifes worth their weight in psychedelic liquorice needs a proper charmer. You hate to admit it, but you've spent the last couple of hours locked in your room. You seem to have misplaced your RULES CARD FOR PIQUET, and we all know there's no getting out of these concrete coffins without the appropriate reality-bending key. You've run out of good TV and even your perfectly gentlemanly newspaper is growing a little stale. What will you do? DD: Take a sip of coffee. You take a take a stern sip of the coffee sitting on your drawer. Amazingly, it's managed to stay hot all this time. Go figure. DD: Knock on your door, perhaps someone will take notice.
 You travel to the other end of your claustrophobic chump-hut and calmly slam the door half off its hinges. >Ɛ>
 Oh shit.
< > Looks like Slick's on the other side. He asks you what the hell you think you're doing making that lousy racket. You explain to him you've been stuck behind this door for a while now. Huh, he says. Huh? Yeah, he says, he's been stuck on the other end of this exact same door. What a coincidence. You ask him if he's seen your DIAMOND KEY anywhere. No, he says. Oh, you say. Well, you ask him if he sees any other way inside. He says he'll look around. >Ɛ>
 You are Spades Slick again. Your subordinate Diamonds Droog has managed to lock himself in his room. The way you see it, the sooner you get him and Boxcars by your side, the sooner you can start getting some action rolling here. SS: Face fourth wall.
Yup, there it is. Fourth wall. Right where you left it. Gaudy fucking wall-art and all. SS: Is that a stick in the corner? pick it up. It's likely to relate to some sort of weird puzzle shit.
It appears to be a pocket lockpick. As far as weird puzzle shit goes it doesn't get much easier than this. SS: Use lockpick on Diamonds Dog. You get to work almost immediately. DON'T WORRY DROOG, THE BIG MAN IS GETTIN' YOU OUT OF wait a minute how does this shit work. |
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 7, 2019 15:08:39 GMT
SS: Unscrew lightbulb. You will need to find a fuse box before doing that. SS: Tap morose code to your carapacian compatriot to relay predicament. Preferably through stabbing.
Your knives are in your war chest, so you morosely grumble a sequence of guttural noises that could be interpreted as morse code. ... There's no answer. SS: Attempt silly jig to coax the door into unlocking. Desperate times call for desperate measures!
 Seeing no other way to open the door, you do the only sensible thing and spend a couple of minutes dancing like a complete fool. The door remains locked. SS: Wheres that fool Boxcars? He'd be awfully useful right now.
Amen to that. Here you are, busting your keister trying to unlock this door, while your expert safe cracker is right over there, doing god only knows what. You bet he's grabbing forty winks from his oh-so-busy job of sitting on his titanic ass all day. SS: Ask HB for help. You march up to Boxcars' door and tell him he's needed at once. Droog is locked inside his room, and you're locked outside of seemingly everywhere. Ɛ>
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Your name is Hearts Boxcars. You were just awoken by the familiar sound of Slick bitching your ear off. A quick glance tells you that your door knob has recently fallen straight off your door. Ain't that just perfect? What the hell are you supposed to do? HB: Punch door in face to assert dominance
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 7, 2019 15:26:38 GMT
DD: Why have you not tossed the disgusting newspaper yet? Do it at once!!!  You can't do that because Diamonds Droog is too busy being Spades Slick being Hearts Boxcars. You are now Spades Slick, by the way. Hearts Boxcars has joined your party. HEARTS BOXCARS IMAGINATION: 0 PULCHRITUDE: 0 VIM: 9,999 HB: Use the stripper to conceal the hole in the door. It's unseemly. That may be the stupidest idea you ever heard, but Slick seems to be in a real dumbass mood today, so he tries to pick up the stripper. He's stopped when he realises he's still holding the lockpick. You can't help but notice his blatant lack of weapons. HB: Break down DD's door, post haste! You brazenly knock the door open, Slick tagging behind like a lost puppy. Ɛ>
Well what do you know. The lanky son of a bitch has made himself scarce. SS: Venture further into this foreboding domicile in search of that lanky son of a bitch.
