Post by Sharkalien on Jun 16, 2016 19:42:40 GMT
6/5
I don't know the first thing about DnD or RPG games in general, but I always thought it'd be fun to pretend to (isn't that the point?). So I came up with my own "homebrew" version that I pulled out of my ass.
I call it "Attics and Lizards".
I only have twenty-sided dice, a legacy from my sister's days of playing Magic: The Gathering, so the game's mechanics will revolve heavily around that.
There are twenty Types (classes) and twenty Ethnic Backgrounds (races). You roll to find out which ones you are.
Types
1. Bard
2. Leftie
3. Honey Fingers
4. Necrophilamancer
5. Axe Cop
6. Literal Salamander
7. Really Short Guy
8. Regular Man
9. Dad of the Group
10. Hippie
11. Health Nut
12. Barber
13. Skeleton
14. Spider Man
15. Token Black Guy
16. Flute Cop
17. Baby Man
18. Cicierega
19. Mary Sue
(4)20. Meme of your choice
If your die falls on the floor as you roll, your class will be whatever random Wikipedia article that comes up: "en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random"
2. Leftie
3. Honey Fingers
4. Necrophilamancer
5. Axe Cop
6. Literal Salamander
7. Really Short Guy
8. Regular Man
9. Dad of the Group
10. Hippie
11. Health Nut
12. Barber
13. Skeleton
14. Spider Man
15. Token Black Guy
16. Flute Cop
17. Baby Man
18. Cicierega
19. Mary Sue
(4)20. Meme of your choice
If your die falls on the floor as you roll, your class will be whatever random Wikipedia article that comes up: "en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random"
Ethnic Backgrounds
1. Hue-mon
2. Outer space alien
3. Illegal immigrant
4. Bird person
5. Amorphous purple people=eating blob
6. Hedgehog
7. Robot
8. Otherkin
9. Sexy manga furry (yiff yiff)
10. Mall cop
11. Magical princess
12. Amorous monk
13. Skeleton
14. Spider person
15. Mutant
16. Ghost
17. Jehovah's witness
18. Hair creature (think Cousin Itt)
19. Talking sandwich
20. Boy band hivemind
If your die falls on the floor as you roll, your race will be whatever random Wikipedia article that comes up: "en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random"
2. Outer space alien
3. Illegal immigrant
4. Bird person
5. Amorphous purple people=eating blob
6. Hedgehog
7. Robot
8. Otherkin
9. Sexy manga furry (yiff yiff)
10. Mall cop
11. Magical princess
12. Amorous monk
13. Skeleton
14. Spider person
15. Mutant
16. Ghost
17. Jehovah's witness
18. Hair creature (think Cousin Itt)
19. Talking sandwich
20. Boy band hivemind
If your die falls on the floor as you roll, your race will be whatever random Wikipedia article that comes up: "en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random"
There are twenty Likes and Dislikes (these are used for developing your character or whatever). You roll four times to find out what you like and dislike.
Likes
1. Long walks on the beach
2. Yodeling after completing a mission
3. Big butts and they cannot lie
4. Neil Cicierega
5. Smutty fan fiction from 2004
6. The dance with no pants
7. Sitcoms that were cancelled after two seasons
8. To think they're a true 90s kid
9. Anime
10. Taking unnecessary risks
11. Bartering for useless shit that'll just end up in a storage space anyway
12. Making really good OC's
13. Asking dark objects to show them the forbidden items
14. Quoting lines from "Arthur"
15. Petting every creature that crosses their path
16. Checking up on their ex's Facebook profile every now and then. It's not creepy
17. Watching abridged series
18. Netflix and hanging out
19. Spontaneous rap battles
20. Chopping off the heads of evil bad guys
If your race is Skeleton, then you naturally like spaghetti.
2. Yodeling after completing a mission
3. Big butts and they cannot lie
4. Neil Cicierega
5. Smutty fan fiction from 2004
6. The dance with no pants
7. Sitcoms that were cancelled after two seasons
8. To think they're a true 90s kid
9. Anime
10. Taking unnecessary risks
11. Bartering for useless shit that'll just end up in a storage space anyway
12. Making really good OC's
13. Asking dark objects to show them the forbidden items
14. Quoting lines from "Arthur"
15. Petting every creature that crosses their path
16. Checking up on their ex's Facebook profile every now and then. It's not creepy
17. Watching abridged series
18. Netflix and hanging out
19. Spontaneous rap battles
20. Chopping off the heads of evil bad guys
If your race is Skeleton, then you naturally like spaghetti.
