DETERMIBENT (Text Adventure) [COMPLETE]

Why yes, yes I do take multiple commands :33

>Dave: Oh. HELL. No.

Your thoughts exactly.

You chase after your friend.

>Dave: Catalog HIEROGLYPHS with PHONE

Let it never be said that a STRIDER cannot MULTITASK. You're not so busy chasing Argo to not make use of your PHONE to catalogue the STRANGE RUNES. Every TEMPLE WALL is coverd in RUNES! Very interesting RUNES, at that. Spirographs! Frogs!? What ever could it mean!

The AMATEUR PALEONTOLOGIST in you itches for the eventual translation.

>Argo: Investigate FROG TEMPLE

You are now ARGO LALONDE, and investigation? That was the plan! You know DAVE likely would just chill out if you didn't do something to get him to follow.

You put on DAVE'S SHADES and pretend that you are CHAT NOIR.

>Argo: ASCEND

You hop on an elevator and ride it upwards, DAVE misses it by THAT MUCH, and thus is forced to wait for it to come back down.

You arrive in a large room with several LARGE MACHINES, one of which has a SCREEN locked onto what appears to be JADE'S DOG: BECQUEREL.

What ever could this possibly for??

>Argo: Attempt to Captchalogue ECTOBIOLOGY EQUIPMENT

You CANNOT CAPTCHALOGUE the Machinery! You don't have a FETCH MODUS on you. Maybe you could dream one up?

...Nope. A dream version of your BOOK MODUS fails to appear.

>Argo: attempt to sabotage ECTOBIOLOGY EQUIPMENT

First, your INNER PLAGG rises to the occasion and you CANNOT RESIST the urge to press the GIANT SHINY GREEN BUTTON.

At almost the exact same moment on screen, a FREAKY BLACK CAT appears with a FLASH OF GREEN LIGHT, startling BECQUEREL, and temporarily takes CENTER STAGE beneath the CROSSHAIRS.

Instead of creating a GHOST SLIME IMPRINT of Jade's Dog, you instead get one of the FREAKY CAT.

The SLIME pulses and sparks with UNEARTHLY ENERGY, giving the following scene of a TRAGIC CAR ACCIDENT an even more intense feeling of TRAGEDY.

>Argo: Behold Cataclysm

You watch as your COUSIN, JADE, runs out into the street to pick up her still barely alive dog and to drag him out of traffic.

This is much too sad, so you summon a set of claws and--

>Dave: Attempt to sabotage HIEROGLYPHS

You are once again DAVE STRIDER.

What? Why would you do that for? That is completely irresponsi-

Argo yells out in anger and frustration, and something EXPLODES upstairs... upelevators? Upground??

What even is the proper term for that??

Regardless, something causes the ELEVATOR to come flying off of its invisible tracks and LODGING itself quite firmly into one of the WALLS.

You plant your hands to your cheeks and, taking advantage of your temporary lack of SHADES, make the same facial expression that Kevin kid from HOME ALONE did when mocking that one painting.

You let out a tiny, extended, 'noooo' that would serve as some kind of visual call back if this were a visual story.

>Dave: Attempt to Captchalogue TRANSPORTALIZERS (under ELEVATOR)

You look down the shaft to the FLOOR BELOW, and although you cannot see TOO MUCH, you catch a glint of something GOLD and PURPLE, illuminated by something GLOWING WHITE.

You figure that since this is a dream you might as well...

>Dave: Check Argo for tail, claws.

Argo takes that moment to FLY DOWN from above.

Hopy SHIT, are those cat ears!?

You can't tell if she has a tail or not given her ANKLE LENGTH DRESS, but you'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts that she PROBABLY HAS A TAIL to match those ears. WOW. Dream body changes sure are bullshit. Wings AND cat ears? How lucky can a girl get?

When she lands, you make a move to swipe your shades back, but you hear SNIFFING, and you decide that maybe she needs that mask more than you do.

You offer a DISTACTION, by way of the things downstairs.

She wraps her arms around you from behind, and spreads her wings to carry you down a floor.

The back of your neck feels a little WET. You steadfastly ignore the continued sound of more distressed SNIFFLES.

> ==>

You land on the next floor. This room is MUCH LARGER than anything above. There are MORE STATUES than you can count, or even RECOGNIZE.

You and Argo presently stand at the edge of a small pit that the elevator would have SAT IN had it not just been vandalized by something above EXPLODING. There are two SMALL PADS on the floor. You wonder if you should CAPTCHALOGUE them or not, but you'll focus on that later.

Across the room, there is a STATUE of a LARGE, BULKY SKULL FACED MONSTER in a DASHING COAT. Sitting, almost like a taunt, between his legs is a LARGE BOX PLATFORM with a GLOWING WHITE SPIROGRAPH sitting on it.

The SPIROGRAPH briefly flickers RED.

There is nothing ominous about this what so ever.

>Dave: Be Argo

You stop being Dave just in time for him to return your attention to the platforms in the ELEVATOR PIT, and you fly down to investigate.

A few well placed kicks confirm that these things are much larger than they seem, and likely are BURIED UNDER THE FLOOR.

You'd try the same trick you used against the GIANT SCREEN, but that would more than likely just DESTROY the devices.

Besides, the PURPLE ONE seems to be OFFLINE. Most likely, it was tied to something on that PURPLE MOON that got sent spiraling away to who knows where.

> Dave: jump into SPIROGRAPH, and hope for the best.

What? No. That's stupid. You don't know what this thing even does.

First, you'll do some experimentation.

You toss your DREAM PHONE into the SPIROGRAPH. The phone disappears and a SCREEN on the PALTFORM lights up with a random number sequence dating millions of years into the future.

The SPIROGRAPH flashes GREEN before returning to WHITE, and the time on the screen BLANKS OUT again.

You'd guess that this thing is likely some kind of TIME CAPSULE, but something seems a little WEIRD about it to be JUST a time capsule.

Admittedly you're a little tempted to just sort of... reach out and touch it. But you've got PLACES TO BE AND THINGS TO DO, and that just seems a little counter intuitive to those ends.

You return towards the ELEVATOR PIT, and wave down at Argo.

She waves back up at you.

>Spider Troll: Do the Wakey Thing

You cannot be the Spider Troll just yet, but ARANEA SERKET gladly obliges with her OLIVE BLOODED teammate's request and makes the two Derse Dreamers WAKE THE F8CK UP!!!!!!!!

> ==>

From the outside perspective of the narrative, Dave Strider and Argo Lalonde's DREAMSELVES fall to their knees like PUPPETS whose STRINGS have been CUT. Both land on the GOLDEN PLATFORM one after the other, and are TRANSPORTALIZED AWAY.

>You are now...

ARGO LALONDE, in the waking world, in your BEDROOM, on the FLOOR, having just had the first DREAM in a long time that wasn't about fighting a SKULL MONSTER.

