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Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 17:04:29 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 17:04:29 GMT

> Jay: Proceed with fainting.

Hey, you don't have to tell yourself twice, or at least you wouldn't if you were still CONSCIOUS. What a paragon of SELF-DISCIPLINE you are!

=====>

You awake in your ROOM, but everything looks a bit... off.

At least whoever designed this place has good taste in COLORS, you think to yourself.

> Jay: Look out of the window.

Hmm, yeah, this isn't your neighborhood. There are no POTHOLES in the roads or SHOTGUN PELLETS in the roadsigns.

You sit and ponder for a short while. You've always been prone to SPACING OUT, but it never felt this... real before. Perhaps this grand vista is simply the product of a late-night SCI-FI MOVIE MARATHON and more than a handful of your favorite snack SUGARY SATURNS? You'd like to think so, but you have a vague feeling of discomfort, not unlike a dream you can't wake up from. Yeah, you're pretty sure you're dreaming, there's really no other explai-

OH GOD YOU FORGOT YOU'RE CLUMSY EVEN WHEN YOU AREN'T AWAKE.

Huh. It appears this weird land has offered you a bit of a small MERCY. You can fly. Neat.

> Jay: Look in the distance

Golden SPIRES, saffron STREETS, and amber WINDOWS glint under the soft glow of the ball of sky and clouds above. You're not sure if you should be reminded of a RENAISSANCE PAINTING or of Episode 45 of your favorite comedy, COSMOS CURMUDGEONS. You saw the whole thing being made of sulfur instead of gold coming from a lightyear away.

Huh, there's a spire in the distance just like the one you just fell out of...

And a certain someone who isn't as CLUMSY as you is still in theirs. Seems that they're beckoning to you.

Last Edit: Nov 2, 2016 17:13:34 GMT by Huff

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 17:13:11 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 17:13:11 GMT

> Jay: Angrily shake fist at the non-clumsy person for their apparent dexterity.

Continuing your streak of following COMMANDS before you even receive them (or realize that they exist), you shake with all the VIGOR and righteous ANGER a girl could ever hope to muster. How dare they lord their talent for GROSS MOTOR CONTROL over you? With what you assume to be native FLYING POWERS, they must never have had to face the challenge of the thousands of flights of STAIRS you have fallen down over the years! Sometimes after so many falls, even a strict WARNING can't even help one with a flight of foes.

You narrowly miss flying into the side of a tower whilst focusing on not hitting yourself in the face with your fist (your FATHER says you've gotten very good at not doing that lately.)

>Jay: Begrudgingly inspect your non-tomboyish dress.

As you mused earlier, the COLOR is a solid ten, but the DESIGN of this dress leaves something to be desired, mainly the fact that it's a dress. You flip over onto your back to inspect it further, incoming OBSTACLES be damned. It's of a fine make, sure, but you'd think that your SUBCONSCIOUS would know what kind of clothes you'd like to wear. You roll your eyes.

Huh.

>Jay: Space out and stare at the clouds for a bit.

You catch an unexpected sight during your EYEROLL and spend a few minutes spacing out at, well, the large planet sitting in space.

====>

As you stare, a few CLOUDS eclipse your view of the planet. Surprisingly, they don't blend in with the backdrop of white and blue.

====>

Yeah, you're pretty sure this has to be a dream. You've seen a lot of things in your life, but none so egregiously ERRONEOUS as this.

Ace has and will never look as handsome and suave as he does in that cloud. Damn CLOUDS, always lying. Your FATHER always said to keep an eye on the clouds, and that every cloud's silver lining could actually be a sign of a disguised AIRSHIP full of NUKES.

>Jay: Investigate apparent nonclumsy person.

After giving the CLOUDS a good glare and a promise that you're always WATCHING, you turn back toward the tower, which is much closer. You peer inside to see...

Gary?

Or at least you'd like to think so. You've never seen the guy this excited before. You shrug as best as you can in the air and write it off as your SUBCONSCIOUS ignoring the supposed can-

Gary: Oh, Jay, you're finally awake!
Jay: ?!?
Jay: "Awake"?
Jay: I Think Youre Mistaken, I Am Definitely Dreaming.
Jay: Even Though Ive Never Seen My Friends In My Dreams Before
Gary: Hmm. Are you sure about that?
Gary: You've never seen or talked to me in your sleep before?
Jay: Well, I Usually Dont Remember My Dreams
Jay: But This Feels...Different From Other Dreams.
Jay: Im Sure Id Remember If This Had Happened Before!
Gary: What about the moon? I mean, this place.
Gary: The big golden city with all of the spires? The cloudy planet in the sky?
Gary: None of it feels slightly familiar?
Jay: Well, Ive Dreamed About Planets Before
Jay: Some Of Them Were Cloudy
Jay: When I Was Little, I Used To Dream About Space A Lot!
Jay: Zooming Around In My Spaceship, Beaming Down To Uncharted Planets And Making Friends With All The Colorful Aliens Who Lived There
Gary: Okay, adorable things like that aside.
Gary: I am talking a lot more recently.
Jay: Unfortunately I Have Had No Such Bedtime Adventures Over The Past Few Years
Jay: I Tend To Wake Up Completely Blank-Minded As If I Had Not Been Dreaming At All.
Gary: (Gah. Worth a shot.)
Jay: Huh?
Gary: Never mind. It's just that we've been through all this many, many times, and you never remember me, this place, or what's going on here.
Jay: By "This Place" Do You Mean Like
Jay: Inside My Subconscious?
Gary: No no no.
Gary: Think carefully about the last dream you had. It was just a few hours ago, right?
Jay: Hmm, Actually
Jay: I Remember Floating Between A Gold And Purple Planet In Space!
Jay: Is This That Same Gold Planet?
Gary: Yes! The two planets you're talking about are called Prospit and Derse.
Gary: We are currently on the golden one. Or rather, its moon.
Gary: These two planets are home to two warring kingdoms, one of light, and one of darkness.
Gary: And the moons are home to these weird clones of us that we wake up as when we go to sleep.
Gary: You, me, and and the rest of our friends all have these "dream selves". Four of us here on Prospit, and four of us on Derse.
Jay: Wait, Slow Down
Jay: First Of All, Is It Really Only The Eight Of Us, In The Whole World, Who Have These "Dream Selves"?
Jay: What Makes Us So Special?
Gary: I'm not sure. I've only really been around the two moons though, maybe there are others elsewhere?
Jay: Also, Why Is Your Dream Self So
Jay: Uh
Jay: Lively?

====>

Gary: I would agree that I am a lot more excitable than you're used to.
Gary: Maybe it has something to do with being surrounded by a fanciful golden kingdom on a moon in space?
Gary: Or perhaps simply the way dreams tend to be a lot more muddled than reality, and our subconscious tends to "go with the flow" as they progress?
Gary: I'm not an expert on the subject of dream self psychology, but I like to theorize.
Gary: Your memory thing is another example.
Gary: In the waking world it's borderline photographic. I swear you were able to quote entire scripts from those sci-fi shows and movies you watch.
Jay: You Mean When The Eight Of Us Played Intergalactic Turbo-Raiders II Together?
Gary: Fuck, don't remind me about our playthrough of that.
Jay: Gary, They *Blatantly* Stole The Ship Designs From The Cult Classic Assault On Galacticon IV! They Should Have Been Sued, It Was So Outrageous
Jay: And The Main Plot Twist Was Pretty Much Identical Too
Jay: I Swear They Just Copy Pasted The Dialog And Changed The Characters Names!!
Gary: Okay, I get it!
Gary: Weeks after we completed the campaign you were still harping on about that.
Gary: There's only so much you can do with that sort of setting. There's going to be accidental rehashes once in a while!
Jay: That Mission Where We Had To Start Up The Fusion Generator Powering The Starscorcher Laser Cannon
Jay: And It Turned Out That Our Commander Was Actually A Rebel Spy
Jay: Who Then Aimed The Cannon At Our Own Flagship
Jay: And Then
Jay: ...
Jay: And Then We Uh
Jay: Shit, I Can't Remember
Gary: You see what I mean.
Gary: Your dream self seems to have considerable difficulty with recalling information.
Gary: And as for retaining it...
Gary: Well from my experience you don't do that at all.
Jay: Okay I Do See What You Mean
Jay: But Honestly Gary This All Feels A Bit ... Off
Jay: Are You Sure This Isnt Some Crazy Hallucination Caused By Aliens Abducting Me And Reprogramming My Brain?
Jay: Because That Sounds Much More Plausible.
Gary: That is a nice theory.
Gary: But could any alien, no matter how hyperintelligent, ever reprogram your brain to create a representation of Gary Jones as irresistible as...
Gary: THIS?
Jay: ...
Jay: ...
Jay: Probably Not
Jay: Nor Do I Think My Brain Is Capable Of Envisioning A Muscle Flex As Unimpressive As That
Gary: :(
Gary: Your disregard for my VERY REAL, non-hallucinatory feelings aside,
Gary: This is a realm completely outside our own, and it is definitely corporeal.
Gary: I'd love to tell you everything, but it's mostly superfluous and we're on something of a tight schedule here. You remember what was happening before you fainted?
Jay: Hmmm
Jay: Man, It Feels Like It Was Months Ago!
Jay: I Remember Getting On My Computer To Look Up Some Sci-Fi Stuff
Jay: But Then I Ended Up Getting Distracted
Jay: By Some News Article About
Jay: Uh
Jay: ...
Gary: Was there anything armageddon-y about this news article?
Jay: Oh!
Jay: Oh no!
Jay: I Remember Now!
Jay: Gary Theres Meteors Coming Were All Going To Die We Have To Do Something!!!
Gary: You freaking the fuck out here is a good thing. Focus on that deepening, indescribable horror of the Earth shattering and burning around you for a moment, while I reassure you.
Gary: There's a way we can stop it.
Gary: I think.
Gary: You just need to listen very carefully to what I'm about to tell you.
Jay: Okay, Im Listening.
Jay: How Do We Cancel The Apocalypse?
Gary: When you wake up, all of our friends are going to be talking about the meteors.
Gary: They will likely be as terrified as you.
Gary: Jenny has recently come into possession of an extremely critical, highly advanced piece of technology.
Gary: If there is a key to saving the world, this is it.
Gary: You NEED to remember this, Jay, all of our fates depend on it.
Gary: I know I'm not normally this serious. I hope this speaks for the gravity of our situation.
Jay: Ill Remember!
Jay: You Can Count On Me, Dream-Gary!
Gary: It's just "Gary".
Gary: This is all a bit intimidating, but this is our destiny, Jay! It's the most important thing we've ever done, maybe anyone has ever done!
Gary: And the best part is, we get to do it togeth-oh hey.

====>

Jay: !!
Gary: Well, looks like I have important business of my own to attend to.
Gary: It's been real, but I gotta send you back!
Gary: See you on the other side! The one where the end of days is happening.
Jay: Wait! I-

>Gary: Ding-dong!

Gary: Pleasant dreams, Jay.
Gary: (Well. You know what I mean).

====>

You awake with a start. Huh, must have SPACED OUT again- you can't remember anything. You don't often remember your DREAMS, but when you do, you don't. You never remember your DREAMS clearly.

It seems that your COMPUTER rebooted while you were out of it. At least it took the terrifying NEWS STORY down with it- it'd be too soon if you never saw another meteor that close. Good thing that'll never happen.

In any case, your desktop is visible; might as well log on to PESTERCHUM and see if any of your friends are on.

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 17:15:10 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 17:15:10 GMT

====>

-- generousAxewielder [GA] opened a group chat --

-- aggravatingCoder [AC] joined the chat --
-- animosityTorpedo [AT] joined the chat --
-- conscientiousGardener [CG] joined the chat --
-- crispyCronologic [CC] joined the chat --
-- twistedCourier [TC] joined the chat --
GA: Guys are you seeign what I'm seeing?
GA: I know I'm likely far away form you all at the moment but my coordinates are, uh, lemme look them up.
AT: HOLY SHIt GUYS
AT: tHERES FREaKING MEtEORS EVERYWHERE \N @/
AT: PaNIC PaNIC PaNIC PaNIC
GA: Ok, I guess you are :c
AT: i AcTuAlly spenT The lAsT Three minuTes running Around Throwing Things AT wAlls in A pAnic before i mAnAged To geT on here To see if i wAsnT The only one seeing This. ono
AT: my room is now An unholy mess, buT my compuTer mAnAged To mAke iT undAmAged, whAT luck
TC: Yeah, there are meteor storms here too.
TC: Of course I'm a little less able to panic like you lot.
TC: There's no knowing when my dad is going to let me out of my room, if ever.
TC: Braving a meteor barrage to prove a point about ramps and trespassing.
TC: Truly the stoniest, coldest motherfucker there is.
TC: I wonder if this counts as being a POW. Maybe we'll have something in common then.
CC: GUYS I BROKE MY PORTAL GUN!;;
CC: ive been trying to fix my mom has been needling me all day;
CC: *fix it and my mom, i mean;
CC: ;
CC: also the sky is on fire and i actually didnt do it this time;
CG: Oh god, I dont know what to do
CG: Meteors are TERRIBLE for plants
AC: Relax guys, they are clearly just paper mache. There 1s n0 such th1ng as mete0rs. 1t 1s just a h0ax t0 explain why they have all the d1n0saurs l0cked up undergr0und, runn1ng 0n mass1ve treadm1lls.
GA: Oh please, you haven't evne gotten a good look a tthem! You're stuck in your dumb ol' fridge!
GA: Meanqwhile I'm having trouble even standing up because these things keep making waves! My fucking house is going to capsize!!
AC: Hey, th1s "dumb 0l' fr1dge" 1sn't stuck 0ut 1n the m1ddle 0f the 0cean w1th all th0se fake mete0rs.
AC: S0 hah.
GA: You adfnjibgkmnl,.nh,iuytgrfsdAFJEKLFUCK THAT ONE WASHUGE.
AC: The turbulence 1s pr0bably caused by the deep water wave generat0rs.
AC: 0h. 0h w0w.
AC: That's f1endish. Us1ng the mete0rs t0 c0ver th0se up as well!
AC: 1 guess they read my p0st ab0ut the stup1d "earthquake" and "v0lcan1c erupt10ns" excuses.
CG: These meteors definitely arent paper mache
CG: Paper mache wouldn't make this much of a ruckus
CG: Argh its so loud!
CG: Months of playing soothing bass for my greenery wasted because space decided to throw a bunch of rocks at us!
AT: creAm hAd To go hide under my bed becAuse the Tremors and noise Are frighTening her :[
AC: 1 can barely hear a peep 1n here.
AC: S0 qu1et. S0 refresh1ng. S0 safe. 0u0
AT: you should probAbly Think AbouT geTTing ouT of ThAT fridge
AT: The Air hAs goT To be geTTing sTAle in There by now..
AC: 1t 1s n0t 0nly an 1mperv10us sanctum 0f refuge, but als0 the p1nnacle 0f refr1gerat10n techn0l0gy.
AC: My m0m put a half-eaten pumpk1n casser0le 1n here 0nce and 1t was s0meh0w ST1LL FRESH f0ur m0nths later.
CG: Ew?
AC: Where d1d she buy th1s th1ng? 1'm n0t even sure 1f "Ska1anet" 1s a real brand 0f k1tchen appl1ances.
CC: are we still uh;
CC: being aware of the apocalypse development;
CC: shouldn't the six of us be trying to make a solution to this problem;
CC: or a least finding a place to hide;
CC: six;;;
AT: ... hey, wAiT.
AT: wheres AA And TT
GA: Oh gosh, I'm not sure.
GA: I haven't talked to Jay in a few dyas, and I was just showing Gary about this thing I foudn, but he logged off.
GA: You all know HOw he doesn't let on much. I hope eh isn't hurt :c
GA: And Jay too I guess.
GA: But she'll probbaly be able to cope with these things if they're bearing down on her too, they're her area of expertise.
GA: Also I thinkh er dad has a military bunker installed in their house?
CG: I spoke to TT a little while ago
CG: I hope she didn't fall down the stairs or something
TC: Last I heard they were just fooling about.
TC: Gary asked me for leads on a poster or something that I've never heard about and Jay asked for some lockpicking advice.
TC: You know how she is. She probably found a neat butterfly or something and took an hour to stare at it.
CC: i talked to gary not that long ago, he seemed fine;
CC: he had the time to help me with a few stuff, so he didn't seem too stressed, maybe the meteors didnt hit near him?;
CC: or well maybe he was just as unstressed as usual probably;
-- technologicalTomboy joined the chat --
TT: Hi Guys
GA: Oh, there you are! We were worried about you!
TT: Sorry, I Sorta Spaced Out When I Heard About The Meteors
TT: You Know How It Is
TC: Called it.
AC: ALLEGED mete0r-shaped 0bjects!
AT: how Alleged is iT when i look ouT my window And wATch The rATher fAbulous impAcT explosions
AT: oh To be Able To go explore The crATers They mAde... ;~;
TT: Have You Guys Really Just Been Arguing The Whole Time I Was Out?
TT: This Always Happens When We Do These Group Chat Things!
TT: Shouldnt We Be Figuring Out How To Survive?
TT: Or At Least
TT: Saying Our Goodbyes? :(
CG: Thats a bit morbid
TC: Isn't that how every climax of every "meteor or asteroid hits the Earth" movie goes down before Bruce Willis saves them?
TC: Honestly I'd rather not have my demise be part of a cliche.
TC: Isn't that how one of those movies pans out? I barely watch anything that isn't in black and white anyway.
AT: yeAh, i Think iT wAs done by direcTor shAmA llAmA.
AT: in A shiTTy ploT TwisT, Though, The whole Thing wAs found To be orchesTrATed by A culT who wAnTed To desTroy The world.
AT: All reveAled AT The lAsT minuTe, of course.
AC: Y0u kn0w th0se are all based 0n true st0r1es r1ght?
AT: shoosh >:I
GA: Did you guys see that kickstarter someone made to get Willis and the rest of the cast of Deep Impact onto a space shuttle to try to blow up the meteors?
GA: It has like ten million dollars pledged already!
AT: Aw, dAmmiT, moTher-of-mine wonT leT me pledge D:
GA: Though I suppose people are being less frugal with their money, faced with the potential fate of the world.
TT: Youre Thinking About Armageddon.
GA: That's anpther word for it yeah.
TT: No, The Movie
TT: Bruce Willis Wasnt In Deep Impact, He Was In Another Disaster Movie Called Armageddon
TT: Morgan Freeman Was, Though.
GA: Oh that's right. Didn't he play the President in that one?
TT: Yes.
GA: That's neat.
AT: ArmAgeddon wAs so good Though
AT: i hAd no ideA youd seen ThAT one, jAy
TT: I Wouldnt Say I Was As Enthralled With It As I Have Been With Some Time-Honored Classics
TT: But My Dad Always Records It If It Gets Broadcasted On TV.
TT: Same With Stuff Like The Day After Tomorrow And Sunshine. He Really Loves That Genre.
CC: but it isn't like theres a single massive meteoroid on its way to hit us;
CC: it's more like a ton of still very big ones hitting everywhere at once;
CC: actually this is exactly pretty much what happened in that one sci-fi movie when the moon broke apart and bits of it were raining down on earth;
CC: or was it a tv show;
CC: jay do you remember;
TT: The Moon...
AC: Seth, y0u're a gen1us!
CC: uh, i am?;
AT: uh oh
AC: Yes!
AC: 1 knew 1t all al0ng, the L1byans have been c0vertly astr0-m1n1ng the lunar surface and 1ts h1dden cache 0f plut0n1um f0r YEARS, t0 p0wer an 1nterstellar space-gate back t0 the1r h0me planet. Us1ng therm0nuclear r0ck blast1ng, n0 less!
AC: And n0w, due t0 the1r carelessness, we w1ll all pay the ult1mate pr1ce.
AT: oy vey >_<;
GA: That sounds like a good idea for a short story, actually!
CG: Guys?
CG: Is this really possibly the last discussion we ever have before we get wiped out
CG: Figuring out which stupid disaster movie is the most analogous to our situation?
CG: We'll all be fine in the end but
CG: Could we talk about something else please
TC: Like what?
CC: well;
CC: actually em there is something i've been putting off for a couple of years or so now;
CC: it's stupid really because i'm always too afraid to bring it up;
CG: Is this about the clock you sent me
CG: I know it doesnt keep perfect time like my others but its still really pretty
CG: I love your clock, Seth
GA: :I
CC: no it isn't that; but thank you;
CC: it's just that;
CG: ?
CC: look i'm not good at wording;
CC: and it sounds like i'm very muddled a lot of the time;
CC: but i want to make this as clear as i can;
TT: THE MOON!
AT: whAT
TT: Oh Gosh What The Fuck
CC: ;
GA: D:
TT: I Was Dreaming Just Now When I Fainted
TT: I Mean, Spaced Out, I Did Not Faint.
TT: I Was On A Big Golden Moon Covered In Spires And Towers
TT: Then I Flew Around For A Bit And Saw A Big Ball Of Clouds And You Were On It, Ace!
TC: Hm?
TT: But You Looked Different. Like You Were Handsome And Suave
TC: ...
TT: And Then
TT: Fuck, What Happened Next, This Was Important
AT: imporTAnT
AT: should i be looking This up on A dreAm inTerpreTaTion siTe
AC: Y0u d0 n0t have pr0gn0st1c dream p0wers TT, please get a gr1p.
AC: We were d1scuss1ng factual ev1dence bef0re y0u barged 1n, now can we please get back t0 the undergr0und d1n0saurs.
TT: Shhhh!
TT: Come On, Jay, You Promised Him!
CG: ...him?
TT: Who Was It Who Was It Who Was It AAAAAAAA

