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Post by Arashi500 on May 11, 2016 11:27:51 GMT
So I decided I might as well go ahead and start the Adventure Critique Thread. I'll post the rules from the old thread on MSPAF and the critique thread on Eagle Time as guidelines. MSPAF Adventure Critique Rules/ The No Feelings Zone As the title implies, this is a thread for critique of one another's adventures. Post here if you would genuinely like to hear what people think you're doing right and wrong, not simply to get praise or advertise. Similarly, post critiques only if you have helpful, relevant, and in-depth things to say, not if you're just going to be effusive or mean. Some rules and guidelines: BE POLITE: This is not the same as BE NICE, and it goes for critiquers and the critiqued. You do not have to avoid saying things that are not complementary (that's why it's not BE NICE) and in fact are required to say things other than simple praise, but you may not be rude about it. Compare "The art is hideous" and "The art needs work". BE SPECIFIC: When providing critique, make sure what you mean is clear. Don't just say "The art needs work", talk about line quality and composition and panel size and consistency and so on and so on. Vague criticism is unhelpful! BE IN-DEPTH: This one is more of a guideline, but try to follow it most of the time. Don't just focus on one aspect of the adventure that needs improvement; give criticism (as well as acknowledgment of what the author does right) across a wide variety of topics. It's just more helpful than picking endlessly at one problem. BE GRACIOUS: Even if you don't agree with someone's critique, don't argue with them about it. It's fine to ask for clarification or why someone thinks what they do, but don't turn it into a huge back-and-forth. Ultimately, adventures are an art form, and there are always going to be disagreements about what constitutes good art. RECIPROCATE: Another guideline, but it's just common decency. If you've had your adventure critiqued, try to critique someone else's. It'd be nice if we had a lot of different opinions rather than the same couple people critiquing everyone. BE PATIENT: If you've asked to be critiqued, don't nag or harass until you do. Someone will probably get to it soon, but nobody is required to critique your adventure. BE RELEVANT: This is not a thread for off-topic chatter. Please keep discussion centered around critique and improvement of adventures. Also, please don't ask for critique of single panels; that's what the critique threads in the Art forum are for. BE HANDY: When asking for a critique, post a link to your thread! If you're talking about a specific panel or passage when critiquing someone else, include it in the post. BE REASONABLE: Just behave like mature forumgoers and we shouldn't have any problems. Also under the heading of the reasonability guideline is "don't ask for critique of adventures that just started"; there's probably not enough to really work with unless it was quite the start. Eagle Time Adventure Critique Rules Have you ever sat down one day and thought to yourself. "Gee, how can I improve my adventure. I sure am lost and don't know where to go or what to do. It would be handy if some people attempted to rectify my situation through an online bulletin board system." If you have, this is the place for you. Please, have a seat and we will all try to help you help yourself. RULES OF THIS THREAD: Critiques and Advice is given on a request basis, if they don't ask, don't give. If you request critique or advice, don't shun it. A general "don't be a turd" but this was a given. RESOURCES: Things will be linked here if I notice someone links a good resource for aspiring adventurers, or they themselves make a 5 star post that would be an aid to anyone eagle-time.com/showthread.php?tid=1294 A great thread for art advice on our very own forum! eagle-time.com/showthread.php?tid=1290 A big list of resources for webcomics, this might be handy for you. This thread will also serve as a general discussion thread on what makes an adventure good (or not) and other related topics as they turn up. So basically, critiques should be offered on a request basis, so no unsolicited criticisms of adventures that haven't asked for it. As well, if you request a critique don't take it personally, the goal of the critic should be to help improve the works they criticize so don't get defensive. There's a reason the thread was called the No Feelings Zone on MSPAF. That said, make your critiques polite. This isn't the place for personal attacks. ADVENTURES REQUESTING CRITIQUE- Rootborn
- Item Unoriginal
- Notequest
- Synodic Reboot
- Zodiacstuck
- Creata
- Globestuck
- Redditstuck
- ARTSTUCK
- Ghost Hunt
- DaddyQuest
- Fluid Realism
- Psych-Blast
- >BaRA
- alliancebound
- Noobbound
- Shackstuck
- green yellow blue RED
- Oceanfalls
- Stale Crumbs
- Labtrapped
- ThreadStuck
- Omegasplit
- Hexane
- You are Now on The Top of The Tower
- B.C.A.
