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Post by G'relleth on Nov 16, 2016 2:14:32 GMT
> Leo: Use the bible against mom for a one hit ko.
Just like in the binding of isaac.
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Post by digiornospizza on Nov 16, 2016 2:27:37 GMT
Elaborate on berenstain/stein conspiracy.
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Post by masterax2000 on Jan 16, 2017 20:17:58 GMT
Yes, make a pie out of the book.
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Househeld
Jan 19, 2017 18:17:04 GMT
via mobile
Post by Random Encounter on Jan 19, 2017 18:17:04 GMT
>stealthy youth roll
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Post by Sharkalien on Jan 28, 2017 2:59:30 GMT
>Leo: Observe your mother's Amphibian Associates.  This chap here stands proudly with his lily parasol held straight up. Enlightened knowing the storm won't last while everyone else is downcast by it. ==> The frog on the top shelf lounges lazily a lot, listening to the pitter-patter of precipitation against the window pane deep in thought.
Then there's the red-eyed tree frog, readying itself to pounce into action whenever it can. The storm may wash in some tumultuous jams.
And the gentleman at the bottom shelf is just an indentured servant.==> Last, but not least, is the HEAD HONCHO HIMSELF. A wisely old king perched atop a well deserved velvet pillow, for his legend states he was crowned leader of all aquatic life after quelling the war between the reptilians and amphibians.
What a load of CROCK.>Leo: Captchalogue the frog figures.  You have no intention of clogging your sylladex with any of these godawful...
Oh, frog dammit. In a momentary lapse of concentration, you captchalogue the CROWNED CROAKER statue.  You totally would, if only you had a HAMMER on you. The ONE time you really need it, and you left it in the BASEMENT.
Your mother boarded it up in a frenzy after one of your friends kept bombarding your house with parcels via AIRMAIL. Hot diggety dog, could that pilot aim!
Your friend said she will send you some pliers the good old fashioned way so you could pry the stick out from up your mother's ass.>Leo: Wasn't that book titled "Berenstain Bears" instead of "Berenstein Bears" before? >Leo: Elaborate on Berenstein conspiracy.  Conspiracy? If there was anything suspect about the name BERENSTEIN, you'd be the first to kn-
Well that's odd. Your modus isn't allowing you to fetch your STORY BOOK. This shouldn't happen, unless the card's denomination somehow changed since you last checked.
Clearly someone- or something- is trying to keep you from learning the TRUTH about THIS BOOK.
Haha just kidding. It's actually because your modus doesn't allow for an item underneath another card to be taken out without replacing it with another item.>Leo: Examine fetch modus. You flip over your FETCH MODUS and check out the back.
You'd think there would be a lot more to it than that. Like an input for the rhyme scheme or number of stanzas or something. >Leo: Uncheck the "detect collapses" box. Okey-doke.>Leo: Read Berenstein Bears book. Now free to cherry-pick any item you please, you plop down "Computer Trouble" for a closer look at that title.
The CROWNED CROAKER is sent flying out of the deck and hits you square in the face!!!
Oww. Ooh owie. Where are you? WHO are you? And what on earth do you have on your face? You take a minute to recollect yourself and think maybe that checkbox was there for a reason.
Well you forgot your train of thought. What were you down here for again? Something about pie? >Leo: Yes, make a pie out of the book.  Mmm, PIE.
Rather than carry out your fantasies of prepping a reader's digest, you recaptchalogue the STORY BOOK and CROWNED CROAKER.
Still in a fugue state, you have not yet realized you can put down the statue whenever you want.>LEONARDO YOU DO NOT SAY NO TO CAKE. I COMMAND YOU TO GET IT.   Get it through your globe, chucklehead, the PIE was a LIE. The CAKE is A FAKE, as it were.
Maybe this will come as a surprise for some, but you are still scared shitless of your mom. In the off chance she does pierce through your IMPENETRABLE disguise, you want to be more than ready.