Last Edit: Nov 2, 2016 17:15:35 GMT by Huff

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 17:18:07 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 17:18:07 GMT

====>

-- apatheticAmyclaean [AA] joined the chat --
AA: ayyyyyyy
AT: well, look whAT The four-legged meow-beAsT drAgged in.
AA: take note kids this is what cool people call being fashionably late
GA: there you are!!!
GA: i was worried sick!
GA: uh, we
GA: we all were
AA: sorry but its this fucking fetch modus
AA: why did i think this was a good idea
AA: got my coffee flask stuck in my sylladex and it was either empty it all over my lawn or go make some more coffee
AA: so i took the third option and had a little powernap to refresh myself instead
CC: i get that we all need some rest and all but gary there are meteors are you sure a nap was the best idea;
AA: yeah why not
AT: hAhAhA yeAh clAssic gAry jones
AT: whAT a chArAcTer
AT: And donT pull ThAT one movie line AgAin, you are noT A wizArd. :I
AA: oh yeah fachtna well maybe i am
AA: watch as i raise my big glowy stick to part the multicoloured sea of pointless banter youve got going on here and interject with a cold grey slab of pertinence
AA: and lo gary decreed:
AA: lets play some fuckin video games
TT: Gary!
AT: im All for some vidyA gAems, buT is This reAlly The righT Time for ThAT >.>
TT: It Was You, I Remember!
TT: I Remember Everything!
TT: You Said Jenny Found Some Advanced Technology That We Can Use To Save The World!
AA: 0_0
AT: wAiT, wAiT...
AT: whAT.
GA: ??
GA: Ok, frist, how did you know that I found something, dreams don't work like that.
GA: Second, I'd hardly call it "advanced". It was a crate of old floppy drives that I found floating in the sea like an ACME shipment in a Larson cartoon, and the software is buggy as hell.
GA: and third, it was jsut a joke, gary! video games are not really prudent a time like this, i thought you'd get that!=
AA: id agree that im appearing all stoic and detached as usual here
AA: but i dont want to die nor do i want my friends to
AA: i am legitimately fucking terrified and dont know what i should be doing
AA: but at the same time
AA: if i had to choose between getting shot by a crackhead in an alleyway or something
AA: and beholding the spectacle of the earth shattering and burning around me as mankinds accomplishments are reduced to nothing in some sort of biblical judgement shit
AA: ...
AA: it is weird being the glass half full guy for once but if its inevitable we have to make the most of it
AA: ...together
GA: c:
AT: i repeAT.
AT: whAT.
TT: Jenny, I Know Dreams Dont Work Like That
TT: Thats Why Im Sure This Wasnt Just A Dream!
TT: Ive Never Had A Dream That Felt So Real And Coherent, Let Alone One That Had My Friends In It!
TT: I Know This All Sounds Really Crazy
TT: Especially To Gary, Who Probably Doesnt Remember The Dream At All
AA: i literally have no idea what you are talking about
AA: nor do i understand how i am supposed to be remembering your dream :|
TT: Its A Long Story
TT: The Point Is, I Just Have A Feeling That Whatever Is Going On Is Really Important And Involves Us Playing That Game!
AT: wAiT, for monThs ive been Trying to find Any scrAp of informATion on This gAme, And now we find ourselves in possession of iT
AT: iT sTrikes me As rATher suspicious..
GA: Actually this isn't even the one we were looking for
GA: I mean I was looking forward to "Intergalactic Turbo-Raiders III: The Turboing" as much as you were, but I have never even heard of this "SPUFurb" thing.
GA: We were looking for a HOT NEW beta, not a wet, old one.
AC: Th1s has susp1c1ous wr1tten all 0ver 1t, actually.
CG: Okay Tina stop
CG: Stop typing whatever ridiculous thing you're typing about reptilians
AC: F1ne, 1 w1ll try t0 take th1s c0mputer game f0und 1n the 0cean that w1ll save the w0rld th1ng ser10usly.
AC: GA c0uld y0u send me the game f1les s0 that 1 can have a l00k at them?
GA: Sure.
AC: 1 w1ll upl0ad them t0 my secure arch1ve s0 that every0ne may d0wnl0ad them at the1r le1sure.
AC: And see1ng as 1'm stuck 1n here w1th my lapt0p and whatever 1s 0ut there.
AC: The n0t-mete0rs.
AC: P0ss1bly g0verment r0b0ts.
AC: A game c0uld pass the t1me.
CG: I'm still not so sure this is what we should be putting our minds to right now
CG: I usually have faith in TT but logically this doesn't add up
CG: Argh it's so hard to think with all this noise outside!
TC: Hell, I've always trusted Jay's intuition.
TC: And plus, meeting the end while playing a videogame that might just, through some slim chance, turn out to be our salvation?
TC: Now that's an original death if there ever was one.
TC: So I'm all in.
AA: when it comes to what could be my last few minutes on earth
AA: id rather doing something enjoyable with my friends over arguing with them about fucking
AA: bruce willis
AA: really
CC: well um;
CC: i dont know if its best for us but we shouldnt be wasting time doing nothing;
CC: because if anything we appear to be running out of it;
CC: time, that is;
CC: ;
CC: i guess we should give this a try;
AT: while i Am A liTTle Annoyed ThAT i wont be Able To venTure ouTside And explore the new crATer-filled lAndscApe ouTside my house, As wAs my plAn before i opened This group chAT
AT: in reTrospecT ThAT course of AcTion just seems suicidAl
AT: while plAying a gAme mighT be sAfer, iT mighT be jusT As fun
AT: leT's do iT ouo/
GA: Hmm.
GA: Gotta say that I'm agreeing with you gyus!
GA: I say let's do it!
GA: I mean, we're not likely to find any other way out of this that doesn't involve movie stars being in positions of actual power.
GA: And lord knows that will never happen.
GA: I think this is our bset shot!
CG: Alright alright I changed my mind
CG: Why would someone even make all of that up, my friends would never pull a prank like that in this situation
CG: So I believe in you too, Jay! Let's get to work!
TT: Im Glad Were All On The Same Page.
TT: Thanks, Everyone!
TT: AC, Have You Found Out Anything About The Game Yet
AC: 1 have sk1mmed the readme.txt and the game purp0rts t0 be a r0le-play1ng game w1th a heavy emphas1s 0n c0nstruct10n.
AC: The m0st 1nterest1ng aspect 0f all th0ugh 1s h0w 1t cla1ms t0 be able t0 alter real1ty 1tself.
AC: As 1n, bu1ld1ng a structure 1ngame w1ll have 1t mater1al1ze 1n the phys1cal world.
AT: yes.
AT: All my yes OuO
CG: And vwoosh there I go again back to skepticalville
CC: em no;
CC: i think things like that are very possible;
GA: I've heard less plausible things that have actually happened. Let's give it a chance.
TT: So Is The Point Of The Game To Construct A Kind Of Bunker To Protect Yourself From The Apocalypse?
AC: As far as 1 can tell. The rest 0f the .txt gets very es0ter1c and unreadable.
AC: But 1 d0 kn0w that 1n 0rder t0 beg1n play1ng the game, a pa1r 0f players are needed: a cl1ent player, and a server player.
AC: The cl1ent 1s the 0ne wh0 phys1cally "plays" the game f1rst, whereas the server's 1nteract10ns are d0ne fr0m the1r c0mputer, and presumably man1pulate the w0rld ar0und the cl1ent.
AA: what do you mean by that
AA: what exactly does the client player do in the meantime
AC: 1 d0n't kn0w, th1s 1s s0 hard t0 f0ll0w!
AC: But 1t does g1ve the 1mpress10n that the f1rst cl1ent has the m0st res0ns1b1l1ty 0ver the c0urse 0f the game, be1ng the 0ne t0 set 1t 1nt0 m0t10n.
AT: welp, Times A-wAsTin
AT: give me A link To The clienT And leT's geT moving
AA: the fuck man
AA: i was the one who swooced right into your lame conversation touting the merits of videogaming
AA: if anyone is going to launch this operation its gary motherfucking jones
AT: no offense buT i donT Think youre cuT ouT To be The leader here gAry
AA: ...
AT: someone who Thinks The AppropriATe response To morTAl dAnger is To shrug And TAke A powernAp is noT geT our group up And moving =/
AA: i cant believe this shit
TC: Woah woah woah, slow down there, kiddos.
TC: I get the feeling that we need to prioritize this a bit.
TC: If this game is going to help save us, then we need our first player to be the one currently at the most risk!
AT: oh.
AT: ThATs A good poinT. o-o
AA: isnt jenny in a fucking rowboat in the middle of a tsunami
GA: gary it's a bit bigger than that but yes i am currently under some udress right now
AA: that solves that then
GA: No, I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it either!
GA: If someone is going to start us off then I think it should be someone with an idea of what's going on. And I don't have a clue!
GA: Tina, how do you feel about being in charge?
AC: 1 w1ll be able t0, 1f 1t 1s necessary.
CG: The game sounds like it will need a sharp mind to keep up with it as the situation changes
CG: Like it's a big puzzle we have to figure out as we go along!
CG: Go on, seth!
CC: ?;
CG: I think you'll be a great leader!
CC: um, well;
CC: i don't know about that;;;
CC: besides i think you would do much better;
CC: your optimism and cheeriness would be a better driving force than anything i could muster;
CG:
GA:
CC: um and uh jay would be a good leader too;
TT: Me?
TT: Well...
AC: Sh1t guys, bad news.
AC: Up0n cl0ser 1nspect10n, these f1les are all k1nds 0f c0rrupt.
GA: I had thought they might be, considering they were floating in the sea for a while :c
AC: M1ss1ng dependenc1es, pr0gram l1brar1es. Unass1gned var1ables, and-
AC: ...
AC: 0h w0w.
AC: 1 d0n't th1nk 1've ever seen that many fl0at1ng p01nt err0rs.
AA: yeah i noticed that too
AA: destabilised the entire mainframe when i jacked it into the primary debugger
AA: had to create a gui in visual basic just to parse the auxillary htp circuit
AA: im looking at a completely defragged transmission protocol over here
AC: Gary.
AC: N0w is n0t the fuck1ng t1me.
AA: sorry
AC: The wh0le f1le arch1tecture 1s fragmented.
AC: Luck1ly, 1 th1nk 1 can get 1t w0rk1ng 1f 1 c0mpare the cl1ent and server executables.
AC: 1t'll 0nly take me a few m1nutes.
AT: okAy well, we ArenT geTTing Anywhere wiTh This whole firsT clienT plAyer mAlArkey =I
AT: we will just hAve To voTe on iT.
TT: A Vote?
AT: The perfecT democrATic soluTion.
AT: no more ArgumenTs.
AT: we will All mAke a single voTe As To who should be firsT
CC: can we vote for ourselves?;
CC: not that i will be doing that;
AT: yes, you cAn
AT: we will TAlly These voTes up and ThAT person will go firsT
AT: ees gud
GA: Sure.
CC: yes;
CG: Okay
TC: Yep.
AC: Alr1ght.
AA: whatever
TT: I Suppose
AT: Then, folks..
AT: WELCOME tO tHE VOtENING >8D
AT: www.strawpoll.me/3007616/r

You pause and listen to the blanket of SILENCE surrounding you, punctuated by the moth-holes of extraterrestial origin. The mystic ethers of the forbidden art of ANCHYNT DYMOCKRASY MAJYKS swirls and surrounds you, pushing you towards no choice but your own. Every CHOICE matters, for you create them, and they in turn create your DESTINY.

Yeah, that's probably what your favorite STARSHIP COMMAMDER, Captain S.P. Davis, would say in this kind of situation.

Huh, might as well get to that strawpoll and get crackin'.

Last Edit: Nov 2, 2016 17:19:59 GMT by Huff

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 17:23:05 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 17:23:05 GMT

>Jay: Use your monitor as a hoverboard.

YES.

====>

HELL YES.

====>

HELL.

====>

FUCKING.

====>

NO NO NO NO NO NO GODDAMMIT NO YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE STAIRS YOU HATE-

====>

On second thought, you decide not to do that.

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 17:28:49 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 17:28:49 GMT

>Use Rock-Paper-Scissors to decide who goes first

To be honest, those DEMOCRACY ETHERS or whathaveyous were making your room a little stuffy. To hell with it, time to decide this with the decision-making process of a true FEARLESS EXPLORER.

You challenge the strawpoll to a game of ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS. At least it'll probably go better than the time you DREW STRAWS with your email account.

====>

Jan-Ken-Pon!

OF COURSE IT WAS GOING TO CHOOSE PAPER FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Ugh, fine, you'll submit to the dubious ways of DEMOCRACY. You mull it over.

How about Gary or Emily? Nah, they’d probably lose INTEREST and FAITH respectively in the endeavor halfway through. Tina and Seth are both very good with TECHNOLOGY, but Ace is good at working his way out of sticky situations, and this is about as sticky as a leftover bag of SUGARY SATURNS stuck in some poor hypothetical tomboy’s hair. You’re not as confident in your own ABILITIES as your friends seem to be, certainly not as much as Lysias.

But you do CARE about your friends, and Ace and Gary make the most sense. Jenny’s ship is liable to CAPSIZE in this storm.

You click on her name and vote for her, sealing away your soul to the DEMOCREAPER.

====>

Well, it looks like you voted with the majority this time.

====>

TT: Okay, Done.
AC: That's every0ne, then?
AA: those numbers sure do add up to eight
AT: Then ThAT seTTles ThAT!
AT: our firsT plAyer will be jenny!
GA: :s
GA: You guys seem really sure about that, considering over half of you voted for me.
AA: kinda obvious who didnt considering we could vote for ourselves
AA: all these guys sticking out like sore thumbs with one vote
AA: show a little humility maybe whitman jesus
TC: Hey.
TC: Didn't I make it perfectly clear who I was voting for from what I said earlier? I didn't see you suggesting anything useful, instead, selfishly arguing how you were perfect for the role.
AA: jenny who did you vote for
AA: maybe we can crack this case
CC: gary you're making the whole point of an anonymous vote kind of void here;
AC: Yes.
AA: just found it a bit interesting thats all
AA: i wholeheartedly accept miss brooks as our supreme leader and am ready to do her bidding without hesitation
AA: *stands to attention*
GA: :|
CG: This did seem to be the best course of action considering Jennys situation
CG: I can hold up here for a bit longer
CC: jenny seems to have a better grip on things than i do at least;
AT: yeAh!
AT: leTs go, TeAm jenny!
GA: I'm surprised you guys have so much faith in me. But in any case, I'll do my best!
GA: Okay so...
GA: Uh.
AC: W0uld y0u l1ke a l1nk t0 the game f1les?
GA: Oh right. Yes, please.
GA: You finished tinkering with them?
AC: They're ready t0 g0. 1t wasn't t00 d1ff1cult, just had t0 f1ll 1n the blanks.
AC: 1 haven't run them, 0f c0urse, but they w1ll alm0st certa1nly w0rk.
GA: Great!
AC: tinyurl.com/spfrbexe
GA: Okay...
GA: Wow, this is going faster than I expected with my shitty internet.
AC: The f1les themselves are t1ny, f0r what they supp0sedly d0.
AC: 1t's 0ne 0f the reas0ns 1 was able t0 f1x them up s0 qu1ckly.
AT: i guess now we need To decide on The server plAyer!
AT: any TAkers?
AC: 1 would be very happy t0 take up that r0le, actually.
TC: I could do it, alternatively.
TC: Just looking at the readme now, it honestly seems fairly straightforward.
CG: Do I smell another vote coming
AT: hehe, AlrighT, i cAn cook AnoTher one up
AT: i just need to chAnge The TiTle reAl quick
CC: hey tina;
AC: Yes?
CC: why did you say you hadn't run either of the files, and then said of course;
CC: wouldn't you need to check to see if they were working?;
AC: Well, fr0m the l00ks 0f the c0de, runn1ng the pr0grams w0uld 1mmed1ately set up a server 0r cl1ent c0nnect10n w1th0ut any 1nput fr0m the user.
AC: Such a pr0cess w0uld be 1rrevers1ble and 1 d1dn't want that t0 happen.
AC: 0h, and 1t pr0bably g0es w1th0ut say1ng that when y0u've d0wnl0aded the f1les, d0 n0t run them stra1ght away.
AA: ...
AA: um
GA: gary.........
AA: ._.
AC: 0h f0r the l0ve 0f
AA: oops