You feel RATHER UPSET about CARS and KATS all of a sudden.

Your drawing computer BEEPS from your Sylladex, and you open it to see a flood of messages both from DAVE and the HUNTRESS TROLL with the FUNNY Us. Neither of these are worth the effort of the pesterlog beyond reminding you that your DREAM was definitely NOT A DREAM in the USUAL SENSE.

Right... right. According to both UU and Dave, you should have a COPY OF SBURB somewhere in your BIRTHDAY PRESENTS. You don't know WHAT SBURB IS, but apparently it was some gift your ISLAND FRIEND got for all of you to PLAY TOGETHER.

You check the time. It is now 2:16 A.M. and now is the time to get DOWN TO BUSINESS and get Dave into the MEDIUM... whatever that means.

>Dave: how did you pester Argo about the game when you only just woke up?

You are now briefly FUTURE DAVE, and you shake your head at the question your PAST SELF would be asking himself until it became clear you had to fill that STABLE TIME LOOP yourself.

No need to make a federal fucking issue out of all these timeline shenanigans.

And speaking of timeline shenanigans...

>Argo: Go to GameFAQs, find the Sburb guides, look for one by "RL".

You navigate to the SBURB Guides, but while you don't find anything by any "RL," there is something by a familiar tag... Oh you've got to be KIDDING you!

"tentacleTherapist."

You bookmark the guide for now and forward the link to Dave before you exit your room.

He's going to need it more than you right now, but you skim it a little as you walk.

>Argo: Locate your presents.

You enter your MOTHER'S ROOM, and begin the hunt for your PRESENTS.

You find a pile of SUSPICIOUS BOXES in the CLOSET, and a few more CLOTH TYPE PRESENTS hidden beneath the once towering pile of TOWELS AND BLANKETS.

>Argo: Keep a running list of known captcha codes.

You Captchalogue your presents as you open them, just for ease of clearing up. Also, the GameFAQ Guide seems to imply that you'll be able to do stuff with the Captcha Codes later.

In the CLOTHING PILE, you got:

2 (TWO) Matching set of FAKE CAT EARS and a CAT TAIL ON A BELT. (In Black. Because your Mom knows you love Chat Noir.)
5 (FIVE) Random Shirts with printed icons on them. You don't got time for that right now.
1 (ONE) OVERSIZED GREEN JACKET. You promptly EQUIP THE JACKET, just because if feels right.
3 (THREE) pairs of SOCKS in ORANGE, GREEN, and PINK. ...Pink, Mom, really?

In the BOX PILE, you got:

1 (ONE) Chat Noir Cosplay Ring. (You put that sucker on in a heartbeat.)
1 (ONE) set of RETRACTABLE TOY CLAW GLOVES. (CLAWS OUT!!)
1 (ONE) LIGHT UP LADYBUG YOYO. (Hell. YES.)
1 (ONE) SBURB BETA SERVER DISK. (1/2 Disks Get!)
3 (THREE) BOXES OF CRAYOLA PAINT MIX. (Much Paint. Such Mess.)
3 (THREE) BOXES OF FRUIT GUSHERS (Ewwww.)
2 (TWO) Blank Drawing Notepads
1 (ONE) Non School Issue GAMING LAPTOP.
1 (ONE) set of... fake arms?? (This box wasn't marked with a return address, or a note as to who it was from.)

You have RUN OUT OF PRESENTS.

You are MISSING THE SBURB CLIENT DISK. Fuuurrrriiiiiiickkkkkk.... Your BAD LUCK STAT is at an all time high.

>Argo: Find weapons, or things that can be used as weapons, that match your Strife Specibus.

You set your STRIFE SPECIBUS to CLAWKIND and EQUIP those TOY CLAW GLOVES. You flip between the extended and retracted states with gleeful abandon.

>Young Rouge(-Knight(?)), thy ally is in danger, but thou must not go in unprepared.

Your non existent Cat ears twitch (Oh, wait. You Equip the Cat Ears and Cat Tail Belt. Now they're real!) with the confusion of whether you're a Rogue or a Knight. Honestly, you don't really care about that right now nor know what being a Rogue-Knight even means. Dave *IS* in trouble!

...Apparently. You're still a little fuzzy on why this is important but oh well. A TIME TRAVELING OUTSIDE OBSERVER has GIVEN YOU A COMMAND and you must comply!

You settle for installing the SBURB SERVER DISK on your DRAWING TABLET since you don't have the time right now to set up a whole new LAPTOP O.S. ontop of installing a new GAME.

>Argo: Gather things that would be useful for upgrading weapons.

While SBURB is running, you dash downstairs to the kitchen and captcha a bunch of STEAK KNIVES. This is surely the best of ideas and you have total control over your Captchalogue Mod--

Damn it, you accidentally swipe up the frying pan again. What is it with you and frying pans, girl??

>Argo: Gather equipment that may be useful for your adventure.

You've run out of free cards by filling it up with a bunch of KNIVES.

No more Catpchalogging for now!

>Argo: Note any strange number-pads on the wall.

Number Pads? You blink. The only Number pad around is for the HOUSE SECURITY SYSTEM. Thinking of it, you decide to check and see if the alarm company got called because of the fire.

...Nope, the damned thing seems to be stuck in a REBOOT CYCLE.

What the hell? How did that happen?

You proceed to spend seven minutes staring at the NUMBER PAD trying to figure out how to properly reboot the damned thing.

>Dave: Be awake.

You are now DAVE STRIDER, and you have WOKEN UP.

Your IPHONE shows a mirror of the log from your dream... You guess you were really just Sleep-Texting?? How does that even work?

>Look out window

That PERVERTED INTRUDER from your dream is stalking around the street below, and seems to be fighting...

Really?

He's fighting another alternate version of you.

Well, kudos for the distraction, whatever time-tense version of you that is.

(Argo sends you a link to some Game FAQ guide but you ignore it. You've got a game to find before you can even begin playing it.)

>Dave: Arm yourself.

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is set to SWORDKIND, in it are your FENCING SWORDS. When you expressed an interest in sword fighting to your Bro, he SIGNED YOU UP for FENCING.

Argo has given you nothing but grief about how you're a real life ADRIEN with that thing.

You check your face on that reminder, and find your SHADES are there. Good, you'd hate for your IRL shades to go missing because of a dream.

>Thou shalt soon be in peril, prepare thyself.

You gotta find those GAME DISKS first. You last remember seeing them sitting with the rest of the UNPLAYED GAMES in the house- sitting right next to BRO'S XBONE-- you mean XBOX ONE. (Gotta underline that proper title shit.)

You exit your room and make your way across the floor into the apartment's LIVING ROOM. Thank god your Bro keeps the floor clean. Anywhere else this late at night and you'd probably be tripping over god knows what given how dark it is.

