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Post by G'relleth on Jul 25, 2016 19:45:48 GMT
> Leo: Get back to your chum, you've left them hanging long enough.
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immemorAugur
Bravesprout
"I'm a Wizard, Lizard, and about to cast a Blizzard." -My level 109 Argonian mage
Posts: 88
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Post by immemorAugur on Jul 25, 2016 22:18:37 GMT
>Channel the spirit of an exterminator, remove the ants from the area, and enjoy the delicious gushers for yourself.
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Post by Sharkalien on Jul 26, 2016 7:38:36 GMT
>Leo: Maybe it's a Shrek sequel. Taste a little gush to test that theory.
Oh yeah. This is definitely from 2001.
==>
YOU CAN TASTE THE SHITPOINTS ALREADY ---------------- AUTHOR'S NOTE Mini update, still working on it! |
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wheals
Mr. Snoozyprince Mcsleepypants
Posts: 170
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Post by wheals on Jul 26, 2016 15:56:18 GMT
> Leo: Adopt ant on head as new pet.
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Post by calvin is bae on Jul 26, 2016 16:39:49 GMT
>Leo: Shit belongs in the toilet; you know what to do.
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Post by G'relleth on Jul 26, 2016 20:29:06 GMT
> Leo: Adopt ant on head as new pet. Seconded. Make sure to give it a punny name. |
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Post by Sharkalien on Aug 18, 2016 8:08:40 GMT
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Post by G'relleth on Aug 18, 2016 21:48:58 GMT
> Leo: Give the ants the gushers.
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quixoticTokki
Void
baby gangsta
Posts: 702
Pronouns: she/her/hers
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Post by quixoticTokki on Aug 18, 2016 23:16:55 GMT
> Leo: Give each and every ant a name and an official rank.
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Post by Sharkalien on Sept 9, 2016 20:40:13 GMT
> Leo: Adopt ant on head as new pet. >Leo: Give each and every ant a name and an official rank.  The ANT that was on your head is now on the OUTTA SPACE CHEST.
You dub thee, ant, GENERAL ANTONIO SALIENT. You are the leader now, Antonio.
It's you.>Leo: Take the gushers and become the ant king.  You captchalogue the FRUIT SNACKS, but with no intentions of ruling as an INSECT SOVEREIGN. You just don't want more of them running around your bedroom.>Leo: Examine 3rd and 4th walls of room.  >Leo: Stop goofing around! Respond to your friend, where are your manners? >Leo: Get back to your chum, you've left them hanging long enough.   You've left them hanging long enough.
You pull up to your LAPTOP. This is where you spend most of your time. You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself, so to speak. You are really proud of it.
Your desktop is also littered with various MEDIA PROJECT FILES. You are so bad at these mediums sometimes you wonder why you even bother with them.
Your BROWSER is minimized. You were surfing the web earlier. And your PRATTLECHAT application is flashing. A friend is trying to get in touch with you. But since your browser is already open, perhaps some more procrastination is in order...?>Leo: Open Prattlechat!!!!!! Only one of your PEEPS is logged in. He's sent you a message.>Leo: Open message.>Leo: Request further shitpoints from chum.  -- toiletEmperor [TE] began prattling with ectoTerrestrial [ET] at 15:23 --
TE: Sup, fucker.
ET: Hey dude, sorry I didn’t reply sooner
TE: Yeah, you totally kept me hanging.
TE: What kept you? Kissing one of your posters of Neil again?
ET: Pffft. No
TE: I bet you were rubbing your butt all over it, too.
ET: stfu
ET: What I do behind closed doors is none of your business, mister
TE: Just admit it and I'll leave you alone.
ET: Okay so I gave it a little smooch, big whoop
ET: It’s for good luck
TE: Oh yeah, I bet you want to get lucky with him, if you know what I mean.
TE: If you catch my drift.
TE: If you get my meaning.
TE: I’m implying you want some of the C-Man.
ET: *scoff* The thought never crossed my mind
TE: Okay, then what are you planning on doing with all that extra “luck”?
ET: Your mother
TE: >
TE: All right, I set myself up on that one.
TE: To subvert the fact that I was totally owned, I’m going to change the subject.
TE: Whatcha get for ya birthday?
TE: Any special deliveries, maybe? Hmmmmm?
ET: If you discount the possible delivery of my Sburb copy, then jack shit. My mom’s probably going to make me do like, 20 hail-Mary’s if I want to get my hands on any of my presents
ET: All I want is to eat cake and play games with my friends today, man. What right does she have to stand in the way of a gay time
TE: She won’t let you open them? Damn.
ET: I DID find an open box of stale fruit gushers, however. Maybe today won’t be such a bad day after all
ET: Hey maybe if I’m lucky, Neil will release another mashup album later
ET: Or maybe if I’m REALLY lucky, he’ll finally release the new LD album! Oh my god oh my god omg, “’Dark Horse’ trotting your way this spring 2015” he said, remember?
