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Post by eerr on May 20, 2016 21:46:03 GMT
Heya! Trojansnared is only in it's early panels, but I am having trouble grabbing peoples attention. Would anyone mind critiquing it and helping me find how to improve? mspfanventures.com/?s=13739&id=1Thanks! It looks like I caught you updating the mirror. It's a mess. If you want an example adventure that looks for suggestions, take a look at Redditstuck*hype in each update *Complex art *An interesting goal *dramatic tension *always a twist *something to look forward to at almost all times. Also there are too many objects onscreen. I find it distracting. Unfortunately enough the easiest way to get people to post serious suggestions is to make your adventure silly. Moreso in a way that demands attention. Alot of people crave the sillyness they don't get in the their everyday lives. What you should probably do is redo the writing to make it feel more dramatic. Oh I don't know, maybe: Make Mika into a huge roleplayer. Then, when people "play" Mika they feel the dramatic tension of being a detective. And also absurdly silly. If I were you I would make a vaguely symbolic title screen, with a lock and some other ideas.
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Post by Neptz on May 20, 2016 21:52:09 GMT
Redditstuck is a big, more than one-man project that was posted about and collected hype and had people involved. Clearly you could use a better example, like Creata, which didn't do any of those things but still gets user attention.
If I've got advice for anyone here is oh my god stop with the same damn normal sburb session all the time!! c'mon, you can think of something new.
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Post by heartfulfocus on May 20, 2016 22:06:06 GMT
Yeah, I'm currently updated my mess of old pages, but it's not seeming to change. I'll take on board the fact that there's too much going on at one, try to organise it better in later rooms. I made the mistake of throwing this one together with no planning. I am planning on making a lot of silly commands get taken, but I have shy'd away as I have ideas all involving moving images. Do you know anywhere that can give a nice homestuck-esque gif tutorial?
I am also rewriting the entirety, well kinda. I put it in a voice to text thing, it helped me realise how terrible the writing was. I guess I need to focus on quality rather than quantity, exams have been making me panic rather than think it though so I have to acknowledge that.
As for the homestuck 2. This was originally going to be a fanfic, but after three years of planning a storyline, we decided it wouldn't do it justice... Plus, the end of homestuck seemed like a good enough time to begin. But this is going to be another view on sburb, much larger and more revealing. I can only say that with hope without giving the plot away. Though, I do have my own story brewing for myself. I hope it will be released alongside Trojansnared a few months from now. I'm mainly waiting till I start art in college for that.
I have actually started peaking at Reddit stuck, my latest panel art is dramatically much better compare to my first hero mode after viewing that adventure, I tried to study how they may have drew the characters and it's really helped.
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Post by eerr on May 21, 2016 5:07:47 GMT
I think I may be too hard on adventures on the topic of writing. >Bifurcate What I usually meant is that sometimes the writing is hard to read. What I also usually meant is that I wanted more writing. Even though that's often harder than drawing. It should be noted that Hussie derives most of his writing from sources. Funny things and suggestions. He doesn't otherwise add complicated things to the plot! Only that which doesn't interfere. Anything that makes an over-arching sequence means rooting your story in stone. And that's liable to get thrown out. So actual plot structure? Seems good but really it's bad. In reality it's just random shit roughly dictated by Lord English. Yeah, I'm currently updated my mess of old pages, but it's not seeming to change. I'll take on board the fact that there's too much going on at one, try to organise it better in later rooms. I made the mistake of throwing this one together with no planning. I am planning on making a lot of silly commands get taken, but I have shy'd away as I have ideas all involving moving images. Do you know anywhere that can give a nice homestuck-esque gif tutorial? I am also rewriting the entirety, well kinda. I put it in a voice to text thing, it helped me realise how terrible the writing was. I guess I need to focus on quality rather than quantity, exams have been making me panic rather than think it though so I have to acknowledge that. As for the homestuck 2. This was originally going to be a fanfic, but after three years of planning a storyline, we decided it wouldn't do it justice... Plus, the end of homestuck seemed like a good enough time to begin. But this is going to be another view on sburb, much larger and more revealing. I can only say that with hope without giving the plot away. Though, I do have my own story brewing for myself. I hope it will be released alongside Trojansnared a few months from now. I'm mainly waiting till I start art in college for that. I have actually started peaking at Reddit stuck, my latest panel art is dramatically much better compare to my first hero mode after viewing that adventure, I tried to study how they may have drew the characters and it's really helped. Really the quality of writing is great! I'm just looking for ways to make suggestors interested. People get drawn in because an adventure looks neat, but I think with a title screen you could show the puzzle aspect. Also pages 9 and 10 are almost identical. Did you loose one? Lets see so, I distinctly remember that adventures can have a sense of immediacy but I don't remember the details- I think Ghost Hunt has it? maybe? "Now, where did I put that spell?... I know it was hidden around this room... Hmm..." "Now, where should he look for some food?..." So something is about to happen- thus people know what to suggest next. Always imply something is about to happen with your last sentence. If you can't imply it you can just say it, but that gets a bit droll.
