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Post by GreatKaiserNui on Jun 21, 2016 1:54:50 GMT
>Put the 7 in attack mode.
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Post by Curris on Jun 21, 2016 4:30:08 GMT
Well, clearly your hand is going to be a problem.
Steps:
1) Smirk knowingly, then clam up so that they can't discern your p-p-p-poker face. . .
2) Make witty banter that indicates that you know what everyone else is holding, and watch their eyes.
3) Scratch an itch on your leg, and whilst your hand is down there, swap your cards for the pair of kings you keep in your coat sleeve.
Because I absolutely refuse to believe that a man who appoints himself the "Crimson Rogue" doesn't have spare cards all decked up throughout his clothing. That's like Roguery 101.
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Post by ProfessorLizzard on Jun 21, 2016 8:17:10 GMT
>Make the largest grin ever to intimidate them
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Post by smuchmuch on Jun 21, 2016 21:37:24 GMT
> well there's no money on the table or real risk, worst you just leave the room, so you can afford to bluff outrageously as much as you want.
> Smile like a cat who is about to swallow a canary for a couple of seconds then get your best poker face as if you had betrayed yourself in smiling at how good your cards are, then just keep on bttibg and raising like a champ.
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Post by tailortf on Jun 22, 2016 14:46:24 GMT
>I assume you know quite a bit about card games.
Yep yep yep. When was the last time I played cards, Tuesday? You guys must be a new set of voices if you don't remember.
See, in my circle of friends, I'm called the "Poker Wizard". Why?
==>
'Cause I always have an ace up my sleeve.
Or, well, more of a wildcard, really. Magic stuff like this doesn't work in any of the higher-end poker games, of course, but it's good for fooling saps like these guys.
>Put the 7 into attack mode.
*MAJESTIC DOUBLE CARD TRICK OF DESTRUCTION*
==>
Noshirt: Pretty dramatic for just a pair of sevens.
Gil: Hey, it's more than any of you guys got.
==>
Gil: Okay, fair's fair, I won.
Gil: Now then, my favor and I'll be out of your guys' hair.
Gil: I'm looking for-
==>
Gil: Oh sweet Jesus.
==>
Sister Embers: Thief. We must go.
Sister Embers: Leave your debauchery and proceed through this area that was formerly a door.
==>
Gil: Sorry, guys, my ride's here, I gotta go.
Gil: Good luck with your game.
Gil: Try and get a lock on the next door you put here.
Gil: Oh, and let's stick a pin in that favor thing, huh?
Gil: In case we ever meet again.
Gil: See ya, fellas.
==>
Noshirt: ...what the hell just happened?
Glasses: I just...ugh.
Glasses: Give me your cards, guys, next round is starting.
Glasses: Ralph, you had the worst hand that round. Let's get those pants back off.
==>
Gil: What the hell? I was just about to ask those guys where the security codes were!
Sister Embers: Yes, and I am certain they would gladly tell you.
Sister Embers: Based on their honor system, no doubt.
Sister Embers: Now then, we may leave because I have already found the codes.
Gil: Damn, seriously? It's been like five minutes.
Sister Embers: Why are you surprised? It is not a difficult process.
Sister Embers: I have simply used the enemy's own instruments to our advantage.
Sister Embers: I used this service golem to enter each dormitory, then searched through personal belongings until I found what I was looking for.
==>
Gil: Ah.
Gil: I suppose that explains the holes.
Sister Embers: It is not a very precise instrument, no.
Sister Embers: I believe we should abscond quite hastily.
==>
Gil: Well, that was pretty much a bust.
Gil: I'm heading home.
Gil: Gonna take a nap, maybe sew up my hat.
Gil: Where are you gonna go?
Sister Embers: I shall spend the night memorizing the codes.
Sister Embers: Momentary recollection of them may save our lives tomorrow.
Gil: Yeah, okay, sure.
Gil: Drop by in the morning around 8-ish and we'll sort it out.
Sister Embers: Very well. Then I shall see you in the morning.
>Morning.