I'd start things off by opening up my adventure Rootborn to critique, but since the death of MSPAF it's been a chore getting it back to a place where it can be read through, so I dunno how appealing reading the first 5 10 15 of 39 pages would be for the sake of critique. Anyone who was caught up with it is free to offer their feedback though. EDIT: Rootborn is now at a point (over 33% reconstructed) where I think critiques could be more valuable, if not immediately actionable. |
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Post by eerr on May 12, 2016 5:23:36 GMT
-Rootborn
Like whoa what drugs. Oh dear?
Doing drugs isn't necessarily bad but its not doing drugs its just drugs themselves.
I would like you to make the point they can be bad. But that's probably just me being impatient/greedy.
I feel like the MSPA style is kinda clashing for your first few characters. But that seems intended? I wouldn't know.
It's not silly at all. Which is fine. I like some variety in forum adventures.
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Post by Arashi500 on May 12, 2016 6:54:17 GMT
-Rootborn Like whoa what drugs. Oh dear? Doing drugs isn't necessarily bad but its not doing drugs its just drugs themselves. I would like you to make the point they can be bad. But that's probably just me being impatient/greedy. I feel like the MSPA style is kinda clashing for your first few characters. But that seems intended? I wouldn't know. It's not silly at all. Which is fine. I like some variety in forum adventures. Thanks a bunch for the feedback, always good to know what people's first impressions are, especially since these early panels are 2-3 years old for me. So my perspective is biased towards the (now unreadable) whole. As for the drugs, while they DO end up doing said drugs, it's after a drug responsibility bit and a warning about time and place, though it's no after-school-PSA-special. It'd actually be in the next few dozen panels that I have to recraft IIRC. And regarding the comedy (or lack thereof), there are bits that are intended to be sorta silly, but you're right in observing that they aren't the main focus. As I don't have the comedy chops of someone like Hussie to rely on humor, Rootborn is more anchored on action and the exploratory aspect. Do you think you could elaborate on what about the characters seems to clash with the MSPA style? Anyway, thanks again for the critique!  |
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Post by continuityofficer on May 12, 2016 13:45:53 GMT
Would someone like to critique my adventure, Item Unoriginal?People seem to enjoying it, but especially since we're about to move into a different story section, it would be a very good time to get some feedback. |
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Post by eerr on May 12, 2016 13:55:11 GMT
-Rootborn The white hair against the white face and eyes, combined with white backgrounds. Vs the solid fills for cloaks and other background items. For example I never really noticed this with Dave, but his things have incredible care put into them. As an example of a webcomic that constantly deals with background vs character color, Beeserker. You could just change some hairs to black, or maybe choose a subtle background color. I'm not sure what. I kind of thought the clash was intended based on the themes you choose though. |
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Post by Neptz on May 12, 2016 16:32:33 GMT
-Item Unoriginal.
It seems to be fine so far. The outline of the head showing up in the hair kinda needs to go, though. It makes the hair look transparent and also just feels weird. Some lines should probably be straighter, the cage looks woobly in the panel where she makes it.
Otherwise, the story so is fine (so far) and the other things too. Just the art that has some problems.
