DETERMIBENT (Text Adventure) [COMPLETE]

>Future Dave: Chase INTRUDER into Past Dream Argo's Bedroom

Why the fuck would you do that for?? You're trying to keep her ALIVE for crying out loud!

You decide to take a risk, and time travel back in time and head to ARGO'S ROOM.

She's ASLEEP, dealing with NIGHT TERRORS, but you're looking for something specific.

Ah- and there it is!

You break a leg off of the DREAM DESK, and turn it into a BAT.

Then, you move to where you think the INTRUDER will be, wind up for the pitch, and then travel forwards back to the future-ish-past.

As expected, the INTRUDER is caught off guard both by your sudden appearance along with the incoming swing.

"BATTER UP!!"

You smash the PROTOTYPING RING with the bat- and the PROTOTYPED INTRUDER is reduced to a PROSPITIAN INTRUDER.

This does not make him any more angry, especially as the SECOND ORB goes flying away into the BLACK due to the Moon's FORWARDS MOMENTUM. The PROTOTYPING RING is now quite visibly CRACKED, and he tries to use his CATACLYSM ATTACK again.

This has the unintented effect of WARPING him somewhere else.

Damn it, and you think you know exactly where he is, too.

>Future Dave: head to Dream Room.

You Time Travel into your Dream Room at just the RIGHT MOMENT- interrupting the INTRUDER'S Assassination Attempt of your and Argo's DREAM SELVES.

You do some things we've already seen, and then time travel back a few minutes, descend the tower, and brace for the inevitable impact. Wait. No, that's stupid. You skip a few seconds, and watch as the Moon goes crashing straight into Skaia.

When the DREAM TOWER breaks off, you follow it through the DEFENSE PORTAL and become PAST FUTURE YOU who DID SOME THINGS we already saw.

Boy, time travel can be confusing!

>Dave+Bro: Level Up

Pose as a Team! Shit just got Real!

You and your Bro have DEFEATED THE IMPS and gained a LOT OF GRIST!

You personally skip up at least ten runs on your echeladder, going from the bottom rung of Sizzling Cheese to the highly vaulted rank of Hot Potato Hot Potato!

Your BRO also gains a level, but he keeps that shit to himself.

>Argo: (Fail To) Examine Newly Materialized Terrain

You're kind of having a hard time examining anything but the CAT/CATCROW IMPS. It's too Bright! You need some kind of... eyewear.

>Argo: Pester Dave

AC: dave!
TG: argo
AC: captcha your shades and send me the code real quick
TG: uh okay sure
TG: StskSHD5
AC: thank youuuu

>Argo: Gather Grist

You've been doing that already. Needless to be say you'll be gathering up any grist you come across.

>Argo: Alchemize COOL SHADES

You WHIP UP a copy of DAVE'S STILLER SHADES and DON THEM LIKE A PAWSS.

Some CAT IMPS stare in awe at your AWESOMENESS. Plaggsprite just sniggers.

>Rezi: BU1LD

You start doing that too... along with some... paint work. Sure, you're wasting grist on PAINT APPLICATIONS, but hey, you wouldn't be you if you didn't make the house look as PRETTY AS POSSIBLE.

You take the moment to examine the TERRAIN around Argo's House.

BRIGHT LIGHT and TOO MANY TREES.

That's all there is to say on the matter of the LAND OF LIGHT AND FORESTS.

>Rezi: Tell ARGO you accidentally killed JASPERS.

You... will do that later. Once she calms down.

She looks pretty mad right now. Killing those Imps.

Yeeah.

You'll just try to avoid hitting any more cats that aren't IMPS.

>FUTURE DAVE: Remember the number on the LOTUS TIME CAPSULE's countdown right after the PROTOTYPED INTRUDER EMERGED.

You- what? Oh, right, something else is going to emerge, isn't it? You don't think it's important to YOU, though, considering it was a few hundred years in the future. Unless it's you.

You make note to remember the date and time just in case it is a FUTURE YOU inside, so you know exactly how far to GO BACK BY just incase that is a thing that needs to happen...

That is a thing that is going to happen now, isn't it?

Presently, you are of course, the FUTURE DAVE that entered the session with PAST YOU and are currently dueling with the ONE ARMED INTRUDER across time and your apartment across various points of time.

At one point you're several floors up, others, you're falling through air, and then you're hitting the floor rolling.