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Post by continuityofficer on May 21, 2016 6:56:06 GMT
Redditstuck is a big, more than one-man project that was posted about and collected hype and had people involved. Clearly you could use a better example, like Creata, which didn't do any of those things but still gets user attention. If I've got advice for anyone here is oh my god stop with the same damn normal sburb session all the time!! c'mon, you can think of something new. While ultimatlyy I agree, I also think its unfair. there's a reason people make SBURB adventures, and its more for themselves then their readers, whitch is fine. But if you also want reader attension (besides the friends or people who made the OC's that you inserted) try add some kind of twist on the story type. We need more weird sburb sessions, with new game mechanics, or a weird number of people in the sessions, or starting the game with an innate failure. When you're creating a SBURB Adventure think of the kids or the cherubs sessions. They are interesting because they had innate problems from the beginning. Unlike the Trolls session, which ultimately went pretty well, and most of it was skipped because of that. Then you can tern it around in a fun and interesting way, which makes the ending feel deserved! EDIT: Actually though, wouldnt it be cool if someone made a SBURB venture that all the characters eventually die in. Like most SBURB games are supposed to be.
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Post by heartfulfocus on May 21, 2016 8:04:58 GMT
I think I may be too hard on adventures on the topic of writing. >Bifurcate What I usually meant is that sometimes the writing is hard to read. What I also usually meant is that I wanted more writing. Even though that's often harder than drawing. ... I totally agree that the writing isn't implying the stuff that should be happening in the first few page, I've tried updating them to suit it but the site isn't changing! Help? ;w;
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Post by Zerio on May 21, 2016 8:13:21 GMT
I think I may be too hard on adventures on the topic of writing. >Bifurcate What I usually meant is that sometimes the writing is hard to read. What I also usually meant is that I wanted more writing. Even though that's often harder than drawing. ... I totally agree that the writing isn't implying the stuff that should be happening in the first few page, I've tried updating them to suit it but the site isn't changing! Help? ;w; Have you tried pressing F5/reloading the modified page after initially navigating to it? I think it has something to do with caching; I experience the same thing with my adventures (assuming I'm interpreting your problem correctly), but it doesn't seem to apply to readers and it fixes itself after a bit.
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Post by heartfulfocus on May 21, 2016 8:21:48 GMT
I totally agree that the writing isn't implying the stuff that should be happening in the first few page, I've tried updating them to suit it but the site isn't changing! Help? ;w; Have you tried pressing F5/reloading the modified page after initially navigating to it? I think it has something to do with caching; I experience the same thing with my adventures (assuming I'm interpreting your problem correctly), but it doesn't seem to apply to readers and it fixes itself after a bit. Unfortunately, I have, it's frustrating me that there hasn't been changes to say the least. -m- I had to move the page order a bit and it seems to be stuck at constantly switching between all previous orders.
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Post by Arashi500 on May 21, 2016 11:54:28 GMT
Have you tried pressing F5/reloading the modified page after initially navigating to it? I think it has something to do with caching; I experience the same thing with my adventures (assuming I'm interpreting your problem correctly), but it doesn't seem to apply to readers and it fixes itself after a bit. Unfortunately, I have, it's frustrating me that there hasn't been changes to say the least. -m- I had to move the page order a bit and it seems to be stuck at constantly switching between all previous orders. I'm not totally familiar with the mirror site's interface, but if you go to each page and give it the correct "number" and "next" info and refresh after updating each individual page that should do it, I would think. Though you may have already tried this. And I'd say normal sessions Stuck Adventures are perfectly fine, they just need to come at it wisely. Homestuck's characters are compelling because we spent so long with them figuring Sburb's mechanics out. Now that you don't have those characters, your best bet would likely be to embrace all the Sburb mechanics that the readers would already be familiar with and attached to early on. So rather than spend a bunch of pages trying to speedily get readers attached to your characters, try spending a few more just having fun with and playing with the pre-established Sburb mechanics. Maybe have the characters already possess their copies of the game, if not have them already have entered by the start of the adventure so you don't get bogged down in game-retrieval shenanigans.
