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Post by Piono on Jan 25, 2017 18:35:03 GMT
>Hearts: How do you feel about an enemy that gets stronger from every hit that fails to one-shot it? And also may or may not be predestined to die at a later point in time by someone else's hand? It'd be sort embaressing to get killed in this particular situation.
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Post by Poligrizolph on Jan 26, 2017 0:35:15 GMT
> Hearts: Haha, no you can totally take this guy. Go ahead.
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venchi
Rungjumpin' Ragamuffin
Posts: 283
Pronouns: he/him/his
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Post by venchi on Jan 26, 2017 18:12:16 GMT
Use the rules card to learn your opponents abilities
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Post by Con Air on Feb 10, 2017 14:02:16 GMT
Hearts: Stop being an overconfident numpty and wait the cool down out.
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Post by yokcos on Apr 18, 2017 22:18:35 GMT
Heart: Wield your plasma sword, attempt to attack under it's toenail thing, very hard. Hearts: Stop being an overconfident numpty and wait the cool down out.You return to the battle. Hearts: How do you feel about an enemy that gets stronger from every hit that fails to one-shot it? And also may or may not be predestined to die at a later point in time by someone else's hand? It'd be sort embaressing to get killed in this particular situation. 2 OF HEARTS TO THE EYES!You consider the apparent power of this beast. Hearts: Haha, no you can totally take this guy.By your estimate it will be easier to dispose of than a tub of crusty toenail clippings, and it's about as welcome in your presence. Just to be sure... Use the rules card to learn your opponents abilitiesDiamondtop is one of the lower echelon of Lower Bosses. It is blessed with profitable regeneration, huge blah blah blah. No weak spots apparently, has this cool tentacle attack. Nothing here scares you. [S] Go Ahead.The intruding beast defeated by our noble and aloof hero, the people of the village could- Wait, who's this and what are they looking at?
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Post by yokcos on Apr 19, 2017 16:14:41 GMT
It's Heat Guy!It is not Heat Guy. It is I, your new narrator! Your previous narrator has decided to take a rest after animating for two months. Alas, I must fill the job until he returns and begins the second act of three. What an incomprehensible burden this is. Before I show you events that happen and spin poetic descriptions of each I must introduce myself. I'll do so quickly because I don't have much time left, although there is a little space for "fun and games" if we keep it short. Let us see if you can guess my name. To make it less impossible for you I have given you my initials: K.D.
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Post by solarenergizer on Apr 19, 2017 17:02:32 GMT
> King Douchebag
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Post by yokcos on Apr 20, 2017 17:54:11 GMT
Kjohn DclownYes, that's... you guessed it. Well, guess this then: What will I, the almighty Kjohn Dclown do next!?
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Post by solarenergizer on Apr 20, 2017 20:15:49 GMT
> Observe events from the future and past using your crystal ball.
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Post by Con Air on Apr 21, 2017 2:40:21 GMT
Jump off balcony.
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Post by yokcos on Apr 24, 2017 19:24:20 GMT
Observe events from the future and past using your crystal ball.I had not expected you to understand the function of all of my complex equipment so I can forgive the simple mistake. Crystal balls are not for seeing through time; glimpsing the future is a task reserved for my chronoscope. Crystal balls are instead used to see and hear another location in space through a second crystal ball. Use the crystal ball in your room.I will demonstrate: I can talk to this man here, and he can also talk to me. As it happens, he is an archaeologist and in the past I have learned that he will just now have unearthed something that mere moments ago I learned that I would need in two weeks.
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Post by yokcos on Apr 25, 2017 13:49:37 GMT
Dance Suck the ball clean like the naughty man you are. Cut your hand open on your sword and write profanities on the crystal ball in bloodI would love to indulge each of your inane commands in turn. Believe me, I am nothing shy of desperate to bleed onto my crystal ball. Nothing would make me more joyful than to perform some clownish jig. Alas, the brief time reserved for "fun and games" has concluded. Something significant and probably lethal will be upon us in two weeks. I will need to prepare my egress.