You don't know what would happen if you fell into the Land of HEAT AND CLOCKWORK'S CORE during this time traveling kerfuffle.

>ARGO: Continue STRIFING while looking for BEATRICE.

You casually murder CROWIMPS while searching a rapidly growing house for your OTHER CAT.

Unfortunately, you have a sneaking suspicion that BEATRICE was taken by the same FREAKY CAT that took Jasper's body.

>DAVE: If you get the chance, ALCHEMIZE.

You take the break in the IMP FIGHTING to merge your IPHONE with your SHADES, making the ISHADES. You also upgrade your TOY DINO SABER with a REAL SWORD to make a LEGIT AS FUCK GABRURICALIBER.

Solid Steel, Dinosaur as FUCK, and also possibly compatible with REAL DINO CHARGERS/ZYUDENCHI?? You'll have to experiment a bit later when you have some cooler stuff to alchemize with.

>Combine LEGO INDOMINUS REX with SHIRT

You get the LEGO JURASSIC WORLD T-SHIRT. Holy shit this is pretty rad.

>Combine DINOSAUR SKELETON MODELS with SWORD

You got the FOSSILIZER! It's a SWORD made out of DINOSAUR BONE. This thing is fragile as anything.

>Combine RAPTOR SQUAD with CLOTHES

You got the OWEN GRADY HALLOWEEN COSTUME. You're not surprised at all by this.

>Combine Owen Grady Costume W/ WALKING WITH DINOSAURS MOVIE POSTER

You Got a RAPTOR SQUAD POSTER!

BEHOLD. THE RAPTOR SQUAD.

(You wonder how this piece of fanart got in SBURB's alchemy index, but decide not to question it.)

>BRO: Attempt to contact ROXY

You're briefly BRO STRIDER, for all that it takes to see that your phone CANNOT CONNECT to ROXY'S. The error isn't that you're blocked, it's that the phone itself is TURNED OFF. You can't hack around that.

>JADE: DREAM.

You are now JADE... something.
[...Is that f8cking Harley?...]
You are not quite sure where you are. Your DREAM MEMORIES tell you it is a LAND OF FROST AND FROGS, but... it's wrong. The sky is wrong. Instead of a GLOWING ORB OF BLUE, there is instead a WHITE VOID with a GREEN COLORED BLACK HOLE in its center.

>JADE: LISTEN

You LISTEN to the WHISPERS of the VOID.
[...YOU CANNOT KEEP ME HERE FOREVER. SISTER...]
You hear nothing you like.
[...yes, i can, brother...]
You don't want to listen.
[[...I WILL ESCAPE. THEN I WILL EAT THEIR UNIVERSE...]
You stop listening.

>JADE: EXPLORE

You EXPLORE the DREAM MEMORY with a sense of NOSTALGIA, both GOOD AND BAD.
[...IF I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH WHY DONT I HATE MARRY MYSELF?...]
You aren't sure why you feel this way.
[...dont wanna fuck no elf...]
But there is something... something... someone you were supposed to find?

>JADE: CONVERSE

The world shifts, and suddenly, you are in a desert with PYRAMIDS.

You want to say EGYPT, but... there are too many.

There is a GIRL standing across from you. The girl raises her phone, and texts you.


Then, the girl disappears.
[...you suddenly understand jackshit...]
You have no idea what just happened.

>JADE: WAKE.

You wonder if you should wake up now, even as the world transitions from FROST AND FROGS to GOOD OL' SUBURBIA.
[...you need to wake up, jade!...]
You are now in your ROOM, although the posters are all WRONG.
[...you feel trapped, as if on a sense bordering on the titular...]
You don't care, tough, because, as always, Becquerel is resting at the FOOT OF YOUR BED. You go over and give him SCRATCHIES between the ears.
[...jade, he is not even a ghost here...]
Bec whines in appreciation. Such a good dog.
[...jade, please, you need to wake up...]
No, you'd rather stay asleep right now thank you very much.
[...and what, are you just going to fall asleep inside a dream?...]
You curl up next to Becquerel and hug him tight.
[...jade. jade. please. jade. jade...]
Good Dog. Best Friend.
[...Jade, you need to move on...]
You are NOT letting go.

>Dave: Combine CAPTCHALOGUE CARD with CAMERA

You combine one of your BRO'S CAMERAS with a CAPTCHALOGUE CARD, creating the CAPTCHAROID CAMERA.