Wait, why are the lights out? They were on when you got home...

You flick a switch a couple of times, but nothing happens. Damn, the lights must have BURNT OUT.

You go to the PILE O' GAMES and retrieve the SBURB CLIENT AND SERVER DISKS!

No need to make this a federal fucking issue all the time.

>Bro: Defend.



>Dave: Ascend to highest point of the building.

You are now briefly Future Dave once more. You catch the PROSPITIAN INTRUDER in a HEADLOCK and then TIME JUMP hours into the past.

It is now SIX IN THE EVENING, the sun beats down hot and heavy.

You smirk at the WOULD BE ASSASSIN, not that he can see it at this angle, and then pull him upwards and skywards by the neck towards your APARTMENT ROOFTOP.

God Tier Flight Powers ROCK.

You land, and then SKIP AHEAD back into the FUTURE, making it look like, to the outside perspective, that you just teleported from the street to the rooftop in the blink of an eye.

Also, Time Travel RULES.

You kick the INTRUDER into the AIR CONDITIONING UNIT. The Intruder's RING flares briefly, and you hear some nearby FUSE BOX make a POPPING sound.

You guess that's how the lights in the main room got burnt out?

Oh well, that's one mystery solved that probably didn't need solving.

>Be Past Dave: Play on BRO's XBONE

You skip back a few hours to briefly be PAST DAVE again.

On a laugh, you stick the SBURB SERVER disk into the XBONE.

Predictably, the damned thing gets jammed shut.

There was no way you weren't going to lose one of these disks in a hilariously brutal fashion.

>Dave: Don't lose the Client Disk.

You leave the SERVER disk for now, and go to your room and boot up your COMPUTER to INSTALL SBURB CLIENT...
Gosh dang, this is going slow.

>Future Dave: Stop yourself from playing on BRO'S XBOX ONE

You return to the future, that is to say, PRESENT to be FUTURE DAVE. Wow, we sure are getting a lot of mileage out of this time travel thing aren't we?

Also. What? Stopping your past self from playing with the XBONE never even crossed your mind. Besides, screwing up THAT convoluted chain of events?? Wooow. That'd send your ass into DOOMED VILLE faster than you could say-

"HIIIYAAAH!" You clash blades with the INTRUDER once more.

Also, yeah, you're KINDA BUSY with the ROOFTOP STRIFE against the PROSPITIAN INTRUDER still. You'd wonder what's driving him at this point. But that's a mystery that your future future future self says he already solved so you'll leave it for later.

The INTRUDER manages to get a scratch in on your TIMETABLES. WHOOPS.

>Vengeful Crow: Take Sburb Client

You are now a CROW.

You are just a feather covered BRIDBRAIN with no intentions of harming anyone.

You're just chilling in the mid-afternoon sun when all of a sudden two GIANT ASSHOLES appear to disturb you and your fellow Crows from your rest.

>Crows: ATTTACK

You peck away at both of these loosers heads with the mighty REVENGE.

That's when the TALL ROUND HEADED THING with the POINTY SHADES shows you his STABBS.

You look the smaller one in RED in his shade covered eyes and caw mournfully:

'he killed me bro, he killed me with his sord... X^Y '

>Future Dave: Disarm

You DISARM the PROSPITIAN INTRUDER while he's distracted trying to get the crow off his sword.

The Sword-impaled Crow goes flying upwards along with the Intruder's RING ARM.

>Crow: Land

The DEAD CROW Lands on one of the turntables SWORD TIP DOWN.

The RING flares up, and the arm, the sword, the crow, and the turntable all disappear without Future Dave or the Prospitian Intruder.

>Future Dave: boggle vacantly at these shenanigans.

You and the DISARMED INTRUDER stare at each other for a moment, each thinking the same thing.

"Welp, there went our ride."

>Argo: Type random numbers into the keypad

You PLAY THE KEYS, and type random patterns into it.

Nothing seems to really happen.

>Elsewhere

One Certain Code (#413612) happens to shut off power to the DIGITAL PLANET WIZARD PAINTING.

There is a muted click, and the frame seems to hinge open to one side.

>Young Rogue-Knight, investigate the PORTAL guarded by the WORLD-WIELDING WISEMAN.

Portal? What Portal? You're quite sure there never has been nor never will be any portals in this house hold.

You decide to return to your room because you remember you forgot to captchalogue your drawing tablet's POWER CORD.

As you pass by the DIGIWIZARD, you notice the frame is off the wall slightly. What the heck?

>Investigate! Investigate!

In! Ves! Ti! Gateeeeee!!!

The Inner Plagg in you wins out once more and you pull the picture in the way it seems inclined.

Behind it resides a ROW OF SHELVES. It appears the PIXI SUGAR PAINTING was actually the front door to a SECRET SAFE.

You wonder if your MOTHER remembered that or not?

Actually, going by the contents, she probably did- if only in a drunken state.

>Argo: Raid Safe

You find:

1 (ONE) Family picture frame. Hey! It's GRUNKLE JAKE! And... is that your MOM as a TEENAGER? Wow, she looks... kinda like you?? Huh. If anything she looks a bit more like DAVE'S MOTHER than your own... Also, there's a boy there that looks a LOT like Dave. Is this Dave's Bro? Is this how he knows your Mother??

...DEAR GOD. IS DAVE YOUR BROTHER???

You file away that horrifying thought for later purr-meow-sal. Hey! A Cat Pun! You finally found a good opportunity for one!

1 (ONE) BARK JOURNAL. ...What the furrick is this? Some kind of journal containing the word BARK written over and over again.

SEVERAL (About seven, you'd say) BLUE-GLASS ENCAPSUELD MUTANT CATS. ...Mom. Is there something you want to tell us? These look disturbingly like JASPERS.

Speaking of Jaspers, where has that cat gotten off to? You don't think you've seen him at all once tonight.

MULTIPLE (WTF) chunks of an EVIL PUPPET, sealed within EVIDENCE BAGS. You know it's an EVIL PUPPET because you can't find a pair of EYES anywhere in the safe.

You... You don't think you'll do anything with those right now.

1 (ONE) FREDDY FAZBEAR'S SECURITY GUARD UNIFORM, also in an EVIDENCE BAG. There's a name tag attached to the Uniform. "D. STRIDER"? ...What? There's no way this didn't belong to DAVE'S BRO at some point. You don't want to know why it's covered in... blood stains? Or is that PIZZA SAUCE?

You decide to captchalogue the FRAMED PHOTO, the BARK JOURNAL, and one of the KITTENS that looks like PLAGG, what with the giant anime head.

Predictably, this jettisons THREE STEAK KNIVES into the safe. This has the side effect of IMPALING some of the PUPPET CHUNKS.

They make strangely metallic THUNK sounds upon impact.

You decide to close the safe and NEVER, EVER open this again.

>Argo: Attempt to boot up SCHOOL COMPUTER, hold F12.

