randomwriter
Your shit is wrecked
Posts: 624
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by randomwriter on Sept 28, 2018 21:20:42 GMT
>Remove own shirt as mutated blob army swoons.
>Take gas mask as a souvenir.
>Bucketman, get shot by one of the mutant blobs before a climax can occur.
>alternatively, Bucketman, reveal yourself as a buff future immortal man. Send IM back in time to become you!
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ten11
Gadabout Pipsqueak
Posts: 128
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Post by ten11 on Sept 29, 2018 2:27:15 GMT
>taunt him with half-formed insults
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NotaProductiveMoment
Guest
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Post by NotaProductiveMoment on Oct 20, 2018 19:26:57 GMT
>Nick skullsberry and cheeze it?
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Post by tailortf on Oct 21, 2018 12:19:47 GMT
>Whack his bucket head so it reverberates like a bell.
Oh HELL YES. Like you're a cartoon rabbit and he's a wily hunter. You never knew you wanted this until now.
This probably won't do anything, but it'll at least piss him off and that's always a good start.
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WHAT'S UP, D-oh. You guess he also wants to play this particular game.
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Although he's apparently much better at it than you are. Dammit.
See, this is why you normally don't use weapons. This time you got hit in the head, last time you may have inadvertently started a mutant apocalypse, it's just never good.
You're more of a tactician. Speaking of which...
>Cheese it!
Tactical retreat, sucker! Ha!
Some people might call it "running away from your problems", but those people just need to wait.
Your brilliant genius and years of experience WILL pay off. Eventually. If you have some faith in yourself for the first time in a million billion years.
>Taunt him.
"Hello there, fish. I have brought you this wonderful bait. I am certain only good things will happen to you if you take it."
Right. This sucker can kiss your perfectly endenimed ass.
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Come on...come on...a little closer aaand...
>Use numbers to your advantage.
BOOM! Get dunked on, son!
Yeah, one on ones are for stupid people who feel like wasting their time.
It's a lot easier to go one on twenty. Anyone complaining about it being "unfair" can come and take their chances with your sweet-ass posse.
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Alrighty, Lord Bucket is finally dead. Kind of an anticlimax, but that's life for you. Not every major "villain" needs to necessarily be defeated in some dramatic battle at the top of a skyscraper or whatever.
Now then, time to wash all this garbage off. Maybe you can grab Skullsburry and slink away in the chaos. Start a new life some place with less fire and murder.
Not that you mind being king of the pudding people, but it's just not very good for your karma and-
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Ahh crap. You have got to be kidding you.
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Oh come on! Is this guy just as immortal as you are?! Is he some version of you that came back from the future/past to warn you about doing/not doing something?!
No, probably not. You could totally see yourself getting ripped and angry, but you would NEVER be caught dead wearing cleaning equipment on your head. That's just-
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Ow.
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Alright, yeah, you get it. That guy just wanted to CHILL OUT a bit on his own. That's COOL.
You're probably going to rest here for a second yourself. Though a little involuntarily, seeing as getting this thing off you is just a FRIDGE too far.
Eh? Ehh?
...none of these puns are making you feel better about your leg being stuck in the crisper. At least this thing's empty.
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Post by spinydoughnut33 on Oct 22, 2018 23:02:21 GMT
>Call upon your mutant friends to GET THIS DAMN THING OFF OF YOU
>Well, if you can't beat him, fuck with him.
>Initiate the world's deadliest game of tag. That'll catch him off guard.
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ten11
Gadabout Pipsqueak
Posts: 128
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Post by ten11 on Oct 24, 2018 0:54:25 GMT
>Get his helmet off, its clearly the source of his power
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NotaProductiveMoment
Guest
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Post by NotaProductiveMoment on Oct 25, 2018 2:26:25 GMT
> bang on the fridge and mock his stupid bucket and necklace
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Post by thebeesknees on Oct 29, 2018 0:16:57 GMT
> Defeat bucket-head by fighting him in some dramatic battle at the top of a skyscraper.
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foodisgoodbutwhiskyisfrisky
Guest
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Post by foodisgoodbutwhiskyisfrisky on Oct 30, 2018 4:09:21 GMT
butter him up
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Post by tailortf on Dec 29, 2018 11:55:48 GMT
>Attempt to get the fridge off you.
Alright, come on. You just have to harness your inner strength to get an adrenaline boost through pure determination.
You can do it, buddy boy. Come on. Do it for the city. DO IT FOR AUNT MAY AND ALL THE CHILDREN.
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And then -- as the (non-existing) agonizing ache in his limbs seems unendurable -- as his (sort of) superbly muscled body suffers the torment of a virtually indescribable ordeal -- from out of the (not) pain -- from out of the (not) agony -- comes triumph!
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Dammit! What is UP with this guy?! You were having a triumphant moment, you were having a good time, and then HE has to come along and fuck it all up!
Can't you have this one thing?! IT'S ONE THING!!!
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That's it, you're done playing games.
