KittenCollector
Nipper Cadet
Sinful and Loathing It
Posts: 75
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by KittenCollector on May 24, 2016 1:29:20 GMT
If there's anyone willing to brave its now 100+ panels, I'd love to hear some genuine feedback on DaddyQuest so far. I can't promise it's not awful, but I can promise it's not as awful as the name would imply, and that any constructive criticism provided will be used to make it as not-awful as possible.
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Post by eerr on May 24, 2016 6:08:48 GMT
Daddyquest So ok. Daddyquest is this game that everyone just finds a bit awkward. And this game is sitting on my desk for review so I'm like, yeah man I'll write something. But I don't know. I'm like, so is this about fucking nonsense or depravity? That's fine, I'm sure That's like someone's sweet dreams in a handbag for all the ladies. But all I'm saying is, when do you get romantic trash? While you're playing dolls or some shit, are you ever in jeopardy of showing legit content or whatever the legit story up in this bitch? Know what I'm saying, adventure divers? I didn't actually play this game but I gave it 0/4 kids to keep it real. At this point I'd like to give a shout out to my boy Dennis who was over the other day. We were going to chill in front of Iron Man and he was so psyched of it y'all. So this one time he was leaning against the screen door and the shit popped open and the back deck was wet and he slipped down the steps and broke his thumb on the lawn. It wasn't a long fall, but hey I guess a thumb bone wasn't made for supporting the brunt of a huge useless tool against wet grass. We never did watch Iron Man on account of Ron trucking his bawling girth to the hospital. But it's cool, I still got another watch in me, Brotel Rwanda. Bro-Notes Dennis was so wasted, ha ha. I mean damn. Rating for Daddyquest: 0/4 kids
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Post by Rucorous on May 25, 2016 11:38:30 GMT
Can someone please critique the writing/art in Psych-Blast so far? I'd love to hear some constructive criticism.
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Post by continuityofficer on May 25, 2016 12:07:28 GMT
Can someone please critique the writing/art in Psych-Blast so far? I'd love to hear some constructive criticism. I'de suggest waiting a good while more before asking for a proper critique. But for a first impressions, I can say that it looks nice at the very least.
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Post by Arashi500 on May 25, 2016 17:55:11 GMT
Can someone please critique the writing/art in Psych-Blast so far? I'd love to hear some constructive criticism. I'd prolly wait a bit longer before asking for a critique myself, but in so far I like the crayon-drawn style and the early bits of writing are pretty snappy. Though the writing could use a bit of extra spacing, because as is the character introduction pages are a bit wall-of-text-y. Other than than that, not sure what else I could say about it so far. Also, all adventures requesting critiques so far should now be in the OP.
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Post by Neptz on May 26, 2016 0:22:40 GMT
Can someone please critique the writing/art in Psych-Blast so far? I'd love to hear some constructive criticism. It's... good, so far? I'd recommend that people only really request their adventures to be critiqued once you get to the bulk of the story.
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Post by Arashi500 on May 26, 2016 1:24:13 GMT
Can someone please critique the writing/art in Psych-Blast so far? I'd love to hear some constructive criticism. It's... good, so far? I'd recommend that people only really request their adventures to be critiqued once you get to the bulk of the story. If I were to give a recommendation to a pre-requisite for critique it'd prolly be About 20-30 panels, rather than place in narrative, considering how vastly different those can be.
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Post by continuityofficer on May 26, 2016 6:52:58 GMT
It's... good, so far? I'd recommend that people only really request their adventures to be critiqued once you get to the bulk of the story. If I were to give a recommendation to a pre-requisite for critique it'd prolly be About 20-30 panels, rather than place in narrative, considering how vastly different those can be. Maybe we say around 5-8 updates minimum? I think that fits neatly with you needing 10 to go to forum adventure's.
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Post by Neptz on May 26, 2016 15:50:19 GMT
It's easier to criticize a adventure when you do have something to criticize. Some adventures can be stagnating even around 20-30 panels, it's better when it's already gotten somewhere.
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Post by Nero on May 26, 2016 16:16:38 GMT
Can someone please critique the writing/art in Psych-Blast so far? I'd love to hear some constructive criticism. oh and did someone mention yet that you should wait before asking criticism? it's too soon to be asking critiques for an adventure this new 20-30 panels should be alright and in case you didn't notice, you should wait before asking for criticism. just letting you know okay dont forget it's too early EDIT: i forgot to mention you should wait first. bye
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Post by Arashi500 on May 26, 2016 21:11:56 GMT
I suppose there's no harm in asking twice if you plan on the adventure going on long enough to justify, in which case I think asking early might be a good idea if you ask for more critiques later. But only really then, and that's if people feel compelled to critique it twice.