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Post by Arashi500 on May 12, 2016 22:03:17 GMT
-Rootborn The white hair against the white face and eyes, combined with white backgrounds. Vs the solid fills for cloaks and other background items. For example I never really noticed this with Dave, but his things have incredible care put into them. As an example of a webcomic that constantly deals with background vs character color, Beeserker. You could just change some hairs to black, or maybe choose a subtle background color. I'm not sure what. I kind of thought the clash was intended based on the themes you choose though. Ah, gotcha. I wasn't sure if you were referring to the color palette, the "hero mode" bits, or the character designs. Would someone like to critique my adventure, Item Unoriginal?People seem to enjoying it, but especially since we're about to move into a different story section, it would be a very good time to get some feedback. I've been enjoying Item Unoriginal a fair bit, so, so far so good. Like Neptz said, the head outline showing from under the hair could be removed for an easy art-quality boost. Nothing too wordy or complex so far in, so I don't know quite what to expect going forward, but maybe that's the intent. Either way, it's not a problem, and certainly kept me from feeling overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I'm expected to follow. I like the way you don't dump all the Steinbeck's rules on the reader straight away. The art is consistent, which is important when you go for a lower fidelity art style. The humor is pretty anime-tropes centric so far, so while I GET the jokes, they don't quite click with me since I've never been THAT into anime tropes in of themselves, but there's nothing necessarily wrong with that. Overall, Item Unoriginal is looking pretty good so far, and I am looking forward to whatever comes next. |
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Post by Sharkalien on May 12, 2016 23:17:22 GMT
-Rootborn-
Why are your characters always looking up
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Post by Neptz on May 13, 2016 0:26:52 GMT
I am the weeaboo, I know all about anime tropes.
Haven't read Rootborn yet but will do over the weekend. When I do I'll rate it.
I have a fanventure, but it's waaaaay too early to be critiqued yet, so I won't post it here until it has some semblance of content.
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Post by continuityofficer on May 13, 2016 6:55:36 GMT
-Item Unoriginal. It seems to be fine so far. The outline of the head showing up in the hair kinda needs to go, though. It makes the hair look transparent and also just feels weird. Some lines should probably be straighter, the cage looks woobly in the panel where she makes it. Otherwise, the story so is fine (so far) and the other things too. Just the art that has some problems. I gave the cage the wobbily look because I thought it gave off a 'drawn' look. I intented to do this for everything she created, but that was difficult to pull off on things like the sword or clothes, so I gave up on that. I've been enjoying Item Unoriginal a fair bit, so, so far so good. Like Neptz said, the head outline showing from under the hair could be removed for an easy art-quality boost. Nothing too wordy or complex so far in, so I don't know quite what to expect going forward, but maybe that's the intent. Either way, it's not a problem, and certainly kept me from feeling overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I'm expected to follow. I like the way you don't dump all the Steinbeck's rules on the reader straight away. The art is consistent, which is important when you go for a lower fidelity art style. The humor is pretty anime-tropes centric so far, so while I GET the jokes, they don't quite click with me since I've never been THAT into anime tropes in of themselves, but there's nothing necessarily wrong with that. Overall, Item Unoriginal is looking pretty good so far, and I am looking forward to whatever comes next. Meptz said this too. Would you be surprised to hear that I actually never noticed the outline thing. Its just been how i've drawn for so long I guess, but yeah, looking at it, its pretty weird. It would be awkward to change mid animation, so i'll leave it for that, but after that, i'll start editing it out I think. On story, I think I plan to keep things ultimately pretty simple. I have the idea planned out, and while there will be some weirder idea's coming up, I think their pretty simple to understand the effects of. On steinback's rules, thats half an effect of me hating when things are just dumped like that, and half an effect of me forgetting some of the rules. On humour, I try to mix things up. Due to the characters and events involved at the moment, it ended up being a mix between anime jokes, liberal feminist style humour, and general 'that didn't work' humour. I didnt intend for the anime jokes at the beginning really, but precisly as a goal, i do try to make sure someone could get the idea even if they only have cursory knowledge of the subject. The only time this may have faltered was during the silly 'describe the diamonds' thing, but that bit was decidedly semi-inconsequential. Whether the anime type humour will continue on is probably up to the responses. |
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Post by Arashi500 on May 13, 2016 13:45:25 GMT
-Rootborn-Why are your characters always looking up Ha! Got a good chuckle out of that, thanks. But really, it's because it frankly looks better than them always looking down from more angles, and when totally centered look kinda odd. |