====>

AC: "00ps"?
AC: Y0u have fucked up everyth1ng that we spent the last ten m1nutes w0rk1ng t0wards!
AA: sorry
TC: After all that talk about humility, too.
TC: How heroic, jumping into action like that, Jones! Bravo!
TC: I'm sure Jenny is swooning over there at her knight in shining armor who couldn't let anyone but himself serve her!
GA: ...
AA: i had no idea of the irreversibility of my actions here
AA: i thought we were all downloading this game and starting it asap
AA: because of the impending destruction of the earth remember that
AA: this is something tina should have made clear before she posted that link
AC: 1 sh0uld have kn0wn that y0u 0f all pe0ple w0uld run any .exe f1le y0u d0wnl0ad fr0m the 1nternet.
AA: oi
AC: H0w many t1mes have 1 tr1ed t0 g1ve y0u adv1ce c0ncern1ng y0ur techn0l0g1cal 1nc0mpetence?
AC: 1'm surpr1sed you can see th1s chat w1nd0w thr0ugh all 0f the adware 0n y0ur deskt0p.
AA: bite me
AC: Say hell0 t0 fuck1ng B0nz1 Buddy f0r me.
AT: guys!
AT: cAn we sTop wiTh This?
AT: U_U'
CG: Well if its irreversible
CG: I guess we have to roll with it
CG: Gary is the first one of us in charge of the server player thing and thats that
CC: it'll be fine, probably;
AA: yeah itll be fine
TC: I'll give you some advice once you get it fully booted up and running.
AA: dont need it whitman
TC: Yes you do.
AA: yes i do im fucking clueless
TC: Yes you are.
TC: I also need to figure out how to get out of my room. Old man thinks he can keep me locked up at a time like this? Not a chance.
CC: ditto;
CC: there's something i'm forgetting about that's going to happen tonight;
TT: Wait You Forgot About
TT: Never Mind.
TT: Wow, And I Thought MY Memory Was Starting To Fail Me.
CC: something that involves my mom;
CC: i think i need to be on the lookout for her;
CC: even if she is wound up about the portal gun destruction;
TT: I Need To Check On My Dad Too.
TT: I'm Suprised I Haven't Heard Him Running Around The House Shouting "I Knew It!" Since The Meteors Started Falling.
CG: Id better start evacuating my greenhouse
CG: It can only hold up to the meteors for so long
GA: Evacuating it? Who's in there?
CG: My plants
GA: Oh. Right.
AT: im going ouTside for A while
AA: yeah sounds like a good day for a stroll
AA: perfect weather
AT: iTs cleAring up A biT down here
AT: i just feel like iTs whAT i need To be doing, you know?
AT: rATher ThAn sTAying indoors wAiTing wiTh noThing To do
AT: The ApocAlypse mighT be hAppening buT iTs noT like im sTuck in my home
GA: Be careful!
AT: ill sTAy sAfe
AC: N0t near safe en0ugh.
AC: 1'll be qu1te c0ntent 1n my refr1gerated f0rtress, thank y0u very much.
AT: yeAh yeAh
GA: Well, if we all have something to be attending to, I will call this group chat adjourned!
GA: I do enjoy these, even if the only time we seem to be able to get everyone together is when something disastrous is happening.
GA: Talk to you all soon!
TC: Adios.
AT: seeyA
CG: Take care everyone
AC: G00dbye.
CC: bye;
TT: Ta Ta!
AA: later guys
-- generousAxewielder [GA] closed the group chat --

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 17:37:18 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 17:37:18 GMT

====>

-- generousAxewielder [GA] began pestering apatheticAmyclean [AA] --
GA: ok so uh
GA: where do we start with this thing?
GA: these impact waves are getting larger and i'm pttrey sure i just heard my dad break into a panicshanty
AA: 0_0
GA: it's never good when he does that
AA: well hopefully we can get this sorted out as fast as possible
AA: before he starts steering your ship into the heart of the storm cutlass in hand
AA: so right
AA: down to business
GA: just one thing
AA: yep
GA: you didn't really start up the program the moment tina said it was irreversible
GA: right?
AA: no i did it before
AA: in that massive fucking window between her giving us the proverbial fruit and her telling us "no dont eat that itll fuck up the entire future of your species"
GA: you're sure that you weren't looking for the first opportunity to jump to my aid like ace said?
AA: okay well
AA: that might have played a tiny part
GA: that's kind of cute
AA: shhhh
AA: there were other factors in play here
AA: that i will explain later
GA: :?
AA: DOWN TO BUSINESS
AA: im looking at a prompt to press enter when ready
AA: am i ready
GA: well i'm not sure
GA: tina said that the game focuses on manipulation of physical objects in reality, right?
AA: mhm
GA: so i'm going to have to run around a lot
GA: i don't think having to return to my computer every other mminute to confer with you would be very effective
GA: and given how everyone else gave up their chance to play first i want to make sure this works!
AA: ok good youre thinking ahead
AA: just get the pesterchum app on your tablet or phone or whatever and we can talk that way
GA: well shoot, i haven't usef the phone dad gave me in a long time
GA: give me a few minutes
GA: i'm pretty sure it's somewhere in my chest
GA: .
-- generousAxewielder [GA] has set their mood to Abscondelous --

====>

-- twistedCourier [TC] began pestering apatheticAmyclean [AA] --
TC: Jones.
TC: I know you two are busy saving the world right now, but do you have time? I've been wading through this horse-filled readme for a few moments and I think I've a bit of a clear idea of what to do.
TC: Seeing as you've shunted yourself into the role of server player, I figured you could use a crash course on just what the hell is going on in this game.
AA: that may be the case
AA: havent even started it yet
AA: decided to bench my foolhardy doubleclicking and buttonpressing until i have a better idea of what the consequences will be
AA: so walk me through this
TC: "Walk through" is right. This thing is written like a guidebook for baby's first videogame.
TC: Grand Theft Elmo or something.
TC: Honestly I'm insulted by the level of handholding here.
TC: As far as I can tell we can take our sweet, sweet time preparing for action.
TC: So basically, you're going to be using the game's UI to physically set up a few sets of machinery in Jenny's home.
TC: Is she ready? I think it will be easier to explain once you can see the actual UI.
AA: whats a ui
TC: User interface.
AA: oh
AA: jenny went to do a thing but yeah i guess shes ready
AA: might has well hop to it
AA: bam
AA: enter pressed
AA: aaaand loading screen
TC: Ok.
TC: So yeah, apparently Jenny actually won't be in any actual dire danger until you interact with some of the equipment you'll be deploying.
TC: The readme sure seems to stress a few things as absolutely necessary, though.
TC: And the jack who wrote it is being annoyingly mysterious about their reasons for why these precautions are so important.
TC: But anyways, I think a good couple of first steps might be...
TC: Hmm.
TC: Ok, once Jenny gets her thing done, tell her to drag a bunch of her household goods out, like heirlooms, materials, decorations, whatever. Seems like you'll need raw materials to feed some "sprite" thing.
TC: And tell her to watch out for heavy machinery suddenly appearing out of thin air, because that's your charge.
TC: There's a menu called the "Phernalia Registry".
TC: Ugh.
TC: I have a thing for antiquated language, but these terms are already making me a little nauseous.
TC: Anyway, the appliances in the registry are called the "Cruxtruder", "Totem Lathe", and "Alchemiter". Deploy them where she can reach them easily.
TC: And also a sylladex card with something in it, I guess. She'll need to be handed that directly.
TC: The Cruxtruder is the one that you don't want to mess with for now, ok?
TC: Oh, and since she'll be running around, and I think you might be able to clean up for her and clear a bit of a path? I guess you can interact with her surroundings a bit.
AA: sorry i accidentally closed the chat window
AA: could you repeat that
TC:
AA: aaaaah gotcha
AA: too easy whitman
TC: You did understand all of that, though?
AA: yeah heavy machinery and stuff
AA: just went to get a drink while you were typing it all
AA: loading seems to be done now...
AA: oh fucking sweet dude i can see the ss shippergirl in its entirety
AA: cameras jostling about like crazy though
AA: i guess its the boat moving

====>

TC: Can you see Jenny?
AA: gotta pan out a bit
AA: there she is
TC: What's she doing?
AA: messing about with her chest
TC:
AA: man do you think she knows im watching
AA: this is weird
AA: kinda feel like im invading her privacy here
AA: chest all open like that everything on display
TC: You should probably stop looking then!
AA: huh
AA: whitman ffs i mean her storage chest
AA: the fuck is wrong with you
TC: ...
TC: Is she going to be back at her computer any time soon?
AA: well shes looking for her phone so we can communicate without her having to be tethered to her pc
TC: Okay, that sounds good.
AA: oh shit i can like move stuff around with the cursor
AA: ahahaha shes freaking out
AA: this is the best i should be taking screenshots
AA: maybe i can stream it
TC: Could you please try to concentrate on the matter at hand?
AA: the apocalypse thing
AA: yeah that takes precedence over screwing with jenny
AA: shes messaging me now i think she found a phone
AA: thanks for the help bud ill let you know if i need any more
AA: (probably not though because its video games and serving people which are my two greatest strengths)
AA: (sometimes i wonder why i was cursed with this talent)
TC: Uggghhhh.
AA: smell ya later ace

-- apatheticAmyclean [AA] ceased pestering twistedCourier [TC] --

====>

-- generousAxewielder [GA] has set their mood to Cheery --
GA: ok, foudn it!

====>

GA: but what the fuck is going on here?
GA: some of my sweaters and things just flew around my room and bopped me on the head!
GA: i don't think it was the boat rocking, they kinda
GA: homed in on me
AA: maybe it was a g-g-g-ghost
AA: the admiral of a mighty fleet that was ravaged by a tentacular leviathan
AA: now he sails the seas in his ghostly vessel
AA: boarding the houseboats of unsuspecting teenagers to plunder their chests and underwear drawers!
AA: woah watch out hes back aaaaaa!!!
GA: ...i will just remove these from my head,
GA: and assume you managed to get the game working
AA: did i ever
AA: i pressed the button and jacked in to the mainframe and here i am looking at you in your room
AA: ready to attend to all of those matters whitman told me i needed to be doing
AA: the first of which was...
AA: you need to grab a bunch of stuff to use as materials in something
AA: dont ask me i dont even know what that means
GA: uh
GA: can you slow down a bit
AA: what
AA: whats wrong
GA: this stupid phone can't keep up wiht your typing!
AA: what phone
AA: wait a minute
AA: oh god thats your phone
AA: how the f did you manage to install pesterchum on that
GA: i don't know
GA: i think this is version .5 or something
GA: my dad is big on outdated electronics
GA: if he wasn't i wouldn't have been able to install the floppies with this game on it anyway
AA: ok
AA: youre typing with the numbers there right
AA: ...
GA: yeah, how else would i be doing it?
AA: you know phones are able to be used as
AA: phones
AA: right
AA: talk into it
GA: Like this?
AA: easy
GA: Wait, how the fuck does that even work?
GA: How could this thing possibly have speech recognition on it?
AA: i think spooky pirate ghosts were involved
GA: I concur.
AA: so speaking of supernatural bs check this shit out
AA: i am about to drop some mysterious heavy ass machinery right behind you
AA: right outta nowhere
AA: are you ready
GA: Um, yeah I guess?
AA: here it comes

> Jay: Look at text files for clues on your past self

You like to archive old Pesterchum chatlogs sometimes, particularly those filled with HAPPY MOMENTS and times when you met your BEST FRIENDS. Ooh, this one was between you and Seth almost exactly three years ago.

-- crispyChronologic [CC] began pestering technologicalTomboy --

CC: happy birthday tt!;
TT: Thank You Firey Boy!
TT: Haha, And I Was Sure Youd Forgotten About It!
CC: well almost;
CC: tc reminded me yesterday, it kind of snuck up on me;
TT: I Heard He Was Doing That.
TT: Really, I Didnt Expect This Sort Of Turn Out In Terms Of Presents, Considering We Havent All Been Friends For That Long.
TT: So Thank You For The Game!
CC: i really like that one;
CC: it has these neat gravity puzzles that i thought were aligned to your interests;
CC: just dont play it on easy mode otherwise it just lets you see the solution to each problem;
CC: took most of the enjoyment out of it for me, and i couldn't restart it on the higher difficulties since i could remember the solutions;
TT: Okay, Ill Keep That In Mind.
CC: did you get any really sweet loot today?;
TT: Well As Per Usual My Dad Got Me Pretty Much The Exact Opposite Of What I Had Asked For
TT: He Got Me The Deed To A Plot Of Land On The Moon.
CC: um, what;
TT: Apparently Its Something You Can Do Nowadays, Buy A Small Part Of The Lunar Surface.
TT: I Can Now Do As I Please With 3 Acres Of The Sea Of Tranqulity.
CC: when are you planning on going;
TT: Haha.
TT: Well At First I Was A Bit Annoyed, But I Do Think Its Pretty Cool.
TT: Maybe One Day When We Have Personal Space Shuttles And Jetpacks I Can Actually Go There.
TT: And If Not Maybe I Can Send Something Up There, Like A Message Thatll Stay There For Thousands Of Years!
CC: maybe;
CC: ;
CC: does it have exact co-ordinates on the deed?;
TT: Well Yeah, Of Course.
CC: can you send me them? if that isn't too weird;
TT: It Is A Little, But Okay. Youre Not Planning On Buying Up A Plot Next To It Are You?
CC: nah, i just wanted to check something;
CC: but that's really cool;
CC: i bet your dad was hoping to surprise you with it;
TT: He Was Saying About How Important Thirteenth Birthdays Are, About How It Was A Big Step Into Pre-Adulthood Or Something.
TT: Ace Got Me A First Edition Captain Atomoman Raygun, You Know.
TT: I Have No Idea How He Got His Hands On It, Let Alone Afforded It.
TT: He Just Shrugged It Off And Said It Was A Stroke Of Luck.
TT: But Wow Oh My God!!!
CC: is ace tc?;
TT: Yes.
CC: i wanted to send you something physical too but;
CC: it's a bit of a hassle considering where i live;
CC: i had to pull all kinds of strings to get that gift to emily;
CC: strings i dont think im capable of pulling again;
TT: Whereabouts Do You Live Anyway?
CC: ;
TT: Eh, Dont Worry About It. And Dont Worry About Your Gift Either!
TT: I Am Certain I Will Have Lots Of Fun Playing It. :)
TT: But Tell Me One Thing, Cryptic Crispy Chronological Boy
TT: What Is Your Name?
CC: seth;
TT: Thank You, Seth. I Am Jay! :)
CC: pleased to meet you jay;
TT: Oh! And One More Thing. When Is Your Birthday So I Can Make Sure To Repay You For Your Present?
CC: it was uh;
CC: last week actually;
TT: Last Week?
TT: Wait, Why Didnt You Tell Anyone
TT: And Don't Tell Me It Was Because You Were Being Humble And Didnt Want Anything!
CC: well;
CC: kind of embarrassing but;
CC: i forgot;
TT: Wow.
TT: Wooooowwwww.
CC: didn't realise until my mom told me;
CC: i guess she thought i would remember such a thing as well;
CC: it'll never happen again though so it's fine;
TT: Riiiight.
TT: I Have To Dash Off Now, Dad Wants To Take Me Out For A Meal.
TT: Goodbye Seth!
CC: bye;

-- technologicalTomboy ceased pestering crispyChronologic [CC] --

Wow, Seth really is a STRANGE boy. Kind and smart, but STRANGE. He never lets on much about his HOME LIFE. Oh how you'd love to observe what his life is like.

> Be Seth and see what your life is like.

You are now Seth Bright.

You don’t have a job at the moment, Tina seems to have it under control. Even with all of the METEORS falling, you feel you have all of the TIME in the world.

And yet you know you have very little left.

Hmm, you’re kind of hungry.

You're still grounded for breaking your MINIATURE REPLICA PORTAL GUN. It’ll be bad if MOTHER catches you out of your room. You doubt you’ll get a break with it being the end of the world or anything - MOTHER enforces the rules without EXCEPTION or DEVIATION.

You have the faint idea that you’re forgetting something. Something important.

What will you do?

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 17:41:39 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 17:41:39 GMT

>Break your miniature replica gravity gun instead.

While your ORANGE CLOTHES and SCIENCE levels are high enough for you to wield a GRAVITY GUN, your FREEDOM and MANGRIT are not sufficient!

Plus, you have no idea where you'd get the spare strife specibus card and an actual working GRAVITY GUN. Shoot.

>Shoot lasers out of your mouth.

You'd prefer not to do that. Auden mentioned that he remembered hearing about a human with a MOUTH LASER strife specibus. "Blew his damn head righ' off, serves him right, tryin' ta bite off more than he could chew."

You're not sure if Auden was being entirely TRUTHFUL, but you decide to forgo it just in case.
Damn it, Auden, This is why you have TRUST ISSUES.

>Run to the kitchen or pantry or whatever your house has and grab enough food to weather the upcoming storm

You are now standing in your LIVING ROOM. Err. WORKSHOP. Uh. PUZZLE ROOM?

You are now standing in your MAIN ROOM. While you mainly use your BEDROOM for relaxing, the MAIN ROOM is where you pursue your various hobbies, such as TINKERING with machinery, solving PUZZLES of all kinds, and playing VIDEO GAMES. MOTHER doesn't much mind that you've requisitioned the room for your hobbies. She navigates it just fine when she does come down. Which isn't often; she mostly stays in her room.
You pass by your PUZZLE DESK, some of your halfway-finished TINKERING PROJECTS, and your VIDEOGAME STATION, using every ounce of will you have to refrain from playing them. You're hungry and there's no time to waste!

Also a meteor might your house. Eh.

====>
You walk briskly to your KITCHEN, ignoring the half-finished WORD JUMBLE and wastebasket full of scrambled RUBIK'S CUBES. You just got lazy with the word jumble, but the dreaded multicolored cube has been the bane of your puzzle-solving career since you were a small child.

One day, CUBE, one day we'll see who the IDIOT is.

You captchacalogue one of the cubes out of spite.
The KITCHEN is a simple room, containing a window, two screens that CAROL and BECKETT stream themselves onto, a countdown, and a cylindrical COLUMN in one of the corners. As if on cue, a loud clang emits from the column and a can is ejected towards the middle of the room.

The same procedure three times a day, every day like clockwork.

Ugh, salmon again.

>Enlist the aid of an AI companion.

Carol: Hello again, Seth! It's good to see you got your lunch on time. You're a growing boy, after all!
Seth: thanks carol;
Seth: ugh salmon again;
Seth: i wish mom had stocked this place better;
Seth: i mean she isn't a very good cook but still;
Auden: Augh, quit yer bellyachin', squirt. I'd give anything to try a bit of that and there you are complaining away.
Seth: auden last time you said that i was five and you got tuna in your motherboard;
Auden: Yeah, yeah, don't remind me.
Seth: so guys uh;
Seth: what does this countdown do again;
Seth: i forgot again please don't tell mom;
Beckett: Throughout your life I have told you time and time again, Master Bright.
Beckett: Precisely thirty-seven times, I may add.
Beckett: It is a countdown to the precise moment your sixteenth birthday begins.
Seth: ;
Seth: did i;
Seth: oh my god every year;
Carol: See! I told you you were growing!
Auden: Hmmph, maybe too quickly, sonny.
Auden: All that fish is going straight to your hips.
Auden: You should get out more. You don't even have a tan any more.
Seth: shut up;
Seth: wow, well i guess jay would have reminded me again sooner or later;
Seth: without calling me fat;
Auden: Whatever.
Seth: so uh;
Seth: you guys and mom aren't going to throw me another surprise party are you;
Seth: last year you didn't even put candles on my fishcake;
Beckett: That is because on your fourteenth birthday you managed to set Auden on fire with your one novelty candle we lit.
Seth: oh yeah;
Auden: Thanks, kid.
Beckett: And anyway, I am afraid we are not going to be attending your party, master Bright.
Seth: what;
Seth: why not?;
Seth: you're all part of the house how could you not be here;
Seth: well i guess i could lose auden outside again
Carol: Oh, I'm sorry honey, we should really have told you sooner, but your mother thought it would be easier if you didn't know until right before!
Auden: Like rippin' a bandaid off. Quick n' clean.
Auden: Not like spending five gad-dang weeks outside in the burnin' sun.
Seth: sorry;
Beckett: As much as I concur with Miss Carol, your mother instructed us clearly when you arrived as a newborn that you were not to know until the day before.
Beckett: But we three, the house,
Beckett: and your mother,
Beckett: will cease to function the moment you turn sixteen
Seth: ;
Seth: ;
Seth: ;
MOTHER: YES, EVEN ME.

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 17:55:15 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 17:55:15 GMT

>Gary: As Ace said, deploy the Cruxtruder, Totem Lathe, and Alchemiter where Jenny can reach them.