Like what are you going to do with your dinky little keytar? Play Lady Gaga at her? Bitch please. >Leo: Use the bible against mom for a one hit KO. >Leo: Use the bible against her!  Yes, of course! Just like in that one game with the poop-filled basement and the boy who cried a lot. "THE BONDING OF IVAN," you think.
There should be a bible in your mom's STUDY. You'll have to be careful not to make a SOUND in there.>Leo: Do a stealthy youth roll.  You don't have the equilibrium to pull off a sly roly poly. Instead you sort of rock back and forth. It is mildly comforting. >Leo: Go in the study. You aren't 100% sure, but you think you see the bible within your peripheral vision. >Leo: Captchalogue bible. Come to papa, you HOLY DECRETUM, you.>Leo: Examine frog furnishing.  Ugh, look at this place. It's been desecrated with a veneer of shitty frogs. This used to be an exciting workroom with all sorts of cool GRAPHS and DIAGRAMS plastering the walls. Your DAD would retire here for hours doing lord knows whatever it was that he did. Maybe your dad's workaholism is what drove your parents apart.
Besides his actual alcoholism. >Leo: Captchalogue umbrella. AKA the RAIN REPELLENT. If things get too hot to handle, you'll go outside for a breather. |
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Xycronic
Greentike
still garbage, last i checked
Posts: 2
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by Xycronic on Jan 28, 2017 4:39:16 GMT
> Leo: Snap out of it. Get rid of that frogging statue.
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randomwriter
Your shit is wrecked
Posts: 624
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Househeld
Jan 28, 2017 14:50:48 GMT
via mobile
Post by randomwriter on Jan 28, 2017 14:50:48 GMT
>Exit before she returns!
>Leave behind bear book.
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Post by G'relleth on Jan 29, 2017 19:46:22 GMT
> Leo: Use umbrella as a back up weapon.
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Post by Itsimplyace on Feb 7, 2017 23:00:35 GMT
>Leo: Attempt to leave the house.
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EntertainmentPoligon
Guest
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Post by EntertainmentPoligon on Feb 8, 2017 6:59:08 GMT
>Leo: Go to the kitchen is time for the strife
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Post by hypnagogicApparition on Feb 8, 2017 16:43:50 GMT
>Remember to allocate HONCHO to your STRIFE SPECIBUS.
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Final Cat
Stoutrunt
Live translating kitty pidgin
Posts: 160
Pronouns: I'd rather not say
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Post by Final Cat on Feb 8, 2017 23:39:03 GMT
>Absurdly ponder to self if your mother's frog obsession has something to do with the true nature of all things.
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Post by mewslashninty on Feb 11, 2017 8:38:59 GMT
>Open umbrella indoors.
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Post by Patata on Mar 13, 2017 16:21:05 GMT
Enter to the house
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Homestuck Referencer
Guest
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Post by Homestuck Referencer on Mar 17, 2017 14:27:57 GMT
>Leo: Ribbit like a frog and shit in your toilet.
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Post by absurdityobscuration on Mar 18, 2017 7:44:00 GMT
>Leo: Read some of the Bible, and then convince your Mom for her to give you the game with your knowledge.
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Post by squashinikun on Apr 12, 2017 15:46:30 GMT
Leoh: Jupm trhouh the widnow
Leo: Prepare for battle
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Post by radiatingangel on May 7, 2017 17:06:40 GMT
Leo: suddenly become Leonidas and Jesus Christ since you are so handsome you might as well be both!
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Post by Sharkalien on Oct 3, 2018 10:37:10 GMT
> Househeld: R E P R I S E.
> Leo: Use umbrella as a back up weapon.
An UMBRELLAKIND SPECIBUS has not been placed in your STRIFE PORTFOLIO!
There is however a CARDKIND SPECIBUS. The deck of cards you left upstairs would be nice to have in your back pocket right about now. If you weren't crunched for time, backtracking to get them would be a good idea. You have surprising dexterity with playing cards. If only the same could be said with captchalogue cards.
> Leo: Snap out of it. Get rid of that frogging statue.
You've gone over this already. You can't because you have to swap it out with something else before you can drop it.