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Post by yokcos on Apr 25, 2017 23:36:31 GMT
Doesn't this Chronoscope let you see the future? Then see it so you know what to prepare for!Already looking at it. There will be this wall of energy passing over the land as though the dusk on civilisation itself. It's not something that is easily solved even though I can see it coming well in advance. Follow the arrow on the right of your telescope thing.That is the Day Hand on the chronoscope. It indicates the number of days forward I am looking. 14 days and 14 hours is the limit. I have found no plausible explanation for the scale to use under ninety degrees out of a possible 360. Stop not letting us derail this. I bet you drew all those pictures in advance and now you're being lazy. I bet you can't even show us Heat Guy doing a somersault over an army of skeleton dwarves.The reason I cannot show you that is because Heatguy is not currently somersaulting over skeletal dwarves. Even if he were going to in the next fourteen days, he is much too far away for me to see from here. Nay, he is currently contemplating his next course of action whilst witnessing the explosion that destroyed part of his town.
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Post by Con Air on Apr 26, 2017 21:15:46 GMT
Ignore this guy and never speak of him again.
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Post by deranging on Apr 27, 2017 23:40:42 GMT
> CUT THE FEED!
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Post by yokcos on May 1, 2017 13:28:03 GMT
Does Heat Guy have a hot brother? Asking for a friend. He does have a brother and said brother is royalty. Whether he is hot or not is not for me to say, for heat is in the eye of the beholder. Can we get some more Heat Guy lore?I can show you what he's doing right now if you'd like. While you watch I'll recap SFWH for you. Recap SFWHTwo stick figures arrived out of nowhere into this world of magic and mayhem. One with a heart for a head, another with a spade. Both shallowly explored the vicinity of their arrival. One found and harvested an ally, the other found and robbed an indestructible box. One found a great adversary, the other found two warring parties. Both dispatched the combatants before them with utmost ease. Franz Heatguy was introduced in the midst of his frantic defense of his territory from an enemy invasion. He was dueling one of the interlopers who could almost match him. Had the fight continued he would have tasted victory. For reasons inexplicable he decided to autodefenestrate out of the battlefield shortly before two greater foreigners made their presence known to him via explosion. He is currently investigating this event. Clubs and Diamonds did some things. I don't know what, I haven't been able to see it. These happenings are invisible to my many eyes. I'll also tell you what happens for the remainder of the story. Spoil SFWHAs the most powerful wizard in the world and a man with access to the breadth and depth of history, I am qualified to tell you this much about the stick figure with a heart for a head. His attack on the Diamondtop was unnecessarily potent. The blast and resulting fires - that he made no move to quell - claimed lives. It was also the most powerful offensive action in all of history. Which is significant when you're talking about a species of wizards. Over the next two weeks he and to a lesser extent Spades would trade blows with their respective foes in increasingly destructive ways. This escalation will culminate in an event widely referred to by the chronombulatory community as WZ. I don't want to say it'll be the end of the world but I think it'll be the end of the world. Heatguy confronts the stick figure who ignited the town he has been charged with defending, justice more on his mind than mitigating damage. A common mistake of his kind. I have not seen what happens next but I can guess this much: If these two were to fight, Heatguy would certainly perish. I'm back! It's me, look I'm talking in bold to indicate a different narrator even though I'm the original one!Oh... I hope you've kept the place nice and orderly, I see you gave a recap, good good. But wait, what is this I see here?You were talking about Heatguy? Land sakes, man! I gave you one golden rule: Don't focus on Heatguy!But the audience asked for it.. You don't always do what they say when it comes to you, do you? Why not look at a rock or something and go "hey look at this it's something way more interesting than heat man okay let's move on" kind of thingBut he's right next to Hearts, I can't mention one without the other. Can't mention one without... yeah alright I buy that now. But no Heatguy in the next intermission alright? Well you won't be able to because.. don't look into the past at Heatguy during the next intermission, aight? Capisce?Yeah yeah you lousy excuse for a wordman. Excellent! Let's get this show on the road, we've spent a full thirty seconds lounging about in your lame little house!