...but not done coming up with puns, it seems. The opportunity was just too good to pass up. Sort of.
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STOP TOUCHING. IT'S RUDE.
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It's time to end this.
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It's over.
He's done.
You did it.
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You...you're just going to go sit down.
You're not hurt, of course, but you ARE tired.
This was probably the most exercise you've had in a while. Phew.
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Ah, sweet Skullsburry. Your coveted prize of someone to talk to who isn't a total dick.
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Aaand speak of the devil.
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...
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Post by spinydoughnut33 on Dec 29, 2018 17:41:42 GMT
> What would be “good” for a person like me? Let’s be real here. The “good” thing to do would be to die, ending my millennia long process of meddling with things. However, if you haven’t fucking noticed, I can’t do that. Are you saying I’m “evil” for merely existing, and that I should be ashamed of my own existence? That doesn’t seem like a very productive thing to do.
> Do you think I don’t TRY to be good? My actions are molded by the society I happen to find myself in, and if all they do is try to kill me or stick me in a test tube for all eternity, why should I help them? Isn’t justice good, and bringing evil TO justice good?
> Then, I ask you, what is happening here?
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ten11
Gadabout Pipsqueak
Posts: 128
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Post by ten11 on Dec 30, 2018 0:26:28 GMT
>Terry is trying to convince you youre evil.
Hes trying to turn you to the dark side.
Dont listen.
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Post by GreatKaiserNui on Jan 1, 2019 1:21:05 GMT
Skullsbury: Tell this nihilistic freak just how much you appreciate being overlooked just because you don't appear as human.
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Post by tailortf on Jan 8, 2019 13:00:48 GMT
>Let Terry know he's full of it.
...yeah, no, he really is, isn't he? And by "it" you don't mean sound advice.
It's not your fault. In the state you're in, most things CAN'T be your fault.
How could they? Half the time you don't even know what's going on. It's everyone ELSE's fault for being so awful. Yeah.
>Skullsburry: Tell this nihilistic freak just how much you appreciate being overlooked.
Yeah, here we go. Even Skullsburry's getting in some good licks.
You mean...you...are?
Screw it, you'll figure it out later. All this metatextual shit is getting to be too much for you.
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Yeah, Terry can go screw himself. Or bone. Heh.
You know technically you can't walk away since he's in your head, but whatever, you've tuned out worse.
Wait, what was that bit about zoning out?
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Ahh crap. And you weren't even chasing a roadrunner.
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YAAAH HOO HOO HOO HOO EEE
...wait, was that what it sounded like? That's not even from the right thing. Crap.
You know, maybe if you spent less time thinking about shit like this, you wouldn't get into these situations.
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...no. No, you still probably would. The universe kinda seems out to get you. Maybe it's jealousy over how you're immortal and it isn't.
Actually, that's a good point. What WILL happen when the universe eventually dies? Are you coming along for the ride or what? Are you going to be part of the singularity? Become a new universe yourself, maybe?
Okay, thinking about that is starting to freak you out. This must be what regular people feel like when they think too deeply about death. Best to focus on the issues at hand.
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Post by Scenery on Jan 8, 2019 23:32:08 GMT
Things looked pleasantly green before the plummeting bit. You haven't really seen any 'nature' for a while. Maybe you could go find some nice forest for a change.
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cherrypetrichor
Juvesquirt
this website fills my body with cold water
Posts: 15
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by cherrypetrichor on Jan 14, 2019 1:47:37 GMT
>notice fish
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Post by lulubell on Jan 16, 2019 20:30:29 GMT
Are there any trees/anything above the water?
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Post by tailortf on Feb 7, 2019 12:28:34 GMT
>Notice fish.
Oh yeah, huh, look at that. A little weird guy wriggling around.
You'd feel bad about this, but since it let you just grab it out of the water, maybe this species is an evolutionary dead end anyway.
At least, that's what you hope. The last thing you'd want to do is encounter a bunch of pissed off fishmen later.
>Swim to land.
Yeah, that's probably enough conjecture for now. No need to swim, though. You MAY have overdramatised the size of your fall or the depth of this water.
>You haven't really seen any 'nature' for a while. Maybe you could go find some nice forest for a change.
That would be nice. Get far away from the concrete jungle and further into the...regular jungle, you suppose.
Most people are afraid of nature because they might get hurt, but you don't really have to worry about that.
At worst you might get trapped down a crevice or something and have to sit there for a while, which doesn't really appeal to you either, but whatever.
Brushing these thoughts aside in favor of a nature walk is exactly what you need.
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Really, you should consider yourself lucky. Out of your entire generation of humanity, you're the only person who gets to see any of this.
What's the point, though? It's not impressive to whoever might live here, so you're the only one who cares, which means you don't care at all.
Immortality gets a lot less fun once you can't brag about it. If it was ever particularly fun to begin with.
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Dammit, the PROBLEM is that you didn't WANT to be immortal, as far as you can remember.
Or at least, you never consciously WISHED to be. Maybe this is someone's wish come true, but sure as hell not yours.