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Post by eerr on May 30, 2016 9:25:30 GMT
Can someone please critique the writing/art in Psych-Blast so far? I'd love to hear some constructive criticism. Okay so there's this blast from the past- Psych Blast. Now I thought this crazy shindig was gonna be about a guy with Hypochondriasis. But really It's turned out pleasant- so far. My burning question: can you keep this from degenerating into soap-opera characters? The Line art effect is thoroughly wonderful. Probably the best part of the adventure. The writing is probably unsustainable. Also these are flat characters, they have no personality. 9/10 would wait to resort to murder-level violence.
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Post by Neptz on May 30, 2016 15:39:31 GMT
Are you criticizing in rhymes you absolute madman.
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Post by continuityofficer on Jun 12, 2016 14:08:18 GMT
Do you think we should establish rules for second critiques?
I really want to ask for critique again after I finish this next thing, since the story has changed so much and I'm about to reach the next big milestone, and I think its difficult to take the critique's from earlier to really mean much to the story as it is now. But do you think we should formalize some sought of rules?
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Post by Arashi500 on Jun 12, 2016 14:33:08 GMT
Do you think we should establish rules for second critiques? I really want to ask for critique again after I finish this next thing, since the story has changed so much and I'm about to reach the next big milestone, and I think its difficult to take the critique's from earlier to really mean much to the story as it is now. But do you think we should formalize some sought of rules? I don't think we need any extra rules for a second (or third) critique, you're just less likely to get one from people who aren't already readers each time you request another one. It's not like the original request expires anyway, it just gets buried in the thread or isn't recent enough to be considered current. But I'd be happy to give another critique to Item Unoriginal once you post whatever your next milestone is. It's starting to really feel like it's coming into it's own.
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ilikeswordz
Moppet of Destiny
Halloo hullo! Just that dude who's making >BaRA a thing.
Posts: 117
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by ilikeswordz on Jun 12, 2016 23:58:50 GMT
Halloo hullo! Though it's still fairly young (50-ish panels or so), I'd like some critiques for >BaRA. I retconned some things here and there on the mirror, so that might be the better one to check out. The forum version is over here.I'm more worried about the quality of the writing than the art, but feel free to comment on both if you wish!
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Post by eerr on Jun 13, 2016 9:52:54 GMT
Halloo hullo! Though it's still fairly young (50-ish panels or so), I'd like some critiques for >BaRA. I retconned some things here and there on the mirror, so that might be the better one to check out. The forum version is over here.I'm more worried about the quality of the writing than the art, but feel free to comment on both if you wish! So I see you have these letter symbols on the hammer, and symbols on the flags. But I feel like you are missing a huge opportunity- to tell the story through symbols. Rendering things symbolically is no joke! To hint at the past or the future by depicting what is or what might come around. So basically foreshadowing and backstory through, say, drawing a hammer on his hammer. Anything to make the characters feel like they weren't pulled out of thin air. Just one or two things per person. I don't understand the rush to the lands and dreamscape. They're cool, but as far as I know populating a land with challenges is quite difficult. And the dreamscape doesn't seem to have any context or connection to anything except 'the game'. I must confess I completely passed over the details of the game in my previous reading. You could repeat yourself, just a little bit. I'm sure Brant has his own take on the hierarchy. OR maybe you are saving it for a more dramatic exposition? That's good too. I don't see the hyperlink on this page. I don't know anything about the civilization. Is that important? I'm disappointed to not see even one decoration of a hammer or some cheese. I would probably get any reasonable Dwarf Fortress reference. Have you considered hiring a narrator? It should be noted that writing wise you could use any term but game. How about calling it a challenge? Calling it 'The Game' feels like an overused plot now, to those who read many forum adventures. Especially since it does indeed appear as a challenge, from what I have gathered. Overall though your writing is quite thorough. After paying more attention, I understand having cool symbols. And your character introductions are fine. With a slightly deeper reading, I get the feeling Brant is angsty. Is that right? Also I see these jokers keep posting about sexuality, wtf. Ok maybe they just want gay pornos? It's not wrong to want gay pornos.
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Post by Arashi500 on Jun 13, 2016 11:19:20 GMT
Halloo hullo! Though it's still fairly young (50-ish panels or so), I'd like some critiques for >BaRA. I retconned some things here and there on the mirror, so that might be the better one to check out. The forum version is over here.I'm more worried about the quality of the writing than the art, but feel free to comment on both if you wish! Well I can see why you didn't ask for art feedback, it's exquisite! As for the writing: I'm pretty interested so. The pace has been a bit quick, and there seems to be too much text too often, but that's honestly negligible. Brant and Ellisar are good characters, and I've enjoyed just about every panel they're in, even if reading Ellisar's text was bit of an eye strain. I think you had the right idea in delaying the reveal of your orc character, I'd wait at least another 10 pages/panels before revisiting him. So yeah, my interest is piqued and I'm looking forward to seeing if Mpyre will a Sburb sort of Game or what. Just maybe trim the text here and there to give a break for the reader to enjoy the visuals a bit more. Also I see these jokers keep posting about sexuality, wtf. Ok maybe they just want gay pornos? It's not wrong to want gay pornos. I don't know quite why, but I kind of want to immortalize this wonderous line.