-- apatheticAmyclaean [AA] opened a group chat --
-- twistedCourier [TC] joined the chat --
TC: Oh, this is a much better idea.
TC: So where are you guys up to? Have you deployed the Punch Designix yet?
TC: ???
TC: Gary? Hello?
TC: JONES!
AA: nghhhh coffee
AA: this rooms so warm man
AA: i need to make more coffee or were fucked
AA: yawwwwwwwn
TC: After all of this you’re going to take another nap? Unbelievable.
AA: look would it
AA: in the grand scheme of things
AA: would it really be so bad if i rested my eyes a little
TC: Yes, Gary. Jenny’s boat would sink and she and her father would die.
AA: does the manual say anything
AA: yawn...
AA: about a pause feature
TC: Why are you even joking about this. Why are you typing out the yawns.
AA: for clarity
TC: Now I’m yawning.
AA: wow that actually works huh
TC: I have half a mind to slap you right now.
TC: No, that’s how I feel normally. Right now I can probably manage it through strength of will.
TC: I’m going to wave my hands around. Maybe if you imagine really hard, you can feel me slapping you repeatedly across the face?
AA: i told you about my narcolepsy right
AA: that wasnt a joke or an excuse for me to check out of your dumb jazz lectures its a real thing
AA: the doctor couldnt even do anything about it
AA: apparently theres just these periods of time when i need twice as much sleep as a normal person
AA: wouldnt mind it so much if i could still dream like jay
AA: with her interplanetary adventures
AA: i used to have great dreams
TC: Who cares.
AA: easy for you to say
AA: its just like theres some unseen force who thinks
AA: hey garys about to do something really important
AA: or his favourite show is about to come on
AA: maybe hed enjoy it a lot better if he wasnt conscious
AA: then bam its three hours later and i feel terrible
TC: How awful.
AA: but if i chug my coffee
AA: like really saturate my bloodstream with the stuff
AA: its like im sticking it to the man
AA: just try and shut down my neural activity and weaken my muscles when theres nothing but caffeine flowing through my veins
AA: if im popeye
AA: its my spinach
TC: Gary can you shut the hell up and concentrate.
AA: youre right whitman
AA: i should really be focusing on posting my inane thoughts about the apocalypse on a soon-to-be-defunct social networking site
TC: Hey, shut up. I can do whatever I want.
TC: Every time you bring this up it’s so painfully obvious you’re jealous of my fanbase.
AA: ill finally admit it
AA: i am green with envy that i cant transmit everything that pops into my head to a bunch of old dudes who like noir movies
AA: who right now are probably much more concerned with the wellbeing of their friends and loved ones than some kid complaining about being grounded
TC: .
TC: Maybe you’re right.
AA: ...sorry
AA: it isnt really my place to judge
AA: you can do whatever you want
TC: It’s fine.
AA: but hey i managed to rant myself into a more awake state
AA: through the power of angst i soldier on
TC: Excellent.
TC: Where is Jenny?
AA: if my calculations are correct
AA: she has just figured out how to get into a group chat on her craptacular brick of a phone
AA: and should be arriving right about...
-- generousAxewielder [GA] joined the chat --
AA: ...now
GA: Okay, I got it! What a hassle.
GA: I assume Ace is the go-to guy for how to play this game properly?
AA: i know exactly what im doing
AA: hes just here for moral support
TC: Yes. That’s exactly it.
AA: so here i go
AA: deploying the uh
AA: punch
AA: uh...
TC: The Punch Designix.
AA: the punch designix
AA: looks like a writing desk or something
AA: holy hell its huge
AA: hopefully the other stuff is smaller
GA: Will it not fit in my room?
AA: just about
AA: stay clear of your bookshelf a sec
GA: Okay.
GA: Jeez, you weren’t kidding.
GA: What is this thing?
TC: I gather its function is to punch holes in captchalogue cards.
GA: For what purpose, exactly?
AA: that doesn’t sound like a good idea
AA: one time harpo knocked one of mine off a table and snapped it in half
AA: completely fucked it
AA: that’s one figure im never getting back ty harpo
GA: An action figure?
AA: sorta
GA: I’ve put holes in my cards accidentally and it does make the items completely unretrievable.
TC: The transition to esoteric card-based item storage has certainly come with its disadvantages.
TC: In particular, the stupid captchas.
GA: I remember Tina being overjoyed with the captchas. Like, she was getting us to pick up common household objects and read the codes on the back to her.
AA: to check that we werent robots haha yeah
AA: my dad was really for the move in any case
GA: Mine too. He scolds me whenever I carry stuff around on my person. Using my hands, I mean.
TC: It’s just tradition now, I suppose.
TC: To clarify though, the cards we are punching holes in are supposed to be blank.
GA: Well, that makes more sense. I have some of those handy.
GA: Gary, before you drop anything else.
AA: yeah
GA: can you consider the fact I’m on a boat right now.
GA: Don’t put everything on one side or it’s going to tip over. Try to balance it.
AA: yeah of course
AA: have faith in me
GA: c:
TC: Next is a big square thing called the Alchemiter.
AA: oh fuck me its like three times as big as the last one
GA: Really? D:
AA: realistically looking at the boat its only going to fit on the deck directly above your room
AA: and since your dad is going fucking crazy up there you might want to go
AA: warn him
AA: i figure a giant metal summoning circle looking deal appearing out of thin air is going to put him into cardiac arrest
GA: I’ll go then.

====>

AA: ...up the ladder she goes...
AA: seems like a much better idea than stairs
TC: We can agree on that.
TC: How would you even fit stairs in a boat, anyway?
AA: exactly
AA: if jenny and i are kindred spirits in some aspect it would have to be the fact that we dont have to deal with stairs
AA: which seem to be a major cause of suffering to the rest of you guys
TC: Don’t even talk about that garbage to me. The first thing my server player can do to my home is rip all of the goddamn stairs out of it.
AA: that might be taking things a step too far tbh
TC: Well, maybe. My dad would certainl
TC: You suck so, so much.
AA: still got it
TC: What’s the Jenny status?
AA: i should really be recording this
AA: this maritime ritual she is performing with her dad is somewhere on the borderline between adorable and severely effed up
AA: ok that salute she just did tipped the scale way over to adorable
TC: What does Jenny’s dad look like?
AA: like a fuckin badass pirate
TC: Damn.
AA: would sail around the world and drink rum with
AA: his bedroom is just like
AA: his bed
AA: a nightstand
AA: and the ships wheel
AA: like he does this stuff in his sleep
AA: ...
AA: god damn she is really going at it with him
TC: We really need to hurry.
TC: The meteors aside, the guide warns that there’s some unseen clock counting down to the total destruction of the house.
TC: But as long as you don’t deploy the device called the Cruxtruder, we shouldn’t have to worry about it.
AA: i will not do that
TC: Considering how far we are into the setup dictated by the manual, seem to be making record time.
AA: how so
TC: Well, there’s a lot of superfluous, almost inane stuff in the game’s manual for some reason. It’s pointlessly thorough.
TC: There were fifty or so pages on sylladex management.
AA: what the hell
TC: Page 127: “How to avoid accidentally launching something out of your window using an Array modus”.
AA: you werent kidding about it being for babies
AA: array modi lmfao
TC: But as I was saying, deploying the Punch Designix was on page 470.
AA: page 470 of how many
TC: I’m not sure. At least 8000.
AA: shiiiiit
TC: The later pages look interesting, detailing how levelling up and combat work.
TC: This first section though, the introduction part. It’s so offputting. Such a goddamn grind.
TC: I’m working with Tina right now and we’re doing our best to sift through it for the actually important info.
AA: cool
TC: Did you deploy the Alchemiter yet?
AA: no but now seems a like a good time to do so
AA: ill drop it quietly on the deck while theyre arguing
AA: ok
TC: Ok?
AA: turns out
AA: you cant drop something that weighs at least a ton quietly onto a moving ship
AA: you can only drop it in a manner that feels and sounds to anyone on board as if the ship has been struck directly by a large meteor
TC: Oh.
GA: gary.
AA: im trying my best!
GA: you are going to destryo my house before the meteor storm does!!
AA: the next machine is smaller
AA: the totem lathe right
AA: the only other machine besides the cruxtruder
TC: That’s it.
AA: itll slot nicely behind your dads bedroom
GA: He is starting to calm down a bit now.
AA: here we go
GA: nope that set him off again
GA: He looks ready to throw these devices off the side of the deck in case they’ll cause us to sink.
TC: How is he going to manage that?
GA: My dad can throw anything off his ship if he puts his mind to it.
GA: Absolutely anything.
AA: look its alright
AA: the next thing is relatively tiny
AA: oh its a captchalogue card
AA: ohhhh its the punched one
AA: look check it out
AA: jenny stop picking up cans and listen
AA: hold up your hands
GA: Why?
AA: im going to drop the card into them real smooth
AA: should prove that these contraptions arent the work of a pissed off poseidon or whatever your dad thinks is going on
AA: and are in fact the efforts of a teenage kid trying to save his friends life
GA: Alright.

====>

Jenny: He-Ahoy, Dad.
Dad: Arr, swabbie, tain't the way ye address yer cap'n now, be it?
Jenny: I'm very sorry. Ahoy, Captain Dad.
Jenny: I swear to god...
Cap'n Dad: See, lass, now that wannae so bad now, were it?
Jenny: Just as bad as the previous fifteen years of doing it, Captain Dad.
Capn' Dad: Aye, good lass.
Capn' Dad: Ye might want to hold onto somethin', lass. Davy Jones be sendin' us invitations to his locker today!
Jenny: Well, they're meteors, Captain, so it's more likely to be sent by someone like Anansi?
Jenny: No idea why a giant spider wouldh ave any interest in us anywa-
Jenny:
Jenny: This isn't important right now.
Capn' Dad: On the contrary, lass, Ye be knowin' how long I've been sailin' the seven seas, and this here be th' storm of a lifetime, har har!
Capn' Dad: 'N I'd never have thunk the dry land would be tryin' to claim me soul instead o' the sea!
Capn' Dad: Thar she blows!
Jenny: Ah!
Jenny: Jeez, these jsut keep getting bigger...
Jenny: Uh, Captain, I have some activity on the deck to report!
Capn' Dad: Aye? What be th' trouble, lass?
Jenny: The crwe requests to add appliances to the deck!
Capn' Dad: Lass, this tain't th' time o' day to be ponderin' such nonsense!
Capn' Dad: Davy Jones awaits, and we must do battle for the most beautiful booty of all!
Jenny: .
Capn' Dad: Our very souls!
Jenny: Oh.
Jenny: Uh, well Captain, not that I doubt your sailing skills, but these… modifications might be able to help us get through the storm unharmed!
Jenny: I think it might be our only chance, actually.
Capn' Dad: Nonsense, lassie. Me and me ship have been through worse!
Capn' Dad: So avast yer blubberin' and man the cannons!
Jenny: Ok, no, I'm not doing thsi!
Jenny: Dad, we're goign to sink!!
Jenny: My friends and I are trying to use this...
Jenny: videogame
Jenny: that we found to get us to safety!
Capn' Dad: Lass, keep spountin' this bilgewater and ye'll be sinkin' to swabbie any day now.
Capn' Dad: And it's Captain Dad.
Jenny: Shu tup!!
Jenny: I'm going do it anyway!
Jenny: Just try not to sink us before we- ah!
Capn' Dad: SHIVER ME TIMBERS!
Capn' Dad: What manner of voodoo magic be this, now?!
Jenny: That… is the equipment from the game.
Jenny: gary
Capn' Dad: Yarr, you scurvy dogs will ne'er take me or me ship alive!
Capn' Dad: AVAST YE, YE FLAT WHITE WHALE!
Jenny: you are going to destryo my house before the meteor storm does!!
Jenny: No, no, Dad, it's… a new engine! Look how new and shiny it is!
Jenny: I bet it can go
Jenny: Uh.
Jenny: Sixty whole knots per hour!
Capn' Dad: Arrrr…
Capn' Dad: It still be appearin' out o' the aether, though, lass.
Capn' Dad: I dannae know...
Jenny: They deliver parts via drone nowadays!
Capn' Dad: Arrrr...
Jenny: He is starting to calm down a bit now.
Jenny: Oh!!
Capn' Dad: ArrRRR!
Capn' Dad: Nay, it be Davy Jones sendin' his dirty chests o' cursed gold!
Capn' Dad: Avast, ye devilish devices!
Capn' Dad: Take the wheel, lass! Maybe ye'll be a fine first mate yet!
Jenny: nope that set him off again
Jenny: He looks ready to throw these devices off the side of the deck in case they’ll cause us to sink.
Jenny: No, dad, come back!!
Capn' Dad: Yarr...
Jenny: My dad can throw anything off his ship if he puts his mind to it.
Jenny: Absolutely anything.
Capn' Dad: Alright lass, I see you have not the courage to comandeer a real ship yet.
Capn' Dad: Me own daughter, a pitiful landlubber...
Capn' Dad: sniff
Jenny: Ugh!!
Jenny: No, dad, it isn't Davy Jones!
Jenny: These are the things from my friends.
Jenny: For the videogame that might save our life?
Capn' Dad: Ye be sayin' a videogame be doin' this here black magic? Makin' booty appear out o' thin air.
Capn' Dad: Come on now lass, I didn't grow to be a captain by bein' an idiot now.
Jenny: Oh come on, Dad, we all store physical items in flat card things!
Jenny: If that is permissible but a videogame altering reality is not, then what is?
Capn' Dad: Which ye should be doin', lass.
Capn' Dad: I saw the conquest of yer hunger for the chicken of the sea earlier.
Capn' Dad: Pick up yer junk now and captchalogue the cans!
Jenny: No!
Capn' Dad: Yarr!
Jenny: Ok, gosh!!
Jenny:
Jenny: There, are yuo happy??
Jenny: Now I have no space left in my sylladex.
Capn' Dad: Good lass.
Jenny: Why?
Capn' Dad: Because yer cap'n commanded ye t' do so, lass!
Jenny: No, no, not you, shh!
Jenny: .
Jenny: Alright.
Jenny: Ok, Dad, I'm going to prove it to you. My friend Gary is about to drop a captchalogue card into my hands.
Jenny: And then we'll see who the swabbie is...

====>

AA: ...
AA: oh no
AA: aaaawwwww shit
TC: What is it?
AA: shit shit shit shit
TC: Did you drop the card?
AA: SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT
TC: Don’t tell me.
TC: You dropped it off the side of the boat, didn’t you?
AA: FUUUUUCK
AA: im so stupid
AA: im such a huge fucking idiot
AA: oh god what the fuck did i just do
AA: JENNY IM SORRY OH GOD
TC: I think you can just get another one if you lost it. It’s not that big of a deal.
AA: ace i think i just killed jennys dad
TC: WHAT?
AA: some popup came up about upgrading my operating system
AA: and it threw me off and i clicked the wrong thing
AA: the crux thing crashed through the roof and jenny jumped out of the way
AA: but...
AA: can i go back? is there an undo button? FUCK I CANT SEE ANYTHING THIS STUPID CAMERA SHAKING BULLSHIT FUCK FUCK
AA: JENNY ARE YOU ALRIGHT
TC: Uhhh
TC: I
TC: I think
TC: Maybe
AA: why did i jump at the chance to do this
AA: why didnt i just leave it to you or tina or whoever
AA: im such an idiot
TC:
GA: Well, so much for that.
GA: I thought you were going to give me a card, not another machine.
GA: How was I supposed to catch THAT out of the air?
GA: Also, you crushed my dad’s leg.
AA: im so sorry jenny :(
AA: i dont know what im doing
AA: is he bleeding?
TC: I saw something about healing later on in the guide!
TC: I think we can do something about it.
AA: just stay calm jenny
AA: ill fix it
GA: I am calm...?
GA: And my dad’s fine. Just a bit annoyed.
TC: Holy shit.
TC: Pirates, man.
AA: wait what
AA: are you sure hes okay
GA: And don’t bother fixing it. I always hated the thing.
AA: what?
TC: What?
GA: His stupid ceremonial pegleg.
GA: Glad to see the end of it, honestly.
AA: ...
TC: .
GA: He’s always using it for his insufferable pirate dad jokes.
GA: He once came into my room and dropped it on my desk.
GA: Then he picked it up again. And repeated that a few times.
GA: I asked him what he was doing. Know what he said?
GA: Calisthenics.
GA: He was cracking up all day after that.
AA: ...
TC: .
GA: One time I found it in the freezer and when I brought it to him he just yelled: “Shiver me timbers!”.
GA: YES, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME.
GA: NO, DAD, IT WASN’T FUNNY.
AA: ...
TC: .
GA: Apparently it was an heirloom but I couldn’t care less.
GA: I mean, how does that even work? Am I just expected to lose one of my limbs? No thank you, I think I’ll keep these ones.
GA: It was definitely one part of his legacy I was NOT interested in passing on.
GA: ...huh? What are you chuckling about now?
GA: Your leg-acy?
GA: ffffffffFFFFFUGGHHHHHHH DAAAaaAD
AA: ...
TC: .
GA: Are you two okay? :S
AA: never felt better
AA: apologise to your dad for me
GA: Will do.
TC: Well I hate to drag us from one crisis to another, but deploying the Cruxtruder was in itself a mistake.
AA: hey thats right
AA: you did say we were fucked if i did that
AA: i almost thought i was in the clear for not fucking us and then wham now we have this situation
TC: I didn’t say that.
TC: I said it was just generally bad because it’s the device that displays that doomsday clock I was talking about earlier.
GA: Oooh, I missed that! What doomsday clock?
TC: It’s a clock that we do not want to see hitting 0:00.
GA: I can’t see it on the device.
TC: That’s great, because it means it hasn’t been activated yet.
TC: Now listen. This is crucial.
TC: Jones.
AA: listening intently
TC: Do NOT strike the circle thing on top of the Cruxtruder with any amount of force. Don’t touch it at all, in fact. Or the little wheel on the side.
GA: What reason would we have to do that?
TC: Because it activates the device.
GA: And starts the doomsday clock...?
AA: whats the point of it then
AA: why did i even deploy it
TC: Because we need to activate it at some point.
TC: But we can set up beforehand, which will make things easier.
GA: This suddenly doesn’t make any sense.
TC: For all of the parts of the guide explaining processes like the reader is a child, it doesn’t give much commentary on exactly why this is a good idea.
AA: whatever
TC: This is not a “whatever” moment, Gary, this is a concentrate and stop fucking everything up moment.
AA: ok fine whitman
AA: heres what ill do
AA: i will take my hands off the keyboard
AA: and let you explain exactly what we have to do
AA: then i will do it
AA: to the letter
AA: in fact im going to turn my chair around
AA: and not even look
AA: so i cannot make things any worse
AA: does that sound good
TC: Sure.
AA: starting now
TC: So, first thing’s first.

>Dolphin: do some sort of aquabatic fucking pirouette off the hull.

Life is good. Life is always good when you're a dolphin. You've never worried about anything in your dumbass life. Your days consist of eating fish, punching out puss-ass sharks, and squeaking like the worthless idiot you are. Today in particular is SO damn good due to a whole bunch of new warm friends falling into the water that it calls for a victory leap and squeak. There are no possible downsides to this plan, certainly nothing that could endanger your goddamn stupid fucking vapid dolphin life!

Eee-eee-e!

>

>

>

GA: WOAH!!
TC: What happened?
GA: UMMMM.
GA: that
TC: What’s “that”?
GA: the thing
GA: that just happened
TC: ???
AA: ok im back
AA: wait what happened
GA: I’m
GA: I’m not even going to bother.
TC: Is the top of the Cruxtruder open?
GA: yeah
AA: yeah
TC: Okay.
TC: So like I was saying. This is what we have to do next.