While you're captchaloguing your A.C. ADAPTER for your tablet, you boot up your SCHOOL LAPTOP to do a little RESEARCH.

You Hold F12 in an attempt to circumvent the LOCK DOWN but, like always, it doesn't work.

The BOOT SCREEN is HIJACKED by a SLIME BALL OF A MAN, uttering the infamous words, "Ah Ah Ah! You didn't say the Magic Word!"

He continues to loop that until you force a shut down. Damn stupid furricking School Computer.

>Dave: Peruse guide while waiting.

You wonder what's taking Argo so long? Oh well, time to get down to business on this GAME GUIDE.

...Isn't this written by one of the Trolls? Or did that troll hijack some other girl's user account to write this??

Why would she even do that anyways. Also, oddity numbero uno- the Guide says it was published in 2009! That is impossible. The SBURB BETA only came out this year, 2016.

You're inclined to ignore it's WARNINGS about METEORS, but hey, nothing about this game has been temporally linear so far. Who are you to judge if someone went back in time to publish this thing for you years in the future?

>Future Dave: Wish you had brought at least FIVE (5) TIME TABLES, like a sensible person.

You return to being FUTURE DAVE, presently doing his job of making the Prospitian Intruder COUNT SOME SHEEP.

As you wait for the one armed Carapacian to fall asleep, you lament your lack of TIME TABLES.

Oh, naturally, you had originally made a bunch of them.

Then, you lost a bunch of them in REALLY CONTRIVED AND STUPID CIRCUMSTANCES. Really. Wow. So many Stupid Shenanigans. Half of your TIMELINE ISSUES came from your following REZI's advice to make FIVE FUCKING TIME TABLES and be a SENSIBLE TIME TRAVELER.

Damn it, Rezi.

But you can't really blame her. She was just trying to help. You lost those time tables on your own EPIC FAILS at managing a stable time... line...

"Hey, Dude, can you just go unconscious already?" The Intruder refuses to fall asleep.

Why are you even bothering sparing this guy again? Oh. Right. So you don't get DOOMED.

>Future Dave: fastforwards to Future Future Dave after the Intruder is Subdued.

You are now Future Dave, a little bit further in the future. You're hiding inside your own damned bedroom closet while you wait for PAST YOU to ENTER THE GAME. You're sitting on the HOGTIED INTRUDER, and wow was that an exercise in futility, what with the guy MISSING AN ARM.

Your own fault, really. No, really, my bad...

Okay, seriously, when is Argo going to get Past You into the game again?

Damn it, Knight of Time having to enter his own damned session twice in a row. Can't get any more humiliating than that. Wouldn't it just be FAN-FLIPPIN-TASTIC if you had to piggy back on EVERYONE'S ENTRY?

>Future Dave: Morn loss of crow-bro.

Nothing to Mourn, really. You know exactly where that Impaled Crow will wind up soon enough.

>Dave: If you find any puppets, burn them.

While browsing through the GAMEFAQ, you muse upon the existence of PUPPETS, and the desire to BURN THEM. You kind of wish it was JULY already so you and your Bro could make use of the FIREWORK FESTIVAL to blow up PUPPETS.

Your Bro never told you why he likes blowing the things to kingdom come, but you respect him for his desire to DESTROY PUPPETS in WEIRD AND UNUSUAL WAYS.

>Dave: Find something to Prototype

The GUIDE says that prototyping PRE ENTRY is an IMPORTANT THING that needs to be done.

You take the moment to PROPERLY EXAMINE YOUR ROOM for Prototyping ideas.

Your Bedroom displays your VARIETY OF INTERESTS, most of which are DEAD or DEAD ADJACENT. A Vast majority of those DEAD THINGS are DINOSAUR RELATED, be they MODEL SKELETONS, DINOSAUR THEMED MOVIE POSTERS, or the occasional DINOSAUR THEMED ACTION FIGURE. All of this is because you one day wish to become a PALEONTOLOGIST.

Spreading off of that last point makes up the REST of your interests- COLLECTABLE TOYS.

While you're a fan of VARIOUS SHOWS and MOVIES, you tend to mainly collect anything that is FIRMLY DINOSAUR RELATED. As Such, JURASSIC WORLD and POWER RANGERS DINO (SUPER)CHARGE have become instant favorites of yours.

The LEGO INDOMINUS REX and LEGO RAPTOR SQUAD sit proudly on your DESK. Getting just those figures was an EXPENSIVE INVESTMENT, but you thought they were the BEST LOOKING FIGURES that existed of those five.

While you're not much of a Power Rangers Fan, but some of these TRANSFORMING MECHA just make your HEART SING. To the point that you spent an EXTRAVAGANT amount of time last year hunting down all of the DINO CHARGERS and ROLEPLAY WEAPONS. You keep the DINO SABER in your STRIFE SPECIBUS just for safe keeping.

The DINO MORPHER just didn't fulfil it's NEEDS, however, and somehow REZI tracked down the JAPANESE VERSION online for your BIRTHDAY. You keep the GABUREVOLVER on proud display along side the INDOMINUS REX.

Speaking of TRANFORMING MECHA, you've got a few random TRANSFORMER TOYS from the recent series that you like completely non ironically and not just for the DINOBOT. (Although, Grimlock happened to be the real reason you even started collecting toys at all. Damn it, the Dinosaur Brand Loyalty is hard to beat.)

>Argo: Resist urge to throw SCHOOL COMPUTER through WINDOW.

You safely resist the urge to throw your school computer through any windows.

Instead, you pry open the wall safe again (It didn't lock when you closed it before, likely requiring another code to seal it once shut) and throw the laptop inside.

>Argo: Add "destroy everything in that safe" to your to-do list.

Yeah, that SCHOOL LAPTOP and the PUPPET REMAINS are the DEVIL'S SPAWN and deserve to burn a FIREY DEATH.

Oh, hey, SBURB seems to have finished installing!

>Argo: Press [ENTER]

...What the Fuck is This?

> Argo+Dave: Connect, quickly.

-arsenicCataclysm [AC] began Pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 1:54 A.M.-
AC: dave?
TG: yeah?
AC: why are you petting that dinosaur toy like its a cat? :OO
TG: oh shit
TG: so this blog walkthrough thing is really legit and you can see me doing this thing im doing right now
AC: ap-purr-ently! :33
TG: damn it
TG: also, did you change your text color?
AC: um... i don't think i did?

>Argo: Deploy everything.

