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Post by CrowJam on Dec 26, 2018 2:58:35 GMT
Terely: Pull the lever with the number 1 above it
You proceed to pull the lever labeled 2.
OH
MY
GOD!
TICKLE ME ELMOS!!!!!!!! |
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Post by CrowJam on Dec 28, 2018 23:18:23 GMT
 You don’t give a shit about Dragon Age!Rorb: Be Dead You’re not dead, and, thankfully, you are also unharmed. You wouldn’t be the first person to nearly be crushed to death thanks to these things.
Make Elmo dab
 Merry 100th page everybody! |
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Post by Con Air on Dec 29, 2018 17:45:59 GMT
Rorb: tickle one of the Elmo dolls, maybe it unlocks a secret passage
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Steve the Elmologist
Guest
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Post by Steve the Elmologist on Jan 27, 2019 11:56:06 GMT
Elmos: Merge with each other to form a Giga Elmo.
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Post by CrowJam on Apr 30, 2019 1:44:55 GMT
Rorb: tickle one of the Elmo dolls, maybe it unlocks a secret passage  You proceed to tickle the Elmo doll with your fist, but other than gaining some minor enjoyment from the activity, nothing seems to happen.
  On top of making yourself look utterly fabulous, your efforts also somehow manage to thoroughly piss off several animal rights organizations.
Rorb: Examine the now Elmoless Closet
The closet appears to contain a lever with the number three above it, as well as a large poster featuring the Family Matters character, Urkel.
Examine the Urkel poster
You remember that for a short time Urkel and Sonic the Hedgehog were played by the same actor, and briefly wonder if that makes Sonic nothing more than Urkel’s fursona. However, you quickly come to the realization that nothing of value will come from this train of thought and smartly decide to drop it.
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Post by Curris on May 2, 2019 0:11:38 GMT
Enter the booth. Pull the lever.
Google vacantly at the consequences. Wonder if Urkel, true to his catch phrase, "did he do that?" How could you know?
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Post by CrowJam on May 11, 2019 1:30:28 GMT
Enter the booth. Pull the lever. Google vacantly at the consequences. Wonder if Urkel, true to his catch phrase, "did he do that?" How could you know?
You proceed to pull the lever labeled 3, which you are pretty sure you did do, because it’s happening on the screen right fucking now, sitcom characters no gives a shit about any more be damned! Anyway, nothing seems to happen.
Unfortunately, you are all far too traumatized from being ripped to shreds to even think about doing something that epic.
FUCK POTATOES! |
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Post by CrowJam on Jun 26, 2019 0:36:57 GMT
Your life is influenced by machinations far too intricate and complex to define it as nothing more than a game, and thus the concepts of winning and loosing cannot so easily be applied to your actions as such. Besides, there are at least 70 pages of stupid jokes the author wants to make left, so this isn’t ending any time soon.
Terely: Pull the lever labeled 1 for real this time.
  Rorb: Examine the newly opened closet.
 You enter the poorly drawn room, and, noticing nothing else of interest, decide to look up. Squinting your eyes, you discern a small light filtering in from the end of a long shaft; however, you have no inkling as to how you are supposed to reach it. |
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Post by CrowJam on Jun 27, 2019 1:02:56 GMT
You just fucking said you don’t know how to get up there numbnuts! Your lack of listening skills has caused Rorb’s anger meter to increase!
Terely: Become horny for the ladder
 This is fucking stupid. |
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Post by CrowJam on Jun 28, 2019 3:39:53 GMT
You jump as high as your impressive gams will allow; however, your attempts prove to be utterly feeble.
Rorb and Terely: Pull both of the levers labeled 3 at the same time!
 Using the deep, unbreakable sisterly psychic connection you’ve developed with one another over the vast 20 minutes since you’ve met, you commune with each other to pull the levers in sync.
An elevator arrives at the bottom of the shaft, opening to reveal a portrait of the legendary 19th century suffragette Susan B. Anthony. |
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Post by CrowJam on Jun 30, 2019 3:45:30 GMT
Terely: Use the sexy ladder to reunite with Rorb
You leave the control room with the ladder, gently yet firmly shove it against a wall, and proceed to climb it in the most euphemistic way possible. |
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Post by CrowJam on Jul 6, 2019 0:29:56 GMT
Rorb: Retrive saw from Terely
You have no idea why you even threw it away in the first place.
Rorb And Terely: Use the elevator
You enter the surprisingly spacious elevator and press up.
Examine speaker
The speaker seems to be playing a shitty, uncompressed instrumental of Britney Spear’s “Toxic” the greatest song to ever be composed. The ghost of Beethoven falls into a deep depression knowing he will never make a melody as meaningful and beautiful. The Susan B. Anthony portrait sheds a tear from the sheer majesty of it all.
Rorb And Terely: Leave the elevator and examine new surroundings
You appear to have entered a large room with a pit in its center and a magnetic crane on its opposite side. Another flattering photo of Shel Silverstein adorns the wall.
Rorb: Notice the girl on the other side of the room
Wait a minute…
That’s Her!