Last Edit: Nov 2, 2016 17:55:33 GMT by Huff

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 18:02:33 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 18:02:33 GMT

====>

TC: Alright, can either of you see the timer counting down?
TC: I’d tell you where it is but the only pictures the author thought to include in the .txt are more horses.
AA: wow great
GA: Ok, yes, I see it.
GA: There’s...
GA: Not much time left!
GA: I have eight minutes left until this thign is going to count down to zero.
AA: we get a boyscout to assist our old lady of a player across the intersection of meteor street and apocalypse drive
GA: Hey, I’m not that old!
AA: and every few steps across the zebra patterned alley of death he stops to articulate his divine love for the newest appaloosa he saw in his subscription to mares monthly
TC: Alright, I expected as much, you’ll have to get moving then.
TC: There’s a footnote here that says that as we accumulate more players, more time will be available to mess with on a per-player basis.
GA: Uh, what’s this…
GA: Star-looking thing supposed to be?
TC: Shoot, might have been the wrong idea to get you in first, then.
TC: Oh.
TC: Tina tells me that that’s a “kernelsprite”.
TC: She’s been reading up on, hold on,
AA: its just a constant stream of praise for polished pony posterior is what it is and this kid isnt gonna stop there
AA: theyre only halfway across and traffic isnt gonna stop especially not for a scout and his love for equines
AA: probably more likely to hit him on purpose at this point
AA: the old womans just collateral
TC: Sprites and alchemy, she says.
TC: Seems that these are tangentially related to the initial entry, though no less important.
GA: It’s trying to talk to me, I think.
TC: Well we’ll get to the sprite in a moment.
AA: its caught the attention of the media at this point
AA: kids being promoted directly to eagle scout for excellence in stallion appreciation
AA: the woman is dead at this point
AA: by old age
AA: just a sad old corpse in the middle of the street
AA: white hair flowing in the wind of a million bugattis
TC: Gary, do you think that making this dumb metaphor any longer will result in us giving a rat’s ass about it?
TC: Because it won’t.
AA: fuck you
TC: Might want to look around, Jenny. Familiarize yourself with the equipment.
TC: You too, Jones. Get a better handle on the controls, man.
AA: im on it
AA: carefully scanning these buttons and whittling them down to ones that wont maim jennys relatives
TC: I’ll be a moment, it’ll be better if we get Tina in here too. I think she knows what to do from this point on.
GA: Ok!
AA: wonderful
GA:
AA: you finding anything good in that tube
GA: Yeeeeeah, here we go.
AA: oh sweet its a big jolly rancher
AA: gushing gadfly grape too what a lucky find
GA: The sweet loot drops begin, I guess!
GA: Seriously, though, it feels like…
GA: A section of a mabrle pillar?
GA: I’m taking it just in case.
AA: yeah good idea
GA: Whoosh, there goes a tuna can back into the ocean to swim once again!
AA: haha
GA: Ok, familiarization complete!
GA: I’m just gonna look up and see if things are getting worse in the source of these things.
GA: Can you keep watch and tell me if Dad tries going anywhere?
GA: I think he’s still dumbfounded by the dolphin but still, who knows what he could do.
AA: ok

====>

GA: Oh geez.
AA: what
GA: Ok, yeah, there’s a big one coming towards us.
GA: Big comparatively, even.
GA: Even if DAd can manage to steer us away from getting hit by that one, the tidal wave it will make is going to capsize us, no doubt about it.
AA: fuck
AA: well if someone would get back here more quickly id help you avoid it but i guess until then its videogames for me
-- aggravatingCoder [AC] joined the chat --
TC: Alright, sorry for the wait, folks.
AA: speak of the devil
AC: Hell0 aga1n.
AC: 1 h0pe AA hasn’t yet caused the premature death 0f 0ur bel0ved fr1end?
GA: Nope, everything’s good on my end!
GA: Well he did crush my dad’s leg, but it was already severed years ago!
AC: W0w AA, the p00r man already l0st 1t and y0u’re g01ng f0r 1t a sec0nd t1me?
AC: Brutal.
AA: ok first rude
AA: second fuck you
TC: Ok, good to hear that nothing happened in this twenty seconds of not looking at this chat box.
GA: Uh, I think I can see what the countdown is counting towards, though.
TC: Hmm?
GA: Yeah, it’s a meteor.
AA: big surprise
GA: This one’s even bigger, though! I’m a gonner if I’m not out of here when it splashes down!
AC: D0 y0u have a styr0f0am allergy, GA?
GA: :?
AC: Because 1’ve been th1nk1ng s1nce we g0t 0ff the gr0up chat.
AA: let me just queue up an eyeroll here
AC: These mete0r-shaped 0bjects can’t p0ss1bly be made 0f paper-mache.
AC: They’re 0bv10usly L1byan-made styr0f0am!
AC: Cheaper t0 pr0duce and eas1er t0 depl0y!
GA: Ugh Tina do you want me to send you a video of what’s going on over here!? They’re splashing down much harder than somethig like that!
GA: They’re made of rocks, accept it already!
AC: Y0u’re wr0ng. S0rry.
GA: They’re sinking! Styrofoam would float.
AA: shes got you there
AC: The th1ng ab0ut L1byan styr0f0am 1s
AC: 1t’s really
AC: really
GA: Tina, can wem ove on?
AC: N0.
GA: Yes!
AC: N0
GA: Yes!
AC: N0.
GA: Yes!!
TC: Wabbit season.
AC: N0.
AA: ok wait everybody pipe down
AA: i think i figured something out

====>

AA: bam
GA: !
TC: What happened?
GA: The hole in the roof just closed up!
AA: yeah i think i did that
AA: clicked on the part of the roof that wasnt broken and the little clicker stuck
AA: swiped it over the hole and bingo new roof
AC: Ah, yes, y0u have d1sc0vered bu1ld1ng, AA.
AC: The m0st bas1c prem1se 1n th1s game, as far as 1 can tell.
AC: G00d j0b!
AA: fuuuuck ooooooofffff alreadyyy
AA: looks like it cost three of my blue gushers tho
TC: Ah yes, I was reading about that later on in the guide.
TC: That’s “Build Grist”.
TC: Seems that it’s a currency used to create and move various things. Including building parts and physical items I guess?
TC: Wow, and I thought it was impressive that the game could even move items in reality.
TC: I guess we’re going to be doing some creating.
GA: Cool!
AC: That 1s exactly what we sh0uld be d01ng, actually.
AC: Please m0ve t0 the Alchem1ter, Jenny.
GA: Uh,
TC: The circular pad.
GA: Oh, ok! That’s out on front deck...
GA: I have to go below deck to get there, be back in a minute!
AA: but its right there where are you going
AA: wait is there seriously no door to the front of the ships deck from the bridge
AA: jenny i marked your residence up for the lack of stairs but this huge design flaw is going to cost some serious points
AC: 0h? D1d the “v1de0game master” n0t th1nk 1t w1se t0 depl0y all 0f the equ1pment 1n cl0se pr0x1m1ty 0f each 0ther?
AC: Ach1evement Unl0cked: Waste a sh1tl0ad 0f y0ur cl1ent’s very valuable t1me.
AC: Gz.
AA: i cant wait to laugh at you when youre firmly de-mounted from your high horse and youre trying to serve one of us
AA: its more difficult than your handholding manual makes it out to be
AA: not to mention i am working with a nonstationary house with virtually zero space to slot hulking science machines in
AC: 1’m hear1ng a l0t 0f wh1n1ng here.
AC: 1 haven’t f0und a way t0 turn 0n easy m0de 1n the manual yet, but 1’ll keep l00k1ng f0r y0u.
AA: heres a conspiracy: your ‘burns’ actually mean anything to me
AA: lets take a look at my give-a-shit-o-meter...
AA: ...
TC: Do you two have to do this every time we play something together.
AA: a flat reading
AA: consider this conspiracy de-bunked
TC: Every. Time.
AC: Well, as l0ng as he depl0yed the Alchem1ter and T0tem Lathe near each 0ther 1t sh0uldn’t be a pr0blem.
AC: 1t w1ll greatly speed up the pr0cess 0f alchem1z1ng the 1tems needed t0 pr0gress 1n the game.
AA: alright i gotta call bullshit on this
TC: ?
AA: how can you be so stalwart in denying the most believable of all fucking things and then accept this weird alchemy shit without a second thought
AA: i mean seriously what the hell tina
AC: Are y0u 1mply1ng that creat1ng 0bjects 0ut 0f th1n a1r 1s m0re lud1cr0us than b1g pharma pr0ject1ng these h0l0grams 1nt0 the sky?
AA: wait
AA: you just said they were styrofoam and slash or created by the libyans
AC: Yes, 1 was th1nk1ng- 1t’s much m0re l1kely that the healthcare l0bby 1s beh1nd th1s.
AA: what the fuck its been like thirty seconds since your last hypothesis
AC: The truth 1s a c0nstantly fl0w1ng and chang1ng canvas, Gary.
AC: 0bv10usly they plan t0 pr0ject these and 0ther natural d1sasters 1nt0 the sky f0r all t0 see.
AC: As such, w1th the ra1se 1n perce1ved d1sasters, s0 shall the rate 0f heart attacks acr0ss the w0rld.
AC: Truly th1s 1s the m0st nefar10us plan.
AA: ...
AA: are you done
AC: N0.
AA: ace what does jenny have to do now
AC: 1 h0pe y0u d0n’t take any med1cat10n, Gary.
AA: nah not anymore
AA: they already moved me onto electroshock therapy
AA: you should give it a try sometime
TC: Glad you asked!
TC: But Tina is the one who has been studying this part of the readme. I mean, we’ve been discussing it since she unpacked the game, but she puts me to shame on this part.
AA: ugh
AC: Rude.
AA: piss off
GA: Ok, I’m there! Sorry for tking so long.
AA: wait we fit a whole crazyvillage usa town hall meeting in while you were gone
AA: what were you doing
GA: Just running.
AA: wait your room is clean
AA: did you hang your sweaters back up in your closet
GA: I like them to be wrinkle-free, ok?
AA: ok adorable traits like that notwithstanding
AA: we really have to hurry because im seeing even fewer minutes left on that countdown so lets let ms limepants mcconspiracyloon say her whatever
AC: Thank y0u.
AC: 0k, Jenny, 1 can 0nly assume y0u have n0t1ced the se1zure kernel that was ejected fr0m the Cruxtruder when S0ME0NE 0pened 1t ahead 0f schedule.
GA: Oh, the sprite?
GA: Yes, it has been following me. I think Arin is actually getting a little bit jealous of it c:
AA: woah hey that wasnt even me ace and jenny can back me up on this one
TC: It’s true.
GA: Yes, it is.
AC: Ah, the tragedy 0f yet m0re fallen prey t0 the m1ndw1pes 0f the h1dden Super Supreme C0urt.
AA: ...
AC: Alas we’ll have t0 f1nd t1me t0 free y0ur w1lls later.
AC: Jenny, 1t 1s extremely 1mp0rtant that y0u or butterf1ngers here feed s0meth1ng t0 the kernelspr1te.
GA: Why?
AC: Apparently what 1t 1s fed bef0re entry w1ll affect the w0rld 0f the game.
AC: M0re spec1f1cally the enem1es and “flav0r” 0f the campa1gn.
AC: 1.e. 1f we dumped y0ur father 1nt0 1t, the enem1es m1ght reflect aspects 0f h1m.
AC: L1ke h1s sk1lls, appearance, 0r demean0r.
GA: Do NOT throw my father into the seizure krenel!!
GA: The mental image I just received is NOT going to be going away for a while.
AA: hey im the one with the program dont you worry jenny
AA: we wont be fighting brooksdad koopa reskins on my watch
GA: c:
GA: Hmm, then why don’t we jsut not feed it anything?
GA: Sounds like starving it might make it easier for us later on?
AA: what are you some kind of casual jenny
GA: Oh hush :p
TC: That’s not an option, unfortunately.
AA: why not
AC: Well,
AC: The readme states that “failure to prototype at least once before entry will lead to an instant game over. A failure state.”
AC: N0th1ng else, but 1 th1nk we can agree that s0unds bad.
AA: alright yeah
AA: so the plan is along the lines of throwing the weakest thing possible into the sprite
AC: C0rrect.
AA: because we will be fighting bad guys with its properties during the game and we want it to be easy
AC: That’s r1ght.
AA: shame whitman isnt on the boat then or id have the perfect idea for a candidate lmao
TC: Hey, I *just* backed you up a minute ago.
AA: haha ace its all in good fun
TC: Sigh.
AA: but for real what happens if like jenny falls into it
AC: 1t 1s techn1cally p0ss1ble but 1t’s s0meth1ng we want t0 av01d.
AC: The manual warns aga1nst player pr0t0typ1ng because 1t “generally fucks things up real bad”. S1C.
GA: So... should I go get some things from my room? I think I have some stuffed animals lying around!
TC: Might be a good idea.
AC: Maybe a p1ll0w?
AA: hey wait up
AA: ace remember that flagellum registry you were talking about
TC: Phernalia Registry.
AA: yes that
AA: im seeing something in it
AA: and my acute videogame skills are blinking some mad buzzers and lights in the awesome ideas part of my brain
TC: ?
AC: ?

> Throw a box or featureless cube into the orb.

AA: theres this little green block in here
AA: looks linked to the jolly rancher jenny picked up out of the cruxtrudel
AA: that shit seems pretty fuckin
AA: harmless
TC: A Perfectly Generic Object?
TC: Yes, that’d be a pretty good choice.
AC: Yes, an uncharacter1st1cally w1se ch01ce, Gary.
AA: again you think youre hurting me bad but these sick burns are bouncing off my skin like a coin off an ass
AA: i have the thickest skin imaginable
AA: your lime strings of spite are like candy to me ac
AA: chew em up spit em back at whitman like i always do
GA: Excuse me!
GA: Can we perhaps schedule the bullying for another time perhaps and help me escape being crushed to death, drowning, and so on?
GA: Great, you both have an opening next never? Let’s move on then!
TC: And again Ms. Brooks is the voice of reason.
GA: And I think I have about three minutes left, so let’s please hurry?
AA: yeah ofc
AA: tyvm resident anti-bullying ranger
AC: Hmph.
AA: so we need to make this cube right
AA: im clicking it and it isnt doing anything but displaying the cost again
AC: The cl1ent 1s the 0ne wh0 undertakes alchemy, n0t the server.
AC: GA please pr0ceed t0 the Cruxtruder and 0bta1n a Crux1te D0wel.
GA: Oh, the cylinder that was in its tube?
GA: Yes, I have it right here.
AC: 0k, g00d.
AC: T0 create 1tems us1ng alchemy, 0ne must pr0duce a d0wel tempered t0 exact spec1f1cat10ns, a d1fferent permutat10n f0r each 0bject.
TC: Seems that an uncarved dowel will produce one of these cubes.
AA: generic jolly rancher for a generic object
AA: not arguing with that
GA: So do I jut sort of reach over
GA: and sort of
AC: Place 1t up0n the small platf0rm near the tall b1t.
GA: Ok, there!
AC: And stand back.
GA: Agh!
GA: Alright, yes, I am standing back now.
AA: the tall bits doing something
TC: And?
AA: still nothing
GA: It’s just jutting out there impudently.
AC: Y0u st1ll have t0 set the mach1ne t0 create the 1tem y0u want.
AC: Mach1nes can’t d0 everyth1ng themselves.
GA: Ughhhh, ok.
AC: N0t yet, at least.
AC: Thank G0d.
GA: Ok, There.
GA: !
TC: Did it work?
AA: roger colonel fedoralord i can confirm visual on the target
AA: its green smooth and a mean sonuvabitch if i ever saw one
AA: bastard stole two of our gusher grists
AA: should i slap a sweater on it
TC: Just throw it into the kernelsprite already!
GA: Here goes!

====>

GA: AAH! GOD FUCK!
AA: woah jesus
AA: jenny are you ok
TC: ?!
AA: ok thank goodness no blood
GA: Ok, no more fucking around, this shit is gettign too close!
AC: What happened th1s t1me.
GA: A meteoroid smashed right through the fucking thing!
GA: I’m lucky it wasn’t my head!
GA: I'm goign back inside the cabin with the sprite, be back in a moment.
AA: hold up lemme try something
GA: ?
GA: !
AA: there we go one doorway a la jones
AA: not the most graceful of solutions but it beats running around downstairs every time you need to get to the crumpetruder
GA: Well I guess...
AC: What have y0u d0ne th1s t1me, aa?
AA: i have discovered you can fucking rip things apart ie the wall of a ships cabin as well as putting them back together
AA: i have used my powers for good and made a god damned beautiful door for our subject here
GA: Gosh, dad's going to have a fit. He doesn't have insurance for the ship.
TC: Ok, that's good, but we need to focus on the sprite!
TC: Is it intact?
GA: Hmm?
TC: The PGO.
GA: Oh.
GA: Uh...
AA: yo
AA: a moment please for our fallen comrade
AA: struck down in the line of duty
AA: destined to fall before his journey even began
AA: youll be missed bud
GA: :c
TC: Jenny can you answer me, perhaps?
AA: upon closer inspection its merely a flesh wound
AA: in the form of a gaping hole right through it
GA: Should I make a new one?
AA: fuck it i dont want to lose any more building gripes given how many ive already spent on doorways and ceilings so in it goes
AA: five bucks says that we’d be short two blue hexagons in the final boss fight if i did
AA: cant imagine this having any long term ramifications
TC: Why must you jinx us.
AA: hup

====>

AA: jenny meet cubehole
AA: cubehole meet jenny
AA: damn what an emotional first meeting
AA: im tearing up
GA: It’s talking again.
GA: It’s still inscrutable but at least it sounds a lot less grating.
GA: It sounds a bit more. Cubey, though?
TC: And more holey?
GA: I mean, I suppose. As esoterically holey as a vocalization can sound.
AA: it might still be important though jenny
AA: better grab your notebook and record its holey proclamations
TC: Well that settles that.
AC: G00d, 0ne less fuckup than expected.
AC: Everyth1ng d0wn the l1ne w1ll pr0bably be eas1er n0w t00.
TC: Time to get to the last part.
TC: Gary, how much time do we have left?
AA: lemme check
AA: shit just a little under two minutes
AC: N0w 1ts t1me t0 carve a d0wel us1ng the pre-punched card, wh1ch y0u will use t0 create whatever 1s 0n 1t.
AC: Y0u w1ll have t0 1nteract w1th th1s 0bject 1n s0me way t0 escape.
GA: Oh, I have to go outside to the machines, don't I... :c
GA: Keep an eye on dad still, please, Gary. I saw him trying to fix his leg. I give you full permission to abuse it in any way you see fit.
AA: haha ok
GA: Well, back into the storm...
GA: What exactly will I have to do?
TC: No idea.
TC: Apparently it’s different for each player.
TC: Something to do with “your personal quest and development as a hero?”
AA: sounds fuckin intense
AA: dont worry jenny im so good at videogames that im sure i can solve another persons personal quest no problem
AC: Have y0u depl0yed the pre-punched card yet, Gary?
AA: shit no lemme do that
AC: 1 th0ught y0u w0uld have d0ne that already.
AA: well i certainly tried
AA: but then that whole leg crushing incident came about
AA: because i got distracted by a
AA: thing
AC: Perhaps y0u need t0
AC: Get g00d?
AA: not even gonna dignify that one with a response
AA: alright here you go jennnnnnnnnaaaaaasdsfffffffffjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
GA: Oop, there we go!
GA: Uh, are you alright there Gary?
??: EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee*SLAM*EEEEEEeeeeee
GA: Wait, what’s that?
TC: What’s what?
GA: !!!!

Moments in the past, but not many...

You are now CAPTAIN BROOKS. That is to say, you now were CAPTAIN BROOKS about twenty seconds before you decided to start being him.

You do not think any of that because it is DUMB BILGEWATER for SCURVY CABIN BOYS. What you do think of is a lot of other things. Your beautiful LEG, broken. Your valued SHIP, defiled. Your personal SPACE, dolphin'd. You will not stand for this, mostly because you would probably fall over if you tried. Good thing you've had plenty of experience with repairing your ship, who knew it would translate to legcraftery as well?