You never realised how long Droog's room is. That said, he's never really been one for visitors. You think about Droog wandering through this labyrinthine living-quarter, knowing damn well you were trying to bust him out. It makes your blood boil, thinking of the damn gall of this fucker to up and disappear like that. It festers in your veins, causing the muscles on your face to wriggle and knot into a grimace. You hate that guy sometimes. You see what looks like the end of the room up ahead. >Ɛ>
You meet with a gigantic, multi-screen terminal. It looks like it's tuning into something. >Ɛ> This guy...>Ɛ> SS: Decide to haul ass out of there before that ominous timer reaches zero.
You're pretty sure that guy back there expected you to solve some puzzle which involved locating an escape hatch within a time limit, but the exit was still open. You simply go back the way you came. Boxcars even sensibly shuts the Diamond Door after himself. Looks like you're finally in the pink. >Ɛ>
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 7, 2019 15:32:19 GMT
HB: Be Clubs Deuce.
Hearts Boxcars stops being Spades Slick just in time to be Clubs Deuce.
Your name is Clubs Deuce, and you've been spending the last few hours rubbing elbows with some of the finest company the city has to offer. The well-to-do clap and cheer to your skills on the recorder and a good time is generally had by all.
Well if it isn't Miss Stanford. You ask if her father still engages on the regular old love affair. All in good jest, you assure her. And Mr. Hemingway, is the steamboat business still thriving? Good, good.
It sure feels great to be socialising like this.
CD: Realize everyone around you is some sort of weird purple statue.
Statues? Don't be ridiculous. Statuesque, certainly. Rock solid pillars which hold up our dearly held values of culture, society and a booming economy. Each man and woman in this room, with perhaps the exception of that tart Ms. Goldstein, is a marvellous specimen of class.
CD: Encounter SAWBUCK. You can't be the only mingler among the socially elite, after all.
If he were here, you think you'd have seen him already.
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Salty
Mr. Snoozyprince Mcsleepypants
Dead.
Posts: 172
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by Salty on Mar 7, 2019 18:40:17 GMT
CD: Check inventory and stats.
CD: Explore this violet ballroom.
CD: Ponder your reason for being here.
CD: Woo dames.
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 7, 2019 19:43:44 GMT
CD: Check inventory and stats.
Sadly, you don't have much on you at the minute. You've recently misplaced your BATTLEDROBE.
CLUBS DEUCE
IMAGINATION: 100
VIM: 15
PULCHRITUDE: 10
INEPTITUDE: OFF THE FUCKING CHARTS
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 7, 2019 20:43:30 GMT
CD: Look out window. >Ɛɔ
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 7, 2019 21:13:18 GMT
SS/HB: Descend to the basement.  You're pretty sure this is the basement. A lower level was slightly above your construction budget, but a self-detonating super-computer apparently wasn't. |
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Salty
Mr. Snoozyprince Mcsleepypants
Dead.
Posts: 172
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by Salty on Mar 7, 2019 22:44:04 GMT
HB: Examine destruction in the room adjacent.
HB: Use imagination to un-detonate super-computer. It's so terrible it just might work!
SS: Uh... ascend through hatch instead?
SS: Order Boxcars to smash into your room like the Kool-Aid man.
SS: Retrieve your assortment of fancy knives.
CD: Take a well-deserved swig of WHISKEY SPIKED FRUIT PUNCH as reward for a stellar recorder solo.
CD: Stop being Hearts Boxcars and be Diamonds Droog.
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 8, 2019 2:10:12 GMT
HB: Help up your weak-ass boss. You respectfully tell your runt of a superior to get his scrawny ass off the floor. SS: Order Boxcars to smash into your room like the Kool-Aid man.