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Post by heartfulfocus on May 21, 2016 12:16:12 GMT
I'm not totally familiar with the mirror site's interface, but if you go to each page and give it the correct "number" and "next" info and refresh after updating each individual page that should do it, I would think. Though you may have already tried this. And I'd say normal sessions Stuck Adventures are perfectly fine, they just need to come at it wisely. Homestuck's characters are compelling because we spent so long with them figuring Sburb's mechanics out. Now that you don't have those characters, your best bet would likely be to embrace all the Sburb mechanics that the readers would already be familiar with and attached to early on. So rather than spend a bunch of pages trying to speedily get readers attached to your characters, try spending a few more just having fun with and playing with the pre-established Sburb mechanics. Maybe have the characters already possess their copies of the game, if not have them already have entered by the start of the adventure so you don't get bogged down in game-retrieval shenanigans. Heh, actually the begining is set two year before the copy is even released, it's not even going to mention the game aside from it's slight hype and a cirtain event I have planned pre-entry~ But spoilers shall not be indulged. As for the mirror site, I have tried that, much to my dismay. Thanks anyway! ;w;
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Post by Arashi500 on May 21, 2016 12:22:23 GMT
I'm not totally familiar with the mirror site's interface, but if you go to each page and give it the correct "number" and "next" info and refresh after updating each individual page that should do it, I would think. Though you may have already tried this. And I'd say normal sessions Stuck Adventures are perfectly fine, they just need to come at it wisely. Homestuck's characters are compelling because we spent so long with them figuring Sburb's mechanics out. Now that you don't have those characters, your best bet would likely be to embrace all the Sburb mechanics that the readers would already be familiar with and attached to early on. So rather than spend a bunch of pages trying to speedily get readers attached to your characters, try spending a few more just having fun with and playing with the pre-established Sburb mechanics. Maybe have the characters already possess their copies of the game, if not have them already have entered by the start of the adventure so you don't get bogged down in game-retrieval shenanigans. Heh, actually the begining is set two year before the copy is even released, it's not even going to mention the game aside from it's slight hype and a cirtain event I have planned pre-entry~ But spoilers shall not be indulged. As for the mirror site, I have tried that, much to my dismay. Thanks anyway! ;w; Well that sounds like a fairly decent hook in itself, then! Sorry I couldn't be of more help in regards to mirroring.
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Post by artstuck on May 21, 2016 12:57:46 GMT
I've been putting this off for a while, but I definitely want people to start critiquing my adventure ARTSTUCK. I can only go so long making something so bizarre without asking for feedback. Yes, the artwork is supposed to be that terrible - the title of the adventure is even a reference to that fact. As for why this is...you'll just have to read it to find out. In fact part of me thinks that maybe the artwork isn't terrible enough, so I'd like to hear your thoughts and opinions about this. What I really want to know is what parts of it you like, what parts of it you don't like, what parts could be improved, and what parts you'd like to see more/less of.
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Post by heartfulfocus on May 21, 2016 14:16:45 GMT
I have put the updated panels up in the cradle, does anyone mind telling me whether I've made it better or not?
As for ARTSTUCK, I like it. It's nice to see a purely silly adventure thrown around and bring smiles to peoples faces. It's also a great way to learn how to create engaging writing from what I hear, I might have to try one myself. However the serious(ish) turn works well too, it allows your adventure not to be short lived and the introduction of other characters was humerus, if difficult to grab me and my short attention span. As for how to improve, I don't think I'm good enough at it myself to give negatives with proper justification. Even then I doubt I'd know how to fix them.
I shall leave it at it's fun, it's silly, I like it.