TG: why is the apartment shaking?
AC: im putting down a bunch of really big equipment, duh! XPP
TG: woah wait what are you doing with my bed
AC: there isn't enough room in your living room for the other two things
AC: and i had to make room in there first too, so i'm trying to be careful here
TG: wait what
TG: did you take something out of the tv room?
AC: umm... yeah?
TG: please dont say you tossed the xbox
AC: i... might have?
AC: why?? :??
TG: FUCK.
TG: that had my other sburb disk in it
AC: Why did you have your other sburb disk in the xbox!?
TG: because i wanted to see if it would run and the thing got jammed
TG: it was a moment of weakness okay
TG: what did you do with it??
AC: i threw it on the roof
TG: oh thank god
TG: just throw whatever other thing you have left to deploy up there
TG: please
AC: okay!

>Dave: Mess with Cruxtruder.

You go to the roof, primarily to recover the XBOX and the SBURB BETA. You Captchalogue them as soon as you see them, then you turn your attention to the OTHER reason you came up here.

Argo has just deployed what she and the guide are calling a CRUXTRUDER here. According to the FAQ you're supposed to OPEN it first, and then throw something in some POPCORN KERNEL to PROTOTYPE it?? You're not quite sure what all this purple text is getting at, really. Kind of long winded and-

>Crow: Rematerialize

There's a flash of light as something REMATERIALIZES directly ontop of the CRUXTRUDER'S TOP.

Due to some PROXIMITY DISPLACEMENT, the LID IS VAPORIZED, and the KERNELSPRITE is released directly into the object that just appeared.

>Dave; BEHOLD

You're beholding alright. Some IMPALED CROW just landed itself into the KERNELSPRITE, and you're not quite sure what to make of it.

As you stand there starring at the newly formed sprite, a SCRATCHED TIME TABLE and a WILD ARM land on the rooftop, both smoking from the temporal displacement.

Okay, well, there's that taken care of, at least.

You CAPTCHALOGUE the TIME ARTIFACTS and then EXTRUDE SOME CRUXITE DOWELS.

>Various Timers: Countdown.

AC: dave
TG: yes argo?
AC: why did you throw a dead crow into the kernel sprite?
TG: what makes you think i threw it in there
TG: damned thing jumped in like a...
TG: hell if i know
TG: a frightened weasel i guess
TG: but its a dead crow so that metaphor doesnt really work now does it
AC: no, it doesnt.
AC: also, youve got a four minute timer.
AC: 8OO
TG: welp time to
TG: *takes off shades just to put them on again*
AC: :??
TG: B) speed things up
AC: :DD YESSSS

>Mom: Take note of impending UNESTABLISHMENT.

You cannot be ROXY LALONDE, she is currently TOO BUSY putting out a FIRE while her fellow SCIENTISTS deal with some TIME TRAVELING FIREMAN who brought a GIANT OVEN and SEVERAL EGG TIMERS with him.

You (the reader) instead take note of the clock in the background of the fancy gif image that someone would eventually make for this page. It's almost obscured by the shenanigans a certain IDIOTIC DUO are causing. You've got no idea where these green colored losers came from and you doubt the narrative will get time to let you figure it out because the UNESTABLISHMENT TIMER is listing about FIFTEEN MINUTES before something CATASTROPHIC happens.

Yup. Fifteen Minutes. Dang! Well, fifteen minutes and four seconds to be exact. But yeah, that's not a lot of time to focus on FELT shenanigans. Wait. Did I say Felt? Haha. you're not supposed to know that name. Nobody's supposed to know that name.

These guys shouldn't even be here how are they even here?

Maybe some INTERMISSION will cover these RANDOM ANTICS but that might not be for pages and pages and pages And PAGES MORE! (BOY HOWDY!)

Yeah. You've spent enough time staring at this page of MOM LALONDE throwing a bucket of water on a FIRE COVERED ECTOBIOLOGY MACHINE.

I wonder what John's Doing?

>John Who?

Oh. Wait. Yeah. That's right. He doesn't exist in this universe. Whoops. Forgot about that for a moment. Okay, um....

Let's see what Dave's Entry Item is?

>Dave: Examine CRUXITE ITEM

TG: what the fuck is this supposed to be
AC: some kind of eggy looking thing!
TG: who the fuck lays an egg this big
TG: besides dinosaurs i mean
TG: damn this things as big as my head almost
AC: it is pretty big! :OO
TG: ...so what do i do with it
AC: i dunno, microwave it i guess?
TG: sure why not
TG: ...holy shit did i just luck out
AC: :?? how so?
TG: so the lights are all burnt out in the main room but look!
TG: behold, a tiny miracle
TG: fuck its like chirstmas up in here, so phat its off the hook
AC: dave, time limit, remember?
TG: right right
TG: too long, rap later: Microwave is Working amost Miraculously
TG: even though im pretty sure its on the same circuit as the lights
AC: pawesomeeee
TG: lets fry us up some eggs

>Dave: ENTER

You set the Mircowave for TWO MINUTES, because you think that's about as long left as the CRUXTRUDER'S TIMER says you have left.

When the Microwave DINGS, the egg Cracks and--

Suddenly, the hot texan night time air becomes EVEN HOTTER.

You look out the kitchen window, and see nothing of your neighborhood. Instead, all you see is THICK SMOKE, and a distant, far away RED HOT GLOW near the ground.

Well... damn.

You wonder if there really was a meteor that smashed down into your apartment block or not.

>Dave; Be the Moon of Derse

You are now the MOON OF DERSE, Minutes/Seconds/Hours in the past as you HURTLE TOWARDS SKAIA.

One of your DREAMER TOWERS breaks off in the heat of re-entry, and is absorbed by a smaller DEFENSE PORTAL mere moments before a LARGER ONE swalows the rest of you up WHOLE.

A moment later, you're hurtling through the hot texan air towards an apartment block.

If a MOON could think sentient thoughts, it would be thinking these thoughts.

"oh! hello, big looming thing coming up fast! you're huge! nice and friendly i'll bet. i should name you something friendly sounding. somehing bigish. ownd. ound. pound.... GROUND! Hello, Ground!!"

And then you crash land and obliterate an entire city that had just been hit by your lost dreamer's tower several hours ago.

> Moon of Derse: Level Up

Sadly, the Moon of Derse has been SLAIN by TEMPORAL CAUSALITY.

But if it hadn't... So MANY boondollars you wouldn't even believe.

>Argo: Pester Dave



>Future Dave: Alchemize a replacement Turntable

While your PAST SELF is busy ignoring his entry into the LAND OF HEAT AND CLOCKWORK, you're busy alchemizing up a fresh TIME TABLE. At least thanks to the GRISTTORRENT APP. in your ISHADES, you're able to access the more exotic Grist types needed to make a new Time Table.

You're so busy making one up that you don't realize that the ONE ARMED INTRUDER was faking being asleep the entire time and has stealthily sliped out of your shitty HOGTYING attempt until you've made the Time Table and the Intruder is jumping for it.

"Oh You've Gotta Be--!" You jump onto the Intruder as he scratches one of the time tables and WHOOPS you're both gone.

This is the slipperiest ONE ARMED ENEMY you've ever had the displeasure of knowing.

