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Post by robotala on Feb 27, 2018 8:13:30 GMT
>Land on bucketman
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Post by tailortf on Mar 11, 2018 11:51:34 GMT
>Try to aim your landing to ELBOW SLAM any headwear-people.
Although you agree that that'd be totally goddamn sweet, you seem to be having problems with finding anyone.
Which is quite odd. Isn't this supposed to be, like, a huge city? People don't just disappear from those, not even because of...
==>
...come to think of it, why DID the world end? You kinda skipped that part by virtue of being distracted at the time.
Last thing you remember, you were running away from some black ops guys or whatever, and now everything is in shambles.
You must not've been out for that long, the buildings are still standing, but everyone's just...gone. It's bizarre.
Did aliens kidnap them? If so, that's a total gyp that you missed out. Being stuck on this planet forever is something you don't really want to consider.
Though you ARE kinda enjoying the sensation of flight. This is pretty nice.
==>
Aaaand ruined. Unsurprisingly enough. You just aren't allowed nice things, are you?
Right onto the only car in the world with the alarm still on, too. You may be immortal, but your luck apparently died long ago.
Oh well, enough bellyaching. Time to get up and start plotting revenge on the world.
Are you turning into a Saturday morning cartoon villain? You kinda hope so. It'd give your life purpose.
==>
...Hm. Well this is a new development. You may be a skeptic, but something tells you those aren't all just Christmas lights.
For one, Christmas lights don't tend to blink. Well, they do, but- nevermind.
Point is, you may be seeing where exactly all the people went. It might be time to get out of this parking garage unless you want to get dogpiled by...things.
>Realize you killed Terry.
Yeah, at this point you kinda wish Terry would realize that. What an asshole. Constantly trying to get you down from within.
He makes shitty puns now, too, apparently. And you can't even get mad at him for it because technically YOU'RE the one making them. Agh.
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Post by Juddy555 on Mar 11, 2018 19:08:06 GMT
>Asshole or not, you gotta give Terry credit for that pun.
>Get a closer look at goo-beasts
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Post by spinydoughnut33 on Mar 11, 2018 22:59:17 GMT
> Stop that damn beeping.
> Sacrifice Terry to the goo monsters.
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ten11
Gadabout Pipsqueak
Posts: 128
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Post by ten11 on Mar 12, 2018 0:22:59 GMT
>Tame the goobeasts
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Post by Smuch on Mar 12, 2018 1:49:07 GMT
>hey he's got a point, if you let the thing eat you, maybe you'll actualy finaly die ? Worth a try.
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Post by eerr on Mar 12, 2018 2:28:28 GMT
>Lick some green goop.
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randomwriter
Your shit is wrecked
Posts: 624
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by randomwriter on Mar 15, 2018 17:13:53 GMT
>Greet goop people.
>Tell your story of confronting bucket man, and begin forging a triple society.
>Terry is to be the goo people’s high priest. HAIL-
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Post by tailortf on Apr 2, 2018 9:15:08 GMT
>Tame the goobeasts.
Alright, if you're gonna rule the world, you can't afford to be picky when it comes to minions.
These guys will do fine for a starting army. Hopefully your stirring speech won't fall on deaf ears.
==>
whoop
==>
Alright, not exactly what you'd call a great start.
Very few memorable speeches have begun with the speaker faceplanting in front of his audience.
Still, there's always time for a good second impression, even if you screwed up the first.
==>
Oh, okay. Huh. I guess someone turned off god mode.
Well, this IS a problem, then. Uh...
==>
Oh, here we go. Yeah, we could work with this. Maybe we could continue from a checkpoint.
Hopefully it isn't too far back.
==>
You are...SOME BABY. You might be an IMMORTAL BABY, but you've only been alive for a few hours, so you're not sure.
For all you know, everyone's immortal. You haven't learned about the concept of death yet.
I suppose you could venture out into the great wide world in search of adventure, but that's not really something I'd want a baby doing...hm.
No, I don't think this'll work afterall. Okay, bear with me while I sort this out.
