Destroy Lord English

The following is satire.



I notice the wall, and decide that it could use to be better. I mean, no offense, but it's kinda lame. Not even keeping out those immigrants. Also, it's nearly dead. A true wall lasts for eternity, as shown by the Chinese with the Great Wall of China. They had to keep out those bad Mongols somehow, and my contact agrees with this. He, was, in fact one of the best wallbuilders of his day. Brick by Brick, wire by wire, ditch by ditch, moat by moat, built the legendary four walls. I begin to recite the story of each Great Wall and their construction to back up my point.



Each wall was designed to protect his nation, of which his love for was so great he could not stand to see anything less than glorious walls protecting it, backed up by an oversized military and dozens of bases worldwide. Now, they stand so tall, so well-built, their construction has fallen into legend. And, really, what else could be expected? From glorious shore to glorious shore, those grand walls still stand, unbroken, even by nukes. Naught a dent remains in them.



Upon them lie dozens of defenses, each designed to be able to tear apart those who would attempt to enter the Sacred Lands, by force or by immigration, to bloody shreds. Nobody has ever managed to bypass those walls, and they extend to impossible heights. A fusion of stone, some form of magic, and metal composes the main body of the wall, a nigh indestructible mixture of materials known as Trumpium.



Let me tell you the tale of each great wall.



Far in the south, a scorching desert, constantly burning. Across the borders, bad hombres flooding the nation day by day, destroying and slowly dismantling the nation inch by inch. A single great man saw the solution to this- A single great wall, to dwarf all defenses known, and stem the tide. Even the Maginot Line would be a pile of dirt compared to it, he said. It would save us all, he said. And in the end, in the Year of our Lord 2018, he ordered the Construction of the First Great Wall.



Day and night, they labored, the underpaid immigrant workfor- err, we mean glorious army of American builders chipping away. Yet, between the Bad Hombres stepping up their attacks and blowing more and more holes in the concrete and barbed fire of the wall, it become clear that a breakthrough would be needed. Progress would be made, then the Bad Hombres would storm the wall, reducing it to nothing once more.



As scientists raced the time to discover the great material to stop the Bad Hombres, it became clear that the wall was truly needed. The Great Bad Hombre Rebellion of 2019 threatened to force the nation to make massive concessions to BadHombrestan, and it stood on the edge of a knife. Yet, though a crucible of war and flame, the nation was reforged, free of the threat of Bad Hombres.



However, all that is good must, and will, end. All we can do is delay the end. Or build a wall, preventing it from ever ending. The Bad Hombres began to flood over the border once more, now in far greater numbers as the great drug lords seized control of BadHombrestan, and begun to migrate the entire nation's populace north. It looked as though a second civil war would break out, as they rapidly became militant and armed.



In 2020, however, it happened.



Forged of a strange metal, concrete, and a stranger stone, Trumpium was create in a Crucible of Impossibility, forged from Donald Trump's tweets. It was easily producible in massive amounts. It was pathetically cheap. Even better, it was able to channel "energy" to regenerate. An accident involving the material would result in the destruction of the world and the rise of magic and all kinds of stuff a few decades down the line.



And so, the wall began to rise. The bad hombres attacked, faster and harder. They tried to destroy the state once more. But it was now to late, and it was their turn to be deported. They flowed back into BadHombrestan enmasse even as the wall rose, trapping them in the accursed land. Before long, a great moat covered the border as well. Trump Himself contributed to the rapid rise of the wall. Ascending into the heavens it went.



Finally, in 2021, the First Great Wall was finished. Spiraling into the heavens above, it stood as a monument to American glory. The world trembled before the great nation, living in fear that they may, too, be walled in. Trump realized his wall skills where such that with a single wall, he could destroy any nation he wanted, via his sheer wallbuilding skill. He had been mocked. Insulted. And so had the US.



Soon, he turned North. Now that he had patched the south, many of his foes and a massive number of Bad Hombres had migrated to and settled in Canada, which had just fallen into the Bad Hombre Party of Canada. His great speech, involving such great lines as "As much as i would love to think otherwise, This is not a tragedy, nor a accident." and "You placed your faith in Bad Hombres, now you'll smolder in lament" "They play the part of allies, claiming to just want peace, but the moment we turn our backs and the fight for power begins, they will shallow us and each other whole", among other classics, was merely the beginning of his great plan to put an end to the Bad Hombres.



This time, he would not just build a wall, but restore Canada to it's rightful rulers. Yet another wall began to rise, but this time the media with it's false news began to rise up. Day by day, the youth and people were corrupted by the fake news, and Trump was helpless to do anything but tweet. With each brick, they spewed yet more fake news, demonizing the Great Leader, twisting his name into a million lies.



Meanwhile, Crooked Hillary began to garner support among many factions for a coup. The battlelines began to draw themselves. Across states, people began to publicly declare in favor of either Trump or Crooked Hillary. Soon, banners began to raise for both sides. As you no doubt can guess, this was the beginning of the rise of our Glorious Great United State. It would have seemed that Trump was finally going to run out of time and political capital as even the Republicans revealed their true intelligence, backstabbing him and nearly overthrowing him. But they failed.