Dislikes
1. Poor grammar
2. When that happens
3. Bad puns
4. When people comment "FIRST!1! LOLOLOLOLOLOL XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD"
5. Nickelodeon
6. Any physical contact whatsoever
7. Rap music
8. The number 8
9. Anime
10. When people say their waifu is shit
11. Rob Schneider
12. The gamemaster
13. Not breaking the fourth wall
14. Unsuccessful attempts at flirting
15. Animal mistreatment
16. Foot fetishists
17. Annoying talking fruit
18. Homestuck
19. When their underpants hitch up into their butt crack
20. Memes
If your type is Skeleton, then you naturally dislike puns.
2. When that happens
3. Bad puns
4. When people comment "FIRST!1! LOLOLOLOLOLOL XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD"
5. Nickelodeon
6. Any physical contact whatsoever
7. Rap music
8. The number 8
9. Anime
10. When people say their waifu is shit
11. Rob Schneider
12. The gamemaster
13. Not breaking the fourth wall
14. Unsuccessful attempts at flirting
15. Animal mistreatment
16. Foot fetishists
17. Annoying talking fruit
18. Homestuck
19. When their underpants hitch up into their butt crack
20. Memes
If your type is Skeleton, then you naturally dislike puns.
There are- surprise suprise- TWENTY abilities according to Type. I got lazy and didn't finish the rest or even begin Race abilities. We'll figure it out as we go along.
Abilities - Types - UNDER CONSTRUCTION
1. High damage endurance (practically immortal); really good music player; has nice hat; most powerful class during critical rolls;
2. Does high damage; cool mobster name; that's pretty much it;
3. Stealthy; charismatic; think rogue or whatever bullshit; 20% raccoon affinity
4. Can fuck anyone back to life; can summon and entire legion of the undead as long as they have an orgy with it later on; literally the worst class ever; 50% rotten roadkill affinity
5. Ability to chop literally everyone's head off; chaotic good; magic Swiss army axe; has cyborg dinosaur familiar; good friends with Baby Man and Flute Cop; solve crime; bring justice; 100% axe affinity;
6. Hiss; hiss; large political influence; hiss; inconspicuous reptilian eyes; strong scale armour; hisssss; high obfuscate ability; 70% reptile affinity; hiss hiss;
7. Berserker dwarf ripoff; literally just a midget; 5% ground affinity;
8. Just a regular guy; 30% income tax affinity;
9. Handyman aspect; does high damage with belts; subsceptible to moms/milfs; balding; intimidation: 70%; 15% hammer affinity;
10. Smell bad; 40% earth/weed affinity;
11. Basically water-downed Leftie powers; can juice anything; 4% Richard Simmons affinity;
12. Super good with sharp objects; just as good with toothed objects; good friends with Hair creature; 80% hair affinity;
13. Sound like Skeletor; can cook a mean meatball (attack); can play trumpet (not trombone); can crawl inside another person's body and take control of it (think body snatchers);
14. Spidey-sense; shoot webs from your wrists; climb walls; pretty much whatever a spider can;
15. Pulling out the race card; jump really high; intimidate white people; inspire children everywhere;
16. Play a magic flute; have wishes granted by your adopted unicorn baby; good friends with Axe Cop (who is secretly his younger brother) and Baby Man; solve crime; bring justice;
17.