>Past Rezi: Buy a Japanese DINO MORPHER for Dave's B-Day

You are now one of the THREE OTHER GIRLS in your particular group of Players, several months in the past.

TODAY is her BIRTHDAY! But, since you've already indicated the NAME's first half, we might as well reveal it entirely.

What's her name?

>REZI HARLEY

Your name is TERESA "REZI" HARLEY, and you are presently searching ONLINE for a BIRTHDAY GIFT for your BEST PAL, TG, who you have it on good authority will name himself DAVE.

You're not in your room, so we can't examine your INTERESTS right now. Instead, you're out on THE BEACH, sitting with your HOLOGRAPHIC LAPTOP IN A LUNCHBOX- or a LUNCHTOP for short.

As mentioned, you're looking for a gift for your friend, DAVE, whose birthday is TOMORROW.

You'd worry about getting it off on time, given that you're living on a DESERTED ISLAND, but you've got a solution for that.

A solution whose name is...

>First, Be John. Second, R3M3MB3R.

You are now briefly JOHN EGBERT, and while you deal with both The ABOVE PESTERLOG, and wrapping a present at the same time, you think back to a long long time ago in the past.

You were standing on a LILLYPAD platform, reaching out for a doorknob, when suddenly-

The sky breaks like shattered glass and all of reality around you is suddenly FADING OUT OF EXISTENCE.

You look to Terezi, and she... grabs her pointed RED SHADES and throws them at you. You fumble and catch it just moments before she disappears along with the rest of your friends...

And then, you are left in a disturbingly familiar VOID.

You don't know how long were there before you tried finding SOMEWHERE ELSE to be.  You tried using TEREZI'S OLD PASSWORDS, but those just wound up with you traveling to a whole bunch of DIFFERENT WORLDS. In one, you started making friends again, maybe finally you'd be able to move on.

You never told them too much about the disaster that happened.

Inevitably, you'd always return to the VOID, in hopes of finding your friends.

Years and years went by and you think you probably lived through so many different universes being born, that, when those COMPUTER SHADES Terezi had given you finally began to sing with their familiar sound, you almost didn't realize where it was coming from.

-gratingCheese [GC] began Pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] @ ??:??-

GC: 1R3M3MB3R

-gratingCheese [GC] stopped Pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] @ ??:??-


It was a single line, but it gave you so much hope.

And so, you focused on that line, and you ZAP'd to the one person who could explain what happened.

>John: Realize creepy age gap between self and Terezi.

Oh, yeah, like that wasn't the first thing you realized upon appearing in the familiar HARLEY MANOR PARLOR.

She was only six when she remembered that you existed, and subsequently called out to you in the void just to pull you back into this convoluted mess of a splinted timeline.

Six years old in human years and yet she had a full sixteen years from another Alternia-born life jam-packed into her skull, in addition to however many other lives she's lived in other timelines.

Seers of Mind are weird like that, you guess.

And yet here you are, probably older than anything else, and you still feel like a massive creep. This has been one of MANY SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES that you've been dealing with.

You're pretty sure the KISMESIS thing is just a mutual distraction thing you've both agreed to for the benefit o the other while you both try to figure out what the hell went wrong. Which is a thing you're both still working on.

>John: Worry about the possibility that Terezi is now kinda your sister.

Yeah, already worried about endlessly and already added onto the pile of nonsense you're not going to give a crap about.

Ectobiology Wise, you're both 99% SURE that JADE is still the only human you're BLOOD RELATED TO in this clutch of players. REZI, DAVE, and ARGO all seem to share a common SLIME ORIGIN, given their multitude of shared facial features. The remaining 1% is in doubt because ECTOBIOLOGY was NOT PERFORMED in this session! Believe you, you, you CHECKED!

As far as RELAITON BY LAW goes? You're not even going to care because, as previously mentioned in THE PESTERLOG, you're pretty sure you SHOULD NOT EXIST in this universe.

You're starting to feel depressed again when she drags you out of it with her MINDY TACTICS.

You decide to be someone else for the time being.

>Future Future Dave: Use time travel to inform Future Dave of how many more TIME TABLES he should make.

You are now FUTURE DAVE once more, and instead of FUTURE FUTURE you coming to you, you've come to him along with the ONE ARMED INTRUDER.

"Yo," FUTURE FUTURE YOU says with a wave. "Gonna need to make about ten more of those tables, dude."

"GEE, THANKS," You growl through gritted teeth before forcing a JUMP back in time again by scratching at your one time table.

>Dave: Investigate strange noises.

Yeah, there's nothing to investigate, FUTURE YOU and the apparently now ONE ARMED PROSPITIAN have re-appeared on top of the ALCHEMITER.

You... just raise your IPHONE and take a picture before they disappear into the time stream again.

You save the file name as: bestselfieever.jpg

>Argo: Go looking for SBURB BETA CLIENT DISK.

You have no idea where in the house the disk could be, so you resort to DRASTIC MEASURES.

You open up Pesterchum and look for an ONLINE NAME... Ah! There's one...



...You're really starting to hate time travel, and you're not even the KNIGHT OF TIME.

>Argo: Retrieve disk

You open the laptop box but find no sign of the SBURB CLIENT disk...

You wonder...

You plug in the NEW LAPTOP and BOOT IT UP.

While it goes through a loading screen that seems to scream "Hey! This is your standard start up screen and not the FIRST TIME START UP, isn't that wonderful surprise?", you press the eject button on the CD tray and, sure enough, the SBURB CLIENT DISK ejects from it.

You likely never would have thought to check in here. What the fuck, Mom?

While you sit there, staring at the disk, the NEW LAPTOP finishes BOOTING UP and drops you straight to DESKTOP.

It appears your Mom went through the hassle of setting everything up all the boring stuff ahead of time... that's, kind of thoughtful, really. Hell, it looks like the battery is already 100% charged. That's... Nice.

Really Nice.

You start to tear up a little when you see that SBURB CLIENT is already installed and the icon is resting on the DESKTOP TRAY alongside PESTERCHUM and the HEPHAESTUS WEB BROWSER. It might not be your preferred web browser, but you have a sneaking suspicion DAVE was the one who sent you this computer.

You'll confront him on it later, but for now, you log into PESTERCHUM on the new computer.

Holy shit, is this the BETA TEST PESTERCHUM ENAMEL 4.0???

SO.

SHINY!!!!

X33

>Argo: Contact Jade.

You know she's going to be ASLEEP, like a SANE PERSON, but you fire off a message anyways just for when she wakes up and logs into her computer to check her emails for anything SCHOOL RELATED. You know she keeps that habbit even in her current FUNK.

For a moment habit has you going for her OLD HANDLE, but you sigh and remind yourself to go for her NEW ONE. Jade changed it after BEC DIED, and didn't even set up a custom color for it, instead leaving it the default BLACK TEXT.