But does that apply to an item at the end of a line as well? Or is it considered dissociative from the rest since technically there's no card that follows? And what's stopping you from taking the last item and using it to replace another?
You don't have the neuroplasticity for this shit. The king stays.
> Leo: Leave behind bear book.
The statue must have conked you on the head something fierce to make you temporarily FORGET YOUR PLANS ON USING THE BOOK IN THE EVENT OF COMPUTER TROUBLE.
The Berenstain- sorry, you mean BERENSTEIN BEARS have always been with you every step of the goddamn way, and that isn't going to change now.
But this does bring up another question on how you're going to utilize any of these intermediary items without ejecting the whole deck, possibly killing yourself instantaneously. You can imagine the headlines now: "BIRTHDAY BOY CROAKS BY CROWNED CROAKER." "PARTY POOPER PERISHES ON PARASOL." "KID FUCKING KILLS HIMSELF WITH SEVERE BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA."
> Leo: Absurdly ponder to self if your mother's frog obsession has something to do with the true nature of all things.
The true nature of INCREDIBLY BAD TASTE, more like. You sincerely doubt that there's anything more to it than that. What's so great about frogs, anyway, with their BULBOUS slit eyes, EXPANDING vocal sacs, and DELICIOUS, SUCCULENT, CULINARILY EXQUISITE hind legs...
On second thought, you can really see the appeal.
> Leo: Remember to allocate HONCHO to your STRIFE SPECIBUS.
You've had it up to HERE with these confounded statues! The only place you'll allocate any of these pieces of crap is down THE CRAPPER.
Suddenly this BIBLE STUDY room feels a lot more stuffy than it did a moment ago. Time to hightail it outta here.
>Leo: Attempt to leave the house.
You go back into the LIVING ROOM and contemplate checking the mailbox outside. You think perhaps you should exhaust all possibilities before plunging headlong into a MOM encounter.
Your TELEVISION is currently airing a MOVIE.
> Leo: Open umbrella indoors.
You'll need all the LUCK you can get.
Opening umbrellas indoors is GOOD luck, right.
> Leo: Exit.
You exit the house. You are immediately pelted by bullets of water. It is raining ANTS AND FROGS out here.
> Leo: Check mail.
Predictably, the mailbox is empty. You have already been scooped by your mother.
==>
A huge wave of disappointment crashes over you. No amount or combination of words can wholly describe how let down you feel right now. You feel as though something more than a game is missing from your life.
Like a profound introspective narrative poem.
> Leo: See if your mother left the mail in the car.
You don't see any mail. Zilch, zip, nada. She must have taken it all inside.
Just your LUCK.
> Leo: Spy in the kitchen.
You try to pop a peep through the KITCHEN WINDOW, but you can't see a whole lot! It seems that condensation has formed on the glass due to the cold weather.
But you can see what's on the table just beside the window. It looks like the mail is there! Included among it is a RUSTY RED PACKAGE, some BILLS, your MOM'S SMARTPHONE, and an envelope that appears to be suspiciously labeled with the SBURB LOGO. Could it be??????
Unfortunately, the window is locked.
>Leo: Go back into the kitchen.
Let's not get too excited now. Haste makes waste, as they say. You just need a minute to get yourself together.
Er uhm, is it just you, or is the room suddenly a lot smaller? Oh god, you think you're having a panic attack!
==>
Oh. Turns out it was just gas.
Still, gastrointestinal problems are no laughing matter! You should go to the bathroom and get that sorted out first.
> Leo: Return upstairs.
You pause at the juncture and head down the hall, quietly farting all the while.
To the left is the BATHROOM. To the right is your MOM'S ROOM. It is locked, and you are forbidden from ever entering. Talk about trust issues.
> Leo: Go to bathroom and take care of business.
You enter the BATHROOM and WHOOPS SORRY YOU DIDN'T REALIZE SOMEONE WAS IN- oh, haha, it's only AL, your ALIEN DOLL. You completely forgot you put him in here to surprise your mom. Gotcha'd again by the old chap!