Did you say "7 A.M. sharp"? You know you said "7 A.M. sharp".
==>
Now, your watch does tell you it's only 6:55, but you would assume that due to the urgency of the matter, he would arrive earlier.
==>
Yet you have been sitting at this restaurant for almost 40 minutes and have not seen a single glimpse of your acolyte.
==>
If it were not for the presence of enemy combatants inside, you would have half a mind to come in there and find him yourself.
What could he possibly be doing?
==>
Uggh. This is why you don't drink. So far both of the times you've done it have turned out awful.
What did you even do last night? You never thought you could drink so much you'd forget things, but here we are.
==>
Frankie: Morning, lover boy.
==>
Acolyte: Ahh!
Frankie: PFAHAHA!
Frankie: Oh, god, dude, you should have seen your face!
Frankie: You just got baited so freakin' hard!
Frankie: Oh man, aw...that is hilarious.
Frankie: Totally worth the hangover headache.
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Spira-Virgo
Stoutrunt
Huh, so this is the new forums~
Posts: 165
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by Spira-Virgo on Jun 22, 2016 14:50:11 GMT
> WHA WHA? WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?! OAO
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Post by Curris on Jun 22, 2016 17:24:40 GMT
OH GOSH! "Loverboy!?" Does this mean you have to marry her? Aww man, you have responsibilities!
Acolyte --> Jump to the worst conclusions.
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Post by spacedwarfindustries on Jun 22, 2016 20:01:34 GMT
Acolyte: Realise you're probbably keeping your scary boss waiting and jump out the window
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Post by grubleafeater on Jun 23, 2016 6:51:44 GMT
>Bitch her out.
>Acolyte:Politely request ACTUAL TUTORING from Ember when next you see her. If you meet resistance, point out that there are ONLY TWO OF YOU, and as such you need to be more effective in combat situations. And let's face it, you're not Darth Vader material.
(As in, you can't be expected to force choke a bitch)
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Post by tailortf on Jun 25, 2016 14:29:10 GMT
>Jump to the worst conclusions.
Acolyte: I-wh-huh?!
Acolyte: Did you-
Acolyte: Did we-
Frankie: Nah, man, relax.
Frankie: I'm just pulling your leg.
Frankie: You're a freaking lightweight, by the way, you know that?
Frankie: Who the hell passes out after two beers?
Frankie: Had to drag your sleeping ass up to a room.
Frankie: That reaction so totally pays for it, though.
Frankie: C'mon, let's go eat.
>Bitch her out.
Acolyte: It wasn't THAT funny.
Frankie: I dunno, man, did you see your face?
Frankie: I think that was pretty damn funny.
Acolyte: Not to me.
Acolyte: I mean, how would YOU feel if someone did that to you?
Acolyte: Especially if you were waking up after-
Frankie: Oh my god, dude.
Frankie: I am WAY too hungover for this.
Frankie: Tell you what: you quit your bitchin' and I pay for your breakfast.
Frankie: Okay? Okay.
==>
Frankie: Yo, MacLarren, my main man.
Frankie: Two hangover breakfasts, make 'em greasy.
MacLarren: Sorry, Francine, you're gonna have to make 'em breakfasts yourself.
MacLarren: I gotta get to the tower.
Frankie: Damn, already? Festival's barely started.
MacLarren: Nah, it's some other thing.
MacLarren: Some kids broke in and stole a golem or something.
>Realize you're probably keeping your scary boss waiting.
Frankie: Oh come on, man, that sounds SO LAME.
Frankie: Can't you blow it off and make me breakfast?
MacLarren: Sorry, not my choice to make.
MacLarren: Truthbearer's orders.
Frankie: She's probably just overreacting anyway.
Frankie: There's no reason to ever do anything this early.
Frankie: I mean, it's like 7 AM for God's sake.
==>
Sister Embers: ...We shall meet back here tomorrow at 7 exactly.
==>
Ralph: ...so yeah, we never really got to see anything in the end.
Geoff: Damn, sucks.
Ralph: Yeah.
