axolotlSushi
Scampermaster
Hi, my name is That Bastard
Posts: 215
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
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Post by axolotlSushi on May 1, 2017 4:41:09 GMT
"*nYAN DESU-ING INTENSIFIES-*"
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Post by Piono on May 1, 2017 19:44:09 GMT
CAST IRON STOMACH™
the food all turns out to be made from antimatter tomatoes
the bronies are back
...declares pony eating to be more of a spectator sport for him than anything else
Joe just wishes he didn’t have to spectate from underneath the table legs
a couple of players at the back are arguing over a button. One of them presses it and things start exploding
YET ANOTHER torrent of biblical flooding
This is followed by a series of mishaps involving escaped animals, flaming spice crates and copious amounts of pineapple smoothie
That is, of course, the perfect time for him to get abducted by aliens.
Joe drowns several times,
Somebody begins throwing tomatoes during all of this. A lot of them hit the burning effigy
This was followed by them following the noble pursuit of trying to kill each other.
One of them hits Joe in the head, because if you haven’t noticed by this point, that’s how these things work
Joe is not, in fact, good eating
Bad special effects doesn’t mean we can’t just slap C4 onto things for explosions!
free to stomp on people pretty much as it pleased
"WAIT WHOOPS WE FORGOT THE SLASH CAN WE TRY THAT AGGAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaiiiin” GET OFF THE STAGE YOU FOOLS
a Ditto, a trash can with the label written on it in sharpie, a sack of potatoes that flops over and spills onto Joe, and a frisbee
A plushie squid with a lemon taped to it drops from the sky
A cardboard cutout of the Anti-Chuck Norris Turret Tank rolls across the field, running over Joe’s nose
Continue describing the many and varied amusing deaths of Joe, if you would.
it’s nothing important, I’m just complaining about the quality of the popcorn.
An attempt to placate him with bananas
before getting bored and wandering away to go die in the sunlight when the sun rises again
That does not speak highly of your ambition OR of your “terrifying, awe-inspiring power”. It really doesn’t
Say hello to Joe. He shall be the butt monkey for our adventure
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axolotlSushi
Scampermaster
Hi, my name is That Bastard
Posts: 215
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
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Post by axolotlSushi on May 3, 2017 3:03:45 GMT
"I moved a knight first, and now he's reconsidering everything he knows about the world." "I'm really regretting that half cup of sriracha right about now." "HOLY FRESH HECK AND A FUCKING HALF, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL ASSWADS?!?!?!" "uuuuuhhhhhhggggg hes such a dick" "Well, you are what you eat." "pfffffffFFFFFFTTTTTTT" "BOOYA B) YOU JUST GOT SERVED!! And, by served, I mean checkmated." "OH GOG I CAN FEEL IT GOING DOWN MY THROAT" Incase anyone was wondering, that last one was after I swallowed a chunk of sandwich that was too big. Why would I swallow a chunk of sandwich that's too big, you might ask? Because I had the bright idea to put horseradish sauce on it, and while that's great in moderation, I pUT TOO MUCH ON AND MY NOSE WAS B U R N I N G.
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researcherwisemon
MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND
*Swooshy Energy Sounds*
Posts: 502
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by researcherwisemon on May 3, 2017 3:10:43 GMT
"No no no, it's not The Matrix."
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EffinCoy
Gadabout Pipsqueak
Die.
Posts: 122
Pronouns: [any]
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Post by EffinCoy on May 5, 2017 14:42:40 GMT
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axolotlSushi
Scampermaster
Hi, my name is That Bastard
Posts: 215
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
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Post by axolotlSushi on May 6, 2017 18:48:17 GMT
"I will seduce you with my good grammar, great hair, and horrible conversational skills."
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KittenCollector
Nipper Cadet
Sinful and Loathing It
Posts: 75
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by KittenCollector on May 6, 2017 20:23:16 GMT
"At one of them I won a raffle for a Steam Gift Card and at another I was the first to successfully navigate a cookie from my forehead to my mouth. A good five years, overall."
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Post by heyitskane on May 7, 2017 2:53:04 GMT
"I downloaded this program and a bunch of zombie gorillas jumped out of the ground and punched me in the balls"
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Post by Piono on May 8, 2017 16:46:38 GMT
"Like a half elf, only with more bagpipes."