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Post by Zerio on May 13, 2016 22:36:36 GMT
-Notequest-I've actually been reading this adventure before you posted it here; I'm really enjoying it so far! The traditional, lined paper art style is something I can really appreciate, since I don't recall seeing anything like it in an adventure before. Story-wise, I'm interested in the concept of the Porus Dungeon and I'm excited to see where it goes. The characters are likeable too (especially Snirp McSnaps). Now as for things I feel can be improved, my biggest complaint is that some of the text colors can be difficult or near impossible to read on the mirror's dark gray background. Particularly the colors of Wanderer Tom, the Fonz (just slightly), and already clicked commands. I suggest making all of the colors I mentioned a bit brighter for readability's sake - at least on the mirror. I also feel in a couple of rare cases the pictures can be a bit unclear on what's happening, but it's nothing too bad and it's likely just be a personal issue of mine. Also, I feel I should mention I wouldn't worry too much about the amount of suggestions. Some adventures just don't get very many suggestions, for reasons I'm uncertain about. It doesn't mean people don't read or enjoy your adventure, just that they're either "quiet" readers and/or unable to think of any commands. Don't be afraid to inject your own commands into the story if you want to advance things or guide the story in the right direction. -End Critique-
Aaaand while I'm here, if anyone wants to critique Synodic Reboot, feel free. I've had a critique done on it once before, but I feel any bit of criticism helps. Or Sweet Hella Quest, but that would probably be silly.
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Post by Neptz on May 14, 2016 2:20:02 GMT
Sometimes people just aren't interested in a setting, are stuck thinking of a command or sometimes they just don't like the adventure.
My adventure is dead most of the time because of this. I'm still updating it every now and then, but I give it a day or two to see if it's just because people are busy (which sometimes tend to be the case)
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Post by Arashi500 on May 14, 2016 2:59:27 GMT
Could someone critique Notequest? I feel as if the lack of command suggestions is because of something on my part, so it only feels natural to get some feedback so I can improve. -Notequest-I've actually been reading this adventure before you posted it here; I'm really enjoying it so far! The traditional, lined paper art style is something I can really appreciate, since I don't recall seeing anything like it in an adventure before. Story-wise, I'm interested in the concept of the Porus Dungeon and I'm excited to see where it goes. The characters are likeable too (especially Snirp McSnaps). Now as for things I feel can be improved, my biggest complaint is that some of the text colors can be difficult or near impossible to read on the mirror's dark gray background. Particularly the colors of Wanderer Tom, the Fonz (just slightly), and already clicked commands. I suggest making all of the colors I mentioned a bit brighter for readability's sake - at least on the mirror. I also feel in a couple of rare cases the pictures can be a bit unclear on what's happening, but it's nothing too bad and it's likely just be a personal issue of mine. Also, I feel I should mention I wouldn't worry too much about the amount of suggestions. Some adventures just don't get very many suggestions, for reasons I'm uncertain about. It doesn't mean people don't read or enjoy your adventure, just that they're either "quiet" readers and/or unable to think of any commands. Don't be afraid to inject your own commands into the story if you want to advance things or guide the story in the right direction. -End Critique-
Aaaand while I'm here, if anyone wants to critique Synodic Reboot, feel free. I've had a critique done on it once before, but I feel any bit of criticism helps. Or Sweet Hella Quest, but that would probably be silly. Sometimes people just aren't interested in a setting, are stuck thinking of a command or sometimes they just don't like the adventure. My adventure is dead most of the time because of this. I'm still updating it every now and then, but I give it a day or two to see if it's just because people are busy (which sometimes tend to be the case) I'll read and critique Notequest and Synodic Reboot this weekend after getting the 4th page of Rootborn updates reconstructed and posted. As for people not suggesting as much as would be desired, in my experience, it seems to usually boil down to one or a combination of the following: A) Like Neptz said, maybe they just don't like the adventure enough for one reason or another to leave suggestions. B) The adventure feels like it's been pre-planned in such a way that leaving a command would only sidetrack it. C) A previous suggestion was left and then denied in such a way that made people feel like leaving command suggestions was unwelcome. D) The adventure is not at a point where the people who would suggest something feel like they should. and/or E) The audience would rather see what the author has planned next. I couldn't tell ya which I thought applied to Notequest until I've read it though. |
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Post by Neptz on May 14, 2016 3:36:27 GMT
Yeah, I've run other fanventures before in different names. B tends to be the most common for me, I pre-plan stuff way too much.