You take an IRONIC PICTURE of your BRO, getting a GHOST IMAGE CAPTCHALOGUE CARD of him.

Your Bro whips up one for himself, and returns the favor. Now you'll never be separated ever again.

>==>

This thing could be incredibly useful for captchaloguing things that you can't fit in your sylladex. You take a picture of a device Argo had put down during her REMODELING while you were strifing the IMPS. This is the PUNCH DESIGNIX, and to use it you've been running up and down a newly added staircase to do any of the alchemy done so far. You didn't make a big deal out of it because you read the GAME FAQ guide.

You now have a GHOST IMAGE of the PUNCH DESIGNIX. Yay. Now what do you even do with it?

>DAVE: Send the CAPTCHAROID CAMERA to ARGO, share ALL THE CODES.



>JADE: WAKE UP.

No. You won't.
[...WAKE UP!...]
No! You Won't wake up! You're too comfy with Becquerel and you don't want him to go away.
[...W8KE UP! W8KE UP! W8KE UP!...]
Fuck You. Go Away. Get Lost.
[...fine, you asked for this, Jade...]
Don't. Care. You. Are. Not. Waking. Up.

>JADE: W8KE UP!!!!!!!!

The Dream Bubble POPS from the sudden shouting, dropping poor Jade Egbert back into her waking mortal body, where her doggy is dead and it is THREE IN THE MORNING and YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS.

You are suddenly not Jade Egbert anymore because Jade Egbert is TOO UPSET to be COMMANDED and has STARTED TO CRY.

Nice job upsetting an already upset girl, Serket.

>ARGO + DAVE: UPGRADE ALCHEMITER.

You both proceed to mix and match as much as physically possible given your CHEATING METHODS, and create the ONE STOP ALCHEMY SHOP.

Now making fancy shit is as easy is plugging a couple captchalogue cards into the thing and getting a result,

>ARGO: ALCHEMIZE.

While you've got a BRIEF BREAK, you decide to do some ALCHEMIZING.

>Combine CHAT NOIR RING with CAT EARS+TAIL & JACKET

You got a CHAT NOIR COSPLAY SUIT! :33 Now you really CAN pretend to be CHAT NOIR!

>Combine CHAT NOIR RING with CLAW GLOVES

You got the CATACLYSMIC KNUCKLE DUSTER GLOVES! Although they've lost the RETRACTABLE BLADES, these puppies will DECAY anything you touch with them! Better be careful to only use them on MONSTERS and not any PEOPLE!

...Or rather, you would if you had the GRIST for it!

Damned things cost an EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNT of UNKNOWN GRIST. Atleast SEVERAL HUNDRED of each unknown type.

>Combine RING with COSPLAY

You got the INSTA-CHANGE CHAT NOIR COSTUME! One cry of CLAWS OUT and the Suit MAGICALLY APPEARS as if you've really just MERGED with an ANCIENT SPIRIT CAT.

...Or, again, you would IF you had the Grist.

>Combine CAPTCHAROID CAMERA W/ STRIDER SHADES!

You got the SNAPALOGUE SHADES!

They're basically a COMPLETELY DIGITAL VERSION of the CAPTCHAROID CAMERA, housed within a SET OF COOL SHADES.

>Combine DRAWING TABLET W/ SNAPALOGUE SHADES.

You got the ORANGE BRAND CHAT-A-LOGUE SPECS!

SO. COOL.

They even come with an OPTIONAL GOGGLE BAND to keep the things on your head when you're DUCKING AND JUMPING and doing all kinds of SWEET ACROBATICS off some imaginary HANDLES.

>ARGO + DAVE: Continue STRIFEING.

You both finish up your ALCHEMY SPREES just in time! Here comes another wave of IMPS!

>DAVE: Regret life decisions.

>DAVE: At least it can not get any worse.

>Argo + Dave: Run like hell!

>BRO: Get DAVE to safety.

>ARGO: Create SHIPPING WALL.

>ARGO: Browse to mspaintadventures.com.
>ARGO: Remove DOOR.
>ARGO: Strife.
>DAVE: PROTOTYPE something, anything, nothing could be less helpful than this FEATHERY ASSHOLE.

>Argo: Ask Rezi to take care of the enemies outside.
>Argo: ALCHEMIZATION MONTAGE!!!