>Dave: STRIFE

Your Bro emerges from his room, looking confused at the sudden increase of temperature.

You both share an equally bemused look of "Not a clue what just happened" when a bunch of AMBER-COLORED, IMPALED-CROW-ALTERED IMPS burst in through every window imaginable.

You and Bro both DRAW YOUR SWORDS, and get ready to STRIFE!!


>Argo: Download preferred browser.

You do so while maintaining a dual conversation with DAVE and REZI. Your preferred webbrowser is the COMPLETE BULLSHIT CONTENT AGGREGATOR. There's just something about it that you find ASTETICALLY PLEASING. Nobody understands how you can use such a "cluttered mess," Dave's words exactly, but you just prod them back about how they often run TEN OR MORE tabs at the same time anyways. COMPLETE BULLSHIT just puts everything into one easy to access window.

(You once caught Jade's ECHIDNA BROWSER open with atleast THIRTY TABS, which is an insane amount of tabs, really.)



>Argo: dismiss CrowImp

You use the SBURB interface to rip the MIRCOWAVE off of Dave's kitchen counter and slam it into the CROWIMP that swiped Dave's IPHONE when you weren't looking.

Dave swipes the phone up along with the sudden windfall of GRIST.



>Argo: Look outside

You look outside, and see... My god, you see...!

Absolutely nothing that's changed since the last time you stood up on your bed and looked out the window. What the hell is Future(?) Dave up to anyways?

>Unsurprising Development; Detonate Laboratory.

It's less of a detonation and more of a CELESTIAL STRIKE FROM ABOVE by a WAYWARD PIECE OF DERSE.

Man, that unexplained CHAIN BREAK sure is giving us a lot of mileage when it comes to UNEXPLAINED EXPLOSIONS, isn't it?

Needless to say, this UNSURPRISING DEVELOPMENT comes with some real GENUINE DISTRESS.

>Argo: go catatonic

You're too shell shocked with GENUINE DISTRESS to even mewse upon that catpun.

>(TE)REZI: Go check out the FROG TEMPLE.

You are now REZI HARLEY, of the PRESENT DAY... that is to say, PRESENT NIGHT. Due to TIME ZONE SHENANIGANS, it is still the DAY BEFORE your friend's BIRTHDAY here on HELLMURDER ISLAND, despite it being WELL PAST MIDNIGHT over there.

That isn't is name here in this timeline, but that's what it used to be called in ANOTHER INSTANCE and you LIKE THE NAME.

You don't really need to CHECK OUT any parts of the temple, given that you've been LIVING HERE for the last few months! There's nothing wrong with your REAL HOUSE, but the LOTUS BLOSSOM TIME CAPSULE has had its TIME CRACKED, and something is set to emerge SOON. You'd like to see what it is before you ENTER THE GAME.

So, you climb down the ROPE LADDER, past the BROKEN ELEVATOR that's WEDGED IN THE WALL, and then exit onto the LANDING next to the ELEVATOR PIT.

There were once TWO Transportalizers inside the pit, but they stopped working a LONG TIME AGO, in a SESSION FAR FAR AWAY.

You giggle at your own HUMAN CULTURE BASED PUN before you leer up at the BROKEN STATUE of a CERTAIN VILLAIN and sit down in front of the TIME CAPSULE. You're quite sure that there weer some humorous SHENANIGANS that lead to the destruction of the statues, but you'll be damned if you can figure it out.

You boot up your LAPTOP and wait. You'll begin connecting with ARGO in a few minutes and get her into the GAME.

>Rezi: install SBURB

Already Done. You had JOHN swipe a COPY for your own usage years ago. It's been sitting ready to play ever since.

SBURB almost wasn't even a thing, what with the DAMAGED WALLS and MISSING CODE- but then when your ADOPTIVE GRANDFATHER was exploring the ruins, an IPHONE appeared from within the LOTUS TIME CAPSULE, containing pictures of the MISSING CODE. It's like they KNEW what was going to happen and prepared for it accordingly.

>Rezi: Pester Argo and Dave

You start doing that. While you do so, JOHN returns with a ZAP. He doesn't say anything beyond a wave hello, and he just sits down nearby, clearly still in a FUNK. Damn it, between him and JADE, you're neck deep in DEPRESSED EGBERTS.

...You make a slip up and refer to Argo by her new name despite the fact that you SHOULD NOT KNOW IT YET. Damn, that's a sloppy mistake.

While you're busy fussing with that, another JOHN appears, knocks the first JOHN over the head, and ZAPS both of them away mere moments before the LOTUS BLOSSOM OPENS UP to reveal...!!

"Fucking hell." Another goddamned Future Dave. "You haven't even entered yet, have you?" you just flash him a toothy grin. It's less intimidating as a human, but it's still distressing enough to the boy in DECADENT RED.

Well, at least you've got an excuse to tell Argo now.

You tell him you were just about to get "AC" in, and he supplies the excuse you've needed, "Oh, this is the part where I tell you Argo's name, isn't it?"

G4M3 4ND PO1NT.

>Argo: Snap Out of It!

You snap out of the funk when you see an ACTUAL METEOR swooping across the SKY in the distance.

No time to be lollygagging around now, You decide, eyes narrowing in a HELLBENT DETERMINATION. Your Mother might have survived that, after all! You've gotta focus on GETTING INTO THE GAME right freaking NOW!

>ARGO: Get the SBURB CLIENT ready.

You connect your SBURB CLIENT to REZI'S SERVER, and... not much happens beyond another repeat of the loading screen from before.

Rezi Pesters you warning that she's about to start redecorating in the LIVING ROOM, but it's not worth the effort of the pesterlog bubble.

>ARGO: Build up.

While REZI works on your house, you start messing around with DAVE'S APPARTMENT.

Dave's fight with the IMPS has increased the GRIST CACHE enough to let you select a whole section of the apartment and COPY PAST it upwards a level.

You've now duplicated and STACKED DAVE'S APPARTMENT.

It gives both Dave and his BRO enough room to flex their muscles and to get away from the RAMBUNCTUOUS CROWIMPS.

Surprisingly, the lights in the COPIED KITCHEN are working, while they're still out in the REAL KITCHEN.

You chalk that up to another oddity of SBUR--

Your thoughts are cut off when you hear a sudden CRACK, and the sound of a WATER FOUNTAIN from the KITCHEN.

>Argo: investigate

You quickly DESCEND and find...

Rezi has torn out your KITCHEN SINK for some unfathomable reason, and left it LYING AWKWARDLY on the floor. Great, as if your poor kitchen hasn't suffered enough tonight...

Wait...

You see something resting underneath the DISLODGED SINK.

Is that...?

You CAPTCHA the SINK, and find...

Oh... Oh No.

Ja...Jaspers...??

>Rezi: How Could You Kill such an Innocent Creature!!