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Post by Sharkalien on May 21, 2016 19:22:08 GMT
I've been putting this off for a while, but I definitely want people to start critiquing my adventure ARTSTUCK. I can only go so long making something so bizarre without asking for feedback. Yes, the artwork is supposed to be that terrible - the title of the adventure is even a reference to that fact. As for why this is...you'll just have to read it to find out. In fact part of me thinks that maybe the artwork isn't terrible enough, so I'd like to hear your thoughts and opinions about this. What I really want to know is what parts of it you like, what parts of it you don't like, what parts could be improved, and what parts you'd like to see more/less of. Okay, so I have to confess: I absolutely fucking LOVE ARTSTUCK. The art is the right amount of terribleness as to be recognizable yet "vague". That's the only way I know how to put it. The writing is phenomenal. You really know how to capture your characters' voices. The only problem I have so far is it's difficult to know what to submit as a command next. Since your adventure is mostly conversations, it's hard what to say that will progress the story. Do I enter in what this character will say next? Do I pull something out of left field and and enter ">Arthur's Pants: Fall down"? You really need to leave some sort of indication of what needs to happen next
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Post by artstuck on May 21, 2016 20:13:13 GMT
I've been putting this off for a while, but I definitely want people to start critiquing my adventure ARTSTUCK. I can only go so long making something so bizarre without asking for feedback. Yes, the artwork is supposed to be that terrible - the title of the adventure is even a reference to that fact. As for why this is...you'll just have to read it to find out. In fact part of me thinks that maybe the artwork isn't terrible enough, so I'd like to hear your thoughts and opinions about this. What I really want to know is what parts of it you like, what parts of it you don't like, what parts could be improved, and what parts you'd like to see more/less of. Okay, so I have to confess: I absolutely fucking LOVE ARTSTUCK. The art is the right amount of terribleness as to be recognizable yet "vague". That's the only way I know how to put it. The writing is phenomenal. You really know how to capture your characters' voices. The only problem I have so far is it's difficult to know what to submit as a command next. Since your adventure is mostly conversations, it's hard what to say that will progress the story. Do I enter in what this character will say next? Do I pull something out of left field and and enter ">Arthur's Pants: Fall down"? You really need to leave some sort of indication of what needs to happen next Yeah I've been thinking about that. For the time being I've been happy just to leave things open ended because I like seeing what kind of mad stuff people will come up with, but I suppose it's not a very good way of progressing the story. I think from now on I'll try giving more direction and indication of where I want the story to go next. Thanks for the feedback guys!
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Post by Neptz on May 21, 2016 22:08:22 GMT
Redditstuck is a big, more than one-man project that was posted about and collected hype and had people involved. Clearly you could use a better example, like Creata, which didn't do any of those things but still gets user attention. If I've got advice for anyone here is oh my god stop with the same damn normal sburb session all the time!! c'mon, you can think of something new. While ultimatlyy I agree, I also think its unfair. there's a reason people make SBURB adventures, and its more for themselves then their readers, whitch is fine. But if you also want reader attension (besides the friends or people who made the OC's that you inserted) try add some kind of twist on the story type. We need more weird sburb sessions, with new game mechanics, or a weird number of people in the sessions, or starting the game with an innate failure. When you're creating a SBURB Adventure think of the kids or the cherubs sessions. They are interesting because they had innate problems from the beginning. Unlike the Trolls session, which ultimately went pretty well, and most of it was skipped because of that. Then you can tern it around in a fun and interesting way, which makes the ending feel deserved! EDIT: Actually though, wouldnt it be cool if someone made a SBURB venture that all the characters eventually die in. Like most SBURB games are supposed to be. just popping back here to say that players in sburb aren't supposed to die. it certainly can happen in a planned way, but everyone dying without it being for god tier isn't
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Post by eerr on May 22, 2016 3:31:58 GMT
Just so you know you can't compete with the Huss. It's really unfair of me to compare people to Hussie. He's spent the time to thoroughly master the medium. Three formative works and the willingness to retcon shit. Almost every pesterlog is retconned! I've been putting this off for a while, but I definitely want people to start critiquing my adventure ARTSTUCK. I can only go so long making something so bizarre without asking for feedback. Yes, the artwork is supposed to be that terrible - the title of the adventure is even a reference to that fact. As for why this is...you'll just have to read it to find out. In fact part of me thinks that maybe the artwork isn't terrible enough, so I'd like to hear your thoughts and opinions about this. What I really want to know is what parts of it you like, what parts of it you don't like, what parts could be improved, and what parts you'd like to see more/less of. The writing is great? I don't criticize art because most people aren't gonna have fun making it harder for themselves. Plus I tried it ages ago and it failed. I was like yea "I prefer this artstyle" A: It's not about me. B: Artstyle is a matter of artist preference. My experience: Your art should distract from it's flaws, rather than attempt some sort of perfection. Each detail you add in the name of perfection is another potential flaw! It's like digging the dirt out of a half dug hole and attempting to fill the entire hole with it. So I like the way you control what the reader looks at. The transitions are suitable and well cared for. I've read almost every adventure on this forum completely, except for yours. Why not do some cameos? Well anyway I might be bored but I'd rather you stuck to writing your text rather than make you do some art. After all, what can you do with art that you can't do with text?