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Post by eerr on Jun 14, 2016 12:50:51 GMT
Halloo hullo! Though it's still fairly young (50-ish panels or so), I'd like some critiques for >BaRA. I retconned some things here and there on the mirror, so that might be the better one to check out. The forum version is over here.I'm more worried about the quality of the writing than the art, but feel free to comment on both if you wish! Since I've never really talked about the basics, and just sort of gone over stuff I thought could be better, Arashi made me think of some stuff. The high-dialogue pace forms a nice break from most adventures, giving a large amount of plot. I like BaRA specifically for this. BaRA is on point. If all the adventures I read were this wordy I would have to follow less. But it's cool. The thing about writing- It's just the medium. You are trying to communicate thoughts and feelings and almost any way will do- you just have to sound good. You have a lot more freedom to write off-style than you make use of. Your writing is quality though, comparing you to a dozen other forum adventures. These characters have motivations and reasons for the things they manage to do or not. That is something you don't typically see in a forum adventure! I hope you can keep it up. I don't see any easy way for you to improve. I mean you could dabble in extremely unusual ways of wording. That would help somewhat with the length of the black text. But that breaks candor and takes time.
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Post by continuityofficer on Jun 18, 2016 12:23:31 GMT
Section 2 completed, and I think that the adventure is probably so much nothing like it used to be that its an appropriate time to ask for a second set of critiques if anyone wants to! Link
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Post by Arashi500 on Jun 18, 2016 18:26:57 GMT
Section 2 completed, and I think that the adventure is probably so much nothing like it used to be that its an appropriate time to ask for a second set of critiques if anyone wants to! LinkMy interest is definitely ramping up as it goes on. The pace is pretty comfortable all around, and the art seems to be improving so keep it up. I'm intrigued by the purple glitchy guy, and getting more on board with the quirks of each character more and more with each update. Not quite what sure else to give feedback on.
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Post by continuityofficer on Jun 19, 2016 10:02:39 GMT
Section 2 completed, and I think that the adventure is probably so much nothing like it used to be that its an appropriate time to ask for a second set of critiques if anyone wants to! LinkMy interest is definitely ramping up as it goes on. The pace is pretty comfortable all around, and the art seems to be improving so keep it up. I'm intrigued by the purple glitchy guy, and getting more on board with the quirks of each character more and more with each update. Not quite what sure else to give feedback on. Thanks! I've got some strange and I think interesting plans for purple glitchy blanket guy for explaining a few of the main mysteries of the story right now, and I think ultimately, I'll be getting to that relatively "soon" since I don't want things to change too much. My main worry has been the pacing, since my original intentions for pacing was to introduce characters a lot more sparsely, but if its worked well, that's good. Similarly, it's nice to know that characters are becoming well defined, I try to give each character a certain type of humour along with their own type of voice, and its good to know that it shines through. I think ultimately I want to try and make this story not too "long", and completion is definitely an ultimate goal that I am working towards. If nothing goes wrong (or right I guess), i'de expect that so far we are somewhere between 1/3 to 1/4 into the story that can hopefully become a nice completed work in the future.
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Post by Neptz on Jun 19, 2016 18:07:53 GMT
But in order for it to become a TRUE anime, Sarah, the protagonist, must gain a new OP item in the end in order to wreck our main antagonist! It's how it should be!
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Post by continuityofficer on Jun 20, 2016 7:45:03 GMT
But in order for it to become a TRUE anime, Sarah, the protagonist, must gain a new OP item in the end in order to wreck our main antagonist! It's how it should be! Fun Fact: all the items names are really obtuse relations to the item they are. For example, Steinbeck created of MICE and men, Dresden is the first english novel I could find reference too, Emijay is a corperation that creates hairbands and Mauaward is an extremely expensive necklace.
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ominousscientist
Nipper Cadet
waiting for the day ill finish my stories
Posts: 74
Pronouns: [any]
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Post by ominousscientist on Jun 21, 2016 3:23:31 GMT
Yo, I'd really appreciate some critiques for alliancebound. It's about 3 years old now(sheesh) but it wasn't until recently that I've been updating it as much as I've wanted to, and knowing how peeps view it and getting feedback would be nice.
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