I hope whoever did this is real proud of themselves for costing me all that work. Yeah, real nice April Fools' joke, man.
We'll be back soon.
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Post by Juddy555 on Apr 4, 2018 20:11:10 GMT
>Narrator: Play through the game until you get back to the goobeast stage. Make sure to keep GodMode on this time, ya dingus.
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Post by tailortf on Apr 12, 2018 12:15:28 GMT
>Lick some green goop.
Okay, this somehow tastes WORSE than the radioactive waste.
You really should stop dabbling in gastronomy. Clearly you just aren't cut out for it.
Most of the time you eat things because you can without thinking about whether or not you SHOULD.
Not a very good scientific instinct. You remember Jurassic Park.
>Asshole or not, you gotta give Terry credit for that pun.
You don't have to give Terry shit. He should already be grateful that you're off your rocker enough to conjure him up in the first place.
Still, sometimes he can be useful. Like when you have to lob something a ways and you're not mad enough at a rock to throw it that far.
==>
Alright, not very promising. Ideally the thing would explode like putting an egg in the microwave and spare you the trouble.
Still, at least Terry is further away from you physically now. You're pretty over corpses by now, but he's a pretty annoying one.
==>
Woah there, big guy. You're...you're an ugly son of a bitch, aren't you?
Not that you're one to judge. This guy at least has a decent haircut.
Still, this is NOT what you were expecting. You signed up for leather and spikes, not dark parking lots and goo mutants. What's going on here?
>Greet the goobeasts.
Yeah, might as well. Presumably whatever they've got, it's not infectious to you.
At least, you assume. You don't remember ever getting sick while immortal.
Though that really tests the boundaries of "immortality". It's not like illness hurts you, it's just being sick.
What about hair? Can you never cut your hair anymore, for example, because the scissors would count as "harming" the hair?
And what about-
==>
-wait, dammit, no. You got distracted again and things are happening.
Hopefully these guys aren't planning to eat you.
While the experience WOULD be pretty unique, you don't really want to wait it out.
For all you know, these guys take, like, a week to digest their food fully.
Good luck looking for Skullsburry then.
==>
Huh. Apparently he's not interested in talking to you when other things are around.
You'd say that makes no sense, but that's kinda the point of gradual insanity.
Whatever, at least he finally shut up.
==>
So, back to being on your own. As much company as Terry was, anyway.
How's life looking right now? Life is looking...weird. You're not sure what's happening.
These guys at least seem to be not intent on tearing you apart or anything. They're just carrying you around.
Hmm. Maybe they just do it to all their victims. Not like they'd give you special treatment or whatever. You're just another meatsack to them.
==>
Huh. Or...maybe not.
Y'know, you've been honored before. Portraits, books, you think you were in a videogame once...
Giant mural on a cave wall, though? That's...that's a new one. The universe really does know how to keep things fresh.
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Post by spinydoughnut33 on Apr 12, 2018 12:31:46 GMT
> Stick around to see where this is going. These guys obviously know you in some capacity.
Also you probably couldn’t break free anyways. The guy holding you is pretty beefy.
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Post by Juddy555 on Apr 12, 2018 20:09:21 GMT
So, you ever been a god before? Looks like you may be now
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Post by Smuch on Apr 16, 2018 12:07:01 GMT
>Oh yeeaah, remember ? Those guys with the night vision google who tried to shoot you, how you stabbed one with a red syringe ?
>I'm guessing it contained some kinda mutagen. .. So you may have created a new race of mutants and caused the apocalypse for the rest of the human species in a single desinterested gesture of annoyance. ... Waaayy to go, I guess ?
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Post by tailortf on May 18, 2018 7:14:17 GMT
>Realize these are all your babies.
Oh yeah, because of the syringe thing, right? You seem to recall something like that happening at some point.
Still, hopefully this was only indirectly entirely your fault. You wouldn't want to be genetically related to these guys for...obvious reasons.
Crap, what if they're immortal too? You'd hate to spend the rest of eternity with just blob monsters. Would it transfer through DNA?