2. Does high damage; cool mobster name; that's pretty much it;
3. Stealthy; charismatic; think rogue or whatever bullshit; 20% raccoon affinity
4. Can fuck anyone back to life; can summon and entire legion of the undead as long as they have an orgy with it later on; literally the worst class ever; 50% rotten roadkill affinity
5. Ability to chop literally everyone's head off; chaotic good; magic Swiss army axe; has cyborg dinosaur familiar; good friends with Baby Man and Flute Cop; solve crime; bring justice; 100% axe affinity;
6. Hiss; hiss; large political influence; hiss; inconspicuous reptilian eyes; strong scale armour; hisssss; high obfuscate ability; 70% reptile affinity; hiss hiss;
7. Berserker dwarf ripoff; literally just a midget; 5% ground affinity;
8. Just a regular guy; 30% income tax affinity;
9. Handyman aspect; does high damage with belts; subsceptible to moms/milfs; balding; intimidation: 70%; 15% hammer affinity;
10. Smell bad; 40% earth/weed affinity;
11. Basically water-downed Leftie powers; can juice anything; 4% Richard Simmons affinity;
12. Super good with sharp objects; just as good with toothed objects; good friends with Hair creature; 80% hair affinity;
13. Sound like Skeletor; can cook a mean meatball (attack); can play trumpet (not trombone); can crawl inside another person's body and take control of it (think body snatchers);
14. Spidey-sense; shoot webs from your wrists; climb walls; pretty much whatever a spider can;
15. Pulling out the race card; jump really high; intimidate white people; inspire children everywhere;
16. Play a magic flute; have wishes granted by your adopted unicorn baby; good friends with Axe Cop (who is secretly his younger brother) and Baby Man; solve crime; bring justice;
17.
You roll for your alignment. Yes.
Alignments
1-2. Flanderthal (Lawful Good)
3-4. King of the Bill (Neutral Good)
5-6. The Dark K-niget (Chaotic Good)
7-8. Lemming Downer (Lawful Neutral)
9-10. Between the Lyin's (True Neutral)
11-12. Honorary Ogrekin (Chaotic Neutral)
13-14. Umbridge (Lawful Evil)
15-16. Disney Villain at Best (Neutral Evil)
17-18. >FRISK/>PLONK (Chaotic Evil)
19-20. WILDCARD
3-4. King of the Bill (Neutral Good)
5-6. The Dark K-niget (Chaotic Good)
7-8. Lemming Downer (Lawful Neutral)
9-10. Between the Lyin's (True Neutral)
11-12. Honorary Ogrekin (Chaotic Neutral)
13-14. Umbridge (Lawful Evil)
15-16. Disney Villain at Best (Neutral Evil)
17-18. >FRISK/>PLONK (Chaotic Evil)
19-20. WILDCARD
All level one characters have 20 out of 20 health, discounting the Bard's and Leftie's Hurt bonus (Leftie: +200; Bard: +9999).
You roll to find out how gud u r. Divide by 2 and round down if you have to
Stats - UNDER CONSTRUCTION
1. Hurt (how much punishment a character can take before falling unconscious or dying)
2. Flinch (how well-protected a character is against physical attack)
3. Noodle Length (intelligence)
4. Sleuthing (perception)
5. Charisma
6. Potency (endurance)
7. Luck
8. Quickmindedness (agility)
9. Aptitude (arcane magic proficiency)
10. Vitiate (how much damage a character can deal)
2. Flinch (how well-protected a character is against physical attack)
3. Noodle Length (intelligence)
4. Sleuthing (perception)
5. Charisma
6. Potency (endurance)
7. Luck
8. Quickmindedness (agility)
9. Aptitude (arcane magic proficiency)
10. Vitiate (how much damage a character can deal)
Things I should've mentioned beforehand
1. If in doubt, roll for it! Doesn't matter what you're unsure of, just fucking toss those dice!
2. If a Type or Ethnic Background is already taken by someone, please roll again to keep characters fresh and varied. There are 20 possibilities for each, after all! We need a Token Black Guy in the spotlight for once!
3. Remember that this game is called "Attics and Lizards", for Pete's sake. Expect the unexpected, by which I mean ridiculous shit that I dug out of my asshole and thought would be funny.
4. SO have fun!
2. If a Type or Ethnic Background is already taken by someone, please roll again to keep characters fresh and varied. There are 20 possibilities for each, after all! We need a Token Black Guy in the spotlight for once!
3. Remember that this game is called "Attics and Lizards", for Pete's sake. Expect the unexpected, by which I mean ridiculous shit that I dug out of my asshole and thought would be funny.
4. SO have fun!
If you have any questions or I forgot anything, let me know.
). Higher score means higher stats. 