You can see your BACK YARD from the window. Loitering in the downfall is a SPRING-MOUNTED POGO-RIDE which has provided you with years of joy and embarrassment. Mostly of the latter. Would it have killed your parents to get like a normal rocket ship one?
>Leo: Ribbit like a frog and shit in your toilet.
Move aside, Al. You have some very important business to attend to.
==>
RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT
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You fish the CROAKER out of the CRAPPER and put it on the tub to dry. Great, now you have toilet water all over your hands and crotch.
==>
Oh up yours, Al! This wouldn't have happened if you had stopped me! But NO, you just sat there on your big round ass and let me make an even bigger ass out of myself!! Now there's grody toilet water ALL OVER ME. Do you know how disgusting this is?? I hope to GOD that you flushed this time. I don't care if it's yellow, YOU CAN'T LET ANYTHING MELLOW!!!!!
> Leo: Exit bathroom.
He'd be so much easier to deal with if he was alive.
> Leo: Level up!
You catapult all the way to the illustrious SLIMEDICK rung. You are really rolling in it now! Finally, you are able to confidently stride into the kitchen and face your maker.
> Leo: Go to bedroom.
The statue's been sufficiently dried, lightly Febreezed, and recaptchalogued. Since you're up here, you figure you might as well seize the opportunity to equip the deck of cards in your room.
Your LAPTOP is chirping away with message alerts. Yet your eyes are drawn towards your KEYBOARD. You cannot resist the urge to squander your shitpoints on a wicked sick SOLO right now.
> [KS] Leo: Play sick KEYBOARD SOLO.
You spend approximately 66 seconds playing a rendition of one of your favorite songs.
(Click on the image to see the flash!)
> Leo: Equip cards to strife deck.
You take great care as to not horribly lacerate both of your hands handling this perfectly ordinary deck of cards.
> [S] Leo: Check Prattlechat.
-- etherealEgghead [EE] began prattling with ectoTerrestrial [ET] at 15:44 --
EE: hey hey hey Leeeooooooo
EE: Leoooooooooooooooooo
EE: read that in Bill Cosby's voice. "Theooooo wheres my PUDDING POP"
EE: do you still like Bill Cosby? did you finally take down that dumb ghost dad poster
EE: yo earth to et, you there?
EE: AAAAAA why are you taking forever to replyyy
EE: ok, I'll talk to u later, gator
-- etherealEgghead [EE] desisted prattling with ectoTerrestrial [ET] at 15:46 --
-- toiletEmperor [TE] began prattling with ectoTerrestrial [ET] at 15:48 --
TE: Hey, EE's been blowing up my inbox asking where you are.
TE: Better get back to her ASAP before she vibrates to the critical point of violently exploding into viscera and sprinkles.
TE: Did you run into your mom? I got my finger hovering over the speed dial for the cops and it's getting real tired.
TE: Just kidding. Unless you really WERE being serious. In that case, then yeah my hand was totally poised over the phone this whole time.
TE: Oh, hold on. AAUUGHH GREAT. Guess who's back? That Billy Goat assface. I swear I'm going to chomp his d*ck clean off.
-- toiletEmperor [TE] is now an idle peep! --
==>
Darn, you JUST missed them. Poor EE, you feel really bad about letting her hang for so long.
Not TE, though, fuck that guy. Refuse to give you all his SHITPOINTS, will he?? Let's see how he likes talking to Mr. Shun. AKA, THE HAND.
Just pulling your own leg, you're not actually upset with him. You wouldn't want to bother him while he's giving that BILLY GOAT prankster what for.
If you weren't dicking around in the bathroom earlier you could have replied to your friends in a timely fashion. Now who KNOWS how long it'll be until any of them decide to log in again???? Oh how you WISH someone was online AT THIS VERY MOMENT!!!!!!!!
==>
Oh how opportune! Someone is online at this very moment!
> Leo: Prattle with someone.
-- ectoTerrestrial [ET] began prattling with etherealEgghead [EE] at 15:54 --
ET: That poster's in the trash where it belongs
EE: Leo!! <3 <3
EE: happy birthday!!!! heres a pinch to grow an inch *wonk
EE: did you get my present?