And so the Second Great Civil War began.



Across 50 states, a fire raged. City after city, county after county, state after state, corporation after corporation, they all rose. And they were all crushed by the Glorious Leader, his sheer power allowing for him to easily render each city a hopeless ruin, each county a razed mess, and each state utterly defenseless against the Reoccupation Force. In what would be renowned as the best anime battle of the 21st century, Trump and Hillary clashed.



Emails and tweets littered the air, polluting it, killing all that still lived. All around them, the former city of Washington DC, reduced to a ruin by the battle. Soldiers and miltias on both side clashed, reborn and reforged in the flames of the most lethal battle of the Crooked Uprising of 2021-2023. The news that Canada, under the control of the Bad Hombre Party, had somehow annexed New England and Alaska, in addition to claiming the Panama Canal from Panama once more, had just shaken everyone to their core.



As the battle raged about them, they stood in the great center of it wall, The White House. Hillary wielded a printer of immense power, printing emails and forging them into weapons. Scythes, swords, elemental gauntlets, you name it, she used it. Around her dozens of emails swirled, creating a deadly aura of slaughter and massacre. Those who survived would find themselves exiled to the Tomb Colonies from the sheer scandal of their content.



Trump, on the other hand, wielded a massive hammer (Or, if you want to get technical, a High-Caliber Super Smasher.), constructed of his tweets and of his love for his nation. It could fire mini-nukes made of his tweets and wallbuilding skills at any moments, ravaging the enemy and wiping out entire armies. It even had a dedicated nuke launcher built in, to fire ever bigger nukes and to destroy larger foes.



So they stood, in the middle of it all, clashing and battling to decide the fate of a glorious, yet ravaged by civil war, nation. Blood flowed like nothing else. For a couple of moments, it would seem that Hillary would finally win and slay the Deleterious Tyrant. But, though sheer determination, skill, and destiny, he slew The Great Crook, and when the foe took upon Bernie as their leader, slew him as well in a far-more epic battle with the help of Mike Pence. But, that tale is for another time.



With the foe destroyed, Trump rose from the ashes, and with it the nation. He saw it as great. But it had been misguided and it had become clear the people did not know what they wanted. Thus, a mere 5 months after the Battle for DC, The US was reorganized into the Great United State, now a monarchy under the control of Trump. Three months later, the Battle for Canada commenced. It would rage for 8 long years before the Bad Hombres were finally destroyed, with the GUS annexing British Columbia and the Northwestern territory as well as Nova Scotia and Halifax to "protect the states enslaved by the former evil government of Canada".



But now new threats lingered across the Atlantic and Pacific. Across the oceans, nations laughed at the pathetic nation that could not even build a wall on its own land without falling into a civil war. Europe hadn't taken the whole proclamation of monarchy on top of annexing and effectively reducing to a puppet rump state Canada. China in the East had greatly expanded its influence into the former US sphere of influence.



During the Civil War, America had been left utterly helpless to do anything as its military bases were dismantled or recalled, as other nations seized territory, and as Russia had somehow annexed Ukraine. So Trump determined that the GUS would not make the same mistakes as the US that came before. He would not attempt to protect the nation the same way the others had. Rather, he would enter America into a period of Inward Perfection, and all he needed was two great walls.



One in the east would stretch from Alaska in the North, to the coast of Hawaii, to Baja California in the south. In the west, the wall would stretch from Halifax, to Burmuda, to Cuba. A secondary, smaller wall would cover the Gulf of Mexico. This time, no great story would be woven. The Nation, utterly loyal to trump, gladly backed those projects. Trump Himself used his sheer wallbuilding prowess to construct vast portions of the walls in an instant. The wall that would protect the Carribean would receive the unique name of "Donald Senior's Wall: The Wall of Winners Keeping out Losers".



And so, even as America turned inwards, perfecting its self, the world around it fell into darkness...



Such is the Story of the Wallbuilder, Agent of the Wallflinct. Oh, and while we are here, did i mention he would be testing the many walls of the universe? To see how they would fare if what they protected was threatened to suffer the same fate as America almost did? This wouldn't be anything special normally, but you see, Joe's wall is one of the things being inspected. It has just heard this story. Let us see how it fares, and may luck be with it.



Soon, The Wallbuilder landed. He walked up to JOE, and spoke. "Heard there was a wall here, and figured i'd inspect it. It'd had better be good, this required quite a massive detour and many a disgruntled tweet." He walked up to the Wall, and clapped his hands. A horde of bad Hombres spewed forth from portals and ran towards the wall, seeking to destroy it. For a few tense moments, the horde and the wall stood. Finally, the horde descended upon the wall.... which is to stay, easily punched a few holes in it. The Wallbuilder sighed, pulling out and activating his Twitter Hammer, as he was forced to manually destroy the horde.





The wall promptly collapses from pure shame.


2+ orginalMK