Ralph: Where'd you go, anyway?
Ralph: You just left in the middle of the game and never came back.
Geoff: Oh, dude, do NOT get me started.
==>
==>
Acolyte: Acolyte...of...Argaleth...reporting.
Sister Embers: Two minutes late.
Sister Embers: A couple more and I would have started looking for a replacement.
Sister Embers: Your performance is not very impressive today so far, acolyte.
Sister Embers: Let us proceed to the thief's residence as per our mutual agreement.
>Request actual tutoring from Sister Embers.
Acolyte: Uh...Sister Embers?
Acolyte: I know it's not allowed for me to ask you for anything, but, uh...
Acolyte: Could you maybe...teach me some things?
Acolyte: I mean, self-defense and magic and stuff.
Acolyte: We're in a pretty dangerous place, afterall.
Sister Embers: No.
Sister Embers: Learning is for students, and meanwhile you are an acolyte.
Sister Embers: Your mission is to do what I tell you, nothing more.
Sister Embers: Any learning you may gain from that is merely incidental.
Acolyte: Well, yeah, but isn't this kind of an emergency?
Acolyte: There's only two of us.
Acolyte: What if we get outnumbered?
==>
Sister Embers: I am perfectly capable of taking care of any number of foes myself.
Acolyte: Yeah, but what if it's only me?
Sister Embers: Hmm.
Sister Embers: I suppose you would use the survival skills your father has taught you.
Sister Embers: I believe that that is something children raised in families do.
Acolyte: My dad didn't really teach me any survival skills.
Acolyte: I don't think he knows any.
Acolyte: Mostly he just sells people stuff and goes fishing once a week.
Sister Embers: Is that so?
Sister Embers: Then I suppose some beginner training might not be a terrible idea.
Sister Embers: It would help to make you more useful, I suppose.
Sister Embers: I shall think about this as the day goes on.
Sister Embers: Now look sharp, we are almost at our destination.
==>
Acolyte: Huh.
Acolyte: Did it look this bad yesterday?
Sister Embers: I would not know.
Sister Embers: Every den of sin like this looks similar to me.
==>
Acolyte: Dang, this whole place looks awful!
Acolyte: Like it got ransacked.
Sister Embers: Hmm, indeed.
Sister Embers: Perhaps the thief is merely remodeling?
Sister Embers: He is quite an eccentric character.
==>
Gil: AHA!
Gil: BACK FOR MORE, HUH?!
==>
Gil: ...oh, it's just you guys.
Gil: Sorry about that.
Gil: Hey, so that means it's morning already?
Gil: Damn, time really flies these days.
Gil: You guys want some tea?
Gil: I'm kinda feeling like tea.
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randomwriter
Your shit is wrecked
Posts: 624
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by randomwriter on Jun 25, 2016 14:39:25 GMT
>Gil, what happened?
>Were you attacked, or did you drink.
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Post by GreatKaiserNui on Jun 26, 2016 1:02:27 GMT
> Acolyte: Being hungover you jump to the worst conclusions again.
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Post by spacedwarfindustries on Jun 26, 2016 13:55:14 GMT
>Acolyte: Freak out
>Embers: Be more concerned that the mug appears to have once said "#1 Dog" than the fact the thief was clearly attacked in the night.
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Post by Curris on Jun 26, 2016 22:33:17 GMT
Embers --> Interrogate. If this thief is incompetent enough to have his belongings pilfered, do you want him on your "team"?
Acolyte --> Collect the daggers, knives, and thrown weapons. Make a neat pile.
Gil --> Tell them how you masterfully conned the thugs into stealing your FAKE DECOY LOOT! Those saps will fall for anything!
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Spira-Virgo
Stoutrunt
Huh, so this is the new forums~
Posts: 165
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by Spira-Virgo on Jun 27, 2016 3:20:26 GMT
> Don't tell me, some guy you pissed back in the good golly days came back to settle the score. And when I mean score, I mean dealing with you permanently.