What will you do?

>Channel your inner Lysias and throw the dolphin.

LYSIAS? You're not sure if you can RECALL a swabbie by that NAME. Perhaps it's someone your DAUGHTER knows? Probably-she spends so much of her time locked away casting instant messages in a bottle to Neptune-knows-who that there could be multiple LYSIASES (Lysiai?) for all you know.

You're agreeable to the plan of throwing the DOLPHIN, however. You've been ready to throw some JETSAM off of your ship for minutes now! Chop chop!

>It doesn't matter where, just throw it to assert dominance over your realm.

Alley-oop!

there he goes flying up to the sun like a fucknig piece of squeenky gargbage

Moments in the future, that is to say, exactly in the present...

GA: OH GOD FFFFRRRRUGHHHHH
GA: EVERY TIME DAMN IT!
AC: What?
TC: What?
GA: THIS FUCKING THING JUST KEEPS
AA: jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjwhuh
AA: shit fell asleep again and graced the keyboard with my face
GA: ITS THE SAME FUCKING ONE
AA: wait
AA: jenny what happened to cubesprite and whos this brainless squeaky asshole
GA: I am, again, not even going to bother!
GA: I hope you guys hate dolphins as much as I do right now, because that’s what you’ll be punching int he near future!
AC:
TC:
GA: Haha, let’s just move on! Nothing weird here! Nothing keeps happening!
GA: What next, Tina? cc:
AC: Um.
AC: Grab the d0wel and m0ve 0ver t0 the t0tem lathe.
AC: The sk1nny carv1ng dev1ce.
AA: im putting the prepunched card right on the deck next to it jenny
AA: maybe stand back a little this time
GA: Alright.
AA: lets just get this done
TC: Yes, let’s.

>Emily: Pester Jay about preposterous subjects: situation, guardians, dreams.

-- conscientousGardener [CG] began pestering technologicalTomboy --

CG: Hello there Jay
CG: How are you holding up over there
TT: Howdy, Emily. I’m Doing Ok On My End.
TT: Thankfully The Meteor Storm Seems To Be Avoiding My House Which Is More Than I Bargained For.
TT: I Was And Slash Or Am Still Expecting A Large Laser Or Something To Sprout Out Of The Top Of My House And Start Shooting Down The More Threatening Ones.
TT: Probably With My Father At The Controls.
CG: Haha
CG: From what youve told me hes quite the character isnt he
CG: Slipping away to test some new gadget on the unwitting populace
TT: Yes He Does Have A Penchant For Mischief Of That Sort.
CG: Can you not find him then
TT: No I Cannot.
CG: D:
TT: Eh He Is Probably Just In The Bunker Just As We Were Imagining Him To Be.
CG: I vaguely remember you mentioning something about a bunker a couple of months ago
CG: What is up with that
TT: Well Uh.
TT: Let’s Just Say That Dad Is A Bit Suspicious Of
TT: Most Things.
CG: How bad
TT: Like Makes Tina Look Like A Perfect Candidate For A Secretarial Position At The Ministry Of Love Suspicious.
CG: Woah
TT: Yeah He Has The Whole House On Lockdown With Booby Traps And Tripwires And Stuff.
TT: I Think I Spent About 48% Of My Childhood Looking At The Ground For Signs Of Land Mines.
TT: I Mean We’re Living In The Bad Neighborhood In The Baddest City In America But Still.
TT: I Doubt That The Street Thugs Have Access To Thermonuclear Weapons.
CG: I should certainly hope not
CG: I suppose i should be thankful then
CG: Things are much more quiet out in this neck of the woods
TT: Literally!
CG: : )
CG: Aside from our common issue, yes, it is nice out here
CG: Shame it wont last longer; most of the plants in the greenhouse were just starting to flourish
CG: I had to harvest what i could and repot what i could save but now here they are at the foot of my bed awaiting an uncertain future
TT: :(
TT: You’re Getting Ready For Our Supposed Massive Upheaval Too Then?
CG: Yes that is correct
CG: I guess
CG: I still find it very very difficult to swallow and am raising just as much eyebrow as i was previously at everyone accepting it just like that
CG: What with your sudden gnosis delivered from the land of the dreaming and the sudden desire of space to destroy earth
TT: Well Yes I Can See How It Would Seem To Be A Huge Coincidence Or Prank As You Mentioned.
CG: Ive just never been one to put stock in dreams, reality manipulating video games, or apocalypse scenarios, less all three being linked
CG: Can you describe the dream in detail for me maybe
CG: The meteors are falling a little less violently now
CG: And i still need to wait for my mother to return from town before we blast off or whatever
TT: Sure I Can Do That Though I Warn You It’s A Little Fuzzy.
TT: Hmm.
TT: Well, After Falling Asleep Without Any Outside Stimuli Whatsoever.
TT: I Woke Up In My Room Which Was All Yellow For Some Reason.
CG: Of course it would be
TT: Oh And I Was Wearing A Dress Of The Same Color Scheme.
TT: Very Gaudy Stuff. Ribbons, Poofy Elbows And So On, Ugh.
TT: Anyway I Fell Out Of My Room Which Turned Out To Be On Top Of A Large Tower Spire Thing And Decided To Go Check Out A Structure In The Distance That Looked Like Mine.
CG: Well i also have flying dreams so i can buy this
TT: So While I Was Flying Over I Was Looking Around And It Turns Out The Planet I’m On Is Actually A Moon Attached To A Similar But Larger Fanciful Golden Planet.
TT: And In Turn This Planet Was Orbiting A Large Ball Of Clouds And Blue Sky?
TT: Which I’m Not Even Sure Is Possible For An Atmosphere Of Air And Water Vapor To Exist As A Sphere On Its Own.
CG: Odd
TT: Anyway While I Was Looking At It The Moon Kinda Brushed Up Against It And I Saw Some Things In The Clouds?
TT: Like I Said I Saw Ace In A Cool Suit Playing A Slot Machine But There Was Like
TT: A Kind Of Book With A Sun On It And A Slab Of Stone With A Heart And Some Blood On It?
TT: I’m Pretty Sure I’ve Never Seen Those Symbols Before But Whatever.
TT: Anyway I Get To The Tower And Standing There Is Gary In The Same Poofy Clothes As Me Acting All Weird And Chipper.
CG: Huh cool
CG: I wish i had dreams with you guys in them
CG: Itd be nice to meet you all one way or another
TT: He’s A Lot Shorter Than He Says He Is Ha Ha!
CG: Hehehe
TT: Hold On A Sec Actually.
CG: Ok
TT: Alright I Asked Him How Tall He Actually Is And He Told Me “fuck off im having to deal with enough flighty broads and their snarky horseshit and houseships already”.
TT: So There’s Some Evidence To This Being Real!
CG: Hah, i guess
TT: Anyway, Gary Starts Telling Me That All Eight Of Us Have Clones On This Planet And Another One That Wake Up When We Sleep.
TT: Or At Least Mine Does, He Didn’t Say Anything About The Other Two On The Golden Planet Or The Four On The Other One.
CG: Are you sure this isnt a misremembered pilot episode from a sifi channel original
CG: Dont deny that youve lectured the others and me about clone mechanics time and time again
TT: Seriously, This Felt So Real!
TT: And Anyway He Told Me About The Game That Jenny Found And How It Can Be Used To Save Ourselves And The World.
TT: Which Immediately Happened One I Woke Up!
TT: Via Gary Knocking Me Out, Ow.
TT: I Can Still Feel It X(
CG: And we cant get any confirmation of the validity of your Gary tulpa until real Gary and Jenny finish her stuff
TT: I Guess!
TT: Then It’ll Be Our Turns.
CG: Hmm
CG: Well if you were able to access this dreamworld and i too have a subconscious clone
CG: Then im going to try to get some answers myself
TT: ?
CG: I know time is urgent for the rest of us but like i said i still have to wait for mom to get back
CG: So im going to take a short nap and set all of my clocks’ alarms to go off in fifteen minutes
TT: Ok I Guess Haha
TT: If You See Dream-Gary Tell Him Hi!
TT: Though If He Is Doing His Job With Jenny Right I Hope He Is Asleep There!
CG: Yep
CG: Any last advice for waking in our dreams
TT: Hmm.
TT: I Suppose Just Try To Focus On Something Potentially Frightening Or “Big”?
TT: That’s What I Did With The Life-Threatening Situation Of The Meteors.
CG: Alright, i think i can do that
CG: Talk to you soon Jay, just yell when i need to connect with someone
TT: Sweet Dreams!

-- conscientousGardener [CG] ceased pestering technologicalTomboy --

>Seth: Seek solace.

-- crispyChronologic [CC] began pestering animosityTorpedo [AT] --
CC: hi there lysias;
CC: is this a bad time; which i know it is because of our uh;
CC: predicaments;
AT: hey There seTh
AT: noT reAlly, AcTually, you cAughT me AT A good Time
AT: i decided To kill some Time before Trying To go ouT exploring And wroTe up AnoTher review for my blog
AT: jenny And i were TAlking AbouT wriTing Techniques so i jusT gAve iT A shoT
CC: cool;
AA: Thinking AbouT iT, iT mighT be The lAsT one...
AT: whATs up buddy o3o
CC: well uh i guess what were all thinking about i guess;
CC: the kinda fucked up situation were in and if;
CC: any of it is feasible;
CC: i know the feelings on the game and everything were split;
AT: yeAh, mosTly myself And The green girls AT firsT i guess
CC: so you uh;
CC: still have your doubts?
AT: noT reAlly
CC: really;
AT: yep reAlly noT reAlly
AT: wAiT i confused myself @~@
CC: huh;
AT: o3o?
CC: well i needed to get some things off of my chest;
CC: as i was saying earlier in the group chat; i might be running out of time to do so;
CC: we all might be;
AT: yeAh Too righT
AT: iT mighT finAlly be Time for me To Tell moTher whAT *reAlly* hAppened To her lAsT cellphone ThAT goT *losT*
AT: ...or noT
AT: i’d rATher go fAce the meTeors ThAn deAl wiTh ThAT To be honesT 0-0
CC: i meant more in terms of myself; and my situation; and how that relates to you guys;
AT: oh
AT: well i meAn
AT: AlrighT
CC: in the past; ive been kind of cagey in how i say things;
CC: ive always wanted to meet you guys in person; but that is mostly impossible;
CC: there is a lot i want to tell you guys about myself; and i stop myself because i know youll either laugh it off or think worse of me;
AT: you know none of us would be like ThAT :S
AT: mAybe gAry but hAving A serious conversAtion wiTh him is someThing ive never mAnAged
AT: you cAn be sure thAt Anything you wAnt to Tell me will be received in uTmosT solemniTy
AT: i believe in you ^^
CC: you do?;
AT: sure bud. i Always hAve.
AT: you hAve helped me ouT a loT And been A good friend for whAT, three yeArs now
CC: mmm;;;
CC: well; i guess i might as well give this a shot then;
AT: give whAT a shoT;
CC: the weird confession that is probably going to change the way you feel about me;
AT: ohhhh. oh.
AT: Are you...is thAT whAT This is All AbouT? @~@
CC: what;
CC: did i really make it that obvious;
AT: um
CC: ive been dropping some painfully obvious hints havent i;
AT: uh
CC: heh well thats typical of me i guess;
CC: i bet youve known for a long time;
AT: X_X
CC: but i need to stop with these secrets ive been desperately trying to keep all this time;
CC: i need to face up to this bullshit otherwise ill be stuck like this forever;
AT: you know whAT seTh youre righT
AT: you donT need to worry AbouT whAT ill sAy
AT: you jusT need To believe in me Too :]
CC: i do!;
CC: alright;
CC: ;;;;
CC: you know what lets just forget;
CC: about it;
AT: seth o-o
CC: no nevermind;
AT: O-O
CC: uh fine;
CC: are you sure you wont just dismiss this;
AT: you hAve my word buddy boy
CC: well;
CC: lysias;
AT: yes?
CC: youre dead;
AT: whAT?
CC: wait no; that isnt what i meant to say;
AT: whAT does ThAT even meAn?????
CC: that came out wrong;
CC: but i mean its true; so is everyone else;
AT: ThAT’s your big confession?
CC: essentially yes?;
AT: ?\O_O/?
AT: ThATs
AT: very gloomy

AT: i meAn The meTeors Are geTTing preTTy inTense, yeAh, buT im fAirly sure we cAn mAke iT Through
AT: Through The powers of friendship And TeAmwork :]
AT: And videogAmes
CC: no i mean on my end;
AT: on your...end?
AT: ?\O_O/? x2 combo
CC: shit where should i begin;
CC: ;
CC: ok uh you know about carol and beckett and stuff;
AT: ye
AT: your Awesome roboT friends of course
AT: how could i ever forgeT when my wAking hours Are filled only wiTh envy for your crazy cool robo-pAls
CC: well theyre ais but um yeah pretty much;
CC: uh they just died;
CC: and my mom too;
AT: whAT
AT: oh my god seTh im so sorry :[
AT: Are you ok
AT: wAs iT The meTeors?
CC: no they all shut down exactly upon me turning sixteen;
CC: happy birthday to me i guess;
AT: wAiT
AT: whAT do you meAn your mom “shuT down”
CC: see this;
CC: is what i was afraid of;
AT: no no no i cAn believe ThAt
AT: mosTly becAuse iTs so cool ouo
CC: heh;
CC: yeah shes great;
CC: was;
AT: :[
CC: i say that but; now that i think about it;
CC: she and beckett and auden and carol;
CC: theyre the only people ive interacted with my entire life;
CC: and they werent even real;
AT: of course They were
AT: And i’m reAl in cAse you forgoT >:I
CC: but sometimes; i just think;
CC: that maybe youre not?;
CC: maybe you and jay and emily and everyone else are just robots too; or computer programs or whatever;
CC: made by mom to keep me sane;
AT: ThAT isnT very nice
CC: i know and im sorry;
CC: but it can just get so rough out here that i jump to conclusions like that;
CC: ive spent my whole life looking for a way to find you guys; praying that youre not all long dead;
CC: but when all you find is sand and dust; it sort of gets to you;
AT: ouT where exAcTly, some sorT of deserT
CC: im not exactly sure where;
CC: i think mom knew but she wouldnt tell me;
AT: so leT me geT my fAcTs sTrAighT here
AT: you live compleTely isolATed in the middle of a deserT, And you’ve never seen AnoTher living being in your enTire life?
CC: i told you it wasnt going to be easy to believe;
CC: no wait, that isnt even the unbelievable part;
AT: And whAT’s ThAT o-o?
CC: im speaking to you from several hundred years in the future; again im not sure how many but; thats the gist of it;
CC: thats the part that accounts for you all being dead;
AT: wow
CC: i have no idea how i got here or who my real parents are or anything;
CC: the only theory i could come up with is that im a cloning experiment by my mom to try to recreate the human race;
CC: now im starting to sound like tina; sorry;
AT: buT how hAve you been TAlking To us And plAying gAmes wiTh us And so on
CC: i dont know how it works but my internet connection here is connected to the internet of your present;
CC: its something my mom set up; i think;
AT: i wAs going To Ask whAT movies And gAmes were like in the fuTure And if They were some hyper-reAl virTuAl reAliTy Thing ThAT plugs direcTly inTo your heAd
AT: buT Then i reAlised ThAT youre living in A huge ApocAlypTic wAsTelAnd of sorTs so There Are no fuTurisTic people to mAke Them
AT: AT leAsT you hAve A huge ApocAlypTic wAstelAnd To explore
CC: theres literally nothing; out there;
CC: just sand;
CC: no colonies of survivors or hordes of radiation mutated creatures;
CC: no metal-worshipping biker gangs or truck driver battalions;
CC: and definitely no alien settlers;
CC: theres just sand;
CC: im not partial to sand;
AT: oh :[
CC: and youre probably going to ask what caused it all;
CC: before having the same revelation that i did a couple of hours ago;
AT: oh, iT’s *This* Apocalypse
AT: The one ThAT’s hAppening To us righT now
AT: silly me
CC: i never knew when it happened; i only really knew what the current date was from the clock in the back room;
CC: i had always hoped; always prayed;
CC: that it was recent;
CC: that it wasnt going to happen when you guys were alive;
CC: but now it is;
CC: first i lose my ai friends; then i lose; mom;
CC: and now im going to lose all of you;
CC: and theres nothing i can do;
CC: no way i can help;
AT: seTh, sTop being an idioT >:[
CC: what;
AT: of course There is someThing you cAn do
AT: whAT do you Think everyone is doing righT now?
CC: well gary and jenny are playing that game;
AT: righT. And jAy sAid ThAT gAme is The wAy were going To geT Through This Alive
AT: And i believe in her
AT: jusT like i believe in you
AT: so we cAn help Them And hope for the best
CC: youre right;
CC: god i must sound really pathetic;
AT: no, you dont U_U
AT: buT never sAy ThAT me or my friends Are deAd ever Again
AT: or ThAT we Are compuTer progrAms
AT: if by some Time-TrAvelling mirAcle we ever meeT, i would sock you in The jAw for sAying someThing like ThAT
AT: even if iT wAs jusT To prove ThAT iT wAsnT True -3-
CC: no; its something i probably need;
CC: it doesnt sound like the most enjoyable type of human interactment; though at this point ill take what i can get;
AT: heh
CC: but youre right;
CC: and ill do anything i can to help you guys play the game!;
AT: As will i
AT: AfTer my Trip ouTside
AT: seTh, ThAnks for confiding in me. i know iT wAsnT eAsy for you
CC: thanks for listening;
CC: oh and that was a nice little speech you gave me there; it was really inspiring;
CC: i like your little moments when you act like that;)
CC: anyway seeya;

-- crispyChronologic [CC] ceased pestering animosityTorpedo [AT] --

AT: well thanks :X
AT: oh
AT: bye

Last Edit: Nov 2, 2016 18:08:21 GMT by Huff

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Nov 2, 2016 18:18:22 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Nov 2, 2016 18:18:22 GMT

====>

AA: and bam
GA: Ughhhhh dolphins.
AA: for once i dont fuck this up and the card floats gently into miss brooks hands like a leaf settling on a still autumn pond
GA: Oh!
GA: Great!, I got it!
GA: Perfectly delivered, Gary.
AA: ty ty
AA: now shove that poetic leaf into the poetic futuristic carpentry device
TC: Yep, it’s go time.
AC: N0t t0 ment10n 1mpr0v t1me.
AC: We’ll all 0f c0urse st1ck ar0und f0r y0u, ga, but the resp0ns1b1l1ty 0f c0mplet1ng the task at hand rests squarely 0n y0ur sh0ulders.
AA: hey hey didnt i just claim a completely one hundred percent serious ability to solve the personal developments and quests of others
AA: hold tight jenny hot tips and tricks from the jones cheatser booklet coming right at you
AA: ok so what youre going to want to do is go to the third sweater from the left in your closet and start unravelling the thread to get the warp whistle
AC: But Gary, h0w can y0u cla1m t0 s0lve the pr0blems 0f 0thers w1th y0ur 0wn h0st 0f transparent 1ssues?
AC: 1 d0n’t th1nk y0u can Gameshark y0ur way 0ut 0f that 0ne B3
AA: ok seriously too far tina
AA: i would
AA: never
AA: cheat in a videogame like that
AA: im actually offended
TC: It’s go time, remember?
TC: Honestly, I have no idea how we’ve even gotten this far with the two of you.
TC: Jones, take a swig of Joe, we need you awake for at least another minute and a half.
TC: Foyle, quit flirting and focus, I know you’re better than this.
AC: What 1s th1s “fl1rt1ng” y0u speak 0f?
AA: yeah ok

====>

AA: sorry jenny i was being bullied again pls help
GA: Hmm?
GA: Oh, sorry, I wasn’t lsitening, I had to captchalogue my phone for a moment to carve the totem here.
AA: impeccable integrity brooks
AA: i hereby promote you from the rank of seaweedsucker to the lofty dogpaddle treadwater
GA: Well, to be honest I’m really giddy right now.
GA: I mostly really want to see what’s in this book c:
??: yes and then your true quest will begin!
??: as the-
GA: Hush, you.
GA: I’m not through with you, we’ll talk later.
TC: ?
GA: Dolphins.
AA: he can stuff it up his blowhole for what he did to cubesprite
TC: Alright, let’s crack this tome open then.
AC: After y0u create 1t, that 1s.
AA: ugh wait shit the camera angle is tilting again
AA: i guess the budget wasnt there for good camera controls
GA: Wait

====>

GA: Oh god, everythign’s sliding down towards the bow!
AA: wait what
GA: Jesus Gary literally the only thing I asked you to do was consider the fact that you need to keep the boat balanced!
TC: !
AA: no lets slow down here
AA: you said not to put everything on one side so the boat wouldnt tip over
AA: and look its all lined up perfectly
AA: one hulking science machine in the middle
AA: one port and one starboard
AA: ...although i can never remember which way round those are
AA: but its perfectly balanced is what im saying
AA: go get a spirit level
GA: I WOULD IF IT WASN’T SLIDING TOWARDS THE BOW ALONG WITH THE REST OF MY POSSEISONS!!
AA: ...
AA: which side is the bow
GA: THE FRONT!!!!
GA: THE POINTY END THAT THE SHIP FOLLOWS WHEN IT MOVES FORWARDS!”!!
AA: woah what
AA: i thought that was like already balanced
AA: look when a boat capsizes it doesnt do a frontflip it tips over to the side
AA: ...
AA: ok upon reflection i obviously should have balanced it along both axes but ive got a lot on my plate here
AA: a plate i am spinning and synchronously balancing along with several others and your boat
AA: as i stumble towards your table at the back of the diner
AA: the plates bearing a sumptuous banquet of survival and safety
AA: and the boat full of well uh
AA: gravy i guess
AA: gravy as in the phrase “its all gravy”
AA: you get me
TC: Jones, again, this is not metaphor time. It’s action time.
AA: ok well
AA: i cant move any of these machines any great distance as it would cost me too much of the buid grit stuff
AC: Perhaps there 1s an0ther freeb1e 0bject y0u can depl0y at the back 0f the sh1p as a c0unterwe1ght?
AA: no i dont think so
AA: i think you get one of each of these and thats it
AA: let me look over the controls again
AA: i think thisll do it

>Gary: Use all your remaining build grist to reshape Jenny's home into a giant dick.