ET: Uhh, NO
ET: You sent me a present?? Aw, you shouldn't have
EE: spoiler alert: (it's a dismembered butt)
ET: You really shouldn't have
ET: Wait, was it in a red box
EE: nope, it's in a blue one
ET: Huh. My mom brought in the mail, so I'll ask her if she's seen it
EE: well what are you waiting for! go get it alreadyyyy
EE: the suspense is physically KILLING me
EE: you wouldnt kill your best friend in cold blood, would you?
ET: Hmm...
EE: haha... would you?!?!?!
ET: I'm thinking
EE: woah FUCK AAAAUGH
ET: I was only joking
EE: no no there was an explosion just now!
EE: I'll never get used to that. it sounded like it came from downstairs this time. I'm gonna go check it out and see if everythings alright
ET: Whoa, again? Gosh, just be careful, ok?
EE: okay <3
-- etherealEgghead [EE] desisted prattling with ectoTerrestrial [ET] at 15:58 --
> Leo: Jump down steps quickly.
You bound down the stairs with reckless abandon, once again feeling the familiar sensation of inclemency, something you've come to grow in intimacy with over this short span of time.
Through the air you soar like a renegade angel, destiny decided, enjoying this fleeting moment of exhilarity before damnation. You were dealt a losing hand of cards and in an act of defiance you rode away on them. The blistering frigidity of the human condition is molding a boy into a man before our very eyes, but what kind of a man will he become?
These thoughts and more race through your mind for no apparent reason and are strongly indicative of an insane moron.
> Leo: Enter.
The KITCHEN. The final frontier. To boldly go where no man has gone before.
Today, you are that bold man going.
CUNNING DISGUISE, it's time to work your stuff.
==>
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Oh gosh, what have you done.
[S] ==>
> [KS] KILLER STRIFE!
>Leo: Read some of the Bible, and then convince your Mom for her to give you the game with your knowledge. >Quote the bible until you're showered in presents.
Sparring with your GUARDIAN has proven to be of no avail. You decide to pull out your TRUMP CARD and employ the HOLY DECRETUM.
Predictably, the RAIN REPELLANT shoots out of your sylladex. It descends to the ground like some resplendent saucer-shaped angel.
==>
You crack open the sable leather tome.
Oh no, this isn't a real bible! This is another one of your untimely post birthday pranks meant for your mom! Guess you really CAN'T judge a book by its cover.
You are SO going to HELL for this.
> Leo: Resign to your brimstone fate.
Your devilish antics tips your saint's scale towards sinner as MOM readies a chauffeur for you. A one way ride to KINGDOM COME.
> Leo: Taste the pain.
It tastes like HERTZ DONUT.
> Leo: FAILED MISSION.
She orders you to comb that rat's nest you call HAIR and to throw out those unsightly hideous posters in your bedroom on her way out the door. She expects you to be dressed and ready to go to CHURCH, her present for you. Lord knows you need it.
She'll be back home to pick you up after returning from the dry cleaners.
Her words however fall on deaf ears because she promptly KNOCKED YOUR LIGHTS OUT.
> Leo: Dream.
> Freaktown Four
You are the ragtag crew of a paranormal hunting team called the Freaktown Four. Your innumerable hunting escapades are comical in nature. Your successes, infrequent. You are out in the woods in search of UFOs to net.
What will you do?---------------- AUTHOR'S NOTE: EXTRAS:
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Post by absurdityobscuration on Oct 30, 2018 5:17:01 GMT
>Freaktown four let the true adventure of your lives comence and flail your nets like mad men
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Post by thebeesknees on Nov 7, 2018 6:10:47 GMT
>Freaktown Four: Have a sick jam session so legendary it leads the aliens right to you.
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Post by delversDream on Dec 10, 2018 21:07:01 GMT
>Leo: you have no Yime for Yhese foolish anYics, wake up.(you have no time for these foolish antics, wake up)
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Post by Itsimplyace on Jan 2, 2019 16:56:29 GMT
Shifty Genie: Do some magic to attract the aliens.
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