Could that just be bias from you being in this situation, though? It's really an interesting look at how what we want might change over time and-
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WHOOP, THERE YOU GO. Thousands of years of not dying haven't made you any better at not eating shit on any random rock you don't see. At least the ground is soft.
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Yeah, you're so very lucky to get this experience. Not like you could trip on things back in YOUR time.
Oh no, wait, you could. Hell, your entire city was one giant trip hazard. You couldn't go two blocks without tripping over some discarded soft drinks or surfboards or drug deals gone wrong, it was just a mess.
Alright, let's see the damage. Spoilers: it'll probably be somewhere between "zero" and "none".
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Ohhh great. Just great. A gigantic wilderness and you managed to step on the ONE bear trap in the entire motherfucker.
You're angry enough right now to consider chewing your leg off like a wild animal, but unfortunately you can't hurt yourself either, no matter how hard you try.
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Post by Rusted on Feb 8, 2019 1:00:13 GMT
Its probably not even stuck in the ground anymore.
You have gained an avant-garde anklet.
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Post by Subconscious on Feb 8, 2019 1:31:09 GMT
Listen to your subconscious. You, or rather, the unawakened you has an idea. You must zone out, find a civilization, and find a way to measure time. the next steps should be relatively clear for you, or rather, me.
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Post by spinydoughnut33 on Feb 9, 2019 5:32:58 GMT
> Rip that shit out of the ground and take it with you. A bear trap is pretty metal, right?
> Check around the downed helicopter for more skulls to add to your collection.
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NotaProductiveMoment
Guest
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Post by NotaProductiveMoment on Feb 10, 2019 1:25:28 GMT
Take trap and look for anything that moves
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Post by tailortf on Feb 14, 2019 6:31:02 GMT
>It looks rusty and weak. Give it a tug and see if it breaks.
That's what she said, myeh heh heh. Whatever.
Yep, there it goes. It's a shame, really. You were almost kinda hoping it'd put up more of a fight.
Wait, what the hell are you talking about, no you weren't. The only thing fights do is ruin your mood.
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Though it's not like there's much left to ruin. You were hoping this place might be nice, but it seems like just as much of a wash as the last thousand.
Let you guess, you'll end up finding whoever set up this trap and they'll try to fight you, you'll have to do some stupid nonsense to get them to go away, and then you'll just repeat the whole thing all over again. Alone.
...screw it, you're gonna do the thing. You know Terry will never let you hear the end of it if you ever see him again, but you don't care. Stupid as it is, it makes you feel a little better.
Alright, here we go. 3...2...
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Ha ha, yes! You are just a regular old NORMAL MAN. You sure do love being regular! You just can't wait to live for your average human 150-160 years and then perish!
Not right now, though. Being regular and normal, this trap on your leg is causing you massive amounts of totally normal excruciating pain. Time to look for "medic-al" assistance!
>Check around the downed helicopter for more skulls to add to your collection.
Well, you found this guy! You're probably not going to touch his skull, though. Like most normal people, you only carry one skull with you at a time.
That's a swanky outfit, though. You keep doing you, dead guy. One day I'll join you in the sweet release of unlife! Ha ha, yes.
>One extremely normal grave robbery later.
Oh sweet, a flare gun! Like most regular people, you've always wanted one of these.
Does it still work? Well, only one (normal) way to find out, you suppose.
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Ha ha, yes (probably saying it too often at this point), it does! Excellent. This will come in handy if you ever need to fend off attackers looking to consume your delicious normal body.
So, what's next in a normal day in the life?
>Find a civilisation.
Excellent idea! No normal man is an island - most normal people are, in fact, very not island shaped! Time to go find someone to share your sheer regularity with!
Highly Mortal Man awayyyyy!
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Well look at that! In the time you've been, uh, normally sleeping, life seems to have restarted itself!
You don't really care about the haunting ramifications of that for the future or past since you'll never live to see them, so you'll just act in the present like any normal person should!
Let's get a closer look and see if they're some variety of non-normal weirdo.
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Ha ha (yes)! You know you said you'd stop saying it so often, but this is great enough that you'll ignore that promise!
These guys may be slightly melty-looking, but from context clues you can see they're just a bunch of Average Andies.
And here you were worried that all you'd see would be a bunch of Troublesome Terries, living out a cruel pastiche of a life they will never fully understand.
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Good thing it isn't that, then. Like a normal person, you obviously want to approach them for talking and "medic-al" assistance.
But however will you do it? What with your (totally normal) crippling social anxiety.
Well, you'll surely figure it out in no time. Not like it's hard for a bunch of normal people to get along.
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Post by spinydoughnut33 on Feb 14, 2019 20:51:34 GMT
> Run out and scream in very normal agonizing pain, like a normal person would!
> Say normal things like "Ouch!" and "Darn!" while you do so!
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ten11
Gadabout Pipsqueak
Posts: 128
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Post by ten11 on Feb 14, 2019 23:53:50 GMT
Talk about the weather.
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