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Post by eerr on May 14, 2016 7:40:10 GMT
Could someone critique Notequest? I feel as if the lack of command suggestions is because of something on my part, so it only feels natural to get some feedback so I can improve. People are waiting for one of the following: A. Something interesting to happen B. Some joke material C. A hint about what to post next D. A display of art that can be repeated aka farmed Also Puzzles take too long to make because they are usually either too hard or too easy. Throwing away material is a waste of time for an adventure. -Item unoriginal: I was pleasantly surprised. Top quality. |
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Post by continuityofficer on May 14, 2016 7:57:26 GMT
Could someone critique Notequest? I feel as if the lack of command suggestions is because of something on my part, so it only feels natural to get some feedback so I can improve. Its important to keep an open situation open at all times. Take for example, the beginning of homestuck. John is trapped in his room, with the general goal of getting outside to get his game, despite being grounded. Whenever one of these open situations is solved, its important to keep things going untill you reach another open situation (atleast as a general rule. For example, I the most recent thing in my adventure wasnt an open situation, but thats because I needed time to work on the animation, and with this in mind, I also told people they could mess around a bit if they wanted. Its also important to establish all of the readers options. if there are any powers, you need to establish the important rules immediately, and all the things the player can interact with along with the characters traits (where important) should be established immediately. There's a reason that John, Rose, Dave and Jade where introduced with detailed character introductions, highlighting anything that could effect your decisions (REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES, PARANORMAL LORE, AMATEUR MAGICIAN), along with a wide shot of everything thats in the room. What you do specifically should vary based on your type of adventure, but its important to keep these ideologies. -Item unoriginal: I was pleasantly surprised. Top quality. Thanks |
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Post by SpottedBlades on May 14, 2016 13:43:16 GMT
Hello, people. Could anyone try and give a critique of Zodiacstuck? It doesn't get much commands and I feel like the whole thing is either too unoriginal or confusing. I'd really need some guidance about how to keep an audience interested in the story. Thank you much. |
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Post by continuityofficer on May 14, 2016 14:27:36 GMT
Hello, people. Could anyone try and give a critique of Zodiacstuck? It doesn't get much commands and I feel like the whole thing is either too unoriginal or confusing. I'd really need some guidance about how to keep an audience interested in the story. Thank you much. I think a immediate problem I notice is that the opening probably pushes away a lot of potential new comers. Since your already in an overly saturated market (stuck adventures, especially with trolls), impressions are important, but I think the art puts people off. You have approved substantially since those beginnings (the most recent two panels are really good looking), it doesn't help that the first few panels don't exactly look great. Things also get really wordy at times, which, while probably used to allow for you to focus on the art, and thus improve that, leads to a lot of reading which can put off newcomers, and make people that weren't particularly invested feel like they should give it up. Since you also an adventure that came over from the original boards, many people simply did not migrate to here that used to follow your adventure, and I think people feel naturally off about reading one like that when starting a new adventure. These all ultimaty compile into a loss of responses. However, its important to know that not getting replies isnt the end of the world, and if your invested with the characters, you can still keep going. either take things laxer, and dont worry about getting a reply untill they come (and maybe somehow trying to see if there's anyone who still follows your adventure reading it exclusively on MSPAFA) or just continuing on MSPAFA alone for the fans that are on there. There's also options like doing a reboot, whitch is something many old fan adventures have done, or starting a new adventure back in the cradle. If you really want more people, If you where able to somehow pull of a REALLY GOOD plot point or twist, you could get some more people to read, since people would tell people too. Otherwise, you could try posting it in other Homestuck related places and seeing if it sticks to get more people reading it, )although thats extremely hit and miss). I've done most of those things for different adventures I tried doing on the MSPA boards, but ultimatly its up to you what path you choose |