>Stick around to see where this is going. You probably couldn’t break free anyways, the guy holding you is pretty beefy.
Eh, you wouldn't call these guys "strong" as much as "malleable". It's like sitting in taffy.
You could get used to this, though, having your own living throne of guys. They're pretty good at carrying you.
==>
...though their disembarking procedures could use more work. Ow.
Does it even make sense to say "ow" anymore? You obviously don't mean it.
Whatever, time to get off the sweet sweet ground and see what new hell you're in this time.
==>
Yeah, okay, this is looking pretty hellish. For you, at least. Obviously this is of great importance to these guys.
Time to have a chat with Grand Treeman. This'll go well considering you can't even talk to each other.
>Oh yeeah, remember? Those guys with the night vision goggles who tried to shoot you, how you stabbed one with a red syringe?
Yeah, this is probably him. Maybe. You're bad at remembering faces - why bother when they'll just die anyway?
Still, you kinda wish you could understand him. If this was a movie you'd probably be missing out on some sweet exposition right now.
But no, not even subtitles. Reality sucks.
>Think about what other important historic events you may be the cause of.
Okay, this is getting a little stupid. Uh, historic events?
Well, you're pretty sure you caused a recession in the early 2000s. Apparently housing is more complicated than "buy low, sell high". This was back when you were still trying to be relatively normal, with a job and shit.
You also may have run for president a couple of times. No recollection of whether or not you won, but you probably did. You've seen worse candidates than you.
God, this sucks. The worst part is you can actually feel his heartbeat.
==>
Ew. You do feel kinda bad for this guy. He was probably just doing his job, but then he comes across you and now he's a bleeding...tree...thing.
You'd apologize but you're not sure he'd understand. This guy's been around for centuries now, right? At least decades. He's probably senile at this point.
Maybe he's not even making a point, he's just rambling. The goo people brought you here to supplant him (heh) and be their new leader.
>So, you ever been a god before? Looks like you may be now.
...if this is what being a god is, you're gonna have to give it a pass. Because it's disgusting.
You should probably find a way to end this, because it is not constructive at all. And also you're gonna have to bathe in the sewer water now to get this crap out of your hair.
Would that be disrespectful? What are they expecting here, is this a gift of some kind? What'd be the best way to get out of this highly awkward ceremony?
You are DEFINITELY unprepared for highly advanced social situations like this. You were just hoping to saddle one of these guys and ride them into battle like a movie. Would've been way better than this.
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Post by ten 11 on May 18, 2018 8:25:51 GMT
>This timezone seems like a bust. Maybe you should skip forward a bit? Not to rain on your self-actualization, but you should probably be a bit picky when it comes to where you're gonna make a change.
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Post by spinydoughnut33 on May 19, 2018 0:10:15 GMT
>Screw respect. You're talking to a tree man, in the most horrible and literal sense.
>Ruin this tree's whole LIFE.
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Post by Juddy555 on May 19, 2018 5:12:30 GMT
>Wave your arms and pretend to give a rousing speech, then point in a random direction and speak harshly. This may or may not cause a war
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Post by Smuch on May 27, 2018 0:47:24 GMT
>Oh stop being a damned whinny baby about everything. ..And they talk funny, ....and they dont have shirts on and aretyin to murder me in a spiky pit, .. and they are doing inhumman experiments on me... and they are putting some red paint on my face... yeesh, try to stop gazing at your immortal navel for a moment, will you ?
>I don't know you couldtry mutagen goo finger painting, maybe mutant ridng, half nked wrestlin (you still owe that bucket guy a revege or two), conquering the world, those kind of things.
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Post by 0 (Zero) on Jul 5, 2018 10:24:15 GMT
>Burn everything
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Post by Das on Jul 6, 2018 4:32:01 GMT
>It would make life suck a little less if we new the language and its not like we have anything better to do so might as well update our vernacular.
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Post by Skunkbrains on Jul 19, 2018 5:29:57 GMT
> Go along with this coronation stuff. If things turn south you can always just blank. Also, ponder if you can experience insanity.