That’s the reason why you were so angry in the first place!
THAT’S THE BITCH WHO STOLE YOUR RITZ BITS!!!!!!!
End of chapter one. |
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Post by CrowJam on Jul 12, 2019 1:45:23 GMT
 Your name is Jane. You are okay. And my God do you love spoons!
What will you do?
Pick up spoon
 Wow! What an epic and satisfying conclusion to the arc of such a well developed and interesting character. You are quite sure you will remember the profundity of the themes and ideas conveyed through this deeply symbolic journey for the rest of your life.
 End of Intermission. |
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Post by CrowJam on Jul 19, 2019 20:48:54 GMT
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Post by Roninnozlo on Jul 23, 2019 4:04:20 GMT
>look left and right before crossing the road hall
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Post by CrowJam on Jul 25, 2019 20:38:46 GMT
Be a Bitch
Already taken care of.
Check your inventory
The contents of you inventory include:
1x Empty Box of Peanut Butter Ritz Bits (stolen from that loser on the other side of the room)
1x Spider Web(s) (because you love spiders and shit)
While your ass may be massive enough to remove planets from their orbits, you are unfortunately thinking of the wrong comic.
Flashback on how you came to arrive in this room.
You remember that after you stole and ate Rorb’s salty good snack, you found yourself in a small room containing a rather complicated puzzle involving color matching, a pulley system, some sort of box, three poorly cropped horses, and, potentially worst of all, a simple anagram.
Examine the drawings on the side of the wall
The drawings seem to be a bunch of shitty sexy Sonic ocs from DeviantArt that, while appearing to have nothing to do with the puzzle, actually have everything to do with the puzzle. What? You don’t care that making fun of DeviantArt is low hanging fruit. In fact, you don’t even like fruit! Fuck fruit!
Speaking of fruit, it appears that the grapefruit survived the encounter between Rorb and the Kool-aid Man and escaped in order to form a new plan to bring justice to his brethren.
You kill the grapefruit, ending that stupid plot thread once and for all.
Turn around and leave through the already unlocked door
You don’t have time to deal with all this puzzle shit, you’ve lit too many irons on fire or whatever the fuck.
And thus you find yourself back in the present. Wow, what an utter fucking waste of time. |
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Post by CrowJam on Aug 1, 2019 21:44:45 GMT
You return to the room for a brief moment to kick the heck out of the electronic parts of the puzzle and scribble all over the walls and anagram. You do, however, leave the Sonic OCs alone.
You activate your LV. 88 BITCH OPERANDI
BACKHANDED RANTS OF A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE COWORKER
You loudly list out all of the reasons why you think Rorb and Terely suck and are terrible while acting like you aren’t aware that they’re listening, even though you definitely are!
Rorb and Terely are both thoroughly unaffected by your insults and proceed not to give a single fuck!
You cross the hall to the magnetic crane, but decide not to look both ways before doing so. You don’t care if someone gets into an accident because of your flippant attitude! You have the right of way anyway so they can just go fuck themselves. |
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Post by conairreturns on Aug 5, 2019 14:59:32 GMT
>Jump into the pit like a maniac
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Post by CrowJam on Aug 18, 2019 1:59:07 GMT
You fool! Do you have any idea of the complexity and probability involved during the transfer of large amounts of mass through the space-time continuum?
You proceed to be hit by a time traveling Tonka truck.
You decide to end your peanut butter based feud with Rorb and activate the magnet, but for some reason, nothing seems to happen. If only there were some other object or person in the room imbued with magnetic properties. |
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Post by CrowJam on Aug 28, 2019 20:40:02 GMT
You maneuver the magnet over to Rorb while making an offhand comment about how gaudy her Elmo cape looks.
Vrisky: Release magnet
Rorb: Examine key
It appears the reason the magnet didn’t work on the key is because it was made out of wood for some reason. |
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Post by CrowJam on Sept 13, 2019 2:30:13 GMT
You do that thing the command tells you to do.
You jump on the pit and proceed to walk to the other side of the room, as it appears it wasn’t an actual pit, but rather just a painting someone made to look like a pit.
What an asshole.
Suddenly Vrisky steals the key like the bitch she is and ducks into the elevator to make her epic escape!
Rorb and Terely: Pursue!
The two of you jump into the elevator shaft and proceed to chase Vrisky through the rest of the building.
Vrisky abruptly stops in front of the Bio-Dome door and uses the stolen key to unlock it.
Rorb and Terely: Body slam into Vrisky
Your and Terely’s momentum causes both of you to crash into Vrisky and through the now open door into the vast open sky.
Rorb, Terely and Vrisky: Fall
The three of you proceed to descend through the sky at an incredible velocity, while still maintaining your various established attributes.
All of the sudden, however, the three of you find your falls stopped short by a massive pile of unopened Peanut Butter Ritz Bits boxes.
Your name is Rorb. You are a Lalorb.
And my God are you happy.
The End
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Post by luigi on Jan 21, 2020 6:11:24 GMT
That was a good read holy shit. Do more.
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