ET: The hard driving guitars and soulful lyrics will rock us to our very core
TE: Easy there tiger, don’t cream your pants just yet.
TE: This could be yet another one of his cheeky antics. Or do I dare say, “horseplay?”
ET: You really think he would do that? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?
TE: Yes. That’s like his entire bit.
ET: He isn’t some one-dimensional character cooked up by a teenaged fan-fic writer
ET: He is NEIL CICIEREGA, the most handsomest, smartest, talented, most beautiful man to ever bless the earth with his music, face, and Shitpoints™ system
ET: Speaking of which, dude I need your help
ET: Send me all your shitpoints
TE: What? No.
ET: Plllssss
TE: Why do you want my stupid poopoints?
ET: I don’t have enough sP’s to beat my mom in a showdown. I will get my ass handed to me if I don’t get these motherfucking points. Please, I only need like, 300 more
TE: Ahahaha, fuck, hahahahahahaha.
ET: PLEASE dude, this is SERIOUS, my ass cheeks are on the LINE here
TE: I don’t have that many! I haven’t bothered collecting them at all for the past few months, actually. There’s no point in it.
TE: Literally, there's no points in it, because they're not real or worth anything.
ET: Get with the times, man, sP’s are the cryptocurrency of the future
TE: They’re a joke that went way out of control. People took it too far. Don’t you remember how Neil got into trouble with the FBI?
ET: Pfft, yeah right. Those people were in those coal mines voluntarily
TE: Ehhh…
ET: Look, are you going to give them to me or what
TE: Yeah, fine. It's not like they'll be relevant or anything ever again.
TE: Here are 90 shitpoints on their way down the toilet.
-- toiletEmperor [TE] sent ectoTerrestrial [ET] “90 sP’s" --
ET: Sweet, thanks
ET: I guess
TE: Do you really need to confront your mom like this in order to get your gifts?
TE: It’s a really ass-backwards way of going about it.
TE: Just try swiping them from under her nose. Her halitosis should hide your scent.
ET: Dude, that’s my mom you’re talking about
ET: Her nose is strong enough to cut through any powerful stench
TE: Then wear a disguise.
TE: Leo who? Never met the guy.
TE: There’s no way she’ll be able to recognize her own son. It’s foolproof, trust me.
ET: Well I do have a beagle puss, but I think wearing that while trying to steal behind my mom’s back will just make her even angrier
TE: I was just kidding about the disguise.
ET: I’ll wear it anyway. Might even get some bonus sP’s out of it
ET: Alright, I’m gonna go do that now
ET: brb. If I don’t reply in 15 minutes, call the police
TE: Haha, got it. Good luck, man.
ET: I’m serious. 20 minutes, tops
TE: Oh.  Okay, it hurts like hell though. But this isn't the disguise you got up to equip.
No no, not the one at all. You have something much, MUCH more cleverer in store...>Leo: Don incredibly ridiculous disguise you most likely have lying nearby.  You captchalogue the BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES and ALIEN ANTENNAE HEADBAND, then combine the two cards to craft the UNEARTHLY CUNNING DISGUISE.
Mmn, what is this "Leo" specimen of which you speak? You have not nor ever will encounter...
Say, this disguise isn't half bad. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2016 2:20:01 GMT
>leo: it's time to seek your sburb copy. prepare yourself for the worst, and exit the room.
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quixoticTokki
Void
baby gangsta
Posts: 702
Pronouns: she/her/hers
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Post by quixoticTokki on Sept 10, 2016 16:05:31 GMT
> Leo: Take the Berenstein book with you, in case of computer trouble.
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telaxius
corpse party
I don't want to go onto the cart!
Posts: 611
Pronouns: she/her/hers
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Post by telaxius on Sept 10, 2016 22:17:40 GMT
> Eat the books. Devour each page like you are a starving man at a banquet.
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Post by G'relleth on Sept 11, 2016 1:25:43 GMT
> Leo: Bring general antonio salient as back up.
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djen
Moppet of Destiny
I'm still a lurker.
Posts: 118
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by djen on Sept 11, 2016 10:22:01 GMT
>Sing A War Song To Boost Bravery
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Post by Sharkalien on Sept 14, 2016 6:44:44 GMT
I know what you guys are thinking:
"It should have been 'Lieutenant Antonio Salient,' you fucking idiot."
But trust me. I know what I'm doing.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2016 7:03:17 GMT
I know what you guys are thinking: "It should have been ' Lieutenant Antonio Salient,' you fucking idiot." But trust me. I know what I'm doing. no it should have been lieuten ant antonio sali ant for maximum pun capacity |
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Post by Itsimplyace on Sept 25, 2016 15:11:45 GMT
> Leo: Enter Hallway.
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Post by TrickleJest on Sept 26, 2016 12:27:27 GMT
I know what you guys are thinking: "It should have been ' Lieutenant Antonio Salient,' you fucking idiot." But trust me. I know what I'm doing. no it should have been lieuten ant antonio sali ant for maximum pun capacity en ant anto anti ant s anti ant |
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Post by SinkingSailor on Oct 8, 2016 19:44:10 GMT
Leo: Retrieve.
