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Post by Karma on Aug 9, 2020 1:05:25 GMT
Well we've tried, but it looks like you are going to continue being a jackass.
Jackasses don't deserve immortal shirts.
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Post by tailortf on Aug 12, 2020 3:18:12 GMT
==>
Oh good, it’s your eternal life partner here to call you a piece of garbage again.
Why did you have to go crazy in this specific way? Life was so much more fun before you started hallucinating depressing skeletons. Couldn’t have hallucinated, like, someone who likes to party, no.
Alright, enough wallowing in misery for now, there’s always going to be time for that later. What are we doing here?
>Swing around and try to dislodge the rope.
Sounds like a plan. You don’t have much else going on right now anyhow, so you can spend a few hours on this, probably. It’s like gym class! With the rope and everything, yeah. Back and forth and back and forth and back and…
==>
Haha, yes! Not quite what you were going for, but it seems someone didn’t do a good enough job anchoring this stupid thing in the sand. God bless your brain for retaining high school level physics.
>If you zone out, your shirt could end up anywhere on Earth. Best to deal with this problem now.
Yeah, that’s a fair point. You may be a free man now, but what is a man without his shirt? Your shirt is your selling point! It’s an integral part of your style!
Time to head on over back into the village. Hopefully whoever took your shirt isn’t planning to sell it or anything, so you could wait for nightfall and maybe break into their house and-
==>
-hurk
==>
Ah. Well…crap. You may not have considered every angle to this issue.
That’s some *really* good rope, apparently.
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slate
Juvesquirt
Posts: 16
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Post by slate on Aug 12, 2020 3:28:16 GMT
Just, like... Pull the rope coil hole-ways off the end of the plank, dude.
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Post by tailortf on Aug 23, 2020 8:04:12 GMT
>Chew the rope attached to your neck.
Alright, time to continue your secret plan to slowly consume the entire world. Here we go.
Yep, tastes like rope alright. Various smelly plant fibers you’d rather not have in your mouth and everything. You could *theoretically* cut it this way if you felt like spending a few hours doing this, but let’s consider something faster first.
Hmm. Maybe you could wait for lightning to strike some sand, then you can use the resulting desert glass to cut the rope? How often does it rain in the desert, again?
>Just…pull the rope off the end of the plank, dude.
Oh, right, *brilliant* idea, brain. Like someone would ever be so careless as to just let you-
==>
…ah. Well, you suppose it makes sense. Gallows aren’t really meant to be a long-term setup and they *did* kinda get that rope on there in a hurry. Sometimes you…overthink things. You should probably work on that.
Nevermind that right now, though, you’re free! Time to spring into action!
You know, in the morning.
>In the morning.
Ah, you gotta love morning in the village. That morning fresh scent of tumbleweeds, the sand that hasn’t quite heated up to scorching yet, all the locals…Seems like a perfectly peaceful little hamlet, right?
==>
Wrong! Somewhere in this village is a rat. A filthy, shirt-stealing rat who will stop at nothing to bite off a profit. Well, fortunately, you have your degree in rat extermination and your client, who is you, has…uh…well, you get what you mean. The rat is just a metaphor.
Now then, time to take stock of your tactical options.
>Make a lasso out of the rope.
Well, that’s one thing. You can…snare someone? Theoretically? Like, one person. That’s something. That’s pretty western.
How the hell are you going to do this.
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Post by Scouting on Aug 24, 2020 1:06:05 GMT
Maybe just look around for the shirt first, then decide which daft action you'd like to try to recover it.
A disguise might help too.
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Post by tailortf on Aug 31, 2020 11:08:10 GMT
>Time to wrangle some blobs.
C’mere, little thingy…let daddy take care of you…”take care” in this case meaning a lot of various things, most of which don’t have much to do with good health.
==>
That’s right, just keep chowing down on…that bucket of…hm. Giblets.
Actually, you just had a different idea that *isn’t* a rehash of what you’ve done before. That’s probably good, you don’t really like doing the same thing twice. Stand by.
>A disguise might help too.
Come on, you son of a bitch! Slap this in here, stick that in there…here we go. Those sewing classes finally came in handy.
==>
Hello there, fellow mutants! Just good ol’ Scarry Joe, goin’ for a walk across town in my overcoat and hat like I always wears!
This…this may be the worst thing you’ve done so far. It’s definitely high up in the rankings. You’ll have to think about it later.
>Scout around for the shirt.