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Post by grubleafeater on Jun 27, 2016 4:33:51 GMT
>Acolyte: Retrieve ARMS*
*As in weapons
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Post by tailortf on Jun 27, 2016 12:03:21 GMT
>Sister Embers: Interrogate.
Sister Embers: I am displeased with this situation.
Gil: Yeah, yeah, I know, I can't find the teapot.
Gil: Just give me a second, I swear it's somewhere around here.
Sister Embers: That is not what I mean.
Sister Embers: From the state of the area, it appears you have been robbed.
Sister Embers: I do not understand how you could allow this to happen.
Sister Embers: A thief who cannot prevent theft of his own property is not the quality we were promised.
Gil: What? Oh, no, this wasn't a robbery.
Gil: All my stuff's here, it's just broken now.
Gil: This was more of a...friendly punch-up.
Gil: Brawl.
Gil: Murder attempt.
Gil: Oh, here it is.
==>
Acolyte: Wow, really?
Acolyte: And here I thought this city was supposed to be super safe.
Gil: Oh, no, this isn't an in-city thing.
Gil: See, a long, long time ago ol' Uncle Gil here got in a bit of debt with a friend of mine.
Gil: Nothing major, just a bit of cash.
Gil: But this guy REALLY cannot let go of a grudge.
Gil: So things like this can happen sometimes.
Gil: No worries, it's just something I can deal with on my own.
Gil: I'm sure you don't wanna hear my life story.
Sister Embers: That is correct.
==>
Sister Embers: Still, if you are being hunted down, perhaps we shouldn't have you on the team afterall.
Sister Embers: You will most likely not be able to avoid any potential assailants.
Sister Embers: What with your unorthodox dress and overall incompetence.
Gil: Okay, you know what?
Gil: Just for that, you don't get tea.
Acolyte: Aw, I wouldn't have minded some red leaf or something.
Gil: Too bad.
Gil: We got shit to do anyway, no time for drinks.
==>
Gil: Okay, Frankie's meeting us at a bar a bit from here with our disguises.
Gil: It's called "Oasis", I told you about it yesterday.
Sister Embers: We were there five minutes ago.
Sister Embers: If you had told us where the meeting was, there would be no need for us to come to your residence.
Sister Embers: You must work on your communication.
Gil: Well how was I supposed to know where you guys are?!
>Acolyte: Retrieve arms.
Gil: Oh, uh, by the way.
Gil: This is gonna sound weird, but when we get to the festival, could you guys tell me immediately if you see any clowns?
Sister Embers: Clowns.
Gil: Yeah.
Gil: Well, not the red nose and big shoes type of clowns.
Gil: Sort of the more acrobatic classical type?
Gil: I guess "harlequins" would be more appropriate?
Gil: Whatever, just tell me straight away.
>Acolyte: Being hungover, jump to the worst conclusions again.
Actually, you feel alright.
All that excitement must have fought off the hangover. It's been a busy morning.
==>
Acolyte: Okay, let's go.
Sister Embers: And where do you think you're going?
Acolyte: ...through the portal?
Sister Embers: Absolutely not. You are unprepared.
Acolyte: Wh- oh come on! I already went through a bunch with Grand Master Flame! You saw me do it!
Sister Embers: Yes.
Sister Embers: I also saw you vomit on Brother Chalk's summoning circle.
Acolyte: But how am I gonna stop doing that if I don't go through them a whole bunch?
Acolyte: Shouldn't I keep doing it, y'know, as training?
==>
Sister Embers: Hmm, yes, training.
Sister Embers: Well, consider this your "survival training".
Sister Embers: If you can reach the aforementioned bar without my help, you pass.
Gil: Sorry, kid.
Gil: I'd side with you, but I REALLY don't wanna go to the bar on foot on an empty stomach.
Gil: And hey, portalwalking isn't instantaneous, right?
Gil: How about this: if you can beat us to the bar, drinks are on me.
Gil: Sound good?
==>
Gil: See you there!
==>
Okay, no, you're definitely still hungover.
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Post by badatnames on Jun 27, 2016 12:25:34 GMT
>Do you have Jamie's mirror array?