Sharkalien: Update.
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Post by Sharkalien on Oct 8, 2016 21:20:13 GMT
 Here's a preview. |
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Post by Sharkalien on Nov 16, 2016 0:19:41 GMT
>Leo: Examine 90's Design 101 textbook.  This thing makes for a good paperweight than it does as an instructional guide. Your mom bought it for your THIRTEENTH birthday. You thanked her for the gift, then tried to tell her that the book wasn't actually all that comprehensive despite its HEFTY BREADTH. This made her upset as all she heard was, "this is a real crappy gift, mom."
She started yelling about what an AWFUL LITTLE INGRATE you are and then something about how you should read the BIBLE instead. She then took away your gifts and made you actually read the Bible cover to cover to get them back.
And thus began the annual tradition of reciting passages from the GOOD BOOK in exchange for presents. Just like Christmas. And Halloween.
But it's okay, you play PRACTICAL JOKES on her the day after as restitution.
You put the book back in the box, where the memories can be repressed.>Leo: Examine Berenstein Bears book. This is one childhood memory you'll never repress. The BERENSTEIN BEARS have always been there for you, every step of the way, teaching morals about FAMILY and FRIENDSHIP, or whatever.
Because who better to teach children life lessons than a pack of wild forest animals? >Leo: Take the Berenstein book with you, in case of computer trouble.  You sure hope no computers give you any complications in the near future.
So far you have captchalogued the R/C FAKE ARM, BLOOD PELLETS, FRUIT SNACKS, and STORY BOOK.
This is going to be one shitty rhyme.>Leo: Sing a war song to boost bravery.  All this item rhyming is rousing you up. You belt out one of your favorite songs to dissolve your qualms.
Diablo raises an eyebrow,
Strawberry milkshake in hand
I try my best to distract myself
But he really wants to be in the band
Can he play the drums, or the clarinet?
Electric xylophone? Or better yet,
The euphonium or the clockwork flute?
He’s just standing there in a business suit
Angels on the left side, demons on the right
Never in the dark, never in the light
Center of the sunbeam light show flower seed
This is all I have, this is all I need
Original synergized molecules
Revolving electrified power tools
The end of the world on April Fool’s Day
What have you done to my necktie?
You’ve tied it up in a knot
This is the final mistake you’ll make
You think you’re misunderstood, but you’re not
Got a show tonight, but tomorrow you’re out
Someone call me up a talent scout
Better yet, just usher that Diablo back
Give him a guitar, paint it with a Union Jack
Lemons on the left side, demons on the right
Never in the dark, never in the light
Center of the sunbeam light show flower seed
This is all I have, this is all I need
Life in the chair at the hair salon
Taking the time to reflect upon
Some things that are too difficult to convey
Ooh, original synergized molecules
Revolving electrified power tools
The end of the world on April Fool’s Day >Leo: It's time to seek your Sburb copy. Prepare yourself for the worst and exit the room.  You exit into the HALLWAY.
On one wall hangs a picture of the very marketable and family-friendly Adam DeVine's face. You don't know why he's wearing that ridiculous headband. Has he ever starred in anything involving aliens? He must have.
On the other wall is one of your MOM's gross frogs. Or GOD'S BEAUTIFUL AMPHIBIANS, as she is quick to correct anyone who would venture such brazen assumption. >Leo: Do a sneaky youth scurry downstairs and attempt to nab the game while your MOM isn't looking.   You quietly tippy-toe down the stairwell as youthfully as possible. Goosebumps begin to spring up with every step you take.
The storm blows frigid air into the boarded fireplace, chilling the living room.
You hear exasperated grumbling coming from the KITCHEN. Sounds like MOM'S in a good mood! No doubt she's tickled pink with the cake she surely bought for you at the store. Getting the game now should be a...
SLICE OF PIE
Oh who are you kidding, she's going to obliterate your face off the fucking planet. This mission is going to be exactly as difficult as you imagined. ---------------- AUTHOR'S NOTE That preview I posted earlier takes place after the two [S] flashes I have on the back burner. What, did you think I was just sitting on my ass these past few months?  |
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telaxius
corpse party
I don't want to go onto the cart!
Posts: 611
Pronouns: she/her/hers
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Post by telaxius on Nov 16, 2016 0:24:39 GMT
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Post by Archindale on Nov 16, 2016 0:54:10 GMT
>Wasn't that book titled "Berenstain Bears" instead of "Berenstein Bears" before?
Somebody had to say it.
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randomwriter
Your shit is wrecked
Posts: 624
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Househeld
Nov 16, 2016 0:55:24 GMT
via mobile
Post by randomwriter on Nov 16, 2016 0:55:24 GMT
>enter fireplace-
>Or just quote the bible until you're showered in presents.
>Better yet, use the bible against her!
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