What a friggin’ dirt town. You’re pretty sure the local trade is eating sand or whittling or something equally pointless. Around here, your shirt ought to stand out like a beacon of shining high fashion and clean fibers.
Aha! There we go. Local merchant selling his wares, huh? Not for long.
==>
Right. You’ve got your eye on the prize. Now to get down to business. In and out, simple approach, no shenanigans. Dear *god*, let there be no shenanigans for once.
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slate
Juvesquirt
Posts: 16
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Post by slate on Aug 31, 2020 13:25:43 GMT
Pull those stupid head bandages over his eyes and make off with the loot.
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Post by tailortf on Sept 9, 2020 5:43:12 GMT
>Pull those head bandages over his eyes and make off with the loot.
Yeah, that *could* be an option, but you have to be honest with yourself: you’re not much of a fighter. Especially not when you’re stuffed inside of a weird giant coat man, that puts a real damper on things. Chances are, if you did that, you’d just go right back to square one real quick. You might need a plan with more…subtlety.
>Wait until someone buys it, then follow them.
Of course! The perfect strategy! You could just follow them into a dark alley or something. Is that creepy? Whatever.
Now to play the waiting game. This shouldn’t take long. Whatever he wants for that thing, it’s well worth it. People are probably gonna pool their money together just to be able to take turns wearing it.
==>
Seriously, people?! It’s a good shirt! You probably paid really good money for that shirt at some point! Nobody has any taste around here.
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Fine, then you’ll just have to take matters into your own hands. You didn’t want to do this, but your hand has been forced. Your hand has been forced and now nobody is safe.
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GIVE THE STUPID SHIRT BACK YOU BUTTLORD.
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Rain in the desert?
Guest
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Post by Rain in the desert? on Sept 9, 2020 7:17:36 GMT
This is now creepy stalker behaviour. I hope you feel bad.
You could have just waited for the guy/girl/whatever to go to the bathroom or something...
The sensible thing to do would be to try trading your hat or something to get the shirt back. So I guess what you will do is something more along the lines of scare the guy to death when they realise that you are effectively a walking pile of stitched together flesh.
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Post by tailortf on Sept 17, 2020 3:28:39 GMT
>Trader Blob: Kindly invite the injured blob into your home.
GOOD IDEA
HELLO THERE, KINDLY TRADER
WE HAPPENED TO MISS YOU AT YOUR TRADING STAND
WE WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS THE EXCHANGE OF GOODS
>Trader Blob: Have a heart attack.
Or…not. Huh. Yeah, that’s a pretty expected reaction when a straight up monster crawls into your window. Fair enough, at least you don’t have to deal with that guy. This thing is kinda unwieldy anyway. Time to bid adieu.
==>
There we go. God, who would’ve expected that piloting something like that would be such a pain, right? You never want to be a puppeteer. Those guys put in some *work*. Now then…
==>
Ah, the sweet comfort of synthetic fibers. You like this shirt. It really feels like it turns you into an Immortal Man, rather than just some…undying…guy. It makes a *statement*.
What’s Terry rambling about? You getting "what’s coming to you"? Please.
==>
You ran a religion for a while, so you know exactly how much “karmic justice” works. As far as you’re concerned, that whole thing is…just…a…load…of…
>Trader Blob: Purge undead.
Ah. Okay, *this* is pretty bad. One of the few things that can get you is volume – you’re never gonna die, but you can’t exactly take on a hundred people all at once. So…this is a problem.
Admittedly, you can’t help but feel that you deserve this, if only a little bit. Damn it, Terry.
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Post by Arson Time on Sept 17, 2020 5:30:18 GMT
Set fire to the corpse using the candle on the table, then run.
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Post by smuch on Jan 8, 2021 8:48:19 GMT
>Yo could do what you do best and randomly kill people and ruin things. Might be a few years of fun to have being a bogeyman
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Post by goldenratio on Jan 26, 2021 13:51:38 GMT
Hide somewhere safe and nap for a good month and see if you can skip this bs
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Post by GUEST on Aug 29, 2022 0:35:56 GMT
Evade angry townsfolk, possibly by climbing onto the roof while they deal with the lovely fleshsuit you so carefully and stylishly designed.
Then have a good talk with Terry. If the guy is just gonna keep bothering you forever, you should hear out what he has to say instead of being indefinitely tortured by his smartass remarks. 'Twould be nice to get some peace and quiet for once in your long life.
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