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Spira-Virgo
Stoutrunt
Huh, so this is the new forums~
Posts: 165
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by Spira-Virgo on Jun 27, 2016 12:39:10 GMT
Don't worry! I am so you can ask for some directions!  |
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Post by Curris on Jun 27, 2016 12:59:10 GMT
I'm half-expecting them to have forgotten that there may be a rampaging Guard Golem inside that portalspace.
Oh well, I'm sure they'll manage.
At least it's only a 5 minute walk to the bar.
Acolyte --> Grumble about life's unfairness. Saving the world is always so unrewarding! Be overheard by Church of Truthers!
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Post by grubleafeater on Jun 27, 2016 14:56:26 GMT
>Can you use your grasping hand as a grappling hook? If so, BE THE BATMAN.
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Post by tailortf on Jun 29, 2016 4:09:21 GMT
>Can you use your grasping hand as a grappling hook?
No, this thing can't actually hold your weight or anything. Stupid useless useful magic. Guess you're walking.
>Grumble about life's unfairness.
Your dad always taught you that grumbling is a waste of valuable time you could spend doing things.
This does totally suck, though. At least they're probably not doing any better, what with that bar full of people that don't like them.
Well, you want them to do well, of course, but the thought is still comforting.
==>
Gil: Oh for God's sake, will you calm down?
Gil: He's not even looking this way.
Gil: It's not even the same guy, MacLarren left before we got here.
Gil: You're just afraid of MacLarren, right?
==>
Sister Embers: I am not afraid of that loud-mouthed thug, I am merely exercising caution.
Sister Embers: And in any case, who's to say that this man is not a spy set up by MacLarren now that he knows of my arrival?
Sister Embers: Oh, this is all the acolyte's fault.
Sister Embers: It is because of him dragging his feet that we have to wait in this hotbed of villainy.
Gil: We wouldn't have to wait at all if you just let him come with us.
Gil: That was a pretty shitty thing to do.
Gil: Do you always treat your acolytes that bad?
==>
Sister Embers: I do not believe you understand, thief.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, while completely unskilled, possesses the most important thing in the world - potential.
Sister Embers: He is malleable. With my tutelage, he could become a great member of the cult.
Sister Embers: However, you do not become a worthwhile human being through having everything handed to you.
Sister Embers: So I am merely forcing him into a certain more valuable mold.
Sister Embers: If he had insisted upon going with us, I would have allowed him to.
Sister Embers: But do not tell him this. That is a lesson he must learn on his own.
==>
Sister Embers: For just as the newly-born pup must learn and adapt on its' own lest it meet a grisly fate, so too must we as members of the animal kingdom-
Gil: Okay, I've stopped listening.
Gil: I've heard and given enough motivational speeches in my life to know they're usually entirely bullcrap.
Gil: Frankie's gonna take a while, I'ma go get a drink.
Sister Embers: But I am imparting upon you the wisdom that comes with my age.
Gil: Keep talking if you want, man, it's just that no one's gonna listen.
==>
Gil: Yo, barkeep, gin and tonic.
Gil: More on the tonic side, I got work today.
==>
Rick: Uh, sir, excuse me.
Rick: I'm actually saving that seat for a friend.
Gil: Is your friend here?
Rick: Well, no, but he is coming and will be here fairly soon, so-
Gil: Well then he can talk to me about the seat when he gets here.
Gil: Don't fight your friend's battles for him, man.
Gil: That's just unhealthy for everyone involved.
==>
==>
Rick: Big city people.
==>
Hey, looks like the celebrations have started in the middle of town.
Man, some of this confetti is totally getting in your hair.
You're not the kinda guy who looks after his hair much, but it's just gonna get messy, y'know?
>Do you have Jamie's mirror array?
No, actually, you think Sister Embers has it. Probably thought you'd break it or something.
You remember that particularly well because you remember her having trouble getting it in the bag of holding.
Also, your hands were busy giving Jamie a pamph-
==>
==>
Acolyte: Oh, sorry, sir, I-
Acolyte: Ahh!