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researcherwisemon
MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND
*Swooshy Energy Sounds*
Posts: 502
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by researcherwisemon on May 9, 2017 2:16:40 GMT
"i knew that string of good luck had to have another shoe drop and here it is like a punch to the heart im gonna go get pics"
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Post by Sharkalien on May 9, 2017 19:25:45 GMT
"i know you want to try some of my beefaroli, taste so holy papa bless better get a bib cuz we bout to make a mess" "NOOO"
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Final Cat
Stoutrunt
Live translating kitty pidgin
Posts: 160
Pronouns: I'd rather not say
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Post by Final Cat on May 10, 2017 2:01:26 GMT
"Bear Grylls here. I'm out by this crystal-clear lake. Better drink my own pee!"
"they're grease skates"
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axolotlSushi
Scampermaster
Hi, my name is That Bastard
Posts: 215
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
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Post by axolotlSushi on May 17, 2017 2:59:21 GMT
"Darling, don't be so obtuse, anything is possible. For example: if you were to tell a caveman that some day, in the distant future, his descendents would invent a tool that's the size of your hand, of which you can use to access the entirety of information known to mankind... He would promptly beat you over the head with a stick and shit on your corpse, because cavemen were incapable of comprehending such complex speech, let alone a modern language, and probably wouldn't care even if it was able to understand you."
EDIT: BONUS ROUND
"#TheThiefIsAwakeYourShitIsWrecked2k17"
"You're avoiding the real question at hand here..." "What's the question?" "DOES DAWSON IS GAY??? (◕‿◕✿)" "UUUHHHHGGGGGGGG"
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Post by Piono on May 23, 2017 21:33:34 GMT
I crashed a van into your face a few days ago
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Post by Piono on May 25, 2017 19:37:06 GMT
"Shut up and eat your puzzles Piono."
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axolotlSushi
Scampermaster
Hi, my name is That Bastard
Posts: 215
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
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Post by axolotlSushi on May 27, 2017 16:41:06 GMT
"I'm eating rose quartz."
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telaxius
corpse party
I don't want to go onto the cart!
Posts: 611
Pronouns: she/her/hers
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Post by telaxius on May 27, 2017 23:54:40 GMT
"If I were to wield a dual bladed lightsaber with a fork shaped blade on one side, and a spoon shaped blade on the other side, how effective would it be?"
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Post by Piono on May 28, 2017 2:26:13 GMT
"Well that would be very stressful knowledge if any of us IC could read what you were doing."
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researcherwisemon
MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND
*Swooshy Energy Sounds*
Posts: 502
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by researcherwisemon on May 29, 2017 4:05:21 GMT
"PUPPIES 5EVAH!"
"It's like someone looked at this wall and thought, 'Yeah, I should put something in there.'"
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Post by Sharkalien on May 30, 2017 18:50:00 GMT
"Disintegrate my bosom, Jenny"
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telaxius
corpse party
I don't want to go onto the cart!
Posts: 611
Pronouns: she/her/hers
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Post by telaxius on May 31, 2017 2:51:39 GMT
"What are you going to do now, jimbo? Run?"
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KittenCollector
Nipper Cadet
Sinful and Loathing It
Posts: 75
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by KittenCollector on Jun 1, 2017 3:05:53 GMT
"I don't think I could fit a coat hanger up my dick."
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axolotlSushi
Scampermaster
Hi, my name is That Bastard
Posts: 215
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
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Post by axolotlSushi on Jun 4, 2017 13:29:06 GMT
"It's not time to visit our lort in hort just yet."
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researcherwisemon
MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND
*Swooshy Energy Sounds*
Posts: 502
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by researcherwisemon on Jun 5, 2017 0:20:00 GMT
"Time for this Overcharger to pay his dues!"
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Post by cobaltergeist on Jun 5, 2017 8:28:40 GMT
"It's like one of those cakes with a stripper in it. But instead it's just a whole swarm of bees."
"It seems like even in this dimension, nobody can find a Nintendo Switch."
*Teleports behind Thomas, wielding a rolled-up newspaper.* "Nothin' personal kid."
"Still, the average restaurant customer also doesn't go around hating the existence of styrofoam."
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