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Post by continuityofficer on May 22, 2016 3:36:48 GMT
Just so you know you can't compete with the Huss. It's really unfair of me to compare people to Hussie. He's spent the time to thoroughly master the medium. Three formative works and the willingness to retcon shit. Almost every pesterlog is retconned! More Importantly, its also where his income comes from, so he has the ability to focus on it
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2016 8:09:40 GMT
Almost every pesterlog is retconned! What do you mean?
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Post by eerr on May 22, 2016 8:49:16 GMT
Almost every pesterlog is retconned! What do you mean? All of Dave's earlier pesterlogs with John are retcon insertions. Karkat Vantas doesn't swear anymore, and he used to know only one word: fuck. Dirk doesn't seem somewhat violent towards Jake anymore. These were all different for a serial reader. Maybe I exaggerated, but this is without accounting for spelling errors, many of which seem to appear after the fact. You know how Jade forced the password system? Well it's not entirely cooked up nonsense. The trolls have been "time traveling" for ages.
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Post by redditstuckteam on May 22, 2016 13:51:24 GMT
Redditstuck is a big, more than one-man project that was posted about and collected hype and had people involved. Clearly you could use a better example, like Creata, which didn't do any of those things but still gets user attention. If I've got advice for anyone here is oh my god stop with the same damn normal sburb session all the time!! c'mon, you can think of something new. I agree with this statement. While I'm glad we could offer any sort of help on the art side of things, I don't think it's fair to compare Redditstuck with a fanventure that's made entirely by a one man army. As for the Trojansnared itself: I don't think there is nearly enough content to judge the art or writing in one fell swoop. It sounds like you're already going back and correctly spelling and grammar, so it would be unfair of me to go out swinging. For now, I recommend following the advice from eerr and not feeling too bad about snapping the readers necks in a certain direction. End the page with 'so what to do about X' or 'you need to do X', as well as not feeling shy about a few well placed arrows to develop elements of your character. However, please do not overuse this. I've noticed that every few panels is starting to follow this pattern. Try to be more subtle about directions and readers will usually be glad to comply. The mirror issues are quite an oddity though. I've never encountered a point where the panels refuse to change order, or mess around after you click the 'Edit' button on the adventure editor. If this continues to plague you, see if you can use the 'lookit' link after each edit to check if your panel has updated, and keep having a go until it does. Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next update. And kill all the characters.
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Post by heartfulfocus on May 22, 2016 15:04:29 GMT
USEFUL ADVICE HERE... The mirror issues are quite an oddity though. I've never encountered a point where the panels refuse to change order, or mess around after you click the 'Edit' button on the adventure editor. If this continues to plague you, see if you can use the 'lookit' link after each edit to check if your panel has updated, and keep having a go until it does. Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next update. And kill all the characters.Thanks for the advice, it really helps to know that such a big team is willing to help others, it's quite humble for such a well developing FA. Though, while it isn't a one person project, technical issues force me to do the legwork. That and a mixture of my co-producers anxiety for certain things. The only thing I have to ask is the program you use for the flashes and how you went at gathering a team to work with. The lookit shows each update, but the next button in the adventure always links to the incorrect panels... Thanks for trying to help though! Thanks! (Also, I will, multiple times! Teehee~)
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Post by Arashi500 on May 22, 2016 15:17:53 GMT
Just so you know you can't compete with the Huss. It's really unfair of me to compare people to Hussie. He's spent the time to thoroughly master the medium. Three formative works and the willingness to retcon shit. Almost every pesterlog is retconned! More Importantly, its also where his income comes from, so he has the ability to focus on it Exactly. His ability to come at it as a full-time job rather than a simple hobby, combined with his prior comic-industry experience from his pre-MSPA work, simply puts him in an entirely different bracket than most adventure-runners. Not that aspiring to that level is bad, but don't let it be the standard you hold yourself to, especially regarding Homestuck. It had an instant readership due to following Problem Sleuth and Hussie had committed himself to it in a way many artists simply aren't able to when it comes to production speed.