==>
Jones: Hal, quit playing with the nice citizens and help me find this "Oasis" place on the map.
Jones: This map sucks, though, I can't make heads or tails of it.
Jones: I think it's more like some cheap souvenir map.
Jones: At least it has street names.
Jones: Hal, look around, see if you see a "Saints Street" anywhere, that's where the bar is.
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Post by Curris on Jun 29, 2016 5:21:08 GMT
Jones is like the best possible best friend.
Acolyte --> Magic Hand the map. Yoink! That'll keep the Truther's off your back. Then vanish into the crowd!
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Post by tailortf on Jul 1, 2016 12:49:08 GMT
>Magic Hand the map.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea. It's kind of a jerk move, but this IS one of the guys who tried to mess you up in Stonekey, and who knows what he might do.
Better to try and stop him now.
==>
Jones: Okay, what if we go right from here and-
Jones: No, that wouldn't work...
Jones: Right, what if maybe I use the Tower as a marker?
Jones: Then on this map it would be-
==>
Jones: Hey!
Acolyte: Sorry! Sorry! Really sorry about this!
Jones: I- huh- what the hell?!
==>
Jones: Okay, the stealing part I get.
Jones: A crappy map only worth five gil isn't the best thing to steal, but whatever.
Jones: Thieves need maps too.
Jones: But the apologizing?
Jones: We don't get that in Stonekey.
Jones: This is a weird city, Hal.
==>
Sister Embers: ...as is befitting to your social status.
Sister Embers: And that is why I believe you have no right to tell me how to treat my acolytes.
==>
Acolyte: Uh...Sister Embers?
Acolyte: Who are you talking to?
Sister Embers: Use your brain, acolyte, please.
Sister Embers: No one else is at the table.
Sister Embers: Thus, I am clearly speaking to myself.
Acolyte: ...Okay.
Acolyte: Where's Gil?
Acolyte: I don't really wanna stick around here for too long.
Sister Embers: Agreed.
Sister Embers: The thief is at the bar, "chatting it up" with one of his scoundrel comrades.
Sister Embers: This may take some time.
==>
Gil: Dude, all I'm saying is the Church uses their money REALLY badly.
Gil: They spend it all on show and none on things that actually matter.
Gil: Like, they can't even pay one of their most famous veterans enough of a pension to afford more seats for his bar.
Gil: We wouldn't even be talking right now if they knew how to use their money.
Rick: Well that's just not true.
Rick: The Church needs all the things it pays for.
Gil: Oh, sure.
Gil: I'm sure the Church really needs a GIGANTIC tower in the center of town instead of, just, like, a community center.
Gil: Meanwhile, our taxes pay for that stuff.
Rick: I really do not believe your claim that the Church is "sucking the money out of the people".
Rick: Maybe it's just that everyone's earning less cash these days?
Rick: Like, what's your job, for instance?
Gil: I'm not sure there's an official-
Gil: Uh, I would say I'm a courier?
Gil: I do freelance work for people.
==>
Gil: Working for those guys right now.
Gil: Apparently they're some kind of cult.
Gil: I dunno, just look like a couple of weirdos in bathrobes to me.
==>
Gil: But, y'know, it's freelance work.
Gil: Pay isn't great, I just do it 'cause I love the craft.
Gil: So you gotta take every client.
==>
Frankie: See, this is the place.
Frankie: You were probably just looking for the OTHER Saints Street in town.
Frankie: We have two, one with an apostrophe and one without.
Jones: That seems really unnecessarily confusing.
Frankie: Yeah, people have been trying to get it changed for years.
==>
Jones: Oh goddammit.
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Post by Curris on Jul 1, 2016 18:54:25 GMT
Delightful!
Rick, cuff Gil.
Gil, slip outta those cuffs.
Repeat.
Acolyte, try to get Sister Embers to sit down before she torches the bar. Maybe push her arm into the fireplace so that she lights a cheerful fire in a fire-safe chimney instead of the bar proper.
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