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toto
Bravesprout
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Post by toto on May 14, 2016 17:45:02 GMT
Would anyone be interested in giving Creata a critique? I've been too nervous to ask what people think of it for the longest time ; o ; Is there anything I should improve on, and do you think it's missing anything? I'd like to know what the audience likes/wants, and what would make it more interesting! Thank you so much. |
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quixoticTokki
Void
baby gangsta
Posts: 702
Pronouns: she/her/hers
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Post by quixoticTokki on May 14, 2016 19:14:02 GMT
I'd be curious to know what people's thoughts are on my adventure Globestuck. I've been working somewhat sporadically on it for quite a while and haven't ever received any concrete feedback on it aside from random suggestions and favorites on the mirror site, so I'd like to know what people think! Also, it's been mentioned before and I'm aware of the artistic issues surrounding every instance of the Dernov home's stairs. In the living room I wasn't really sure how to fix it without moving/redoing the entire wall so I just didn't bother, and as for when Anya is in the upstairs hall, well...I'll just do my best to draw it better in the future should characters be standing there again lol. |
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Post by eerr on May 14, 2016 20:36:34 GMT
Hello, people. Could anyone try and give a critique of Zodiacstuck? It doesn't get much commands and I feel like the whole thing is either too unoriginal or confusing. I'd really need some guidance about how to keep an audience interested in the story. Thank you much. Your paragraph dump on your third post: I find it hard to dig through! My eyes have trouble locating the next line. Also the text is quite rambly and thus hard to follow. It's not a cohesive monologue! Flags: -Use of passive voice in a self monologue. "Creatures which soon are no more part of this world." -Unimportant details about imps. -Lack of transitions during the monologue. -Dropping plot without details "TELEPORTING TRICKS" Passive voice in this case means avoiding the use of "you" There are more artful ways to do this. The imps are just gravy. They don't seem to mean anything! but you stick them in a super-busy plot dump. "Creatures which soon are no more part of this world."--> "You still have your trusty SCYTHE with you." I want details! Example: 'these creatures are quickly slain by your trusty scythe'--> 'You always carry your trusty scythe' Make sentences contain a detail for expanding upon later. "You're gonna learn how to use your TELEPORTING TRICKS" This is supposed to be a thought or opinion. Instead you made a statement. A statement in a monologue requires transition. Needs one or two details: 'You seek to learn your curse's teleporting tricks.' or maybe 'You hope to master your curse's whims and ways, as you long wished to control the teleportation' Also "gonna" is slang. Don't use slang. |
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Post by Arashi500 on May 15, 2016 1:02:22 GMT
-Notequest-I've actually been reading this adventure before you posted it here; I'm really enjoying it so far! The traditional, lined paper art style is something I can really appreciate, since I don't recall seeing anything like it in an adventure before. Story-wise, I'm interested in the concept of the Porus Dungeon and I'm excited to see where it goes. The characters are likeable too (especially Snirp McSnaps). Now as for things I feel can be improved, my biggest complaint is that some of the text colors can be difficult or near impossible to read on the mirror's dark gray background. Particularly the colors of Wanderer Tom, the Fonz (just slightly), and already clicked commands. I suggest making all of the colors I mentioned a bit brighter for readability's sake - at least on the mirror. I also feel in a couple of rare cases the pictures can be a bit unclear on what's happening, but it's nothing too bad and it's likely just be a personal issue of mine. Also, I feel I should mention I wouldn't worry too much about the amount of suggestions. Some adventures just don't get very many suggestions, for reasons I'm uncertain about. It doesn't mean people don't read or enjoy your adventure, just that they're either "quiet" readers and/or unable to think of any commands. Don't be afraid to inject your own commands into the story if you want to advance things or guide the story in the right direction. -End Critique- Sometimes people just aren't interested in a setting, are stuck thinking of a command or sometimes they just don't like