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Post by tailortf on Sept 28, 2018 14:23:36 GMT
>Screw respect. You're talking to a tree man, in the most horrible and literal sense. Ruin this tree's whole LIFE.
You'll admit, that DOES sound pretty tempting and you ARE pretty grossed out by everything that's happening. Maybe it really is time to use your patented strategy of ruining everything and bailing out.
How to do it, though? So many options. You could always just start beating on the big obvious face in front of you, but that seems so crude. Something like climbing the...weird...flesh-branches and flipping everyone off from on top of their god sounds like more fun. Would they even understand the symbol, though? It could've evolved to mean something entirely different while you were gone. Makes you think.
>Oh, stop being such a whiny baby about everything. Accept your fate as king of the mutated taffy people.
...hm. Yeah, it's kinda true. Resorting to violent outbursts just because you're stressed out wouldn't exactly be the most mature option, even if you hadn't lived as long as you have. It'd make you feel better for a little bit, but that really wouldn't last too long. Maybe you WOULD feel happier if you actually tried to help these guys, do something good. They clearly need it - they're not just any freaks, they're disenfranchised ones. You really hope nobody would live down here on purpose.
Okay, let's do it. It's time for a brand new you. Someone who doesn't just ignore people when they ask for help. Someone who makes a difference rather than being history's constant spectator.
You realize you've booked seats on this particular train of thought before and all those times have ended in hideous gory trainwrecks that altered the laws of train of thought safety forever. Still, it shouldn't matter. Getting better is a climb, you're bound to slip and fall a few times. The fact that you're still climbing at all is what matters. Yeah.
Let's give these guys something to climb for.
>Wave your arms and pretend to give a rousing speech.
Man, this feels weird. You haven't given a speech in a while. Even before the whole language changing thing, you kinda gave up on talking to people. They'd just die mid-talk too often for you to care.
Still, speeches ARE the best type of conversation. Mostly because you're the only one who gets to talk.
==>
You're dishing out some good stuff. You REALLY hope they at least sort of understand what you're saying. Maybe it'd be good to remember this for later so you can write a transcript once you reinvent language.
Aw man, you're gonna have to do lame stuff like that. Teaching a bunch of blob monsters about how to run a society.
No, save that for later. Mind on the prize, let's cap this thing off properly.
==>
Alright, looks like things turned out pretty well. Whether or not they got the speech, everyone's looking riled up.
Now all you need is some weapons.
Oh, and a totally kickin' battle chant to scare the crap out of any enemies that might come your way.
>Later, at the most dramatic time (sunset).
==>
I CAN'T STOP THIS FEELING
DEEP INSIDE OF ME
GIRL YOU JUST DON'T REALIZE
WHAT YOU DO TO ME
==>
IIIIIIII'M
HOOKED ON A FEELING
==>
You're not really sure why you went for that one, considering it's some ancient love song. Still, the chant was always the thing you liked the most from it, even if it didn't fit the rest at all.
Anyway, nevermind all that. No time for reminiscing when you're storming the fortress. Forward!
==>
==>
==>
Well, well. Looks like somebody's pretty angry about seeing you again. You're not sure you've ever been "just straight up murder a dude" angry, but apparently some people get that way. Almost makes you feel silly about only bringing a couple of pipes taped together, a trash can lid, and a mutant army to this fight. The only dude in a shirt for miles and you end up feeling underdressed.
Still, none of this changes the fact that you're sick of this guy's smug aura. There's only room for one super tough stoic in this apocalypse.
Time to settle this for good. Somehow.
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Post by spinydoughnut33 on Sept 28, 2018 14:42:17 GMT
> Whack the bucket on the guy’s head with your metal pipe so it reverberates like a bell.
I mean, I don’t have any ideas on how to actually fight this guy, I just think that’d be cool.
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Post by juddy555 on Sept 28, 2018 20:44:02 GMT
>Now, buckethead is stronger than you, but you literally cannot die and you have an army. A 1v1 WILL end up with you winning eventually, but it will take the entirety of buckethead's lifespan. Try to use numbers to your advantage
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