 You immediately dust yourself off and bark orders at your inferior to smash his fat ass into that door, Kool-Aid man style. HB: OH YEAH! You hype yourself up to say oh yeah! just to bounce right off the door. Huh. Whatever's keeping that door shut must have the mass of a star. SS/HB: Ascend to the highest point. It just occurs to you... You haven't actually tried the exit. |
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 9, 2019 20:11:10 GMT
>Ɛ>
 >Ɛ> >Ɛ> You ascend the ladder out of your lair SS: Get the drop on that copper. No lady, YOU listen. A bust! Don't you know what a bust is? What? Now what the hell would I need that for? Listen, all I need's a bust, heavy enough to keep a gutter shut. Uh huh. Yeah. ... Alright, what the hell is a BBW? >Ɛ>
Huh? >Ɛ>
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 10, 2019 15:52:04 GMT
CD: Stop being Hearts Boxcars and be Diamonds Droog.
Hearts Boxcars stops being Spades Slick so that Clubs Deuce can be Diamonds Droog.
After a quick chat with the big man and an unreasonably long climb up a set of ladders, you've found yourself in a very ominous room. If you were a betting man, (which you are, it comes with the trade really) you'd put money on this place being part of some sort of puzzle.
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 10, 2019 18:22:11 GMT
A bucket! Get that obscene shit outta here!
You don't get what all the hullabaloo is. It's just a bucket, nothing obscene about that. Perfect for storing liquids, fried chicken, assorted toy dinosaurs. Frankly, the bucket is a staple of modern inventions, right up there with the wheel and sliced bread. How the hell would we mop floors without buckets? People would need to dip their mops in the sink, but think of the handle. It would hit the ceiling, causing all sorts of misunderstandings with your fellow apartment tenants. The bucket has surely relieved us of all variety of awkward situations, and has likely prevented the downfall of civilisation as we know it. The bucket is like a proud soldier, serving his country. And his country is the whole damn planet.
But right now, the only thing it's serving is a hearty dish of what the fuck are you supposed to do with this.
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venchi
Rungjumpin' Ragamuffin
Posts: 283
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by venchi on Mar 11, 2019 15:26:51 GMT
Pull the bucket down
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Post by bahinchut on Mar 12, 2019 19:24:10 GMT
DD: Clearly nothing here is relevant yet. Enter the fun room.
You mean the NUF MOOR? It's worth a shot you guess, but you've got a real bad feeling about this place.
Well, here we are. You gotta admit, it doesn't look very fun. In any case, it's an improvement from the last room you were in, so it can't be that bad. There doesn't seem to be any doors from this point on, which begs the question of where the hell you are exactly.
DD: Chug
Chugging the better half of that water cooler has filled up your PISS METER accordingly
DD: Notice the notice board.
You survey the bulletin board to see if you can find anything interesting. You see two ostensibly identical ads for what appears to be a service providing custom-made busts, which can then be delivered straight to your door. It looks like this one here will even polish your bust for free.
Above it seems to be another ad for some kind of two-man act, covered by a slip of paper which simply reads "mom" for some reason.
Right next to that is a wanted poster quite dramatically picturing you and your cohorts posing as a team. Naturually, the reward seems to have been hiked up recently.
Lastly, there seems to be a letter of notice.
DD: Pull the bucket down.
You travel back to the fun room and have a crack at that puzzle. Pulling down the bucket, you notice a monitor flicker to life, but the cable doesn't have enough slack to let you interact with it.
You'll have to find another way.
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NothingIsOkay75
Planet Healer
Homestuck 2? More like Homestuck POO amirite? Please bring back this forum
Posts: 324
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by NothingIsOkay75 on Mar 14, 2019 0:50:54 GMT
>Obviously you need to get rid of all your weapons, like the sign says
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venchi
Rungjumpin' Ragamuffin
Posts: 283
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by venchi on Apr 7, 2019 6:04:04 GMT
Use the cop as a battering ram against the steel doors
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