You grit your teeth as Future Dave rants and rails on you for HITTING THE CAT when he specifically said AVOID HITTING THE CAT like he didn't know perfectly well that was going to be Argo's Pre-Entry Prototyping item.

It wasn't your fault anyways. Future Dave had distracted you with his sudden shout of "DON'T HIT THE FUCKING CAT!"

You'd be tempted to STAB HIM if you had your CANEKIND Specibus on hand. Just to shut him up about the fucking cat for a few minutes.

>REZI: Get the SBURB CLIENT running and PESTER JADE.

Nah. You know that you don't need to enter for another few HOURS thanks to John. Dave and Argo both had to have super early entries for REASONS. Besides, Jade is FAST ASLEEP right now. Like a SANE PERSON.

>REZI and FUTURE DAVE: Return to REZI's house.

You're now FUTURE DAVE once again.

Rezi suggests that you return to her HOME now that you've emerged from the TIME CAPSULE.

You tell her to go on ahead, and stand guard, waiting for the next blossom to BLOOM.

You know exactly what fucker is about to pop out of this thing.

Any minute now...Any Minute...

Any....

Any second...

Rezi is gone for a grand total of SIX MINUTES, TWELVE SECONDS before the BLOSSOM FINALLY BLOOMS and a certain PROTOTYPED INTRUDER emerges from the TIME CAPSULE.

There he is!

He's only TWO TIMES PROTOTYPED, with YOURS and ARGO'S entry prototypings. PI has the IMPALED SWORD, YOUR BRO'S ACTUAL SWORD, CROW WINGS, and A CAT HEAD.

No Tail, thankfully.

>STRIFE!!!

You engage in a round of TIME TRAVELING STRIFE, bouncing across this room across SEVERAL MILLENNIA while clashing SWORDS.

You're giving this PROTOTYPED INTRUDER the biggest BEATDOWN you can.

Eventually, you jump to a point where the LORD ENGLISH STATUE is intact, but not for long.

You kick the PROTOTYPED INTRUDER between the legs, stunning him long enough for you to CUT THE STATUE in half and DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT ontop of the CARAPACIAN.

He uses his Ring to FIRE OFF SOME KIND OF ATTACK, but it's not enough. A LARGE CHUNK OF STONE hits the ring and BREAKS OFF ONE OF THE ORBS!

The PROTOTYPED INTRUDER Loses the CROW WINGS and SECOND SWORD.

He ABSCONDS with CAT LIKE AGILITY towards one of the TRANSPORTALIZER PADS.

Of course it's the freaking DERSE PAD.

You follow suit and wind up on DERSE'S MOON, with both DREAM TOWERS INTACT.

The INTRUDER leaps off towards the CHAIN. You give PURSUIT.

He uses his DAMAGED RING's 1X PROTOTYPING POWER to gather a burst of DARK ENERGY which he throws at the GROUND.

It's a CATACLYSM ATTACK, and something EXPLODES, catching on fire and delaying your chase momentarily.

You time travel back a few minutes to resume the CHASE.

This continues for several minutes- the INTRUDER throwing BAD LUCK and DECAY everywhere and generally RUNNING AWAY while you chase after.

You don't dare use your sword against him until you can neutralize that RING.

>Young Rouge-Knight, there is no time to grieve, throw your beast into the Kernel, quickly!

Kernel?? You look around but Rezi hasn't put THAT MACHINE DOWN yet. You go to CAPTCHALOGUE Poor Jaspers...

Then you remember that it's still FULL OF KNIVES. You'll have to drop something first...

That's when a FREAKY CAT appears in a flash OF GREEN LIGHT.

Oh. FUCK. YOU.

You point and yell at the FREAKY CAT for murdering BECQUEREL, and Possibly Jaspers???

You aren't quite sure who's responsible for Jaspers death but you're gonna make them pa--

While you were raging, the FREAKY CAT nabs JASPERS by the collar and then ABSCONDS with him in that same GREEN LIGHT

FUUUUUUUU---------!!!

>ARGO: Enter

You can't enter just yet, Rezi's stopped doing anything for some rea-

The house shakes as the CRUXTRUDER is placed next to the ALCHEMITER in the middle of the living room.

Okay, maybe you can, now.

You move over to the CRUXTRUDER and debate how to open it, or what to Prototype. You were going to throw Jaspers in but you just LOST THAT CHANCE because of the cat that killed BECQUEREL!

You're starting to kind of not like CAGEY CATS with FREAKY POWERS... which means that you probably shouldn't run back up to your room and grab the PLAGG PLUSH for prototyping.

...You look over your BOOK MODUS, and find that ENCAPSULATED CAT that looks like PLAGG. You wonder if it's close enough to trigger the actual PLAGGSPRITE idea or if it'd just make your enemies into PLAIN ORDINARY CATS? You kinda don't wanna fight CATS, you LOVE CATS, but you gotta prototype SOMETHING, and it might as well be this thing in a huge heavy glass like thing.

You THROW the ENCAPSULATED CAT onto the LID.

The BLUE GLASS STUFF shatters, and the lid pops off.

The DEAD CAT flops through the air, before landing inside the KERNEL SPRITE that was only JUST emerging from the CRUXTRUDER.

You close your eyes at the flashing lights, then BEHOLD...

>PLAGGSPRITE: EXIST

...You might as well have used the PLAGG PLUSH instead, because that's definitely PLAGG'S CHEESEY FACE staring back at you from the KERNELSPRITE.

Damn it.

Oh well, it might just be a regular cat and not have Plagg's CATACLYSMIC POWERS?

>Future Dave: Curse Argo's Prototyping choice.

You've jumped back and forth time in the space where DERSE'S MOON used to be for a while now, chasing after this INTRUDER for hours/minutes.

But you're too late- The PROTOTYPED INTRUDER slams a DARK ENERGY COATED CLAW against the CHAIN connecting Derse to its MOON. A wave of RUSTING ENERGY rushes out and BREAKS THE CHAIN, setting Derse's Moon Free.

Damn it, you lament, if only Argo prototyped Jaspers instead of that ACCURSED PLAGG PLUSHIE!

>Argo: examine entry item

...It's...

A pair of EARRINGS.

You got LADYBUG EARRINGS!

Well, at least you know what to do with THESE.

You PUT ON THE EAR-RINGS... nothing happens.

You take a breath, then throw your RIGHT HAND OUT and call out, "TIKKI, SPOTS ON!"

Nothing happens beyond the earrings SHATTERING against your ears, and the PLAGGSPRITE breaking apart into THREE OBJECTS- the SPRITE, and TWO KERNELS.

The Kernels fly away towards the nearest window and DISAPPEAR, you stare after them, but that's when the light outside shifts from DEAD OF NIGHT to HOLY SHIT THAT'S BRIGHT and you have to cover your eyes.

You...guess you've entered the game now.