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Post by hargleblargleboo on May 23, 2016 4:17:34 GMT
Hello there. I am Hargleblargleboo and I made the abomination known as 'Ghost Hunt'. omegaupdate.freeforums.net/thread/183/ghost-hunt-omegaupdate-forums-versionFrom my own observation, this current version of the adventure is a bit better than what it was before. First, A little backstory, if you want. It was originally a game on a totally unrelated forum back in September purely made from Halloween hype. It was mostly inspired by 'Problem Sleuth' and I did not give a care about 'Homestuck' at the time because I didn't read it. I didn't take this game as seriously as a fun and creative idea back then, and it showed with the direction it went, and the choices of the players, which were 1-2 at best. It also didn't help my creative integrity when in that forum, there was a person I actually knew that would get massive hurt feelings if I did not implement their ideas first. It was a bet hectic and just generally full of references and agonizing pacing. I could also tell not a lot of participants actually read the content below the messy drawings. I tried to give them prompts and opportunities for character development and some world-building of what the main character would be up against, but I don't think I did a very good job at engaging them. Most likely because I was too vague and subtle with it.
Here's the old thread if you want to take a look yourself. kh13.com/forum/topic/90189-choose-your-own-adventure-ghost-hunt-a-kh13-exclusive/
Eventually, the game froze and nobody has replied for a long time. So, what do you know? I wanted to give this silly idea a second chance in life. And, here we are. As the new adventure stands at the moment, I'd personally say it's alright. It's just getting started, really. I'm trying to garner higher quality drawings, writing, music, characters, and world-building. Let me just say that I appreciate the participation of everyone. It's a lot of fun! However, I myself have noticed some problems. At times the focus can be all over the place, and I also feel as if I'm too vague at times, but at the same time I'd prefer if things build up and get revealed at a moderate pace. Also, I don't want Grandiose (the blue ghost) to be an exposition machine. Anybody else have any critiques they'd like to share for my silly adventure? You know, if you actually read all this text.
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Post by eerr on May 23, 2016 6:02:10 GMT
Hello there. I am Hargleblargleboo and I made the abomination known as 'Ghost Hunt'. omegaupdate.freeforums.net/thread/183/ghost-hunt-omegaupdate-forums-versionFrom my own observation, this current version of the adventure is a bit better than what it was before. First, A little backstory, if you want. ---
As the new adventure stands at the moment, I'd personally say it's alright. It's just getting started, really. I'm trying to garner higher quality drawings, writing, music, characters, and world-building. Let me just say that I appreciate the participation of everyone. It's a lot of fun! However, I myself have noticed some problems. At times the focus can be all over the place, and I also feel as if I'm too vague at times, but at the same time I'd prefer if things build up and get revealed at a moderate pace. Also, I don't want Grandiose (the blue ghost) to be an exposition machine. Anybody else have any critiques they'd like to share for my silly adventure? You know, if you actually read all this text. Well first off, you engage people with writing more than any other adventure I've read. That includes allowing people to make up a bunch of nonsense. But I think nonsense, though formative, is just a phase. Possibly. Aka if you get really far changes might be in order. But that's just raw speculation. Your art is quality, and I think you hit the nail on the head for what to focus on: Not on super detailed backgrounds, but on characters. Especially for a formative forum adventure. If you feel people aren't focusing properly, Lines can guide the eye. Aka subtle background lines point to a person or thing. There are subtle genie magics that may help slightly, but there is no replacement for focusing on a single character. One is to coordinate the positions so that each new position indicates who comes next. For example, if a character is too far to the left, Tocsin takes the stage. The number of coordinations like this in [s] collide are overwhelming. "At times the focus can be all over the place, and I also feel as if I'm too vague at times, but at the same time I'd prefer if things build up and get revealed at a moderate pace"And I would prefer to make shit up so I have something to work with. Can't help you there. But I think it will be fine once you establish a bit more worldbuilding. Also, I know you will probably make it feel natural, but going to the outer darkness of Atvalla before revealing what Grandoise can do is a bit odd. I'll make my next suggestion for a character that gives exposition. omegaupdate.freeforums.net/thread/183/ghost-hunt-omegaupdate-forums-version?page=3For some reason my Firefox keeps freezing up as a I scroll with a bunch of images. *shrug I'll just read it in Microsoft Edge. I feel like this forum adventure is headed towards "characters fill specific roles in the plot" Like a daytime soap opera.
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