GA: That’s better. What did you do to my house?
AA: i used this revise dealio to uh
AA: expand
AA: your deck
AA: thus balancing it with the extra weight
GA: Oh, right, I see now! Those two platforms will be really handy if you come across any more equipment you need to deploy.
AA: yep they sure will
GA: I’ve never even seen a deck this big. It’s crazy!
AA: im blushing
GA: I mean, I’ve only really seen my dad’s before. At least, up close.
AA: ahaha
AC: H0nestly, th1s 1s just the t1p 0f the 1ceberg as far as the bu1ld1ng aspect 0f the game 1s c0ncerned.
AA: just the tip you say
AC: ...yes?
AC: 0nce we get 0ur hands 0n m0re gr1st, we w1ll be c0nstruct1ng t0wer1ng skyscrapers w1th 0ur 0wn h0mes as the base.
GA: Wow, how will that even work with mine?
GA: Looks like you have your work cut out for you, Gary. Trying to erect a skycraper on top of a floating ship while keeping it balanced!
AA: jenny
AA: lets be real here
AA: you and i both know that with my skilled hands and your guidance
AA: my erection will stand tall and proud
AA: trembling but resolute
TC: Ugh.
AA: and though my quivering obelisk might not be perfect
AA: i will do my utmost to make sure your time spent on it is satisfactory
GA: Awww.
GA: I’m sure it will be hard, but I know you can do it!
AA: lmfao oh god
GA: c: ?
TC: You are literally a child, Jones.
TC: And you’re no better, encouraging him like that, Jenny.
GA: Encouraging what?
AA: is there a problem here
TC: JENNIFER.
GA: Y-yes? : o
TC: TEENAGE GIRL DISCOVERS ONE WEIRD TRICK TO PREVENTING HER IMMINENT DEATH VIA FLAMING SPACE ROCK.
GA: On it!

>Express your concerns to the Dolphin

AA: woah we can alchemate things that big then
AC: What happened?
GA: Uh, the card had a book on it, as was previously stated, but it made a whole bookshelf.
GA: Oh gosh, which do I choose?
AA: just grab one it doesnt really matter
GA: But i treally does!
GA: They all look the same, I don’t know which one is the right one.
DS: do not be concerned, the choice is yours to make and yours alone, child!
DS: to set you on your path to light the land of-
GA: Shhhhh!!
GA: The only thing I’m concerned about is ouy being quiet and not causing any more trouble!
TC: I’d just follow your gut and choose one.
TC: Given the “personal quest” nature of this malarky, I’d wager that each one is exactly the same.
TC: You have a quest to do and it’s going to push you towards doing it.
AC: Fr0m what 1’m read1ng n0w, that seems t0 be the case.
AC: 1t says t0 “just roll with” the “fate and mythology bullshit”.

====>

AA: here im making an executive decision for you
AA: plop
GA: !
GA: Aw, did you have to dump it on the floor and everythign?
GA: Books should really be taken better care of than that :c
AA: sorry its just how i live
AA you should see my collection of rare dickensian tomes
AA: i organize them by what types of coffee stains theyre covered with
AA: and also by where i throw them on the floor
GA: Noooo!
TC: Now this is just cruel.
GA: I am just going to pick this book up and never think of that kidn of literature abuse ever again!
AC: G00d, 1t’s really t1me t0 hurry n0w.
GA: Ooh, it’s all sleek like the,
GA: uh,
GA: the cruxite.
GA: Ok, time to dig in!

>Jenny: Do your personal quest thing while standing in a dramatic pose on the tip of the boat dick.

AA: huh
AA: ok then
TC: What does it say?
GA: It says..
AA: fucking nothing what the fuck
GA: Everything oh my god!
AC: ?
GA: It’s about us!
GA: About you guys, me, Seth, Emily…
GA: It’s mostly about our childhoods right now
AA: wtf
AA: jenny im looking over your shoulder and all i see are pages as blank as my usual list of fucks i give
TC: Hm.
GA: Are you sure you’re not zoomed out too far?
GA: It’s just,
GA: Wow, this is a lot of information!
GA: I feel kind of bad peeking into your lives like this!
AC: Y0u have abs0lutely n0 r1ght t0 be l00k1ng 0ver my 1nf0rmat10n and I demand y0u sk1p 0ver anyth1ng regard1ng T1na F0yle.
GA: But this will help my stories so much! I really need to copy this down into my journal...
TC: Help your what now?
AC: ...
GA: !
AA: ahahaha
AA: cats out of the bag now jen
AA: tbh im surprised it wasnt me who spilled the beans
AC: What st0r1es.
TC: Stories about… us?
GA: Shhh, no we’re all done talking about this!!
AA: he he he
GA: It says here that Lysias atedirt when he was six, haha isn’t that funny??
AC: Duh, he t0ld me h0w he acc1dentally swall0wed a wh0le m0uthfull wh1le expl0r1ng last week.
TC: So it’s accurate, huh.
GA: Fuck.

====>

AA: oh man more videogame wizardry straight from the gary’s brain here
AA: skip to the end and see what we need to do here to get you out safe
AA: because im seeing thirty seconds left on the timer and for all my joking im freaking out a little right now about my best friend possibly being killed by a very real meteor strike
AC: 1’m w1ll1ng t0 temp0rar1ly 0verl00k th1s gre1v0us assault on my pers0nal pr1vacy and agree w1th aa here.
AC: We need t0 get y0u 0ut 0f there.
AC: sk1pp1ng t0 the end s0unds l1ke a fa1r plan.
TC: The few examples here in the readme about “entering” seem to involve a kind of “finality” based action being taken with the item in order to enter.
AC: e.g. Tak1ng a b1te 0f an apple, destr0y1ng any number 0f d1fferent 0bjects, 0pen1ng a c0nta1ner...
TC: Yeah.
TC: And finishing a book seems pretty damn final to me, so skip!
GA: But there’s so much here!
GA: I can really use all of this!
DS: the choice is yours, child!
DS: would you choose the path of reading the entire book?
DS: or the path of not reading the entire book?
AC: What a crappy “myst1cal gu1de”.
AA: ikr
GA: I really, really feel like I need to read all of this!
GA: Gary, you never told me anything about your dad and he’s in here too :c
AA: jenny please just skip to the end
AA: ill even look over what you just said if itll get you to get out of there safe
TC: Please, we have to try this, you have about ten seconds.
GA: :c
GA Ok…

>Brace for impact.

GA: Augh, it won’t let me skip!
TC: What?!
GA: Oh, no, there we go.
GA: I have to fan the pages, I can’t just lift a stack of them for some reason.
GA: It’s so heavy!
AA: woah
AA: there shouldnt be that many pages in there
AA: seriously this is some bad juju shit bigger on the inside more soulstealy on the outside
TC: ...
GA: Ok, I’m… almost there.
GA: just a few more pages…
GA: Oh god, I can feel the heat fromt he meteor…
GA: Wait, it jsut ends here.
GA: What?
GA:
AA: !

====>

TC: Jenny?
TC: Gary, is she ok? I think that was the impact time, wasn’t it?
AA: i dont know
AA: i cant see anything

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Dec 1, 2016 21:05:04 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Dec 1, 2016 21:05:04 GMT

>Emily: Sleep.

You pull the CURTAINS across your window, enveloping your room in darkness. The dusk is interrupted by occasional outbursts of light from METEORS striking the ground, the sound of the impacts accompanying the visual disturbances. And yet it still feels so far away as you drift to the land of the dreaming. That which is just outside your window seems light-years past the scope of your scrutiny. The blue flashing emitting from your COMPUTER'S power button becomes a beaming supernova ignorant of these meteoroids; it demands attention over its peers through sheer existence.

Your BLANKETS envelop you in a universe of warmth innately preferable to the balmy summer atmosphere outside. Your PILLOW shuttles you to the vast galaxy of unconsciousness.

Emily Rootstrellen is now ASLEEP.

>Seth: Be alone.

You feel a little better after talking to Lysias, but you're not sure if even his affirmations can change this situation. For the first time in your life, you feel well and totally alone.

The last man on Earth sits finally, absolutely, alone in a room.

====>

====>

HELLO THERE INSPECTION TIME.

>_

Last Edit: Dec 1, 2016 21:05:46 GMT by Huff

Con Air Guest	SPUFurb Dec 9, 2016 6:10:08 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by Con Air on Dec 9, 2016 6:10:08 GMT Kick the screen. Does this take commands?

Huff Nipper Cadet Posts: 73	SPUFurb Dec 9, 2016 20:44:08 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Huff on Dec 9, 2016 20:44:08 GMT Yep, commands are definitely accepted! Honestly we're mostly glad people are interested in reading!

venchi Rungjumpin' Ragamuffin Posts: 283 Pronouns: he/him/his	SPUFurb Dec 10, 2016 7:04:41 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by venchi on Dec 10, 2016 7:04:41 GMT Open the door but be ready to run
	Last Edit: Dec 10, 2016 7:04:56 GMT by venchi

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Jan 15, 2017 22:50:38 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Jan 15, 2017 22:50:38 GMT

>Seth: Stay calm. This is your first interaction with another living being, so you need to try and keep your composure

You engage the ASBESTOSLY INTRUDER.

>Seth: Now, HIT THE INTRUDER WITH YOUR WRENCH!

You attempt to bludgeon the ASBESTOSLY INTRUDER.

>orange client: kick the screen

You accidentally shatter your DEAD MOTHER's face!

====>

Uh oh.

>Open the door but be ready to run.

The DOOR was already open. They retract into the ceiling and you never had a reason to lock the front door for obvious reasons.

You think you're going to take a rain check on running for a moment though on account of the WIND being knocked out of you.

>Emily: Have some dream about spire-y planets or somethin idunno.

>BOOM!

EMILY ROOTSTRELLEN IS NO LONGER ASLEEP.

>Emily: Look outside.

You open the curtains and take a gander out of the LARGE PORTRAIT WINDOW that your MOTHER installed next to your bed for you. It's still raining both water and meteors. Seems that one METEOR managed to take out part of the GREENHOUSE'S roof.

Oh no, it crushed some of the potatoes you didn't have time to harvest!

: (

====>

Past the greenhouse you spot a figure bicycling out of the WOODS.

====>

The figure looks to be MOM. She made it back from town in one piece, whew!

She always makes a bad situation better; like when you broke your arm falling off the BIG DUMB EVERGREEN TREE when you were eight.

>Eight year old Emily: Do something cute.

You are now young Emily and oh my goodness your hair is huge

You succeed simply by existing. Today you've decided to take your daily NATURE EXPEDITION upwards and have scaled the large PERFECTLY NICE EVERGREEN TREE on the edge of your home's yard.

This sure is fun and not dangerous!

====>

A STRONG BREEZE approaches.

====>

You're knocked off of the branch and quickly fall to the ground!

====>

Your ARM is BROKEN, It really hurts and you don't know how to fix it and MOM is going to be so mad and it really REALLY hurts and you think you're already crying and

====>

>Jay: Enter the basement.

You don't have a job when it comes to the game, but if the world is ending it's time to put your DAD'S mysteries to rest.

You remember musing that he may have written the CODE down somewhere before all this APOCALYPSE malarkey saw the light of day. Shoot, maybe one of your FRIENDS has an idea? You could always just look around by yourself as well; you know your house better than most people.

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Feb 6, 2017 1:11:10 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Feb 6, 2017 1:11:10 GMT

>Figure: Approach.

Mom: oh honey what happened?
Emily: Nothing
Emily: I tripped and scraped my arm im ok really
Mom: really?
Emily: Yeah
Mom: so it would be ok if i were to ask you to give me some skin?
Emily: Ow!
Mom: oh my, it is broken.
Mom: i’d prefer to fix this at home, but i don’t think a poltice’ll be fixing this one, chickabiddy.
Mom: we’ll have to take you to the hospital.
Emily: No im fine
Emily: I dont wanna see the doctor
Mom: well if you didn’t want to get hurt, was it the best idea to climb the tree?
Emily: I didnt climb the tree i tripped
Mom: really?
Emily:
Emily:
Emily: I climbed the tree and fell
Emily: I thought i could do it and i got really high but it got windy and i got blown off and-
Mom: shh, it’s ok, i dig.
Mom: but sometimes it’s best to know your limits, honey.
Mom: and if you want to try something new, don’t be afraid to come to me for help, ok, my little pea pod?
Mom: it takes time to be able to do everything at once!
Emily: Ok
Mom: and i thought i said nature should be explored and revered from a safe elevation and distance from home, yes?
Mom: it’s groovy that my little flower child has such an appreciation for mother earth, but remember that i have an appreciation for you, too.
Emily: Yes you did
Emily: Its just-
Emily: Ah ow!
Mom: oh dear, maybe now isn’t the time for a lecture after all.
Mom: let’s go to town.

====>

Mom: hang tough and keep the arm still, emily.

>Abscond to town.

You don't want to say MOM is wrong, because she never is.

But it's all that BIG DUMB TREE's fault.

====>

What an ordeal. You become enraged at the BIG DUMB TREE for the second time this day. You had to move to the LIVING ROOM downstairs to shake your fist at it properly; you're not sure why, though.

====>

The front door slams open.

====>

Emily: Mom youre home
Emily: Im glad youre safe
Mom: you too honey
Mom: alright sister, we’ve got a storm a-comin’.
Emily: Yeah i noticed
Emily: I have it on pretty good authority that it might be more than a little deadly
Emily: And i think i might know how to escape
Mom: good to hear that!
Mom: wouldn’t expect any less of a plan from my own daughter.

====>

MOM stores her TOWN GLASSES and your trusty old BASEBALL BAT in her sylladex.

The COMMUNAL capchalogue deck wires into the decks of those around the user, allowing anyone to take cards from the user's deck, and vice versa. Sharing is caring!

====>

You receive your good ol' WOODEN BASEBALL BAT back from MOM. Oh yeah, she went into town to get it polished up for you, how could you have forgotten? How nice of her!

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS has been set to BATKIND for years now ever since you took a liking to the "hitting things" part of your brief LITTLE LEAGUE career. You admit to being a bit of a batty son of a batter.

====>

Mom: but mother earth is having a tantrum.
Mom: and it’s up to us to make that constructive anger!
Emily: Oh no

>Jay: Make it upstairs to check out your father's bedroom for the code.

Jay: Oof
Jay: One Step At A Time...

====>

Well that went better than last time.

Your FATHER'S room is further down the hall, First door on the left. On the other side of the hall lay your own room and the BATHROOM.

>Jenny: Enter.

AA: i dont know
AA: i cant see anything
TC: Oh god, is she…
GA: I’m ok!!!

====>

GA: Where in the hell am I thoghu?

>_

Last Edit: Feb 6, 2017 1:12:50 GMT by Huff

Con Air Guest	SPUFurb Feb 6, 2017 1:43:46 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by Con Air on Feb 6, 2017 1:43:46 GMT GA: Abandon ship.