the adventure. My adventure is dead most of the time because of this. I'm still updating it every now and then, but I give it a day or two to see if it's just because people are busy (which sometimes tend to be the case) I'll read and critique Notequest and Synodic Reboot this weekend after getting the 4th page of Rootborn updates reconstructed and posted. As for people not suggesting as much as would be desired, in my experience, it seems to usually boil down to one or a combination of the following: A) Like Neptz said, maybe they just don't like the adventure enough for one reason or another to leave suggestions. B) The adventure feels like it's been pre-planned in such a way that leaving a command would only sidetrack it. C) A previous suggestion was left and then denied in such a way that made people feel like leaving command suggestions was unwelcome. D) The adventure is not at a point where the people who would suggest something feel like they should. and/or E) The audience would rather see what the author has planned next. I couldn't tell ya which I thought applied to Notequest until I've read it though. It's not bad! The pencil-n-paper art style has been done at least once before, but it's a nice aesthetic that lends itself to making quick panels. What dialogue there is so far ranges from sorta dull to mildly amusing, but like Zerio said, reading The Fonz's text on that background is pretty difficult without highlighting it first. The narrative text is more where the humour shines through, as it's Problem Sleuth-esque with it's subdued but colorful descriptions of panels. I like the characters too, though The Fonz comes off as a bit of a tryhard, dunno if that's intentional or not. As for commands, I think you fall victim to mostly symptoms B and E. The adventure is interesting so far, but I'm not entirely sure where (as in where in the story, not where site-wise) and what to suggest as a reader, so I can understand feeling a bit less compelled to by that. I'd also just be fine seeing whatever you come up with yourself as a reader, but as a fellow adventure-runner I get how frustrating that is, so I'll think of some commands to leave. Now to Synodic Reboot. |
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Post by eerr on May 15, 2016 3:55:56 GMT
Would anyone be interested in giving Creata a critique? I've been too nervous to ask what people think of it for the longest time ; o ; Is there anything I should improve on, and do you think it's missing anything? I'd like to know what the audience likes/wants, and what would make it more interesting! Thank you so much. Excellent adventure, I wouldn't change anything. But since you asked, I would say either jokes or plot secrets could give something for people to discuss. Also I have a personal stake in ANNOIQUEEN ending up dead, because I know this girl. What a dick. You've managed the imperceptible author effect so very well. Girls beating up people while in prospit jammies will surely make you popular. Also I think I missed the masked troll heroes on my first read-through. I'm not entirely sure but I think many people get someone else to do the mirroring for them. But those workers are probably busy trying to dig up the old forum archives. Ooh I just noticed something. None of the pester logs are that memorable. And they don't seem to have an easy to grasp order in time. Aka punch time in the snout to establish chronology. |
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Post by eerr on May 15, 2016 5:32:22 GMT
I'd be curious to know what people's thoughts are on my adventure Globestuck. I've been working somewhat sporadically on it for quite a while and haven't ever received any concrete feedback on it aside from random suggestions and favorites on the mirror site, so I'd like to know what people think! Also, it's been mentioned before and I'm aware of the artistic issues surrounding every instance of the Dernov home's stairs. In the living room I wasn't really sure how to fix it without moving/redoing the entire wall so I just didn't bother, and as for when Anya is in the upstairs hall, well...I'll just do my best to draw it better in the future should characters be standing there again lol. So: I was hoping the first girl would be a little bit more silly. But I guess she is Russian so no? That's fine. Second: For the black text, You use very predictable patterns of speaking, so I find myself skipping the first line every time, then coming back to it. You could vary it up. Even better, nerd up and make your text follow a random modus each time. Third: I can't tell who is who in the pesterlogs. Especially the memos. But that seems fine. it's not like that will be important to the plot? Fourth: Your art is pretty good excellent. You are top tier at distractions. Fifth: I like your attention to detail. The rooms are well populated. |
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