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Post by yokcos on May 24, 2017 19:03:27 GMT
Look into the future at Heatguy during the next intermission.The chronosope cannot yet see that far into the future. Kjohn will need to wait a few seconds for the next intermission to be within range of the chronoscope. Or the present.Heatguy is on another continent. No telescope, temporally abled or otherwise, will allow Kjohn to see through the countless kilometres of solid rock and magma between the two of them. Give into peer pressure at the risk of losing audience captivityI resist the pressure to entertain this clown any longer and pull the narrative to view this lamp. You are now this lass. Your current epic quest has taken you the better part of an hour and only now is it nearing its end. Civilisation itself rests on your success here. Fortunately it seems that nothing more will stand between you and your objective except this treacherous winding path. Path easily navigated, you confront the man who serves as your destination. The old man greets you with open arms. He has awaited this delivery for most of his life and only now, as the Reaper closes in on him, shall he receive it. This is a truly victory worth celebrating! Of course you were just pretending. You're an ordinary deliveryperson moving normal packages from point A, which is ordinary, to point B, who is a regular citizen. Still, you are happy to serve as the very bedrock of society. Without your services and the service of your fellow workers, civilisation as you know it would surely crumble. Boy it's pretty late. You should be getting back home. Knock on old man's door and run home? [Y/N]
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Post by eerr on May 25, 2017 5:20:18 GMT
>Give him a knock knock joke.
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Post by yokcos on May 27, 2017 22:10:19 GMT
Give him a knock knock joke."Knock Knock!" "zzzzzzzz" The man is too unconscious to reply to your legendary joke. Wait to die of old ageYour waiting is interrupted a few hours in by sudden unconsciousness.
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Post by solarenergizer on May 29, 2017 2:12:47 GMT
> Dream
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Post by yokcos on May 31, 2017 23:05:47 GMT
DreamYou dream about a big fat man named "Dreamy Steve" who only complains and tells you to wake up. Who would win in a fight? Heat Guy or Dreamy Steve.It would surely be a spectacle to behold. Heatguy would have to bring the hottest of his fires to the battlefield and Steve would have to wield the greatest of his weapons in order to stand the heat. Alas the two can never fight because one is real and the other exists only in the realm of the dreams of wizards. I wonder what Heat Guy's up toHe's confronting a stick figure with a hat. (by which I mean it has a heart for a head) "What have you done to my town?" he's saying, or something to that effect, "I'll have you roasted for this!"
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Post by yokcos on Jun 1, 2017 15:57:43 GMT
Roast Heart GuyYou fail to be roasted by Heatguy, your mighty face deflecting all of the several thousand Celciuses that have been sent to cook you.
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Post by yokcos on Jun 1, 2017 23:16:45 GMT
The only solution is fighting fire with fire. Heart Guy, roast Heat Guy figuratively."Your town? Who even are you? Heat Guy? Your parents must have had the imagination of a grain of sand! Ironic, isn't it, that the Guy of Heat would be the one to receive the verbal firestorm. And no doubt you'll not withstand, loss and you go hand in hand. It's too hot my man, get out of the kitchen lest your face need some stitchin' Were you shakin' and twitchin' under desk while I was savin' your butt from a fiery bewitchin'? You're not a hero despite that cape you wear, you're done, get out of our hair. (of which you have none on your head) Battle no more, go flip burgers instead. I've seen it, at the end of this you're gonna be-" You continue like this far longer than anyone in your presence is comfortable with.
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Post by Con Air on Jun 1, 2017 23:21:58 GMT
> Let's switch back to Spade Guy, shall we?
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Post by yokcos on Jun 3, 2017 13:50:48 GMT
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