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Mar 14, 2017 1:37:04 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Mar 14, 2017 1:37:04 GMT

====>

TC: So it worked?
TC: You’re O.K.?
GA: Yeah!!
TC: Thank goodness.
GA: I don’t see the ocean anywhere anymore!
GA: I guess that’s what was meant by this beign a means of escape though.
AC: G00d, all acc0rd1ng t0 0ur hast1ly-ad0pted plan.
AA: ok the camera finally just focused
AA: yo
AA: where the hell are you
AA: i dont see any space rocks
AA: which is good
AA: i guess
GA: I said I have no idea!
GA: Looks like I’m on top of a mountain somewhere?
AA: shit did we launch you into the himalayas or something
AA: where were you sailing before all this again
GA: We were somewhere in the Caribbean I believe.
GA: Far too far to whisk me away with a water spout or such.
AC: 1f y0u disc0unt the Bermuda Tr1angle’s 1nterference, sure.
GA: Ugh!!!
AA: wait this one is familiar at least
AA: my standards for this incorrigible bullshit are falling let her finish im interested in this one
TC: ...
GA: I’m jsut going to put my phone away now and look at actual REAL things.
-- generousAxewielder [GA] set their mood to Abscoundelous --
AA: ok foyle lay it on me
AA: tell me what the bermuda triangle has up its polygonal sleeves
AA: lemme in on the deepest darkest secrets of this dirty shape of a bitch
AA: i want to be able to comfortably take this shapely vixen to a couples quiz night after this and win all the prizes
TC: I wish I could join Jenny.
AC: Yet aga1n y0u flap th0se l1ps of y0urs uselessly.
AC: The Bermuda the0ry 1nv0lves s1mple magnet1c 1nterference mess1ng up sens1t1ve seafar1ng equ1pment.
AC: Thereby caus1ng catastr0ph1c l0ss 0f c0ntr0l 0r nav1gat10n funct10ns.
AC: Th1s 1s pretty c0mm0n kn0wledge aa.
AA:
AA: whatever
TC: I’m making damn well sure neither of you two are paired up in this game.
AC: Th0ugh t0 be frank, 1 w0uldn’t put the d1stance we’re talk1ng ab0ut past the ab1l1t1es 0f a Kraken…
AA: ok
AA: ok
AA: ok
-- generousAxewielder [GA] set their mood to Mystified --
GA: Ok Ace I’m back will yuo stop pinging me?
AA: ok
TC: Jenny I helped save you from a near-death situation.
TC: I am now cashing in my proportionate favor.
AA: ok
GA: ?
TC: (Let’s PLEASE talk about your predicament instead of the utter buffoonery that’s taking place at this moment)
GA: (Oh, sure.)
AA: ok
GA: OK SO!
GA: I’ve taken a look around the sides of the deck and all I’m seeing are what look like cliffs and... clouds below?
GA: I’m certnain my house is wedged on top of a mountain.
AC: Can y0u c0nf1rm v1sual c0ns1stency, He-Wh0-1gn0res?
AA: ..
AA: as far as i can tell yeah sure i guess
AA: i can only swipe out from jenny a little bit
AA: gives me a view of the ss shippergirl
TC: Alright, at least you’re safe now.
GA: Or at least danger isn’t so imminent now.
AC: M1ss10n acc0mpl1shed then.
AC: 1’m g01ng t0 leave t0 c0ach an0ther 0ne 0f 0ur all1es.
AC: W1th the d1ff1cult1es we had here we sh0uld ensure w1despread appl1cat10n 0f tc’s and my expert1se.
AC: Make sure t0 guide these tw0 thr0ugh spr1te inf0rmat10n and bey0nd unt1l they rec1eve a resp1te.
AC: Th1s wh0le pr0gram st1ll str1kes me as susp1c10us, even 1f 1ts c0de was graced by the t0uch 0f y0urs truly.
AA: very humble
AC: Thanks, 1 kn0w.
TC: Alright, fair enough. I’ll hit up whomever you don’t, then.
GA: Thanks Tina, you don’t know how much ia ppreciate it c:
TC: We have seven other people who need to launch the game, so with both of us guiding a pair it shouldn’t be too risky.
-- aggravatingCoder [AC] left the chat --
TC: I just hope that last pair hold fast long enough.
AA: yo whitman youre forgetting some of the hardest geeks and gamers in the house
AA: jenny and i have firsthand experience with this shit
AA: im basically a pro already
AA: the company that produced this called me up
AA: im pretty much the face of spufurb esports now
TC: And what a fine job you have done!
TC: ...
TC: Ok, maybe I’m taking all too many pages out of the Book of Tina.
AA: thanks me too
TC: Sorry, you saved Jenny so I think you two would be able to handle someone else’s escape after taking a gander at the readme.
AA: np though because i did have have minor hiccups sure
GA: c:
AA: very minor

====>

GA: Tina said something about the Sprite? And figuring out what was going on?
GA: I haven’t seen the dolphin since
GA: Whatever happened that stranded us here.
TC: Yes, let me take a look.
AA: i miss cubesprite
TC: Goddamn it more horses.
TC: Give me a moment to Ctrl-F this thing.
AA: sure
GA: It’s been a few weeks since I last saw dry land. This is pretty weird.
AA: yeah
AA: what are with those crystals
GA: They look like things I’ve only read about. Like they belong in a glittering cave long lost to hmanity’s eyes!
GA: They’re pretty.
AA: yeah
AA: wait im zooming in on them
AA: are they glowing
AA: i hope mine glow when i get the fuck out of here
AA: all neon and shit like tony hawks opulent fucking indoor skate park from that one shitty cartoon
AA: did that even exist
AA: i might be making it up
AA: i dont want to believe a show like that took the time to air
GA: Oh!
GA: These crystals are hollow.
GA: I think those are little bugs inside?
AA: oh shit youre right they look like fire flies
GA: I think you’re right!
GA: I wonder if they’re ok in there…?
GA: The oxygen circulation can’t be good in there.
AA: i guess
GA: I see a plateu down here.
GA: Stairs too?
GA: I’m going to jump down and try to see if there’s anyone around here.
AA: careful

GA: Abandon ship.

AA: ok question
GA: Hup.
AA: finally seeing your house in living color i gotta ask
AA: why is it actually called the shippergirl
AA: didnt i come up with that stupid monkier
GA: You did.
AA: oh yeah i forgot how i swam out into the atlantic ocean last week and painted that on the side of your homes hull
GA: but no, dad may have inquired about you when i sent that picture of my ship to you way back when
GA: I told him you called it that and one thing led to another...
AA: i hope you didnt explain to him why i do
GA: god no
GA: but with his sense of humor i wake up the next morning and hes in the inflatable lifeboat painting over “The Salty Rose” in favor of this
GA: honestly we’re not even on a steamboat so the s.s. Isn’t even accurate!
AA: i guess it stands for steam ship then
GA: correct!
AA: i dont know exactly why but i thought it was an acronym for set sail
AA: yeah that makes no sense in retrospect
GA: it should be m.y. if anything
AA: what does that stand for then
GA: motor yacht.
AA: neat
AA: yeah if you have any other nautical knowledge you want to lay on me at any time go ahead
AA: considering i might have to make more modifications to your motor yacht
GA: I’m not a complete expert, but that’s what my dad is for.
AA: jesus fuck
AA: what a guy though
GA: he just gets overbearing sometimes what with the family traditions
GA: Speaking of dad.
GA: DAD!
GA: ..`--...--!
GA: I’M GOIGN TO SEE WHERE WE ARE, I THINK WE ESCAPED THE METEOR SHOWER!
GA: .-----,,,.~`?
GA: WHAT?
GA: -...-!!
GA: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHERE WE “ARK”?
GA:
GA: DAAAAAAAAADDDD
GA: -...-==
GA: NO I ASSURE YOU THE REFERENCE IS NOT LOST ON ME.
GA: WHATEVER, FINE, JUST STAY SAFE AND DON’T LEAVE THE BOAT OKAY??!
GA: ..--`~~!
GA: I LOVE YOU TOO, OK?!!!
GA: Ugh.
GA: Parents, right?
AA: hmm
GA: Oh.
GA: :c
AA: nah he seems like a challenge to live with
AA: briniest motherfucker out there
GA: I’m going to see where these stairs go
AA: ok

====>

AA: why are you scootching down them on your ass like that
GA: I’m, uh, not too fond of stairs.
GA: I prefer my ladders on the ship.
AA: fuck yeah thats what im talkin about my girl
AA: we should get ace back in here and have an anti stair jam
AA: whitman you there
TC: Yes, just got back from reading up.
TC: And I’ll concur on that point.
TC: Fuck stairs. The pissant of dormitory fixtures.
AA: fuck
AA: yes
GA: :D
AA: so what did you find whitman anything to boost purplepants to the final level
TC: Unfortunately, we’re continuing on this portion linearly.
TC: I read up on Tina’s suggested reading, Sprites and the initial climb.
TC: Apparently the reason you haven’t seen the sprite is that they get pretty finicky once you enter what’s called “The Medium”.
TC: i.e. where you are.
TC: It’s noted that there’s more to your immediate and not-so-immediate surroundings, but that it’s customized on a player-to-player basis.
AA: fuck i keep forgetting that this is a game
GA: You’re telling me!
TC: But the sprites usually disappear for a little while after entering the medium.
TC: Immediately upon entering, the initial kernel splits in two, sending the data of what it was “prototyped” with to different areas in the Medium.
TC: This is what causes the enemies to be varied like we were talking about earlier.
AA: so like
AA: were going to be fighting dolphincube monsters
TC: Yes.
GA: Hmm. Doesn’t sound too intimidating Ig uess.
AA: hey hows the trek down going
AA: the camera continues its parade of shittiness by locking itself to your house when you went away from it
GA: Not good actually. My way is blocked by one of these huge gem things.
TC: Gems?
GA: The stone has crystal things sticking out of them.
GA: With fireflies inside?
TC: Sounds fantastical.
AA: fantastical as fuck dude
AA: ill send you a screenshot
TC: Thanks, it’ll be nice to get firsthand confirmation of this game being legit.
GA: But yeah it’s a pretty far gap and I’m not going to risk a jump.
GA: I don’t think there’s a safe way down the mountain :c
TC: Actually my readme is talking to me about that too.
TC: You’re actually going to be going the other way.
GA: ?

====>

AA: what do you mean
AA: back to the ocean or some shit
TC: Nope, upwards on the Z-axis, man.
TC: Let me try something, look up for me, Jenny?
GA: Ok?
GA: Oh!
AA: wait i can see something too when i zoom out
AA: yo is that a spirograph
AA: ive seen some ancient murals that have those things
TC: Gary, a spirograph is a children’s toy that was invented at the turn of the 20th century.
TC: So that doesn’t make much sense.
AA: it actually makes perfect sense whitman
AA: consider picking up a history book sometime
AA: in any case yes there is one in the sky
GA: It’s just hanging there.
TC: The readme says that this is a “gate”.
TC: One of the goals of the game is to enter the seven gates that lie above your house in order.
TC: That’s the purpose of being able to manipulate the client’s home.
TC: Build and build to reach the gates, they take you to different places, you do different things, bingo.
TC: Apparently the first gate will always take the player down to the land below.
GA: So am I like
GA: Not on Earth any more???
TC: I think so?
TC: As I’ve said before, this readme is very complete in terms of technicalities and mechanics.
TC: But incredibly catty with divulging any actual answers to what’s happening.
AA: fucking sick
AA: jenny if you see any hot alien babes who look just like humans but with an unnatural skin color heres my number
GA: Uh, ok.
TC: The readme says to talk to your sprite about the more esoteric and customized parts of the game.
TC: That personal mythology bullroar I suppose.
TC: So If you want to get down, you have to go up.
TC: You have a handle on the controls now right, Gary?
AA: now that the camera isnt shaking like a nervous horse being led to a glue factory yeah
AA: my mouse hand is ready fucking steady
GA: Alright, give me a minute to walk back home, please.
AA: you mean buttslide back home
GA: :I

====>

AA: professor whitman you cant see it but im raising my hand and perking up in my desk
AA: wanna earn some points for garydor with a pertinent question
TC: ...
TC: Shoot.
AA: i only have like ten of that build grist shit left how do i get more
AA: making a square yard of boat ceiling cost a chunk of that
AA: we arent going to have enough unless i boost ms brooks up with a pencil thin appendage growing out of the boat dick
GA: Excuse me?
AA: boat deck
GA: Ah.
AA: but the question stands
TC: Shoot, I think that might be coming up, just a moment.
TC: Ok, yes I see.
TC: It’s going to require combat...
GA: Combat???
GA: You mentioned enemies but already??
GA: I don’t even know where I am.
TC: Well this is a game in a way, I bet they’re probably only going to throw light challenges at you.
TC: It says here that enemies drop Grist, which can be used both to build up the client’s home and to create new items, weapons, you name it.
TC: Oh that’s actually cool.
TC: There’s a section coming up about that alchemizing thing we were talking about where you can make actual physical items out of nothing using captchalogue cards.
AA: holy fuck alchemy
AA: thats cool as shit
AA: jenny hurry up and go fuck up the local fauna so we can get on that shit
GA: Ok...
AA: hey dont worry ace said it wont be anything too hard
AA: probably gonna be some rattata and pidgey level shit

====>

TC: Probably

Jay: Do a flip!

Absolutely not! You got up the stairs without incident for once and you want to squander your efforts??
Maybe once you're ASLEEP and can FLY again, you suppose.

You pass down the hall to your FATHER'S BEDROOM. Looks like the meteor storm is picking up again after a brief decrease in severity. You live on a hill on the outskirts of the BIG CITY, but you can see the surrounding landscape being peppered even from here. Good thing the meteors landing on your property aren't setting off any of the BOOBY TRAPS your FATHER invented and installed to keep out intruders. Even in times like this he fears LOOTERS, BURGLARS, ROGUES, and GOVERNMENT AGENTS.

You don't live in the best NEIGHBORHOOD.

====>

As you peek into your FATHER'S ROOM you're surprised that the aforementioned booby traps were not installed here as well and that you still retain your EYESIGHT, USE OF LUNGS, and/or ENTIRE SET OF LIMBS. You haven't really tried entering here before, but FATHER has been missing for so long and the situation is so dire that it called for equally drastic measures.

What will you do?

Last Edit: May 2, 2017 20:09:29 GMT by Huff

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb May 2, 2017 20:08:38 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on May 2, 2017 20:08:38 GMT

Jay: Be overcome by a shocking revelation about your father, caused by the contents of this room.

Honestly you're still reeling from the fact that he doesn't have the place on lockdown harder than a Country Buffet in Minnesota after church. The few times you've been let in here under his supervision you've seen the same MEMENTOS, AWARDS, and ACADEMIC LITERATURE that he's always had displayed on his BOOKSHELF. Same old up-to-date picture of yourself as well.

Hmm...

Jay: Check for safe behind picture/photo.

Knew it.

====>

====>

====>

...Knew it.

Jenny: Lick glowing rocks until you develop super powers or something.

They're not your usual fare, but you've dipped into COMIC BOOKS on the behest of Lysias from time to time, mostly for all the upside-down ALLEYWAY SMOOCHES and such. Referencing those, this doesn't seem like a half-bad idea. You briefly wonder if they do indeed taste like Gushing Gadfly Grape JOLLY RANCHERS.

====>

On second thought, it's not the best idea to listen to Lysias when it comes to what you should put in your mouth. In any case, why would they give you SUPER POWERS? SUPER POWERS are fake and not real.

====>

-- aggravatingCoder [AC] began pestering animosityTornado [AT] --

AC: at.

AT: y’ello

AC: Are y0u ready t0 play th1s game n0w?

AC: Fr0m y0ur statements 1n the gr0up chat y0u seemed t0 be keen 0n j01n1ng the game as s00n as p0ss1ble.

AC: 1 can assure y0u that ga 1s safe and that the game 1s, as 0ne says, “leg1t”.

AT: oh i give ThAT A hecking yeAh >:D

AC: Excellent.

AT: or i would if i were neAr my computer ThAT is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

AT: sorry To sAy buT i followed my guT And Am AdvenTuring sTrAighT inTo The woods To check ouT Any fAllen meTeors

AC: Really, n0w.

AT: yes’m

AT: ive been wAiTing To geT ouT here for like TwenTy minuTes now!

AT: And i jusT mAnAged To slip by my moThers ever present gAze This Time To geT ouTside so donT even Think AbouT hAcking inTo her phone or whATever iT is you do wiTh your compuTer whAckAmabobs :I

AC: 1 d0n’t have any 1ntent10n 0f d01ng that. L1ke 1’d r1sk my tact1cs be1ng d1sc0vered t0 retr1eve n0th1ng but a bunch 0f barbeque rec1p1es fr0m y0ur m0ther.

AT: hey, AwArd-winning bArbeque recipies >:L

AC: 1’m sure.

AC: But 1t’s st1ll 1mp0rtant that y0u return h0me t0 launch the game and escape asap.

AC: Ace and 1 are the 0nly 0nes wh0 have any semblance 0f sk1ll and/0r kn0wledge c0ncern1ng the game.

AC: And 1’m very grac10usly 0ffer1ng my serv1ces as a gu1de f0r y0ur entry 0ver fac1l1tat1ng my 0wn entry.

AT: i know And i AppreciaTe iT buT i hAve sTuff i need To do TinA

AT: you know, sTuff @~@

AT: buT reAlly i hAve To check up on my friend ouT here

AC: 0h. Y0u’re r1ght.

AC: 1’m actually n0t sure h0w 1 f0rg0t ab0ut that.

AT: hey, goTTA mAke sure Theyre sAfe :P

AT: i meAn i Think we boTh hAve An inkling of how everyones doing buT you know

AC: Alr1ght, g00d luck.

AT: Ah hold up missy ～°·_·°～

AT: since im going To be unAvAilable i know who you cAn help wiTh The gAme!

AT: i jusT TAlked To seTh on The wAy over here And he seemed preTTy lonely :[

AT: plus he sAid his mom And Ai Amigos hAd died?!

AT: i donT Think iTd be besT for him To be Alone righT now if ThATs True

AC: ...

AT: Also he sAid he lives in The fuTure so

AC: !=

AT: ...i donT know if i should hAve Told you ThAT

AC: N0w that y0u ment10n 1t…

AC: That’s a def1n1te p0ss1b1l1ty.

AC: 1 kn0w we all kn0w ab0ut the temp0ral d1splacement 0f the battlegr0unds 0f the F1nn0-K0rean hyperwar undertaken by b0th g0vernments t0 pr0tect the rest 0f the w0rld fr0m unc0ver1ng the danger0us techn0l0g1es that k1lled m1ll10ns.

AC: 1t’s p0ss1ble cc was caught up 1n that...

AT: :V

AC: And y0u kn0w fr0m a pract1cal standp01nt 1f he’s tell1ng the truth ab0ut h1s A1 c0mpan10ns

AC: Wh1ch he must be because 1’ve hacked 1nt0 the1r mem0rybanks f0r h1m d0zens 0f t1mes

AC: S0meth1ng’s f1shy.

AC: 1 mean 1’ve taken n0tes 0n these th1ngs. They’re 1ncred1bly c0mpl1cated and the1r c0de 1s mass1ve.

AC: 1’ve always th0ught 0ne 0f h1s relat1ves was a g0vernment agent h0t 0n my tra1l and screw1ng w1th me, but th1s new p0ss1b1l1ty p1ques my 1nterest.

AT: :V:V:V

AC: But 1f he’s plundered the K0rean Tur1ngbuster arsenal...!

AC: Hmm.

AC: 1 apprec1ate the t1p, Lys1as.

AT: :V:V:V:V:V:V:V:V:V

AC: 1’ll 1mmed1ately get t0 c0ach1ng h1m 0n enter1ng the game.

AC: Maybe 1’d actually be able t0 0bserve these r0b0t1c l1feforms, taser cl0se 1n hand, 0f c0urse.

AT: you do ThAT ill conTinue on my wAy

AT: oooh, ive sTumbled upon a freshly lAnded meTeoriTe

AT: could There be An oTherworldly supermeTAl inside?

AC: D0n’t be prep0ster0us, they’re pap1er-mâché as 1’ve been say1ng.

AC: Y0u need t0 learn t0 n0t be s0 far-fetched, at.

AT: (´･ω･`)

-- aggravatingCoder [AC] ceased pestering animosityTornado [AT] --

====>

You approach the ASBESTOSLY INTRUDER in a rejuvenated attempt at interacting with your FIRST CONTACT with another living being. After brushing the sand off of yourself he seems to have clambered on top of your TV to fiddle about with the SMOKE DETECTOR. You pipe up and ask him um hello what are you doing sir. He says he's checking the smoke detector here for accordance with ROYAL GUIDELINES. Wait royalty you ask. Yeah royalty he says. Very important work he says. Top of the pecking order line of work he says. Oh you say.

He finishes pushing the "test alarm" button a few times.

Doesn't work he says. Yeah you say. You've overloaded all the alarms in this house over the years from your SLIGHT PYROMANIA and consequential activities. Oh my god he says. You say what. He says may I check the other alarms kind sir? You say uh ok.

Last Edit: May 2, 2017 20:11:58 GMT by Huff

Huff
Nipper Cadet

Posts: 73

SPUFurb Jul 3, 2017 22:24:52 GMT

Quote

Post by Huff on Jul 3, 2017 22:24:52 GMT

Gonna have to do the link-to-mspfa thing, no time to format it here just yet, will do when I have an actual house again in four weeks

SPUFurb Update 4 JUL 2017
13 pages - 300 page milestone!

mspfa.com/?s=2461&p=288

We'd relish some commands/suggestions!

Last Edit: Jul 3, 2017 22:27:23 GMT by Huff

Huff Nipper Cadet Posts: 73	SPUFurb Nov 25, 2017 22:50:15 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Huff on Nov 25, 2017 22:50:15 GMT SPUFurb Update 25 NOV 2017 7 Pages mspfa.com/?s=2461&p=300

Omegaupdate

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